I'm back, and not a second too soon! Here I am with the new season type thing of "Give a Genius a…", featuring the lovable Master Fowl. Hope y'all enjoy the first installment!
GIVE A GENIUS A CELLULAR PHONE
Juliet was forever trying to do the impossible. It seemed to Artemis that she was hell bent on making him into some sort of cool, popular, super teen. Never had she succeeded in this, but that didn't stop her from constantly trying. So, when Christmas rolled around, Artemis wasn't surprised to see that she had gotten him the key to all things teenager: a cellular telephone.
Of course, he already had had a great many number of phones, but this was one of those new fangled things that came with wireless internet, television, and an MP3 player.
"Juliet, what am I supposed to do with this? I'm 18 for crying out loud, I don't need the cell phone of some… teeny bopper!"
"Oh, my God."
"What?" He asked Juliet impatiently.
"I can't believe you actually just used the words, 'Teeny bopper.' How old are you, really?"
"Shut up, Juliet."
"Oh, hush!" Said Juliet, with a smile on her face. "Now, I am going to send you, and your phone, out to the pubs with Mavis and Charlie. And you are going to enjoy your holiday!"
Artemis smiled; Juliet was only trying to be nice after all, but inwardly he groaned. Mavis and Charlie were his fellow geniuses, (Or was it genii? Artemis never could remember…) that he had met through Minerva. They were a brilliant pair, yes, but lacked certain maturity. And Artemis had learned through past experience that when you gave even slightly immature boys alcohol, their brilliance had a tendency to fly right out the window.
Nevertheless, when 9:30 rolled around, he went with them to the Broffshire Pub and Brewery for a night of embarrassment and a morning of headaches. Mavis, the eldest of them was nineteen and kept his hair trimmed to the millimeter. His side burns were perfectly symmetrical, and his shirt and pants were always pressed. This, the side of him he called his Obsessive Compulsive gene, was a side Artemis admired. All other parts of him, including the earring and the Kermitt the Frog tattoo were things that Artemis found to be quite silly and distracting, but he put up with all of it because Mavis was a great and loyal friend.
So was Charlie, though. The youngest of them, he had just turned eighteen in the last month, but already had a good amount of experience with intoxication. Unlike Mavis, his hair was wild, long, and blond. His innocent, blue shone and got him attention from females almost every time that he went out. Though smart, he was very naïve, something both Artemis and Mavis criticized him for.
And so, with these companions in toe, Artemis was shuffled out of the door by Juliet and into Mavis's ancient, pristinely scrubbed pick-up truck. Both of the boys greeted him with smiles and high fives, and Artemis strapped himself tightly in, ready to begin the hangover.
In all honesty, Artemis was not much for consuming large amounts of liquor in short periods of time. However, smart as he may be, he was not impervious to the dares of his friends. So, when he awoke in the morning, lying on the sidewalk outside of the bar, he was not surprised. Getting up and stretching, he went off to find his companions.
Artemis's breath smelled like tacos and plaque, and he had a splitting headache. Hoping that Mavis and Charlie were near, he walked inside of the pub. There they were, sprawled out opposite each other on a large table. Not having the energy to yell and wake them, he simply sat down in the leather seat of the booth their table inhabited.
"These yours?" Said a gruff voice. The bar tender, sweeping the floor of the establishment jerked his head at the two slumbering young men.
Weakly, Artemis nodded. He hoped that one of them would sober up rather quickly, as he did not feel like walking all the way home in his current state. Luckily, Charlie managed to shake off his woozy expression rather quickly (Artemis figured that he had had the least amount of alcohol, seeing as he was the local beer pong champion.), and they all got home in one piece.
"Son?" Artemis Senior looked at his son's tired face. Ah, the days of youth. He remembered his drinking days quite fondly, though the hangover, not so much.
Groggily, Artemis Junior lifted his head from his desk. Great, he had fallen asleep while working. Anyone could have access to his computer as he lay snoozing by the screen. Looking up at his father, his expression read, 'Yes?'
"Beckett was doing an experiment on my phone and… well, it didn't turn out so well. Can I use yours? I know it's new, but I'm only going to need it for one forty-five minute meeting, and then I'll return it to you, I promise." Artemis meekly nodded, and his father took the phone from off of his dresser draw and walked out of the room, humming. Keeping the rhythm as he walked, Artemis heard his father walk down the stairs and out of the front door. The sound of his car's engine erupted through the quiet morning, and then faded as the man drove off.
Artemis didn't feel much like humming; he felt like vomiting. He would have to thank Mavis and Charlie for this the next time that he saw them. They were good friends, yes, but sometimes even good friends deserved a slap upside the head.
Sighing, he returned to his work, until Butler called to him from downstairs about a half an hour later.
"Mavis and Charlie are here, Artemis." He said, amused. Butler always found it quite funny when Artemis and his friends got themselves into what he called, "A Headache Fest". Though he was too proud an athlete to drink any sort of liquor, he had heard stories from Artemis Senior, Angeline, and now even Artemis about the joys and terrors of 'getting smashed'.
"Dude!" Cried Mavis excitedly as he saw Artemis.
"Man, we've been calling your phone for the past ten minutes. Pretty funny, isn't it?" Said Charlie.
"What are you talking about?" Asked Artemis. He was worried, what had these intelligent, cunning, drunken boys done to his phone?
"The ringer, man." Exclaimed Mavis excitedly.
Artemis's eyes got big. "What?"
"We customized your ringer last night…" Charlie had picked up on the look in Artemis's eyes, and was now beginning to look rather worried.
By now, Mavis had seen the look on his friend's face as well. "Where is your phone, Artemis?"
"My father has it… He's in a meeting." Suddenly, Artemis was rather angry.
"What did you guys to my phone?" He said, his voice cracking in the terror of all of the horrible possibilities.
"Well, your ringer would have matched mine." Said Mavis, who now held out his phone, and after clicking a few high-tech looking buttons, played the aforementioned ringer.
"Hey, you! Yeah you, pick up the damn phone, Moron! Someone's calling!"
This repeated a couple times, and each time, Artemis's open mouth grew wider in horror.
He was going to have some explaining to do when his father got home.
There we are, the first of many new Artemis escapades. And, to any readers of my other work, I promise I'll get around to updating those as well... (Not that you care, really, but I figured it make someone feel better that I hadn't died...)
Later Gaters!
