A/N: I was going to wait to post this chapter but I decided to just throw it out there. I'm getting impatient and the show is almost over and i'm worried that i'll be writing this for months after the show is over and I do NOT want that. I want to wipe my hands clean of it once it's over. So i'll let you in on some info in this chapter but I still have a few things secret. I'll try and get them out soon though. I'm not a fan of this chapter but what can I do? I'm losing my mojo. This is mostly from Blair's POV and it will probably continue like that in future chapters. I hope you like it :) Please give me feedback

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOX

(Uninvited)

By: Alanis Morissette

From: City of Angels

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO XOXOXOX

*My step-brother has five children. In a loving but exhausting way my mom likes to refer to his family as 'The Circus'. I'm not sure if Aaron and his girlfriend Laura, used birth-control. I can't remember a time when she wasn't pregnant or holding a newborn. I always knew I didn't want to have children but Aaron's family made it all the more clear for me. Early on in my relationship with my husband I discovered he felt the same way. Even when we were just dating, birth control was a very serious topic. We were proactive and didn't ever want to face an unplanned pregnancy. Of course we both loved Aaron's kids, but it was nice to go home where it was quiet. We get our time to be silly and play around with them, then we'd get to give them back to their parents and run off as fast as we could knowing we never wanted to be doing that full time. We'd get to hold precious brand new babies and when even the slightest of cries began, they could be given back to the people that brought them into the world. We did NOT want children. Dan's fatherly instincts and long to be a present figure in a child's life was established with my nephews and my uterus never cried out to be filled. Dan and I were thoroughly satisfied being childless.* - Blair

XOXOXOX

FLASHBACK

*It was the last day of February, blistering cold and depressingly dark for 4 pm, when I came home with a little box from the drugstore.* -Blair

"What are you doing home so early?," Dan commented casually wondering why she decided to leave work before usual. Blair answered him by holding up the first response box and shrugging off her coat.

"why?..." as he spun in his computer chair which creaked. "no,...no..." he shook his head refusing to believe this. Blair starred at him blankly before ripping the cardboard box open and pulling out the instructions. "Blair,...seriously..." he rested both hands on top of his forehead and looked to the ceiling with an audible groan.

"I'm late," she power walked to the bathroom.

"You've been late before. I'm sure you're not..." he tried to convince himself with a shrug.

"Not for sixteen days," she called through the bathroom door.

"Umm...why didn't you tell me that?" she could see his jaw tighten. "That might be something you should tell me," he scratched his chin.

"What would that have done!" she yelled.

"Plan B? anything? Jesus Christ.."

"Only works within 72 hours genius!" she could have smacked him upside the head. "It's not an abortion pill Dan!"

"I'm sorry i'm not well versed in the plan b method..."

"What is that supposed to mean?" she clenched her teeth.

"You've had more scares than me,"

"Oh okay,...so this is my fault...Okay..."

"I don't understand how hard it is to take a pill," he said under his breath.

"Yeah, go ahead! keep blaming me!"

"Well it's not my fault!" he yelled at her through the door.

*Dan was so frustrated. I couldn't say I was any different.I just had to take this test so we would know what to do next. Waiting for the test was agonizing. In the four minutes we had to wait, Dan and I had both cooled down. His back slid down the wall to join me on the floor at the very back of the hallway. We talked about our options. Terminating a pregnancy with a less than an excuse seemed so harsh. We were married, committed, we had money and a place to live. Our careers were established enough for our young age and we had the most amazing families. 'Nipping it in the bud' felt wrong no matter how we tried to excuse it. The words out of my mouth just before Dan picked up the test to check were,...and i'll never forget them, "I never want to be a mother" Dan quickly looked down at the test, then up at me. Always putting me at ease he said "you don't have to be" and he grabbed my hand, for a brief second I felt relief. "If you don't want to be, you don't have to be" and there it was. The truth in the form of a little plus sign; a decision I should have never had to make.

"That can't...it can't be right," she pressed her lips together. "I'll have to take another. I don't have any symptoms at all so it's just wrong...it's wrong," she gulped.

If I could take back any sentence from my life it would be that I didn't want to be a mother. At the time it was true, but thinking back, they're the most painful words I ever uttered; the most regretted.

"I don't think...they can get false positives Dais..." Dan inhaled.

"I can't...," I burst into tears. "I can't" my head shook back and fourth until Dan hugged me tightly.

"You don't have to," he ran his hand over the back of my head.

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOX

PRESENT

Patrick pulled Blair's hips towards him, she smiled lightly seeing that his beard was filling in nicely. He eyed her up at down and took a hold of the bottom hem of her neglige.

"Don't you like it?" she asked about the silky material.

"I'd like it better if it was on the floor," he chuckled. Blair released the hem from his hands and walked over to the bed.

"Seriously, i'm over the lingerie. I know you put a lot of effort into it but i'm not exactly the man to appreciate it. At least not more than I am willing to appreciate you in nothing," he followed her over to the bed and took a seat. Blair moved in closer and straddled him before he made his attempt to remove her nightie once more.

