A/N: So, um, hi? *ducks as shots are fired*. I don't even know where to start, so I think I'll start with the actual chapter and explain my 2 month absence at the end, when you're all hopefully not ready to kill me.
So anyway, this chapter was... hard..... and didn't really turn out how I wanted it to, but this had to be updated (for yours and my sanity), so here it is. Hopefully it won't disappoint too much.
Disclaimer: I still own nothing.
Wake-Up Call
Minutes passed. Hours passed. Days passed. I noticed none of these things.
Most of the pain had evaporated, but now, instead of the hole being filled with relief, acceptance - any of those things, it remained empty. I had a gaping hole inside of me. I was a shell, a ghost. My body was in Forks, yes, but my mind certainly wasn't. My mind wasn't anywhere – it seemed lost. I couldn't feel anything; I was too numb, and the numbness was almost worse than the pain – almost.
My parents were worried about me, I had noticed that much. I had overhead them talking late one night – I hardly ever slept anymore, I just had nightmares. My father was suggesting I visit a colleague of his; a psychiatrist. I shivered at hearing the word. Was I that messed up? My own parents wanted me to see a shrink? I crept away from the door, walking soundlessly down the stairs to the kitchen. I glanced at the clock as the light flickered on – 1am. I groaned, it wasn't nearly late enough. It would be a long night.
I settled myself at the island, cupping my face in my hands. Coming down to the kitchen late at night had become somewhat of a habit. It was a sort of escape – my bedroom felt too small, too much like a prison. I felt like the walls were closing in on me.
My mind wandered to the events of my last day in Forks. It did this often, and usually I had to hit something to get rid of those thoughts. I didn't care about the lump I could feel forming on my forehead, or the bruise that wouldn't fade from my knuckles. Not when I thought about Bella. And I could think of nothing but Bella. That was my biggest problem – I thought about her endlessly. She occupied my mind more than I thought possible. Every little thing reminded me of her, whether it was a book by her favourite author lying on the counter (my mother had joined a book club while I was gone), or a song I had heard her humming come on the radio, thoughts of her always followed.
I clenched my fists in an attempt to keep myself from punching the granite. I had done this last night, and although I didn't care about the physical pain, I didn't think having to explain a broken hand to my parents would help my case. My stomach lurched at the thought of talking about my feelings to a stranger. Like that would help me at all, I thought bitterly.
Absent-mindedly I took my cell phone from my pocket. 21 unread messages. I couldn't bring myself to read a single one.
I knew that Emmett had talked to my parents. He called while I had been asleep that first morning. Apparently he was in a panic and wanted to talk to me. Said it was "urgent". I had yet to answer one of his calls.
I wasn't mad at Emmett – certainly not – but talking to him while he was in Forks, near Bella, was too hard to even contemplate doing. Most of the messages were from him too, although there were one or two from Bella. It took all my strength not to open these particular messages.
I sighed and placed the phone on the counter, letting it close with a snap. I had just contemplated eating something when the little phone began vibrating. I froze before checking the caller ID. Emmett, as usual. I let out a breath I didn't know I had been holding. The phone continued to buzz until it fell off the edge of the island. I caught it before it clattered to the floor.
Why was he calling me at 1am? Usually he waited until the afternoon at least. He didn't know that I wasn't sleeping these days, and so would hold off so as not to wake me. Whenever he called the house phone I let Esme answer it, or if no one was home, I let the machine pick up. He would never say what he wanted to talk to me about, just that it was important and could I please call him back?
The phone went still in my hand, and I knew that Emmett had given up – for now anyway. Gingerly putting the phone back in my pocket I got up from the island, and began rummaging through the cupboards, looking for something that wouldn't taste like carpet going down my throat. After two minutes of fruitless searching, I gave it up as a lost cause and resumed what I had been doing before my cell phone had rang – thinking about Bella.
I wondered what she was doing now, was she asleep? She loved going to bed early. She said sleeping, and dreaming, was her escape.
I wondered if Mike Newton was her new escape.
Stop it, Edward.
I sat down at the island again, stealing another glance at the clock that hung on the wall.
1:03am.
Fabulous. This night was definitely going to be a long one. The first couple of nights I had attempted to play piano to pass the time – it always relaxed me – but even that didn't work now. My fingers wouldn't move the way I wanted them to, the notes never sounded quite right. She had taken that away too.
Sighing I glanced out the window. It was pitch black and the rain was coming down hard. That was another thing I missed – the sun. That scorching hot Arizona weather. I had forgotten just how bad Forks' weather actually was.
