Wow. Thank you so much for all the positive responses to the last chapter. Plus all the new favorites and followers. It means a lot to me that people are actually enjoying this story. Hope you all enjoy this chapter. It's all about to get pretty crazy soon (:
He was smiling. "Stop looking for us."
I could feel the stabs to my abdomen as the first one went in, the second, the third. I fell to the ground, blood beginning to pool around me. I had grabbed a blanket from the couch placing it on my stomach and applying as much pressure as I could. I had to get to a phone but I knew I would never make it. I was dying right here. So many things left unsaid. So many things I still wanted to do in my life. I was supposed to be a mother and now all of that was being taken away from me. I closed my eyes, waiting for death to come.
"Rowan, wake up. Jeez, Rowan!"
My eyes shot open, my breathing heavy as I took in my surroundings. Jax was looking down at me, worry in his eyes, as I slowly began to sit up. I wasn't dead. I was alive. God, that nightmare was getting annoying.
"Sorry," I said. "Same nightmare."
"I didn't know what to do. You were scaring me."
I turned away from him. "Yeah, sorry."
We were silent. "You're bleeding."
I looked down and noticed a hint of blood appearing through my shirt. I sighed. "I have some bandages and things in my bag over there. Can you get it for me?"
"Sure," he replied as he stood up from the bed and over to my bag. He pulled out the brown bag I was talking about and walked over, plopping down next to me. "How do we know if it's the stitches?"
"I guess we'll find out," I replied as I began to unbutton my shirt. Jax gave me a curious look. "What? You've seen me naked…This is nothing."
The Jax Teller signature smirk came across his face as I stood up in front of him. It was the bandage underneath my belly button and I slowly pulled it back.
"You might want to look away," I warned Jax. "This might be nasty."
"I've seen worse." I didn't doubt that as I continued to pull the rest of the bandage off. It had been a few stitches.
"Great," I said. "Looks like I'll need Tara after all."
"No problem. I can give her a call."
I stared at him as if he had five heads while I took some gauze from his hand and began patting around the wound. "Are you insane? What are you going to call her and say that you slept with your ex in her childhood home? I can just see how she'll take it and Piney too if he knew you were here."
"Piney won't do shit."
I glared at him. "Don't go there. Just go out the way you came in and I'll call Tara. I'll be fine without you."
"What if I don't want to leave you?"
"I don't care what you want. You are acting like a love struck teenage boy and I can't take it. You are with Tara. You have a son. I'm engaged and mentally scarred. I can never have kids Jax, like ever. Be with Tara, the woman who can give you kids. Don't get caught up in my shit."
It was true that somewhere in my heart and mind I knew I wasn't completely happy with Rob but just because being in Jax's company made me feel ten times happier didn't mean I should tear up his relationship with Tara. I knew Tara wanted out of Charming but I also knew it was probably because Jax was giving her zero attention. He knew Tara was his old lady and that she'd be there at the end of the day. Yet that wasn't a relationship. Maybe if I could get it through his mind that he needed to be there for Tara and not me then maybe Tara would see some sort of silver lining for her and Jax. If Tara stayed with Jax then I wouldn't have the dreaded repeat of what happened with Jax and me when I left all those years ago.
"You can't try and tell me how I should feel, Rowan. You don't get to make that decision for me."
"Maybe not but I can tell you when you're being a straight up idiot," I said as I walked toward the window. I stared at him, waiting for him to leave.
Jax walked toward me, stopping in front of the window, and connecting his eyes with mine. "Why are you doing this?"
"Look at your life Jax and look at mine. Since when does a Son and a District Attorney ever work out?"
"I don't know. They never made a movie on that yet."
I rolled my eyes. "Jax, you have a wonderful family. It's time you start to see that."
"You were my family, Rowan…And then you left me."
I nodded. "Yes I did, Jax. And I'm going to have to do it again."
He shook his head. "No you don't. You are just doing what's right for everyone else and not what is right for you." And then he slid out of the bedroom window.
"Thank you for coming, I didn't think this would happen."
