AN: I don't own a damn thing from The Walking Dead. Every time I type that, it hurts.
I think responded to everyone's reviews via PM that I could. If I don't respond to you here or haven't the other way, then my deepest apologies. I adore everyone's interest in this story and my other fics!
renata: Your review had me smiling from ear to ear! I had to tell my oldest daughter about it, since she understands how it feels to have anyone interested in her work (she thinks making custom content for the Sims 4 game is molto importante). I'm so happy that anyone outside of the US is interested in this story! Will Michonne get what Rick's been getting, sex with someone else? Well, I guess we'll find out!
Guest (1): Eh, I'm not gonna exactly say that Rick and Samantha did the dirty deed again. He did tell her he would check up on her in Chapter 10 because she was having a major meltdown.
Guest (2): LOL people were so against the possibility of Jordan & Michonne hooking up earlier in this story, but I guess Rick's actions easily changed that. Someone buy that man a clue.
Guest (3): Okay, I take back what I just said to Guest (2). Not everyone is up for a Michonne and Jordan hook-up…and some think Michonne responded recklessly to the situation. Ummmm…so, yea, there's that.
CodeName-m.e.: And….apparently you represent the people who have had enough of everyone except Coral and Sasha in the latest chapter (BTW most people loved Daryl in this one, but Code believes he needs a shower – I agree). Not everyone is super happy with ultra-intuitive Carol. I am not the best Carol writer, because I'm confused quite often of how to write her. She is an enigma within an enigma. Glad that Sasha and Coral didn't piss you off, but you left out Judith! She is the ultimate most intimate of the bunch!
Guest (4): Okay, you hit the nail on the head. Rick wasn't sleeping with Samantha again. But he did mess up by hugging her, in public view, where the woman he loves and already messed up with could see him. And he was so wrong for using her for sex! Reading your review made me realize even more that Samantha is even more wrecked than she was pre-Rick Grimes. What could he do to seem like a "catch" to anyone?
· MAJOR Author News: Ummm, I've been making you people wait so long on updates. My sincerest apologies! My fics will be updated at least once a month, due to work-kids-school-life. My God, some people want to know if FocusedOnProsperity is still breathing in real life, so uh, yea…until the summer months are over, it's going to be 1x month updates. I love y'all (I hope Fear of the Walking Dead will be worth the watch!)!
Chapter 12: Wrong Head
Each crescendo was met with a crashing downfall. She couldn't help but gasp as he held onto her hips to push himself in deeper. He matched her rhythm a little too perfectly. It was damn near scary. She was cumming so often… She couldn't help but to loudly gasp as his tip banged into her. His hazel eyes bore into her, his tongue licked his lips, and he held tightly on to the back of her head as the pounding continued. There was no denying that he was very much into this, but wasn't that the point? Michonne had a worry creep in the back of her head that he was falling for her. She couldn't think about that right now, just like she didn't need to think about Rick. This felt so damn good…
An hour later, she left his shower and quickly put on her clothes. Jordan stared at her as he leaned on the doorframe. "You're beyond beautiful," he quietly remarked.
Michonne slipped her tank on and looked at back at him. He was only wearing a pair of blue pajama pants. He was too comfortable in her presence. She didn't know if this was regret, nervousness, or fear that was creeping up on her. She avoided his eyes as she pulled her pants up. "You're not bad yourself," she replied.
Jordan crossed his arms and furrowed his eyes. "Michonne, I'm sorry. If you weren't ready…"
"I'm no baby. I'm no little girl. I'm the one who seduced you, don't you remember?"
He nodded his head slowly, recalling how she kissed him the second the door closed. "It wasn't that hard for you to seduce me. You can have me, morning, day, night, the crack of dawn…"
Michonne chuckled.
He cleared his throat. "Michonne, I'm not stupid."
"I know you're not."
"Right. I know that what just happened doesn't mean that you and me are gonna run off into the sunset. I know that Rick would probably try to kill me if he ever found out you and I were intimate." Michonne grimaced. "I want you to know that I don't give a shit."
"You what?"
"I don't give a shit. There's not much to live for in today's world. I mean, my family, everyone I've ever known, any dream I've ever had; they're all gone. I haven't allowed myself to really live again until I met you. You just came around, and didn't think I'd have the chance to be with you, but I wanted it. Whatever is going on with me and you might pale in comparison to whatever in the world has happened with you and him. But I know you came here for a reason. I know he could have had you, and I'd be nothing but another person in this town to you. But he did something to mess this all up – I wouldn't do that to risk your happiness."
