Chapter 12

Forgiveness and ownership

"Forgive Me," Said the shadow taking me by surprise. My breath caught in my throat and a barely audible gasp escaped my lips. It only took me half a second then to realize that the voice, with its soft velvet undertones, was Edward's.

I lurched up off of my seat and into his loving embrace. "How did you find me?" I whispered "The guard has my number, he called me when he'd seen you were wondering around alone" he explained, "Here, I thought you might need this" he said somberly and held out my jacket "I was worried you might be cold" he continued.

"Edward, I'm sorry" I said and looked up at him "I know, it's ok" he said "You've been so calm through out this last week and a half, I've just felt as though I've had to do the worrying for both of us, and there's only so much of the angst I can take, I lashed out and I'm sorry" I explained "You're right Bella, I've left you alone in this, it was wrong and immature to have expected that everything would just work out, you're a far stronger person than me, we'd been going round and round in circles and we weren't getting anywhere, it just seemed like the easiest way" He said, "The easiest way is not always the best, but I forgive you Edward" I said, "You're only human".

Edward brought his hand up to my face; the familiar feeling of his warm palm against my cheek was like coming home again, I closed my eyes melting into his touch. "Bella, I have a confession to make" he whispered, "What is it?" I asked and looked earnestly into his eyes, even though there was little light they looked like they were glowing. "When you told me I was your first, I felt honored, what I didn't tell you was that you were mine"

It felt like heart was about to beat it's way out of my chest. This adorable, beautiful man had just confessed his previous abstinence, how on earth was that possible? I thought. "Edward, see, that just proves it, we are as strong as one another, we will survive this, we were meant for one another" I declared and we kissed.

I broke the kiss suddenly fueled with the desire to lighten the mood and said "You know that means I own you now" "Yeah, I know" he chuckled "But you already did so do with me what you will, but I suggest we go back first" He said, his words laced thickly with need. "Agreed" I said thinking about the guard.

Ownership does have it's privileges, there's a lot to be said for make up sex and all of it is good, I had shown Edward by leaving that I was not going to tolerate his way of thinking and after round two I was suddenly struck with clarity.

"Edward, I know what we have to do, we both know it," I said as I rolled over in his arms to face him. "Tell me" he said, "It's simple, really, I don't know why I'd not thought of it before" I said "I'm dying here Bella, tell me!" he pressed "Before I say anything you'll have to listen the whole way through, no baulking at the idea just because it sounds hard" I instructed, I felt his body tense "Bella, no" he said and the look in his eyes were pleading "Wait, you haven't heard what it is yet, it's the most logical solution" I encouraged "Ok, I'll listen" he relented

I put my hand on his face in an effort to soothe him from what I was going to say. "Two nights from now, when it's my time to leave, I'm going to go home and sort out my job. I got a text from my boss saying that they've found a new place and we can start back next week and tomorrow when you leave I want you to get home, spend some quality time with your family, get yourself set up in Seattle and start Univers…."

He didn't let me finish "Bella, you make it sound so simple, do you really think it's going to be possible for me to concentrate knowing you're on the other side of the world?" He asked slightly irritated. "Edward, there's no other way, we've exhausted all other options, I can't go back with you tomorrow and you can't come back with me, we actually have no choice" I explained.

Edward laid there unmoving, silently acknowledging that he knew what I had said was the only way, his eyes welled up with tears and it took all of my strength to remain strong for him and not succumb to my own emotions.

"Edward, will you promise me something? And I'll promise you something in return." I asked gently stroking his face. "He nodded simply unable to speak, the logic of it had set in and it was obvious and painful "I promise you that tonight will NOT be our last night altogether, I love you Edward, but I need you to promise me that you will use the next few weeks to get the things in your life sorted to a degree in which we can work with, If I don't know what your schedules are and what is involved in your study then…."I trailed off "Then what?" He asked "Then…. how do you possibly expect me to move in with you?" I said with a relieved smile.

I had kept my thoughts about this to myself until I was certain this is what Edward wanted and needed. His eyes lit up with elation, his tears of sorrow became tears of joy and through the torrent he smiled the most beautiful relieved smile, it warmed my heart so much so I thought I would burst.

My love for this man was unending. He kissed me slowly at first, silently thanking me with each touch of his lips, each movement of his hands over my body telling me he was mine and mine alone, each intimate motion of his hips against me affirming I was his, claiming me and coveting me, daring anyone to test his devotion to me, I had relieved him, ensuring his future and he let me know how grateful he was that night, over and over again.

When Edward had interrupted me earlier and began to protest at my idea I knew that in order for Edward to succeed in and even just commence his studies I would need to sacrifice everything that I knew, my job, my home, my friends and my country.

It wasn't a difficult decision to make, in fact it was probably the easiest one I'd ever had to make, I was willing and happy to do this for him, after all, it wouldn't be long before Alice and Rose would find someone of their own and begin to settle down, they would eventually move out leaving me alone and I wouldn't blame them but I would be alone, again.

After I'd left home when I was eighteen I'd felt so alive and free but then after a while I began to feel as though there was a piece of me that didn't quite fit anymore, like a trodden on puzzle piece that you could never get back in.

When I'd made the decision about moving in with Edward in my head it felt as though that bent and broken piece just slid right back into place but it didn't go back onto mine, it fell into the hazy unclear puzzle I'd been mentally constructing of him each day, it was then that I realized that mine didn't exist anymore and that this puzzle depicted the future story of our lives.

From his inability to come up with a viable solution I knew that Edward was someone I would have to tread very carefully with, his early childhood had left a permanent mental scar and even though he'd said he'd had a great up bringing it was evident that he was easily prone to anxiety over loss.

The fear that someone he loved would leave him was crushing, he had more or less told me this on our first morning together, his words when I'd told him I'd fallen in love with him were 'I can't see myself going back from this, I wouldn't be able to function in a world where you didn't exist.'

I worried heavily that in my absence he would retract from his life, I wasn't being conceited when I'd thought about all of that, I knew the hold he had on my own life and I knew it was the same the other way around.

We'd slept peacefully in each other's arms that night, and when the sun began to rise Edward woke me up gently and suggested we go out onto the balcony to watch it.

This was going to be our last morning together for at least a month and we didn't want to spend a second of it apart. He sat down on our lounge and I sat in between his outstretched legs, he wrapped a thin blanket around us and held me against him so firmly, I laid back onto him reveling in his strong embrace.

"This all just feels so backward, Bella, it doesn't feel right, 'The girl doesn't chase the boy' as my mum always says, I don't want you to feel as though you have to do this, this is a huge step for you, it's totally life changing, I feel so selfish being happy about it" He said

"Don't feel anything but happy, I'm my own person remember, I make my own decisions, I always have and I always will, I want to do this for us" I said and he squeezed me just a little tighter.

"Listen, make no mistake Edward, this will be equally as hard on me as it is for you, but I love you and I won't let anything stand in your way. If that means moving then so be it, I work in admin, I can get a job anywhere, this is not a great departure for me" I said reassuring him. "I love you" He whispered, "I love you too, Edward" I replied.

Blessedly time went slow that morning, we got up after a while and got ready for the day. It was going to be the hardest day of my life so far; even with everything I'd endured growing up this would still top the list and for Edward, this was going to break his heart.