Disclaimer: As always I own nothing but the original characters and the situations I put them in. Everything else belongs to somebody else and that's just the way it is. Thanks so much for reading, my best to all, and have a great day.
An Eventful Life
Once Cat got used to the idea of being pregnant things settled down some. Or they did until she figured out that she could use her pregnancy as an excuse to behave however she pleased to whomever she pleased. After all, what kind of monster picked on a pregnant woman at the mercy of her hormones. Playing it for all it was worth Cat drove everyone to distraction with her demands for food, deference and understanding for her bitchy nature. Of course the Preventers, not being stupid, figured this out within a week and most refused to give into her. Visiting ambassadors and emissaries thought...well in those cases Lady Une practically shoved the news of Cat's pregnancy down their throats to excuse the other woman's behavior. Cat was having a lot of fun watching her do it too. Needless to say, Lady Une spent quite a lot of time praying to the powers that be that Cat got stuck with a brat even worse than its mother.
Trowa remained pretty calm throughout Cat's fits, unruffled by his wife's behaviour since she knew better than to try to pull that sort of crap with him. Cat was actually sailing through her pregnancy with disgusting ease, and Trowa took the approach of leaving her to her own devices up until the time of delivery. Then, he imagined, he'd have to take his life into his own hands in his attempts to stop her from trying to kill the doctors and nurses cursed with the duty of assisting their child into the world. Like most animals, his wife did not react well to pain in the company of strangers. If only he and the guys had been with her, Trowa imagined Cat would do her best to get through the labor without a peep, too vain to let them see for one moment that she was hurting or remotely scared. Strangers however, well Cat wouldn't give a damn what they heard and saw and would want them to be in as much pain as she was simply for being within grabbing distance. He'd have quite the fight on his hands, of that he was sure.
)
Cat had had about three weeks to get used to the idea of being pregnant when Colin dropped in to pay her a visit. Since Colin's visits were by nature unwanted, Cat was not particularly happy to see him and hot busy trying to think of how best to use her baby as an excuse not to do her job.
"Oh save it." Was Colin's firm statement, holding up a hand before she could launch into a barrage of excuses.
"Save what?" Was her somewhat pissy response, since she was getting the vibe that he was going to take Trowa's route and refuse to treat her any differently because of her condition. God. what a man, Cat thought in admiration, thinking of her husband. It took a real man to put a pregnant woman in her place the way he did. He wasn't taking any of her shit, that was for sure. Even she would be nicer to a pregnant woman, if only out of fear of causing a premature delivery. It was going to be bad enough going through it herself without having to see someone else go through it first. It couldn't be pleasant.
Reading her thoughts Colin had to bite back a grin. "No, I imagine you'll tramatize everyone that comes in contact with you." He informed her. "And you'll have to take birthing classes, you know. Then you WILL get to see what's in store for you."
Giving him a pitying look Cat smirked. "Who do you think is dumb enough to try and make me?"
She had a point. Who WOULD be stupid enough to think she wouldn't shove pointy sticks in their eyes if they tried to make her?
"Quatre?" Colin finally offered, but only because Quatre was smart enough to know that not even Cat would sink to physically harming him. Psychologically maybe, but you had to be made of stronger stuff that Cat to hurt someone like Winner.
Since Quatre was acting more like the prospecting father of her child than Trowa, Cat could see the blonde being naive enough to think she'd go to such a thing as birthing class, or whatever it was called. This could end badly...for him.
"Please don't hurt him." Colin was fond of Quatre, especially since he was Colin's only active ally in trying to reform his charge.
"Don't get your harp in a knot." Was her eye rolling response. "So what do you want anyway?" She'd rather think about disappointing Colin, than giving Quatre ulcers by refusing to act like a proper expecting mother.
"Have you been by to see Elizabeth lately?" Colin asked, knowing perfectly well that she hadn't.