Michonne timidly smiled, which was odd, since she was far from timid. "What romance novel did you read that from?"
He chuckled, "I don't know. I guess, maybe the Idiots Guide to Romance?" They both laughed. "Seriously Michonne. I know I can't protect you how most men would want to. You probably can kick my ass. But I'll never do anything to hurt you."
Shit, you already are and don't even know it, she thought to herself. Then again, she was sure that Jordan was so smart that he probably already picked up on that. A smart idiot for feelings. "No one, and I mean no one, is worth getting killed over." He didn't flinch at her words. "I'm serious Jordan." She horridly walked past him to grab her katana that she discarded to the floor earlier in the midst of passion. "I shouldn't have done this Jordan. I know better, and you're a great guy. But I never was a fan of anyone fighting over a woman. It might be the end of the world, but your life is still living." Michonne thought of how she didn't know what kind of horrors he had seen, but how long it took for her to believe that after the deaths of Andre and Mike. Shit, it was Andrea, Hershel, and especially Rick and Carl that helped her believe that. Fucking Rick…
"You don't belong to him Michonne."
"I don't."
His voice almost croaked, "will this, will this ever happen again?"
Michonne grasped the door handle to the outside. She always knew what she was doing. "I, I don't know." She left before he could give a rebuttal to her indecisiveness.
-000000000000000000000000000-
Carl's words continued. There was something about some girl named Enid. Then another about Mrs. Neidelmeyer was upset. Something about Enid storming off…
"You're not even listening," Carl finally observed.
"Yes I am," defended Rick. "You said that there's some girl named Enid that pissed off Mrs. Neidelmeyer."
"No, I said Mrs. Neidelmeyer was teaching math class, but she stopped to go on and on about wanting a pasta maker. She told us to ask anyone who goes on runs to be on the lookout for one. That's when Enid stood up and told her she was a flipping idiot."
Rick looked perplexed. "That's what you said?"
"Yes! I said it at least twice!" Carl pinched his nose. "Oh my God, I need to talk to someone who listens… Is Michonne coming back?"
That's exactly who Rick's mind was fixated on. He didn't know how to tell his son that it was his fault that she didn't return back from the store. He didn't have a habit of lying to him, but he didn't always have to tell him the whole truth, either. "She is taking a while coming back, huh?"
"Yea, I thought she'd be right back. You think she's all right?" Carl began to shift, rising from the couch.
Rick stood up faster. "Son, you're just about a man, but I'll go out there and check up on her. It's probably nothing. Just stay here with Judith."
Carl squinted his eyes. "Dad, did you piss her off? She was so happy, didn't even seem to care about you bringing over Samantha for once."
Rick's jaws clenched. His son was wise but he spoke beyond his place a bit too often. "That's frankly none of your business. Stay here with Judith. That's final." He left before he could hear Carl's rebuttal, which he was sure would make him regret never spanking him as his parents used to do with him.
There was something in the night air that didn't feel right. It could have been the paradigm shift from the rapid takeover that he and Michonne orchestrated. It could have been the mini-massacre that they carried out earlier. Rick was getting more and more comfortable with doing anything that he deemed worth doing. Killing Pete and Douglass only affected him when he saw Samantha's depressed composure. Everything was moving fast, and he knew he needed to prepare for the next danger, the next threat. They lived on the edge of breathing while out there. This was just a façade. Douglass made deals with some devious people out there in order to keep this façade going. Rick knew he'd likely kill them than to discuss thangs. Even if the interrogations weren't working, he was sure that his new enemies would reveal themselves soon enough.
That wasn't the strange feeling he was getting. It was something else, something sharper. It was more painful than unsettling, whatever it was. Michonne did see him hug Samantha earlier, and she really try to hear him out. He felt the urge to walk faster. The pace picked up to running.
-0000000000000000000000000000000-
Sasha opened the door to a heavily breathing Rick.
"Hey Rick, what's going on?" He quickly moved past her. "Okay, well come on in then. What's wrong? Is there a security breach or…?"
Rick scanned the living room, momentarily puzzled to see the local Spencer sitting at the kitchen's bar. "What's going on in here?"