"No, just leave it," she pressed on her abdomen.

"Blair, c'mon," he whispered in her ear.

"Here," she puled the straps down to expose her breasts hoping that would be enough.

"What are you so shy about?" he ran his hands up her sides wondering why she insisted on being covered. "You have an amazing body. I don't want you to be ashamed of anything,"

"Maybe we could just close the curtains?" she cleared her throat.

"Are you kidding? it's already so dark in here," he laughed lightly as he quickly lifted the silk to expose her hip. Blair pulled away but not before he saw it. "Well, you did say you had a tattoo..." he smiled. "Listen, we've all done things we're not proud of," he kissed her. "I think it's really well done actually," Blair took a sigh of relief and pushed again at the material so it didn't expose her midsection. "Let's take this off now,"

"I really would rather keep it on," she said quietly.

"What are you hiding from me?" he slipped the material further up before Blair had a chance to stop him. "Oh..." he said softly. Blair jolted away from him and stood. "Blair..." he said sympathetically when he saw her source of vulnerability.

"I said I wanted to keep it on," she bit her lip and pulled her straps back up then tried to find her tights so she could get dressed.

"There's nothing to be embarrassed about," he shook his head. "Really. You have a daughter!" he smiled. "That's a battle wound!" a smile spread across his face.

Blair closed her eyes and tried to remember Patrick was just trying to make her feel better. "Umm,..." she swallowed sitting herself at the edge of the bed.

"Blair,..." he crawled up behind her and kissed her shoulder. "It's barely noticeable, honestly," he ran his hand over her arm in a calm, gentle way. "You're not the only woman in the world with a c-section scar. Why are you so ashamed of it? Did Dan make you cover it?"

Blair turned and looked at him. "No!," she rolled her eyes. "I really wish you'd stop assuming the worst out of him" she cleared her throat.

"Well you were married for years and you're still ashamed of the scar? there's something wrong there,"

"Patrick, you're a Wall street analyst," she said scathingly. "You analyze numbers, not my husband,"

"He is your ex Blair," he shook his head frustrated that she seemed to keep forgetting this. "You are clearly very damaged by your relationship with Dan, You should seek help," he stood.

"Pardon me?" she snapped.

"You won't take your clothes off because of a tiny scar. Well, it's not hard to figure out who made you hate it..."

"I did," she said with a gulp. "I hate it. And I always will...and nothing you or Dan say will change that,"

"Blair,...come sit here and we'll talk about why you don't like it," he patted the bed.

"Drop it,"

"No, let's talk,"

"This is why I didn't want you to see it in the first place! I don't want to talk about it!"

"Okay, okay..." he held his palms up.

"Umm,...I'm just going to go. I have some work to do anyway," Blair picked up her clothes.

XOXOXOXOXOXO

It was nearing nine and Dan was waiting for Nicky to go to bed so he could meet up with Claudia. He didn't want to keep it from her but after the issues with dating Amanda he felt it was better to leave her out of this part of his life.

"Uhhh,...," Dan thought for a minute lounging on a recliner in his living-room. "How bout,...Sultans of Swing?" Dan asked casually.

"Dire Straights," Nicky answered quickly.

"Rock of Ages?"

"That's Def Leopard,"

Dan laughed, oddly proud of her talent for remembering old rock songs her grandfather introduced her to.

"Whatever, she only knows them because of guitar hero!" Nate shrugged.

"Nuh uh!" Nicky scoffed.

"Let me try!," Nate pulled out his phone and looked to the playlist to find some songs. "Oh here's a good one. 'Here I go again on my own'," he smiled smugly as Nicky stared at the ceiling.

"Umm,.." she snapped her fingers. "Whitesnake!"

"Kashmir?"

"Led Zepplin,"

"Enter Sandman?"

"Too easy. Metallica,"

"Hold the line?"

"Toto,"

"Nate, these are way too easy. You need to go more obscure, less popular or try a different decade," Dan explained that Nicky was too good at her music knowledge to be stumped.

"Like what? 90s?," he turned to Nicky. "... 'Love in an Elevator?' "

"That's actually 1989," Nicky informed him then smiled before answering, "...Aerosmith,"

"You gotta be kidding. We should take her to a circus," he pointed at his niece before trying harder to stump her.

"TNT,"

"ACDC,"

"Sweet Child of Mine?,"

"Psht!" Dan laughed.

"Guns and Roses," Nicky smiled widely. "Nate, my grandfather is Rufus Humphrey," she smirked.

"It's official. She knows everything," he threw his hands up in the air in defeat.

Dan chuckled to himself.

"Not everything!"

"No health class questions you," Nate pointed at her.

"but..."

"no!" Nate shook his head.

"I'm not sure if it's a health class question,"

"...oh boy," Nate stretched.

"What's an orgasm?" her large doe eyes looked between the two men.

