Okay another ridiculously long chapter by my standards and also something of an in between chapter, part filler, part exposition. Don't know if you'll like it but it is all heading somewhere eventually!


He climbed carefully into the bed and reached to turn off the small sidelight. He had paid no attention to the room, it was hers and she was in it and now he was about to share it.

"If you want to leave it on that's fine," she said from the darkness.

But he had not thought of the demons in the shadows. His only thought was that as his eyes got used to the night for the first time in many weeks, a shaft of moonlight had slipped through the curtains and was enough for him to see her by.

"It's fine."

She smiled.

Lying there on her back she knew he was watching; could feel his breath on her cheek; wanted to reach out and touch him; ask him to reach out and touch her.

But she didn't.

It wasn't the right time.

And so he watched her until he fell asleep.

It was the first night without nightmares.


She was up long before him.

When he woke she removed his dressings and pronounced them ready to be left uncovered and chose him the softest most gentle of his shirts. They had breakfast and she cleared the table while he wondered into the garden to check the shrub she had replanted the day before.

It was cold and he thrust his hands into his pockets, squatting down to inspect the plant.

Within seconds he had slumped to the floor. Debilitated.

It was the noise; the shrill, incessant, pain bringing noise. It was close by, he couldn't pinpoint where, but he knew it was coming for him.

His hands rose to his head, cradling it, as the rest of him curled protectively, instinctively, into a foetal position; seeking safety but knowing there would be none.

Ruth saw him as she crossed the kitchen. She ran out. The sound of next door's drill drifting over the fence.

"Harry," she crouched down beside him. He was shaking.

She reached out for his arm but he beat her away.

"No!" he screamed.

She leant her face close to his.

"It's the neighbours, they're just rebuilding their porch. It's okay, Harry."

It wasn't okay to him. That sound. It meant agonies she could only imagine, things he could never tell her.

She stood up and quickly moved through the gate at the bottom of the garden. Within a few moments the drilling stopped. She returned. He was still sat on the grass.

Putting her hands gently on his shoulders she encouraged him up and into the house.

Where she made him a cup of sweet tea.

Once recovered somewhat, she placed a locked case on the table.

She had his attention.

"It's doesn't cover all your usual responsibilities but it does relate to the top security risks and your assessments of them. It was sent down this morning. It'll be collected at five."

He glanced at the clock.

"But you've only got until lunch, after that I think we need some exercise. Deal?"

His eyes sparkled at her, "Deal."

For the rest of the morning he sat studying the security files before him. Ruth was on the opposite side of the table working on her laptop.

What Harry didn't know was that they were both working on the same thing.

His case had never been near the grid, it had come directly from the Home Office, requested by her.

She had told Towers that she needed to remain on leave but that she could do some work from home. She arranged that everything be available to her, both as a paper copy and electronically, should her signal, or technology fail her.

As Harry had slept, she had received the secure case by courier and then sorted through it to make sure there was nothing he could identify as being specifically Home Office.

They sat and they both assessed the current security threats. It was her job. But it was no longer his.

Later that night she would give his hard copy back to the courier, marked to be destroyed, hers would be received electronically. No one would know that the former Head of Section D had seen the papers, and sadly no one would ever read his recommendations.

But he was happy and busy and for her that was all that mattered, the rest she would deal with later.


"Okay, where to?"

"The pub?" he said innocently.

"We're meant to be going for a walk, Harry."

"Then let's walk to the pub."

She frowned at him, "You're on medication."

"I haven't had a drink in weeks. Give a man a chance, Ruth."

She gave him a small shake of the head, but her eyes were smiling, "What, to show who he really is?"

His look changed from amused to intense.

"You know who I am. You've seen it all" he looked away, somewhat ashamed, "all the worst parts."

She touched his arm lightly, "then show me some of the good ones."

With a smile she walked on, calling back, "the first round's on you."


They sat by the fire of the pub, grateful it was lit. She had been wary that the flame may upset him but he seemed fine and declared it homely and rather comforting.

"Do you remember the big trip?" she asked hesitantly.

Seemingly he didn't as he looked quizzically at her.

Paris, Rome...the grand tour?

"Oh, yes, of course," he beamed.

"Did you ever go?"

He shook his head, eyes alight in the flames "Never had the right companion."

"Perhaps you're too fussy"

"Perhaps I am. That, or stubborn."

She smiled playfully, "that and stubborn."

"Touché," he said, before glancing away and letting a moment pass.

"Ruth, I need to ask you something but I don't want you to get upset."

"Upset?"

"Well, angry."

She gave him her best beneficent smile as though to prove the point.

"What happened with the Gavriks?"

The smile faded.

"I know you're keeping something from me, Ruth."

She took a deep breath, piece by piece he would need to know the truth sometime.

"They didn't sign the treaty, it became …complicated."

He raised his eyebrows and waited.

"I'm sorry Harry but Elena was not what you thought she was. She was recruited by a Soviet splinter group before you recruited her. She was part of a plot to persuade us we were under threat from a passenger jet, the aim being for us to destroy it along with it the accord and all further relations with Russia."

His eyes, startled and wide, had drifted to the fire, trying to take in the news.

"She admitted it all. Gavrik didn't know," she added.

"The plane?"

"Landed safely."

He nodded and looked back to her.

"It was you? You who discovered it, Ruth?"

It was her turn to nod.

And to decide to tell him the rest.

"She's dead, Harry. She took her own life when the plot failed. And Sasha… he's not your son. She lied. It was all lies."

She waited for a reaction but there was none until his hand covered his face.

"I thought I could read people," he whispered, "I can't even read myself. I thought it was all guilt, but it's not. I liked him Ruth. Part of me wanted another chance, a chance to have a son," he laughed bitterly, "How ridiculous am I?"

She took his other hand.

"You're many things Harry, ridiculous isn't one of them. You did nothing wrong. You have nothing to feel guilty about, not about Sasha… and not about Graham."

His hand slipped away and he looked at her as though anew.

"Why are you with me, Ruth?"

She gazed at him and smiled, "because I want to be."

And that was all he was getting.

In fact, that was all he needed.