"Spencer is here, um telling me about…"
Spencer interrupted, "telling her about other communities that are nearby. There's the Hilltop, the Kingdom, and…"
"So you came here to tell Sasha, but not me or Michonne…where's Michonne?"
Sasha was beginning to pick up on his frantic mood. She swallowed. "Did something happen? Is she in trouble?"
Rick looked around the room. He was causing panic over what was perhaps nothing. Then again, Sasha and he didn't know where she was. "Do you know where she is?" Rick tried to contain his anxiety, but he was pacing the living room.
"I thought she was hanging with Carl and Judith." Sasha felt for her gun on her belt for comfort. If anyone like Michonne was in danger, then that was a huge problem. "Do we need to look for her?"
She was with his son and daughter, while he was busy checking in on Samantha. He ruined it. He was taking too long to answer, which Sasha wordlessly responded by grabbing her gun. She forgot that she put it on the table in the midst of a deep conversation with Spencer. She didn't expect anyone to be there that night. As far as she knew, Michonne was opening up to the Grimes again, and Carol and Daryl were out on patrol.
Rick saw her movements, and how it started to alert Spencer who seemed pretty calm beforehand. "Stop," she uttered. "Just, sigh, just stop." The other two gave him perplexed expressions. "She's probably fine. I just…"
The doorknob turned. Michonne walked in. The moment he saw her, he knew there was something different. Her constant frowns were relaxing more throughout the many months that they knew each other. This time, however, it seemed like something happened to iron the creases out. She seemed a little tense, but not on guard as she always had. If he didn't know any better, she could have gone to the spa for all he knew. She also appeared a little more tired than how she seemed a few hours ago when he bumped into her as he stepped outside of Samantha's house.
The minute aura of bliss dissipated once she noticed Rick.
"Rick," she questioned. Her voice was a mixture of confusion and irritation. "What, what are you doing here?"
"Looking for you, Michonne."
Michonne closed the door. "What do you want?"
"The kids thought you were coming back. I, uh, didn't know you were spending time with them." He nervously scratched his brow and looked at the ceiling for what to say. "We need to talk."
Sasha and Spencer eyed each other. "Spencer, let's give them some space. You wanted to show me something about one of the walls?"
"Right, the one that my father said would probably be a problem eventually? Let's go," he quickly grabbed his jacket.
Michonne smirked. She knew Sasha was very standoffish to most of the Alexandrians, but she felt some comradery with Spencer. It was probably because they both had just recently lost more than one person close to them.
She still didn't want to have this conversation alone with Rick.
"Before you two run off, can you tell us more about where this wall is," she asked.
Sasha gave her a momentary death stare, but cooled her looks. They were like sisters and had a tight bond. She still learned a while ago that Michonne would either patiently wait & ignore her aggressiveness, or actually match it. This wasn't the time. She also knew Rick was probably in one of his crazy modes by the way he just stirred up her and Spencer. If anyone could calm him down, it was Michonne. Yet, Michonne was probably the reason he was crazy at this moment. Sasha didn't want Spencer to see Rick in that mindset, when she knew that the man who was ultimately in charge of the place – Rick – wasn't as bad as he sometimes seemed.
Sasha contemplated all of this. Finally, she said, "Spencer, let's just continue the conversation in my room."
Spencer looked as if he was transported back to high school and was moving to third base sooner than expected. She shot him a look that told him that wasn't happening, but he gladly obliged nonetheless.
It was just Michonne and Rick, with the still air of the living room, alone with anger and remorse.
"Michonne," Rick began. "Me being at Samantha's…it's not what you think." He walked up close to her as her back hugged the wall. She tried to avoid looking into his blue irises that were surrounded by the redness of his eyes. "I, I was just checkin' up on her. She seemed like she was ready to kill herself." He softly tilted her chin to look at him, but she only looked further away. "Are you gonna look at me? I don't know what I'd do if I lost your trust, if I lost you…even as a friend. Michonne, you keep me centered." He took her hand to press it to his chest, to which she yanked back. She wiggled herself from the little box he trapped her in, and stormed off to the kitchen to grab some much needed water. He quickly followed. Her hands were shaky as she poured herself some. "Are you gonna say anything? Do you hate me? Where do we stand? I promise, I'll send someone else to check up on her."
