Chapter 12

Kathryn Janeway walked into the sleeping area of her quarters. She had just eaten lunch and was preparing for her nap as ordered by the Doctor. Truth be known, she was grateful for his order. She could not recall ever being this tired…not even during any of her "finals weeks" at Starfleet Academy.

She stripped down to her tank top and panties before slipping under the covers. As she lay on her side, her mind drifted back to the conversation she and Chakotay had over breakfast. He had brought up Seska and the baby again. She knew that he no longer had any feelings for Seska, but the ghosts of her betrayal still lingered with them. When she found out that Seska was allegedly pregnant with Chakotay's son, pangs of jealousy welled up inside her. It made little difference that his DNA had been used without his consent. His pain when he learned that the child was Cullah's and not his tore at her heart too, especially after what they had shared on New Earth.

She rolled over to her other side trying to get comfortable. His pleasure at her carrying his daughter helped. The simple touch at breakfast stirred up memories and longings of New Earth. If she could only be sure that her feelings were not caused by the hormonal changes from pregnancy, and even more importantly, if she knew for certain that Chakotay felt the same way. Snuggling into her pillow, she closed her eyes and allowed sleep to claim her.

Up on the bridge, Chakotay watched the crew as they manned their stations. He knew that Kathryn was down in her quarters taking her nap per the Doctor's orders. He was glad she was following them for a change. She had barely been able to stay awake through lunch today. He was careful not to touch her as he had at breakfast. He wasn't sure if her pulling her hand away meant she didn't feel the same way he did, or if she had merely been uncomfortable with a public display of affection. He longed for a return of their loving relationship of New Earth. Now that she carried his child, would she let him fully back into her life? He would heed his father's advice about actions speaking more loudly than words. His father and surely the rest of his ancestors were on his side, how could he fail?

Kathryn woke and slowly stretched. She felt so much better. "Computer, time?" she inquired as she sat up.

"The time is 1330 hours," replied the computer.

She grinned crookedly. An hour and a half nap seemed to be what her body had needed this afternoon. They had eaten lunch at 1100 hours, an hour earlier than usual. Her stomach had rumbled so insistently, in spite of a morning snack, she and Chakotay had decided to go to lunch early. Oh, well, she knew she had to get up, dress, and get back on the bridge.

Chakotay turned at the sound of the turbolift doors opening. He smiled as Kathryn Janeway stepped out and made her way to the command console.

"Captain on the bridge," called Harry.

She smiled at everyone as she took her seat next to Chakotay. "Report, Commander?" she asked.

"We're on course for the Alpha Quadrant at warp 8, Captain." He leaned a bit closer. "You look well rested," he whispered with a smile.

She gave him a crooked grin. "I feel great. I really needed that nap, and my bed is a lot more comfy than the couch in my Ready Room."

"Here's the latest report on the dilithium from B'Elanna. It looks like we may be able to install new crystals within the next two days." He handed her a PADD.

She perused it thoughtfully, and then sat the PADD down. "B'Elanna is a fine engineer. I don't know what we'd do without her."

"Yes, she is," replied Chakotay. "We have a great crew on Voyager. Everyone has really come together even closer since Hanon IV."

"Yes, they have," answered the Captain quietly. Without another word, she picked up the PADD she'd been reading before lunch and began to study it.

Chakotay silently scolded himself for bringing that incident back up. While he knew she did not blame him, it was somewhat of a sore spot for her.

At 1430 hours, Captain Janeway stood up. "Commander, you have the bridge. I'll be in my ready room."

"Enjoy your snack, Captain," said Chakotay with a roguish grin.

"Oh, I will." She smiled at him. "I'm having a peanut butter sandwich and a glass of milk." She turned to Tom Paris. "Tom, I believe you once referred to peanut butter as comfort food. I'm about to test that theory."

"I'm sure you'll like it, Captain," answered Tom with a charming smile.

After the ready room doors closed behind her, Tom turned to Chakotay. "She looks a lot more rested than she has in the past few days. I know she had an appointment in sickbay this morning. How are the Captain and the baby doing?"

"The Doctor says everything is fine. We got to hear the baby's heartbeat today." The smile on Chakotay's face lit up the entire bridge.

"That had to be a really great experience." Tom turned his attention back to piloting the ship.

In her ready room, Captain Janeway sat on the couch eating her sandwich. In spite of teasing Tom, she really liked peanut butter. As she ate, she thought about the baby she carried within her body. Chakotay had been so supportive. What was holding her back from letting him closer? The love they had shared on New Earth still burned strongly in her heart. Was the gecko right? Was protocol rather meaningless this far from home? And furthermore, now that she was pregnant with her first officer's child… She turned and looked out the viewport as she pondered her dilemma.

Hanon IV reared its ugly head again. Seska…at least she would no longer torment them. She sensed Chakotay's pain over Seska's duplicity still simmered below the surface. Would this keep them from being happy? Would he be able to trust a woman again? She had so many questions and so few answers. Perhaps they should eat dinner in her quarters tonight and study more of the material the Doctor had given them.

When she finished her snack, she placed the dishes in the replicator and pressed the recycle button. Surely this snack would tide her over until the shift ended at 1700 hours. At least she hoped it would. She entered the bridge and quickly walked to her seat.

"Anything to report, Commander?" she asked as she sat down.

"Nothing to note at this time," he answered. "We're still at warp 8 on course for the Alpha Quadrant."

She leaned over closer to him and whispered, "Dinner in my quarters this evening after Alpha shift is over? We can review the material the Doctor gave us while we eat."

A faint hope stirred in Chakotay's heart. "I'll be there," he whispered.