Tara was finishing up the last stitch and looked up with a smile. "It's no problem, Rowan. I always have a kit at home. I never know when I'm going to get called to the clubhouse for something."
"I bet," I said as she placed a bandage over the wound, taping it tightly. "How are things at home?"
"Still bad," she replied. "I was able to find some hospitals that are looking for transfers. I had found them a few days ago but I didn't want to bother you with anything considering your situation."
"You're really serious about this?" I asked as I pulled down my shirt.
Sadness flashed across her face as Tara pulled off the pair of gloves she had used and threw them in the garbage. She sat down next to me at Piney's dining room table placing her head in her hands. I could hear her sobs.
"Jesus, Tara, is it that bad?" I asked as I placed my hand on her back.
"He doesn't love me anymore, Rowan," she said through sobs. "I'm just the woman he comes home too but I know about all the other women he has been screwing around with." I gulped. I was one of them. "I'm just the old lady who takes all his shit. I have no say in anything. He leaves me all the time, never tells me where he's going. He comes home to spend time with Abel but not me. He does nothing with me. I can't even remember the last time he kissed me without forcing it. I'm just so unhappy."
"Tara, why did you never tell me this before?"
She looked up at me as tears rolled down her face. "How could I? I was so embarrassed. It is all so mortifying. I came back, Rowan. I came back to be with him. I knew what I was getting into and yet I'm still so unhappy with my decision. I thought I was supposed to be with Jax but I've slowly realized that I'm not. I hate that I have to hurt him but after doing everything for him I know I have to do something for me."
Wow. This conversation sounded familiar. It had only been an hour ago when Jax was in this very house, in the room only a few feet away as he babbled on to me about doing things for myself. Yet the real thing was, I didn't know what I wanted. I didn't want to go back home and face Rob, that's something I didn't want. I didn't want to have feelings for Jax but they were forming anyway. What I really truly wanted to do was go back to work and drown all my thoughts with information on the case but I was on medical leave and I was barely informed on anything. Thanks so much Jaclyn Riddle, stupid bitch.
"No, you should do what is best for you. I'm still going to help you, Tara. I just wanted to make sure that you really wanted to do this. That you know all the outcomes and that you're ready for this."
She nodded. "I'm ready to go. I'm ready to move on."
"Okay," I replied. "Now tell me about these transfer options."
Rowan. I am sorry. Please come home. We need to talk. I stared down at my new text message from Rob as Lyla and I pulled up to the local school. Kids were rushing out, very excited about their half day, and in the distance I could see Ellie, Kenny, and Piper. I threw my phone in my bag ignoring Rob's desperate plea. I was going home when I was ready.
"Hey guys, how was school?" Lyla asked the kids as they all piled into the backseat.
"Great!" Piper shouted. "Hey, Aunt Rowan!"
"What's up kids? Are you guys as hungry as I am?"
"I'm probably hungrier than you. I could get a horse!" Kenny stated.
"Damn, you are hungry. I don't think I could eat a horse." Kenny laughed and I winked at Ellie who was obviously annoyed by her two brothers.
The kids kept up most of the chatter while Lyla drove to the one local diner in Charming. It was crowded with other parents taking their children out for lunch and we had to wait for a table. About twenty minutes later all five of us were crowded in a booth where we talked about school, what the kids liked to do for fun, and how Piper and Kenny were convinced that Ellie had a boyfriend. I could see how embarrassed she was as she threw them dirty looks and they laughed and laughed. I defended her, knowing what it was like to be a young girl and looking at boys in a different way. We ate our lunch before heading back to the house. It was beautiful out and the kids decided to play in the backyard while Lyla and I sat around the table talking. I was curious as to how much Lyla knew about Opie and SAMCRO. I had done my snooping when I was still around and Jax had confided in me a lot when we were "together" for our short time.
"So how is Opie?"
"He's good," she responded with a smile. "He gets stressed pretty easy though. He has a lot on his plate."
"I bet," I replied. "But anyone can tell how madly in love he is with you."
She smiled again. "I'm in love with him too. We have our fights like any other married couple though. He isn't a huge fan of my job and he's asked me numerous times to stop doing porn but I want to put my two cents in when it comes to paying the bills. Op is very big on paying for everything with his money, money that he has worked for. I get that I do, but I want to help."