My phone began buzzing again, disrupting my musings. Pulling the phone out of my pocket I glanced at the screen. It was Emmett, again.
"Jesus Christ, leave me alone…" I mumbled. What was with him tonight? I let the phone vibrate for a solid minute before it stopped. And then started again. I felt my temper begin to rise. Any small thing could make me angry nowadays. Not thinking, I opened the phone and brought it to my ear.
"What the fuck do you want, Emmett?" I said tensely, pinching the bridge of my nose.
"Finally. Why haven't you been taking my calls? I mean I knew you were a jackass but I'm your bro - "
"Is that all you wanted to say? Because I'm trying to sleep here." I lied.
"Bullshit. Mom told me you've been staying up all night since you've gotten here."
Damn it.
"Well tonight I was trying to sleep. So goodbye – "
"Oh no you don't, we need to talk. Now."
I exhaled, still trying to calm my temper. "You have two minutes."
"It won't even take that long, trust me." I heard him mumble something before he continued. "If you're in bed, which I know you aren't, get up. You have a visitor."
I froze, not allowing myself to wonder who could possibly be coming.
"What are you talking about?"
"That's why I've been trying to call you, she'll probably be there any minute – "
Abruptly I closed the phone and threw it across the room. It hit the wall and smashed.
She couldn't be coming here. God no. She wouldn't. Not after what she'd done… Please no…
I jumped out of my chair, knocking it to the floor as I went. I had to get out before she got here.
I bounded upstairs to my room, hastily looking for something that resembled a jacket. And some shoes. Yes, shoes were definitely necessary. After 30 seconds of tearing my room apart I was clutching a pair of converse but no jacket.
Let's hope the rain's cleared up then…
I took the stairs two at a time but I wasn't fast enough. As my foot hit the last step the doorbell rang. I froze, cursing and closing my eyes, as if somehow the person at the door would just disappear. Then I realised that if I didn't answer it she would just ring the doorbell again, and my parents would come downstairs to see what was going on. I definitely didn't need that.
I had no idea what I would say, or what she could possibly say, but I knew I couldn't leave her outside all night. She'd have to come in. Groaning at this thought I descended the last step and made my way to the front door.
The doorbell rang again just as I got the door open.
And it wasn't who I was expecting it to be on the other side.
"You absolute ass! Are you aware that it is fucking freezing outside? And raining? Ever hear of actually answering the door? Is that too hard? Or are you too busy crying and writing in your journal to do it?"
Rosalie Hale was standing on my doorstep.
"Excuse me?" I replied, stunned.
"Are you going to let me in or not?" she pushed past me and I saw a taxi pull away behind her. I guess the taxi driver had made it through the flood. Of course, no one would refuse Rosalie anything…
"I – what are you doing here? Emmett said…" I stopped, unsure of what Emmett had actually said.
"Oh you finally answered? I told him to stop trying two days ago. He's almost as big a moron as you are." She snapped, turning to face me as I shut the door.
"Look, if all you came to do was insult me then you can go; job done." I snapped back. "So if you don't mind, my parents are asleep, and so was I…" This lie was really wearing thin.
"Edward Cullen, you hurt one of my best friends, and you think I'm going to let you get away with it?" she growled.
"Me? Hurt her? Oh, well if it isn't the pot calling the kettle black…" I turned away from her and walked into the kitchen. I knew she would follow.
"I know the whole story, Edward. I know why you're so pissed." She said this calmly, but I saw anger in her eyes.
"Pissed? You think I'm pissed? Now why would you think that, huh?" I seethed, forgetting to filter my words as they tumbled out of my mouth. "I'd hardly classify how I've felt for the past week as pissed. Suicidal maybe, but definitely not pissed."
Rosalie wasn't looking at me anymore. She was examining her nails, looking bored. When she realised I had finished speaking she looked up. "Oh, are you done acting like a five year old now?" she mocked.
I closed my eyes, turning away from her. What did she want? Why wouldn't she just get to the point already? My anger had reached boiling point. All the pent-up emotion from the previous week felt like it would overflow at any second.
"Now, as I was saying. I know why you're angry." She paused and I wanted to zip her mouth shut. I didn't want her to say the words. That would just make it more real.
"And you've got it all wrong."
"You don't know anything…" I mumbled, spinning around to face her.
"Edward, Bella's not pregnant. The girl's as pure as the driven fucking snow."
I made no reply but Rosalie took a deep breath and continued.
"The test you found was mine. I'm pregnant."
My first reaction was to assume she was lying. Then when I realized there would be no point in lying about something like this, the shock set in.