"Oh my god,..." Nate covered his eyes sighed as Dan looked over.

"Pfht...Ask your mom," Dan blinked not believing that she asked that.

"Why?"

"Because i'd love to see her face when she doesn't tell you," he stood up from the chair and headed for the kitchen.

"So it's bad?" she lifted off the couch and followed him.

"No it's definitely not bad," Nate laughed.

"Nate!" Dan groaned.

"Daddy you said if I had any questions about sex that I was to ask you because the kids at school will fill my head with lies!"

"I didn't mean today. and I didn't mean now,"

"Well it's too late. I want to know!"

"That's too bad. We're not talking about this today,"

"So how many times did you try for me?

"Nic, go brush your teeth,"

"Why are you always mad at me when I ask sex questions!"

"I'm not mad at you. I don't know how to answer that,"

"It's easy. Five times. Ten times..., see? it's easy,"

"Go brush your teeth please," Dan ignored her.

"FINE!" she screamed shrilly.

"Drop the attitude Nicole,"

"I don't have attitude!" she whined.

"Go brush your teeth and i'll tuck you in in five," Dan said calmly not giving into to her emotions.

"I don't want you to tuck me in!,"

"Fine," Dan shrugged.

"FINE!" she yelled back.

"Brutal," Nate laid his head on the back of the couch once Nicky stomped off to brush her teeth. "You going to head out now?" Nate asked after a moment knowing Dan had plans to meet up with Claudia.

"I gotta tuck her in first," Dan explained.

"But she just said..."

"I know what she said," Dan smirked. Nate couldn't help but to laugh when about five minutes later Nicky poked her head around the archway of the hall.

"Daddy?" she said softly. "Can you please tuck me in?"

"You made it clear that you didn't want me to,"

"No, I do," she looked vulnerable and Dan got up from the couch to take care of his daddy duty. Nicky ran and jumped on to her bed getting under the covers.

"You warm?"

"Yes," she nodded as he pulled up the blankets and make sure she was tucked in tightly.

"Okay," he pressed a kiss on her forehead. "I'll see you in the morning babe. I love you,"

"I love you too," she smiled softly. Dan looked at her adoringly and inhaled lightly.

"A lot," Dan said as he squeezed her hand gently.

"Pardon?" she looked confused.

"We tried a lot," he smiled softly.

"Oh..." she seemed appeased with the answer as Dan got up and flicked off the switch.

"I've never seen her so defiant," Nate commented when Dan returned to the living-room and slipped his wallet into his breast pocket.

"Never?" he laughed. "She got more than just her looks," Dan referred to Blair. "Sweetest thing one minute, Medusa's withering glare the next,...So i'll be back in about two hours, we're just going for a drink,"

"You and my cousin..."

"It's not serious," Dan laughed.

When Dan got home Nate was passed out on the couch, he nudged him awake and without so much of an acknowledgment he got in the elevator to head home. "Thanks buddy,"

"Not a problem," he yawned. Dan pushed Nicky's bedroom door gently to find her sleeping peacefully. As Dan settled into bed he felt the most peace he'd felt in the last couple months. His life was ironing out quite easily these days. His book had just been published and people seemed to be loving it, he was writing up a storm, Nicky seemed to be adjusting better than ever, he started seeing Claudia more and found if he looked past her wardrobe she was actually likable. His life was easy until complicated knocked on his door. He picked up his cell to check the time. It was two am, he wondered who could possibly be knocking on his door at this time of the night. He rubbed his eyes all the way to the door and took a look in the peep hole. He opened the door as quickly as possible seeing that she was about to walk away.

"Blair?" he blinked at the strong light in the hall.

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOX

FLASHBACK

The day after I found out I was pregnant Nate came home with a bottle of wine and I declined. I saw a flicker of worry in Dan's eyes. If I had no intention on carrying this baby to term, why did I decline on a glass of wine?- my favourite wine. "What are we doing?" I couldn't answer. I needed more time to decide and simply excused my disinterest in the wine chalked it up to being respectful. Finally I convinced Dan to come with me to my first ultrasound. I was so scared to go alone. From the outside i'm sure the tech believed we were a couple who really wanted to have a baby. She knew we were married and seemed to think we were happy about this. I had to remind myself that people around us would think this is a blessing, they wouldn't look down at us with shame for this being unplanned. That was me, I was embarrassed that we were in this situation when we didn't want to be here. Tons of couples struggled to have a baby and here we were with one we didn't even want. I felt terrible. There was such detachment from the other women in the waiting room. I felt as though I didn't belong there. Dan was wearing Ralph Lauren and my feet were slipped into some of the finest Louboutins I owned. We had high-brow and demanding careers working for a magazine, we lived in a beautiful studio apartment that I refused to baby proof. I was not like the women in the waiting room. I couldn't picture myself wanting to take a year off work, let alone any amount of time to raise a small child I didn't want. This was never supposed to happen to us. We got this far without so much as a scare and NOW, now we were sitting here. I know Dan was just trying to help, he was just trying to put me at ease but I couldn't forget that it was me that had to go through this, not him. I had to be the one to decide, not him. He got to watch from the sidelines as I had to deal with something this heavy.