"I'm sure Op means well."
"He does, I know he does…But…" I could tell she was hesitating about something.
"What?" I asked.
She sighed. "We're struggling. Sometimes we have enough money to last us the week and sometimes we barely have any. It's hard. The kids are so young and I can't have them worry especially Kenny and Ellie. They've already been through so much. I try to talk to some of the girls at work but they don't understand. I'm scared, Rowan. I'm scared of what will happen when I look at our accounts and realize we don't have enough money to pay for the mortgage. It's all scary."
"Why hasn't Opie gone to the club? The club always helps family."
"He's Op, he's too proud. He doesn't want anyone's charity."
I shook my head. "He should ask. There is nothing wrong with that."
"I don't know Rowan, I don't know what to do."
I kept quiet before asking where the bathroom was. I went into the house and right to my purse where I pulled out my checkbook. I had money and I knew giving some to my brother and his family would do nothing to my accounts but would mean everything to theirs. I wrote out a check and shoved it in my back pocket before heading back outside. I told the kids that it was time I go and gave them each a hug.
"Rowan, do you need a ride? I wouldn't mind."
I waved Lyla off. "It's fine. TM isn't a far walk and I need the exercise."
"Are you sure?"
"I'm positive," I said as I gave her a tight hug. I pulled back and placed the check in her hand. "Don't say a word, Lyla. I want you to take this. Don't tell Opie if you have to. I want to help."
Lyla looked down at the check, her jaw dropping. "Rowan, I can't…"
"I don't want to hear it. Don't do it for yourselves but do it for the kids."
A tear rolled down from her face. "Thank you, Rowan."
Everyone was at the clubhouse when I finally walked in. It had taken me about a half hour from Opie's house and I was tired. I knew that was probably too much walking but I figured it couldn't hurt. However, I did want some serious pain killers.
"DA is here!" Tig shouted and I rolled my eyes.
"Seriously? Are you going to say that every time I walk in?"
Tig shrugged. "I don't know. I gotta warn everyone, you might be here to arrest us."
"I'm on medical leave, Tig. I don't have the power to arrest you."
"I feel like you have the power to do anything."
I smiled as I took a seat at the bar with him. "That could possibly be true."
Opie walked up to us and placed a hand on my shoulder. "Hey, sis, how is everything?"
"Everything is good. Just came from your house. I had a great time."
"Oh did Lyla drop you off?"
"No, I walked."
"You walked?"
"I needed the fresh air," I replied as I stood up. "Where's Jax at?"
"Back room," Opie responded. "Wait, you really walked? Lyla didn't drive you?"
"No biggie," I said as I ignored him and walked down the hallway. The room that Jax has always had was in the back and the door was closed. I could hear the shower running so I opened the door and stepped in.
It looked the same with clothes everywhere, the smell of sex always lingering, and a stack of journals piled up on the desk. That was the one thing I had always adored about Jax. The bad biker loved to journal. I picked one up and flipped through the pages. I put it down quickly since I didn't want to pry into his personal life. I wondered where the journal he was using nowadays was. His cut was on the bed, and with the shower still running, I picked it up and saw it. I debated on whether or not I should pick it up. Of course I wanted to know the inner most thoughts of Jax Teller but I figured I probably already knew them. My chance to pick up the journal fell to nothing when I heard the shower turn off. I began to freak out. I didn't know where to stand, or if I should sit on the bed. Oh God, that would be creepy.
Suddenly, the door opened and I zipped around to see Jax standing in a towel.
"Well aren't you lucky."
I swallowed hard. "Not the first time I've been in this predicament."
Jax smirked as he stepped into the room and over to the dresser. "You could have joined me if you were only ten minutes earlier."
"Oh what a shame."
Jax glanced back at me. "What are you doing here?"
"I don't know."
He pulled out a pair of jeans before turning to face me. "Well you try to figure that out while I change."
I smiled at him. He was clever, and sexy, and I really had no idea why I was there. But seeing Jax in a towel…Well that made up for everything.