"Duo has." Actually, Cat found it rather funny that Duo had taken up for the ghost, going to talk to her even though everyone assumed he was talking to himself. He couldn't even have a real conversation, since he couldn't hear her without she or Colin there to make it possible. Duo could be so stupid sometimes. "And don't get started on how it's my job to help her, not his. I have that speech memorized by now, thanks."
"Considering the amount of help I've provided you with lately, you'd think you could at least show me some small thanks by at least pretending to half heartedly do your job."
Raising an eyebrow, Cat wasn't feeling the least bit guilty or remorseful. "Look, Angel boy, I get what you're saying but really, what's the big? She's HAPPY where she is. You're the one being all obsessive about her being happier in the Pearly Gates of Heaven. If it's not her idea of heaven, why should she go there after being a goody two shoes all her life?"
"You know very well that souls left too long on earth get corrupted."
"I'd like to see the demon that tries. She's gotten some tude since she kicked the bucket." Just to shut Colin up Cat had indeed looked up the history of the ghost and had found it highly snooze worthy. The woman had never gotten so much as a parking ticket or library fine. Someone like that was the reason people like her thrived. It was scary really, to think what the world would be like without the meek and morons to pick on. And the meek will inherit the earth? Hell, they'd keel over simultaneous of heart failure at the hint of that occurring.
"Exactly. She's tough, but not tough enough to stand against the likes of you."
"Quit reading my mind. And are you suggesting I'm as bad as a demon?"
"I'm saying you are point blank."
Thinking that over Cat grinned. "And who says you can't teach an old dog new tricks. Now that you've figured that out, does that mean you're finally going to leave me alone?"
"You wish."
"With all my heart." Cat agreed.
Crossing his arms in front of him, Colin gave her a considering look. "You have a heart to wish on?"
"I tricked Trowa into giving me his." Was her sneaky response. "Poor bastard."
"I'm sure he agrees."
)
"What did I give you and why am I a poor bastard?" Trowa asked as he entered Cat's office, having spotted Colin through her office windows while walking past. Despite his decision to leave her to gestating, Trowa had a general policy of keeping his wife out of trouble and so always took an interest in anything to do with Colin and her messenger work.
"Nothing." Cat answered in a sing song tone of voice. "What's up? If it involved Ghostbusting Colin's ass, I am so in."
"Ghostbusting?" Colin repeated, knowing he should be insulted but not exactly how or why.
"A movie about men who hunt down ghosts and suck them into machines. Late 20th Century." Trowa supplied, having had to suffer through the movie and its sequels in the past.
Shooting Cat a dirty look, Colin was not amused.
"Neither of you have appreciation for the classics." Was Cat's opinion, leaning back in her chair with a disgruntled look.
"Classics?" Colin scoffed, giving her a look reminiscent of a teacher faced with a mentally retarded student. "That is not classic film making, thank you very much. Classic is Hitchcock, Bogart and Brando. Hepburn and Harlow for gosh sakes. If you're going to rot what little brains you have with television, at least watch something worth seeing."
"Hitchcock? I've seen some of his stuff. I liked 'The Birds'."
"You would." Feeling Trowa's silent inquiry, it was Colin's turn to provide a synopsis. "It's a film about a coastal town that comes under attack by hundreds of birds bent on killing every human being in their paths in between acts of mass property destruction. You'll never look at a seagull quite the same afterwards."
That got Cat snickering.
"I see." Yeah, he could see why that movie would appeal to someone as demented as his wife. Lord knows she'd almost memorized the dialogue from Jaws. "Well as a former cat, birds would be of particular interest to you."
That put a stopper in her snickering. "So you never did say why you were here." She reminded her husband, ignoring Colin for the moment.
"I saw Colin in here."
"I came to tell her that she wont be assigned any jobs until the infant is born." Colin informed him, knowing that the thought of said jobs had probably been weighing on Trowa's mind, especially after all the trouble with Devlin. "She only has Elizabeth left to deal with, but apparently she feels unequal to the task."
Eyes narrowing Cat regarded him susupiciously. "What do you mean, unequal to the task?"