The tech was nice. I could tell she thought we were happy to be there. The smiles were to be polite. We didn't feel like smiling today. The picture on the screen made me feel sick. It was utterly creepy to me, knowing that something was growing inside me. I couldn't even think of it as anything but a virus at this point, or an unwanted growth. Dan couldn't even look at it. His eyes found a comfortable spot on the tiled floor and he stayed there for awhile as the tech pointed out the little pulse on the screen. She dated the baby and just as I suspected, Valentines Day.

"Well isn't that sweet?" she smiled at us, we didn't say anything.

"Amazing right?" she smiled at the pulse that continued to make me nauseous . 'Get it out, get it out,' was all I wanted to say then. I wondered how any woman could be okay with such an intrusion, I was appalled that this could happen without my consent. What do you think you're doing in there taking up residence in my body? how dare you! I realize this sounds crazy but this is exactly how I felt.

"Mm,.." I made a noise still feeling like I could puke at any second.

When we left the hospital Dan and I talked about anything and everything but that appointment. We talked about groceries that we needed to buy, we talked about Dan's book, we even walked around our apartment looking for things that required maintenance. "Im going to organize my books," Dan pointed at a shelf. "Okay" I replied staring at him. I didn't sleep that night, not a wink. Dan got out of bed at 3 am and went out to the living-room to stop tossing and turning.I don't know when it happened exactly but something inside me snapped over the next two days, I like to think of it as a motherly trait. It didn't take long for me to change my thinking about the growth and realize this clump of DNA, mine and Dan's, had the potential to be a person if I let it. I tried to push these thoughts from my mind, it was obviously just my hormones. When I found myself touching my stomach affectionately I knew I fell into the trap. My body and mind had been abducted.

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO XOXOXOX

PRESENT

"I just,..." she attempted. Derek's face was full of genuine concern and she couldn't lie. "I love you," her lip shook violently and she hugged him tighter than she ever had before, hiding her face and catching him completely off guard. Derek's arms wrapped around her and he squeezed back with comparable pressure. He wanted her to feel him react. His head turned and kissed the side of her face close to her ear.

"I'm sorry that loving me makes you cry," he smiled and spoke into her ear. "I can understand it though,..I mean I do wear plaid and I am from Brooklyn so..." he ran his fingers along her spine in a comforting way. Natalie pulled back with a giggle and wiped her eyes. "It must be devastating to come to such a conclusion,"

"No,..." she took a shaky breath before hiding herself in his shoulder again somewhat embarrassed with herself.

"Natalie,..." he said softly until she pulled away and faced him. "I love you," he returned.

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOX

"Hey, what are you doing here?" Dan asked.

"Oh, I finished your book..." she shrugged. "I noticed you lifted some word for word dialogue...I consider that plagiarizing..."

"What?" he snorted. "That's fair game,"

"Umm,...In the book,...Derek and Natalie are still married..." she tapped on the cover.

"...I wanted it to have a happy ending,"

"It's not realistic"

"Again, I wasn't going for realistic. Umm, Blair,...It's 2am" he rubbed his eyes.

"Is it?"

"Yes, and you could have easily woken up the little girl. What are you doing here?"

"I,..." she pursed her lips causally. "Like I said, I read the book and I just wanted to..." she looked at her feet.

"What did you think?"

"I thought it was a fluff piece. Highly unrealistic, contrived, basically a Nicholas Sparks minus the death element...," she gulped before allowing her eyes to settle on his. "I loved it,"

"You came here to tell me you loved my book?"

"I came here to see Nicky,..I didn't realize it was so late. How is she?"

"She's fine," he stared at Blair and saw her bottom lip tremble. "How's her mom?" he tilted his head to the side and Blair burst into tears.

"Hey,...Hey..."Dan pulled her into the apartment. "Don't cry" he hugged her. His arms wrapped around her like they have a hundred times before. These arms Blair used to associate with comfort. Dan's arms that she used to declare her own. her perfect place to snuggle into. She couldn't help reminding herself that his arms weren't hers anymore. She wasn't suppose to seek him for comfort, not anymore. She dreaded the day someone else would come into his life and claim his chest and his arms for her own.

"What's wrong?"

"I,...they didn't hire me" she wiped at her eyes.

"Wait?,...Vanity Fair?"

"Yeah," she sniffed.

"Blair, you can't win them all" he rubbed her back.

"I know,..I know that..." she cleared her throat. "But,..." her voice trailed off.

"But what?" he said softly urging her to continue. letting her know he was still listening. She moved her face from his chest so she could look at him.