"But she…" I fumbled with my words, "Mike Newton…"
"Are you even listening to me? Bella. Is. Not. Pregnant. Now do you realize what an idiot you are?" Her temper had returned but I didn't care. The news that Bella wasn't pregnant was still sinking in. I stayed silent for a minute, thinking about what all of this could mean.
Eventually I found my voice, my eyes widening in horror. "Oh God. What have I done?"
Rosalie sighed as if she was talking to a 1st grader. "Finally he gets it…"
"Is she… did I… Was she hurt when I left?" I could barely get the sentence out; it seemed to burn in my throat. Was Bella as hurt as I had been?
This seemed to sober Rosalie up. "She's been pretty messed up since you left."
My heart dropped about 2 feet. "How do I fix this?"
She looked at me like I was missing something obvious. "And Emmett told me you were intelligent… You need to talk to her. You need to explain why you left. And you need to tell her about Tanya."
I opened my mouth to interrupt but she hushed me. "It's the only way to explain your complete overreaction. And don't go getting mad at Emmett for telling me either."
I didn't really care what Emmett had told her at this point.
I contemplated this for a moment before something else Rosalie had said hit me.
"You're pregnant?"
I expected some sarcastic response but I got none. "Yes."
"I thought that you and Emmett were using…" I cleared my throat, remembering the discussion in the Masens' living room. "Protection."
"We were." Suddenly Rosalie looked vulnerable – a side of her I had never witnessed. "But there was one time when…" She shook her head.
"I'm sorry." I said sincerely. The word didn't seem to be enough. Thoughts about the consequences of this threatened to flood my brain, including Emmett, my idiot older brother, becoming a father, but I had to push them aside, for the moment. I had a relationship to fix.
"I need to go find Bella, don't I?"
"Yes, and lucky for you, you don't even have to leave the state." replied Rosalie, all worry gone from her eyes.
"What? Where is she?"
"She's currently staying at the… damn it, what's the name…" she reached into her jean pocket and fished out a scrap of white paper with two addresses scribbled on it. One of them I recognised as mine. "…Knives and Forks Hotel."
I groaned, thinking of Bella staying in that pathetic excuse for a hotel. Only people who weren't from the area stayed there.
"You're staying there too?" I guessed, trying not to think of the dingy rooms.
"Yeah, it was the closest we could get to your house. How the hell do you live in this town?"
I ignored the second half of her reply. "You can't stay there. You'll have to stay here. Bella too."
I expected her to object but surprisingly she actually cracked a smile. "Thanks… I still don't like you though. And I still think Bella is way too good for you."
I smiled back, agreeing with her for once. "I know." I looked at my watch – it was now 2am. "Will she be awake?"
"Edward, just go. Go fix her."
That was all it took. I was out in the door in a second, sans jacket, and hopping into my Volvo. It felt weird to be back in my own car again, but the engine soon purred to life and I was off.
Knives and Forks Hotel was 2 miles outside the town boundaries. The roads were empty so I was there in a little under 5 minutes. I may have been going slightly above the speed limits though.
As the hotel came into view my heart sped up. I would see Bella. But would she hate me? How could she ever forgive me? Would she even let me talk to her? I swallowed all these questions, concentrating on not hitting the minivan to my right as I pulled into an empty space. One of many.
The receptionist – a scruffy guy in a checked shirt who looked stoned – told me in a British accent that an Isabella Swan was staying in room 106. I thanked him briefly before heading up the narrow staircase. The elevator of course, was out of order.
Room 106 was on the first floor, third door on the right. The peeling gold numbers made me cringe, and I hesitated before knocking. Could I do this? Tell her everything? Could I really trust someone enough to tell them about Tanya?
The answer was yes. I had to do whatever it took to get Bella back. It took me a minute to remember that she had never actually been mine.
I would change that soon enough if she'd let me.
Before I could change my mind and run back to my car, I knocked on the door and held my breath.
It swung open not two seconds later. "Rose, there is a huge spider in – " Bella let out an audible gasp when she saw me. Her mouth formed a small O, and I couldn't help it, before I knew what I was doing I was kissing her. I kissed her so hard she stumbled back into the room – she didn't seem to care though. Her arms roped around my neck and she kissed me back with such abandon that I thought I mightn't be able to stop. She had other ideas though, and the next thing I knew she was pushing me away – hard.
I opened my eyes, mourning the loss of contact, and saw the silent tears were streaming down her cheeks.