"I mean that you obviously consider her too stubborn and tough for you to handle. That's understandable, you are a wife and future mother now. It's only natural that you be mellowing somewhat.
Mellowing her ass. "I am not mellowing." She snarled, looking not the least bit mellow. "I am the Queen, no the Empress of Bad Assness. There is no greater bitch than me. How dare you suggest that some...some ghost whose afraid to go to heaven is tougher than me!"
"She's still here, isn't she?" Trowa pointed out, giving Colin a hand since he really was only doing this for Cat's own good.
Looking like she'd just been accused of wearing pink, frilly underwear, Cat didn't know which one of them she wanted to stab with one of her handy pens first.
"Oh well, I should probably just assign Elizabeth to someone else." Colin announced with a sigh, shrugging his shoulders. "I'll find someone who feels up to the task of getting her home."
"She's my assignment, don't you dare give her to someone else!" It was one thing for her to refuse to do it and another thing for it to be suggested she couldn't do it. Telling Cat Barton that she couldn't do something was like telling a small child not to help themselves to the fresh batch of cookies cooling on the table. It just made her want them more.
"Well then, I guess I'll leave her to you then."
"You do that."
Sometimes, Colin thought as he bit back a smile, she made it just too easy.
)
But the task wasn't nearly as easy as Cat had thought, since Elizabeth proved to be her equal in the stubbornness department. Of course part of it was the fact that Elizabeth knew Cat couldn't carry out any of her threats of bodily harm. owing to the fact that Elizabeth didn't have a body to disembowel. Of course that only led to Cat threatening to dig Elizabeth's former body up, but Elizabeth was of the opinion that Cat wouldn't dare, if only because Cat wouldn't want to have to see her rotting corpse. So the two women were at an impasse and took to seeing each other every Monday to bitch at each other. The months went by and Cat got bigger and more bitchier, and it was with great irony that Cat found herself in the beginnings of labor during one of these visits.
"Are you sure you're all right?" Elizabeth asked, someone concerned despite the fact that Cat had just called her mutant gas exhaust. Cat had been wincing and rubbing her back ever since she'd arrived and Elizabeth couldn't imagine that all this arguing was good for someone within weeks of their due date.
"Bite me."
"I haven't had my rabies shot in decades." Was her smart response. "And seriously, Duo said you were supposed to be taking it easy, doctor's orders."
Rolling her eyes Cat ignored the voice in her head that said the ghost had a point. "And you listened to him? He's even dumber than the doctor. Which is saying something."
Rolling her own eyes Elizabeth was too used to the Duo cracks to bother objecting.
"So seriously, are you going to keep making me come here?" Cat asked, praying that the pains would hold off for a while yet. At least until the hot dog vendor appear across the street to provide her with some lunch before she headed home. Trowa and the others kept forcing health crap on her and she was seriously craving some mystery meat.
"Nobody's forcing you to come." Of course she looked forward to these visits all week, but Elizabeth wasn't about to admit how lonely she got these days, now that she could remember what it was like to connect with other people.
Cat's tough response was cut off by a hiss of pain as she reflexively clutched her stomach.
".God." Slapping her hands over her mouth Elizabeth goggled at Cat. "You're in labor, aren't you?"
"Am not."
"Are too." Looking around frantically Elizabeth forgot for a moment that no one else could hear her as she called out for someone to help her friend. Of course no one answered her or even looked up, she was a ghost after all. Only Cat, the person who needed help, could hear or see her. Turning back to Cat Elizabeth started wringing her hands. "You have to call someone to get you. Like now!"
"I want my hot dog."
Aka, she wanted to put off the whole labor thing as long as was reasonably possible.
"A hot dog? A stupid, God only knows what they put in it hot dog! Are you out of your nearly none existent mind? You need to get to a hospital!"
A sly, downright evil gleam coming into her eye, Cat gave Elizabeth a considering look. "What's it worth to you?"
Staring at her Elizabeth didn't know whether to laugh or scream. She knew exactly what Cat was suggesting and the idea was too unbelievable to really be believed. "Are you trying to bargain with me to go to heaven? Are you actually risking your health AND your baby's just to get me to leave? You really are out of your mind."