"There were eight of us and..." she inhaled through her nose. Dan's heart broke for her watery eyes. "I'm the only one who wasn't..." she trailed off as her lips curled at the edges and her shoulders bounced lightly. Dan's face dropped at her omission. His eyes squinted and his head shook back and fourth.

"Wasn't what?" his eyes squinted.

"Hired. Everyone was hired but me," she burst into tears.

"What?," he said alarmed. "...That's bull..." he said instantly while he ran his hand over the back of her head, she cried silently into his chest as Dan fumed at the person who broke her spirit. "they must have made a mistake,"

"I wanted it forever..."

"I know Blair," he was so close to kissing her cheek but reminded himself it wasn't appropriate.

"What did I do wrong?"

"I want to talk to these people," Dan used his thumbs to wipe her tears away. "They made a huge mistake. You are above them anyway. They don't deserve you" Blair pulled away from him once she realized she was starring into his eyes.

"I can't believe i'm here right now making you do this,"

"You're not making me do anything"

"I'm sorry but I can't,..."

"Can't what?"

"I can't talk to anyone else. I can' be like this with anyone else,"

"That's not true"

"Yes it is. I have to be happy and calm for Nicky. I have to be cool and easy with Nina. I have to be a strong boss at work. My mom expects me to hold it together like she did. I can't do it all. I'm a mess and here I am using my ex..."

"Daisy,..." he sighed hugging her tighter.

"Don't call me that,"

"I'm always here. Always. You don't have to cut yourself out of my life. I don't want you to. I never wanted that. I want to be your friend. Why can't we be friends?"

"Okay," she nodded but was still crying.

"Don't cry. You don't want to work in a place like that anyway. You want something? water?"

"No it's fine,"

"I'm going to take Nicky out for breakfast in the morning you wanna come with?,"

"I'd really like that,"

"Why is this weird?" he laughed lightly.

"Is it weird?"

"We know each-other so well,...this shouldn't be weird! this should be easy."

"Right, we used to be best-friends, and now we're having a difficult time talking about having breakfast together. We know each-other! I know all your secrets,...we have been naked together countless times..."

"Too many times to count..." her eyes scanned over his body."You used to check my breasts for lumps," she said dryly starring at the wall.

"I did do that..." he laughed with a nod.

"It's just weird Dan,... never thought I would get divorced,"

"I did,"

"What?" she smiled lightly confused.

"I just always assumed you would divorce Chuck,"

"Oh!" she laughed lightly.

"But then again I never imagined that we would ever get married so..."

"But you never thought we would get divorced?"

"...Never," he smiled a little. "I assumed we'd bicker ourselves into old age and sit on rocking chairs and judge people until the day we died,"

"How beautiful,..." Blair scoffed. "I always assumed we'd be grandparents,..."

"Oh i'm talking about before Nicky. I'm talking like,...before before," he inhaled. "You know when we didn't want kids and assumed we'd be happy childless,"

"Hey, we were happy childless,"

"Happier with child," he commented.

"True. I guess i should have said,...Simpler without child," she corrected.

"Simpler before we wanted a child," Dan corrected again. "She was easy peasy," he thought about how well behaved she was as a baby.

"We got lucky,"

"Extremely,"

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO X

FLASHBACK

"I'm going to say something but I need you be quiet and listen. Do not say a word until i'm done kapeesh?"

"Kapeesh" he nodded. "Since when do you say 'Kapeesh' ?"

"Hshht,..." she silenced him then took an audible deep breath. "I want to,...keep it, would you be okay with that?" Dan's lips parted but she held her hand out to silence him before he even uttered a single word. "I want you to know that we're in this together and if you say no, then the answer is no. I would never put you in a situation where you had to compromise your life for me. I would never ask this of you. Don't do this for me, i'm not asking you to just go along with my decision, because you have to be in this with me. If there is so much of fleck of doubt in your mind, we can't do this. If any part of you doesn't want this, we can't do this. We can't do this for the wrong reasons, we promised ourselves we would never do this for the wrong reasons. We're a team and I will never compromise your life or the life you have planned for yourself...But right now,...I feel like this happened for a reason,...maybe. I'm warming up to this idea. It might just be hormones, it might just be biology working against me but i'm willing to go through all of this because from the second I saw that flutter of a heartbeat I saw something we created. A little life that I wouldn't mind meeting someday. Let me say this again. Do not worry about my feelings. I'm just letting you know where I stand. I need you with me, I need my partner, if you say no,...then you say no and we move on. I promise you Dan,...I will not be upset with you. I will not be angry, but please be honest, perfectly honest because I can't have you fake happiness for me. Tell me straight up, yes or no" Dan's lips pressed together.

"Yes or no?" she asked.

"Blair, I wanted to say yes the second you opened your mouth but it's kind of hard to get a word in edgewise"

"Really?"

"Yeah, I figured you might come to this conclusion. I mean it's been a week so..."

"Yeah?" she smiled.

"Yeah, since when do you say kapeesh?" he laughed.

"Dan!"

"What?"