"Bella – Oh God, I'm so sorry, you have no idea… I was an idiot…"
"Edward, stop! Please, just… stop…" she sobbed. "Stop doing this to me. One minute you want me and the next you don't… I don't know where I stand with you…"
"I can explain everything – "
"No, I can't do this anymore. You run hot and cold and I can't keep up with you… I can't keep doing this to myself…" Her arms snaked around her waist and she doubled over as if in pain.
I moved to comfort her, but she stepped back quickly, holding her hands up. "No, stop it. Stop doing this to me."
"Bella, please. Give me just one minute. I can explain it all – the way I've been acting, the way I've treated you…"
She said nothing, and turned to face the window. I didn't even know if she was listening to me anymore.
I knew I had to do this quickly – I might not get another chance. I began, the words coming out rushed. "That day, my last day in Phoenix – the day I left, I was in your bathroom when I found a pregnancy test on the counter. I jumped to conclusions and thought it was yours. I thought that you and Mike had…"
"That Mike and I had what, Edward? Had sex? So what if we did? Why do you care? You said you didn't want me, remember? Why should it matter who I date or fuck or – "
"Because I'm in love with you, Bella. I love you. I think I've loved you since the day I met you - "
"Stop it! Just... stop it... You don't mean that, you can't, you wouldn't have pushed me away…" Her tears were still falling steadily down her face. She shook her head furiously.
Before she could stop me I moved forward and grabbed her wrists and held her steady. She squirmed against me, but I held onto her wrists firmly. "I haven't been completely honest with you. I've been holding back. I kept meaning to tell you but… I don't know. I should have told you when you asked me, I know that now. But if you just give me one more chance… Please." I looked into her eyes, bloodshot and heavily shadowed, and willed her to listen. She closed her eyes and stopped struggling. I let go of her wrists and moved away to give her space.
"Here, in Forks, there's this girl called Tanya. We used to go out – before I met you obviously. We had been dating for a few months when she told me that she was pregnant." Silence. "It wasn't mine." I clarified quickly. "We never slept together. But after she told me I felt… hurt. Bella, I lost all my faith in people. I just didn't think I could trust anybody again, after what Tanya had done. I had nightmares about it, I dreaded it happening again." I paused, hoping she'd say something, but still she remained quiet.
"I swore I wouldn't let myself get hurt again. And that meant staying away from girls. But then you came along and everything fucking changed. I couldn't stay away from you no matter how hard I tried. I didn't think you were like Tanya, but…. " I sighed, ashamed. "I was scared, Bella. I was scared because I was falling for you. And somehow, you fell for me too. I was terrified of trusting someone again, but most of all, I was terrified of having you and then losing you. So I did the worst thing I could possibly do – I pushed you away. I'll never forgive myself for hurting you, ever. No matter how long I live.
"You have to understand just how sorry I am. But I'm done messing up. This is for real this time. No more hot and cold, I know who I want to be with. And I think you know too. I'm so sorry, and I know that will never be enough, but I'm willing to spend forever trying to make you forgive me if that's what it takes. I love you and I'm not willing to let you go, Bella. I'll wait, if I have to. I'll wait ten years, if it means I'll get to keep you – "
"Edward."
I looked up and was astounded at how close she was all of a sudden. Our faces were an inch apart.
"No." she said firmly.
I could have sworn my heart stopped beating. No?
"I won't wait ten years, Edward." And with that she crashed her lips to mine.
We still needed to talk - we needed to figure out where we were with each other, and there was Rosalie's pregnancy to deal with, but for now this kiss was all that mattered. We both needed it.
*Peeks out from behind laptop* Am I dead? Do you all still want to kill me for not updating? Basically there are three reasons why I didn't update for so long. Firstly I'm back at school and in a really hard year and at the moment I barely have time to check my email, let alone write an 8 page chapter. Secondly, I had major major writers block with this one. I started it about a week after I published the last chapter (September!) and have been working on it bit by bit between now and then. I finally had some free time tonight, so I sat down and finished it. The third reason is that I really really started to doubt the story altogether. I kind of just thought "Why am I bothering? I'm crap at this." but then tonight I went back and read all you guys' reviews and it really really motivated me to keep going. Seriously, thank you SO much for all the reviews. I still can't believe I've gotten so many. The last chapter got over a hundred! (Though a good few were death threats....). So anyway, I will finish this story, I'm determined to, and I don't want to let everybody down. So please, even though I don't deserve it, review? They help me so so much.
Oh and in regards to this chapter, Edward and Bella still have some stuff to sort out, as do Emmett and Rose (boy do they ever...) but there's more to Rosalie's pregnancy than is mentioned in this chapter. There'll be more on that later.
Anyway, life story over! Review!