"I'd feel better knowing you were okay in heaven instead of here, possibly being preyed on my demons and Duo."
"Oh please." Shaking her head Elizabeth wasn't buying that one. "You're really one of a kind, you know that don't you?"
"I'll name her after you if it's a girl."
Staring at her Elizabeth would have cried if she'd been capable of it. "Okay..I'll go. On one condition."
"Done. Now call the ambulance, Cat." Colin announced, appearing out of nowhere.
"Wait, what did you two just agree to?" Cat demanded to know in between pants.
"She's going to be your baby's guardian angel."
Looking back and forth between Colin and Elizabeth Cat shrugged. "What the hell, the kid's going to be screwed up anyway. Holy, Damn it, Christ. Colin, call a damn ambulance, you moron!"
"Already on their way."
)
Arriving at the hospital's maternity wing at a dead run the Preventers soldiers headed straight for the desk nurse who pointed them in the right direction. They had just entered the right hallway when a doctor exited a room and turned in their direction, blood all down his front due to the fact that his nose had just been violently broken. Holding a ice pack against it, the doctor was on his way to get one of his colleagues to X-ray it.
"That's Cat's doctor." Wufei stated, no doubt in his mind.
"One of you is Trowa Barton?" The doctor asked in a nasally, pain filled voice.
Stepping forward Trowa nodded, surveying the damage his wife had wrought. "My wife?"
"She and the baby are fine. Please get in there to protect my nurses."
"Yes, Sir."
The men hurrying around the doctor Quatre paused just long enough to apologize for Cat's behavior before following the others into the room the doctor had just vacated. The room was a bright, cheerful yellow and laying on a bed in the middle of it was Cat, who was dressed in a pale green hospital gown and busy glaring at one of the nurses who seemed to be in the middle of weighing a squirming bundle.
"Heero, watch her." Cat ordered as soon as they entered the room. "I don't like the look in her eye and I'm not up to taking her down."
"Yeah right." Was the nurse's muttered opinion. "And you just accidentally broke Doctor Trice's nose."
"I told him to stop telling me how to breath."
Walking over to stand by his wife's side Trowa gave her a questioning look. "You couldn't wait for me to get here?"
"When an eight pounds, six ounces baby boy wants to come out, you let him out." Was her less than amused response.
"And here you go." The nurse announced, coming over to place the baby into Trowa's steady arms. "If you need anything..wait until three o'clock to ask. I'll be off shift then." Trading a look of understanding with the new father the nurse quickly got the hell out of there. She needed coffee and a dark room like nobody's business.
"What did you do to her?" Duo asked curiously, as he moved to get a better look at the newest member of their family.
"I opened my mouth."
"That would do it." Heero agreed with a small smile.
"Well he's just beautiful." Quatre announced, trying to look on the bright side. He'd rather not think about the possibility of the hospital sueing them at the moment. "Did you two ever decide on a name?"
Looking over in the corner where Colin had been watching, Cat gave her superior a small smile before turning her smile in Quatre's direction. "Colin Quatre Barton...after his godfathers."
"She just wants to make sure that no matter how screwed up she makes him he'll still get into heaven." Colin said after clearing his throat, something he'd been doing a lot since she'd announced her baby's name to the nurse doing the information recording.
"That too." Cat agreed with a wider grin.
"Who'd have ever thought things would end up like this." Looking from Cat to the baby nestled so securely in his father's arms, Quatre couldn't help but grin like a fool while shedding a tear or two. "I saved a suicidal cat from being hit by a car and now look at her, human and a new mother."
"Yeah, there's never been a story quite like mine." Cat agreed, reaching out a hand to brush her fingers along the tiny fingers of her son.
"Well you're one of a kind, no question there." Colin agreed.
Smirking, Duo knew it had to be said.
"And thank God for that."
Colin was pelased to relay, "God says you're welcome."
The End