"We're going to have a baby?"

"Seems that we are..." Dan barely finished speaking when the phone rang. Blair got up and went over to her desk she was visibly happy and made her contentment even more known when she answered the phone.

"Hello, Blair Waldorf speaking," she smiled brightly into the receiver. "Oh,..." her jaw dropped. "I'd be honored...I'll see you then. Absolutely, Thank you so much!"

"Was that Vanity Fair?"

"Yes" she bit her lip in excitement. But before she could celebrate she remembered what she and Dan had just been discussing before the phone rang.

XOXOXOXOXOXOX

"Your outfit all picked out for tomorrow?" he said sweetly as he came up behind her.

"I'm not going to go," She said calmly.

"What?"

"I'm not going to the interview"

"Ok," he thought for a moment. "Why?"

"I'm not what they're looking for,"

"Uh..You're exactly what they're looking for. Smart, determined, diligent..."

"Pregnant..." Blair said simply catching Dan off guard.

"..., I think you should still go to the interview,"

"They are never going to hire someone who is going to be taking a leave of absence in less than eight months it's waste of time"

"How long do you plan on taking off?"

"I don't know,...how long do women usually take?"

"A year..."

"A year!"she winced before wiping at her eyes cautiously hoping Dan didn't see how upset she was.

"Well you don't have to take the year. You could take a month or two and then I suppose I could umm..." he inhaled and scratched his eyebrow. "Or we could get a nanny..." he offered.

"This is terrible timing,"

"I want you to go to the interview. You don't have to tell them,"

"Yes I do! because I already know. I can't lie to them Dan. I will be useless to them..."

"I don't know what to tell you right now Blair,...this is what you chose"

"What I chose..." she inhaled. "Why does this sound like the worst idea in the world right now?"

"I don't think I want..." he bit his lip. "Do you want to...rethink this?" Blair started crying, Dan pulled her into a hug and kissed her head.

"Why do I have to decide this? I'm so mad at us..."

"Okay." Dan had enough with this. there was no good coming from her settling with this mistake. "We're making an appointment. I decided for you"

She nodded through her tears thankful that he did that. Ultimately it was her decision but it felt good to have Dan take control right now. "Okay" she took a breath. Dan got up from his desk and made a b-line for the phone. Blair walked over to her desk slowly with her arms crossed over herself. "Hello," she heard Dan greet someone on the phone as she picked up a file off her desk and noticed the sonogram sitting there. Hi mom and dad! at the top of the black page instantly made her throat hurt, her hand lowered on to her stomach.

"Dan,..." she starred at it and lifted it closer to her face. "Dan?" she called again when he didn't answer. Dan looked over holding the receiver against his ear, his shoulder fell slightly when he saw what she was holding.

"Uh,.." he sighed into the phone. "Actually,...I'm sorry." he hung up the phone. "Come here," Dan walked over and engulfed Blair in a hug. His hand crept up around her shoulder and pulled her in closer.

"This is our baby," she said appalled with their attitude.

"I know," he squeezed her. "we're not going to talk about this again ok?" he ripped up the clinic number and held her tightly.

*We both read all about what we were to expect now. Dan brought me brownies at work but it was our own little secret, I loved our secret. I planned on telling the whole family when I was about fourteen weeks. My clothes were just starting to feel tight and it seemed like the right time. I had one ultrasound a week before the dinner at my mother's house. That was the ultrasound that told me my baby no longer had a heartbeat. It wasn't the calmest pregnancy from the start. I woke up with morning sickness everyday after my four week. My ultrasounds always ran longer than the average woman's because they always found something strange or irregular with the heartbeat. I was never put at ease during an ultrasound. I was always sent up to another department and poked and prodded at. I couldn't even explain how many times a doctor said "We'll have to make you another appointment" When the day came that they finally explained my baby was no longer alive, I couldn't say I was shocked. Just because I wasn't shock doesn't mean I wasn't unfazed. Weird. That's the only word I have to describe what Dan and I went through after my miscarriage. It was like we were back to the start. Someone pressed rewind and we suddenly we had a second chance. We just got used to this enormous change we were about to make in our lives and now it vanished. We sat in the living-room for a long time just chatting. Dan must have asked me how I was feeling a hundred times. When I told him I felt fine and I wasn't in any pain, he'd ask if i was sure. That was always like him though. Bless that man. We just sat and looked at one another. Nate made a loud entrance while we were sitting calmly on the couches.*

"I was struck by lightening today. It's amazing what your mind can think of when you people watch at the park," his shoes made loud racket on the floor of the kitchen. "I have an entire outline. You'll never guess the style...romance...you got me! but it's got a murder mystery thing going on and I think with the right elements. Okay, i'm going to make dinner, then call Judy and see if the look-book is good. My mind was elsewhere yesterday so my editing might not have been the greatest...It can't be worse than the time I let a photo print saying it was Mary-Kate Olsen instead of Ashley Olsen...I'll never live that down. Okay so where was I? Dinner, Judy, then i'm going to call Connor and give him the outline idea. Wow, i'm making lists in my head. You must be rubbing off on me," he walked over and bent down to her.