She gulped 8 ounces quickly. She couldn't shake the feeling that she was somehow a cheater, but that didn't make sense. It irritated her. She was a woman that lived on the principals of practicality and rationality. This was all dumb soap opera crap. Like most melodramas, Rick would likely go and try…no…go and kill Jordan over a woman that wasn't his in the first place. She knew better than this. He just didn't need to know.
"I don't hate you," she finally exasperated as she rubbed her temples. "I don't know, sometimes I do. You want me to be the mother to your kids. You want me to have your back at all times. You want me to be your best friend. You want me to be everything a woman would be to her man, but once we got here, you never told me you loved me until someone else noticed me. You go ahead and fuck someone else, pretend that you're gonna make it right, but go ahead and see her! Shit!" Michonne was further aggravated with the tear that began to drop.
He felt like crap to see her feeling this way because of him. His tears streamed down as well. "I never wanted to be the reason you cry."
"Get over yourself. It's one tear." She pushed him away as he tried to hug her. "If I did what you did, what would you do?"
"Excuse me?" His right temple pulsated. "If you did what?"
"If I fucked someone else, what would you do?"
Rick bit his lip and rubbed the bridge of his nose. His head cocked to the side. "I don't think…that's just not like you Michonne. You just wouldn't randomly let some guy do that to you."
"Is that right," her eyebrows furrowed. She walked up to him, staring down his taller stature. "I didn't think you'd be like that either. What do you know about me Rick?"
He answered through a clenched mouth, "everything that I need to know. I know that you love me as much as I do, and that's why it hurt you. I know you wouldn't just have sex with someone to get revenge, because you're better than that. " He stared her down similarly to the way he stared down Tomas. He knew he would never hurt her, but his mind couldn't control what would happen to someone else.
"So, you can have your bouts of instability, bouts of crazy? Times where you do things that don't make sense? But I can't?" She didn't back down easily from him.
He wiped sweat off his brow. "What are you getting at Michonne? If you had sex with that man after I told you how I'd patiently wait for you, how no matter what…"
"No matter what? If I was intimate with someone else, you'd probably kill them!"
He swallowed.
"From what you told me, you didn't kill Shane until you felt threatened, until you knew he would kill you. I'm not your wife. I'm not even your girlfriend. What is it about me that would make that even an option?"
His right hand tapped his machete. "Did you fuck him?"
"Excuse me?"
"Did you-"
"Answer my question dammit! Who am I to you? Why do you even fucking care?"
Rick began to feel weak. "I love you. I love you even more than I loved Lori. Labels don't mean shit anymore Michonne, but you are the woman I'd want to be my wife."
Michonne's face softened. "I didn't have sex with anyone. I…I just needed a walk."
Rick's eyes changed from fury to warmth. "I knew you wouldn't," he whispered. "Why did you test me?" He moved closer to here and placed his hand on her cheek. She momentarily cherished it by holding onto his affection. Then she pulled away. "Michonne, we can't keep doing this to each other."
She turned her back to him. "I need some space. I need some time."
He walked up to her and grabbed her bare shoulders. He kissed them and assured, "I said it before and I'll say it again. Take all of the time that you need. I'm not going anywhere. I love you Michonne." He hugged her from the back and kissed her on the neck. She shuddered. What would he do if he knew how she truly spent her energy not too long ago?
Rick resisted the urge to take her right then and there. He did tell her he'd give her time. He made his way out of the kitchen and to the front door until he remembered something. "Carl was expecting you to come back."
She tried to contain some of her sniffles when she responded, "tell him I'm sick and I'll be there tomorrow."
Rick paused. "Okay," and left.
Michonne used the faucet to rinse her face from the sobbing that quickly came after Rick left. Her whole mood changed once the water ran brown. It was unfortunate that Spencer's parents died shortly before their arrival. His dad could probably do something about the deteriorating system.
"Michonne," Sasha interrupted her thoughts as she placed her hand on her shoulder. "Are you okay?"
"Um, yes. Where's your company?"
"Still in my room. I had to check up on you. Is everything okay between you two?"
"Um, yea, it's fine."
Sasha nodded slowly. She took her time in saying this. "You two were loud enough for us to hear. It's none of my business, but you know Rick's gonna kill that man if he finds out."
Michonne deeply sighed, "That's all I've been thinking."
-Gee whiz, what a hot mess!-