Blair snapped out of her trance when she felt Dan's lips hit her neck from behind. "Hi" she managed to say, it vibrated on his lingering kiss. She closed her eyes then wiped a remaining tear that had been parked on her face from earlier. Dan leaned over and rested his chin on Blair's shoulder, he nuzzled her neck, then pressed a kiss behind her ear.

"I have a surprise for you," he said happily. Blair turned to see a large bouquet of flowers she wondered what they were for.

"What for?" she stood looking at the beautiful arrangement, her arms crossed gently around her midsection.

"Read the card," Dan said simply as he looked through the fridge for ingredients to make dinner. Blair walked over and spread the folded card open with one hand; the other still wrapped around her midsection. 'Happy 14 weeks - Love Dan'. A sore feeling in her throat signaled the arrival of tears.

"Dan..." she turned, her eyes swimming. "You shouldn't have done this," she looked away from the flowers and stared at her spot on the couch.

"I looked it up...our baby is the size of strawberry," he laughed ignoring her as he slammed the crisper closed. She couldn't find the words, she couldn't gather them fast enough to form a sentence. "I wonder if we should find out the gender? I think that might be fun if we don't know" Without saying anything she signaled him to remove them from her dining- room table. It was a gesture her mother would make to an intern that was annoying her. Still shooing the flowers Dan questioned her.

"What, You don't like them?" he asked, his shoulders dropping. "I thought about getting hydrangeas but I saw these and thought they looked really pretty"

"...Take them away please," she spoke in a breathy mumble.

"Psht...," Dan laughed gently. "I admit they're not your favourite but I thought they'd look good in here, they're bright. And Blue and Pink...appropriate theme non?"

"Dan, take them away please" she felt her lip shake.

"No," he found her being absurd for even ordering him around like this.

"No?" she questioned his loyalty to the word.

"I wanted to get them," he said softly, his attention focused in the fridge. "I got them because i'm really happy we're doing this,...it's exciting" he smiled to himself as he began looking for something to make dinner with "Did you have anything in mind for dinner? or do you want to go out?" he asked before he went to the pantry.

"Dan..." she began before he interrupted her.

"Blair, please don't tell me i'm not allowed to be happy," his words were sharp. "you can't control me like that. I'm happy" he smiled lightly looking through the meat stored in the freezer. "We should be celebrating not..." he closed the door of the fridge and turned to find Blair's face stricken with tears. "Blair,..." he sighed, his thumbs wiped her tears away but they just kept coming. "It's all going to be fine. We've been over this. What happened to last night? you were so sure and happy," Dan suddenly came to some kind of realization, there was something in his wife's eyes. Blair knew that Dan figured out the origin of her tears when his head slowly tilted to the side.

"celebrating what?" she asked with his hands cupping her cheeks; his thumbs gently stroking her cheeks.

"What happened?" he frowned still running his thumbs over her perfect skin.

Blair shrugged, her face contorted trying to hold in the pain she was experiencing before her body convulsed with heavy crying. "n..n...No heartbeat..." she took a heavy shaky breath and exhaled slowly. "So,..." she looked away from him to gather some strength "Problem solved," she looked back, her eyes large and glossy. Dan's immediate instinct was to put his hand on the back of her head and pull her into him. Her fingers dug into his shoulder blades. Dan sat her down on the couch so he could stuff the bouquet of flowers in the trash.

"They were ugly anyway. You know I never liked flowers...they have no purpose and they're expensive, in three days they'll be brown and i'll have to throw them out anyway. I think they were uhhh carnations...or...Is that a flower or am I just making things up? No, I think i'm right...well what do I know? I'm not a gardener...uh florist. I used to have a house plant at the loft once,...Jenny would have to come by and take care of it. I was just terrible...you know what my favourite type of plant is? the plastic ones. You don't have to water them, it doesn't matter if you leave them in the sun or the shade, you just have to dust the leaves once in awhile and you're good. We should get a plastic plant..." Dan looked around; he leaned on the marble counter top, his fingers tapped at it lightly on the surface. He couldn't hear Blair so he continued to talk. "what about a hanging plant? it might look nice in the kitchen..."

Blair spoke to him through the door, he couldn't see her but he could hear her. "I have to go to the hospital tomorrow morning for a D and C..." she was still crying. Dan's neck lost all stability and hung in front of him, weak and powerless. Silence filled both rooms until it was unbearable.

"Do you know what that means?" Blair asked needing to hear him.

"mm" Dan rubbed his eyes. "Mhmm..." squeezed his eyes tighter now.

"I'm..." She tried to talk but all Dan could hear was crying.

"Blair..." Dan rushed to her side and pulled her into a hug. Finally when they pulled away Blair and Dan held hands lightly and just talked calmly.

"I'm okay," she smiled up at him. "I'm just stunned..." she rubbed her eyes.

"What happened? what did they say?"

"That there is no heartbeat and i'm too far along to miscarry naturally so they..." her bottom lip found itself shaking again. "They made me an appointment,..."

"What time?"

"ten..." she nodded.

"I'll go with you" he stroked her hands as if warming them up.

"Just feels weird..." she piped up, running a finger under her eye.

"Weird how?" he asked thoughtfully with a tilt of his head.

"I just don't have another word to describe this feeling. It's just weird..." she played with the pocket of his pants. They both heard the sound of the elevator door dinging open and Nate made his loud entrance as he lugged in his ski equipment. Nate took a quick look at his friend's sitting in a strange position, facing each-other.

"Whoa, who died?" he asked. Without a word Blair's lips curled at the edges and her eyes glossed up.

"C'mon..." Dan helped her off the couch and brought her into the bedroom.

"I'm,..." she swallowed hard. "I'm not crying..." her bottom lip shivered. She wiped her eyes on her sleeve.

"Blair,..." Dan's eyebrows raised.

"I'm not!...I'm just..." she pursed her lips together. Dan's hand wiped away tears on her face. "You smell like smoke..." Dan's lips curved up at the edges with her attempt at an excuse.

"Blair,...you're crying," Dan stated the obvious with a compassionate nod.

"I know!" she admitted before covering her eyes. Dan hugged her tightly and she shook a little as he kissed her shoulder trying to calm her down. "I'll be right back," he laid her down on the bed.

"What happened? she didn't get a promotion or something?" Nate opened the fridge.

"uh no,..she..." Dan rubbed his hand on the back of his neck. "She had a miscarriage."

"...oh. Omigod...I didn't mean to..." Nate's sprung up from the counter and gazed at Dan with compassion. "I didn't even know that you guys...,"

"No, it's okay Nate,..really it's...we didn't tell anyone" Dan sighed "you didn't know," he assured him before stirring the contents of the tea cup.

"I'm sorry man," Nate said, his blue eyes large with sympathy.

"S'ok," Dan headed back into the bedroom where Blair was balled up, holding her blanket with a death grip.

"I know it's silly," she sniffled as she watched Dan place her teacup on her nightstand.

"It's not silly. How is this silly?" he took a seat and grabbed her hand. "It's not silly at all"

"It happens all the time I know that but,...now we're not going to have a baby."

"What do you mean?"

"We don't want a baby so this means we're really not going to have one"

"Why does this mean we won't have one?"

"Because we don't want one"

"Oh...I think we do," he offered a small smile.

"We do?"

"I'd say so" he laughed lightly. Blair dried her eyes and sat up, a beat passed between them where Blair suddenly became much calmer.

"So,..." her eyes darted around the room. "What,...what are you saying?"

"I'm saying,...if we want to have a baby, we can have one. Nothin' stopping us,"

"But you don't want one,"

"You know,...I really wish you'd let me speak for myself someday" he smiled.

"What changed your mind? and please don't say it was me crying because that's the dumbest reason"

"Did me buying you flowers today not tell you anything?."

"Oh,..."

"Yeah," he smiled catching another tear on her cheek and kissing her head tenderly. "How bout in a couple months,...we talk about it" he stroked her cheek.

"Talk about it?" she swallowed. "I know. I already know it's what I want"

"Well,...right now you're in a strange place where you just lost something. Let's just wait and see okay?"

"...but" she starred him confused. "You just said,...Dan..."

"Blair, you tend to rush into things when you think you want them..."

"Stop...this isn't a job placement or an impulse purchase Dan!"

"All I'm saying is that we should really take some time to think about this. We just got a second chance here..."

"A second chance!" she cried. "Our baby is dead!" all she could think about was her little grape. "...and I have to go get it scraped out tomorrow and you're saying we have a second chance?"

"I'm sorry, bad choice of words!," Dan apologized with his hands up. "I just want us to know for absolute sure. I don't want us to rush into something to have you change your mind. I want to know for certain this is what we want and we're not making a decision based on how we feel in this moment" he pressed his hand into the bedding with each word.

"But,..."

"I never want to have kids," Dan said suddenly catching Blair off guard. "I would be a nightmare at being a mother," Dan continued. Blair suddenly understood what he was doing. "People have kids because they think they are supposed to, they have them to fill voids, they have them to give their parents grandchildren, they have them so they can live their lives through them or have someone to take care of them when they're old and grey.I don't want to have kids for the wrong reasons..that's what we used to say..." he squeezed her hand.

"I know," she nodded.

"I want to have a baby with you because we want to,...and that's all, plain and simple...we want to, and i want to know that will be the same reason in two months. We're young, we can even start this in a couple years. The option will be there whenever we decide,..."

Blair nodded softly. "Okay," she smiled.

Dan couldn't say he was surprised when he noticed Blair circled two months from then on the calendar and titled it 'D DAY'