Again THANK YOU for your comments. Hope you will leave me a review for the new chapter. This is chapter 12! ENJOY!
Chapter 12 – Hurt of the futher
Sam didn't stopped running until he felt like someone was standing on his chest. He tried to get some air into his burning lungs. He knew that he had overdone himself. He knew that Jules was about to kill him and he knew there was no way that he could manage to get home on his own. He dropped onto a porch and tried again to inhale deeply while getting his phone out.
"Sam!" Jules said immediately.
"I am sorry. Can you please…." Sam gasped "Can you please give me a lift?"
"Where are you?"
"Sussex Avenue."
"I am on my way."
Sam waited patiently until he could see the Jeep approach around the corner. Without saying a word Sam got into the passenger seat. He knew that Jules was probably mad at him and he deserved it. They reached home without saying a word and Sam got to the bedroom where he tried to get undressed to hit the shower. He knew that the running trip hadn't pleased his injuries and so he couldn't help but let out a moan of pain as he tried to get out of his shirt. Jules was by his side in no second, assisting him without saying a word. She knew what Sam had done to himself.
"Thanks." Sam whispered while Jules was facing him with her big hazel eyes.
"Should I call you in sick today?"
"No. I am okay."
"You are not okay Sam. You broke down just an hour ago and now you are completely exhausted and hurting. You can't go out there in this shape and you completely know what I am talking about." Sam turned around as he could see the tears building in Jules eyes. He was the reason she was crying.
Again.
"I'm sorry."
"Sam you don't need to be sorry you have done nothing wrong, you just need to deal with what's going on."
"I can't!"
"But you have to and I am here for you. We will get you help, I promise. We can call Doctor Luria at anytime you know that. She would stop by immediately if I call her."
"You don't get it Jules. I can't talk to Dr. Luria. I can't talk about it at all. I don't know what happened tonight. I got it under control, I just need to go out there and do my job."
"No Sam you got nothing under control. Tonight you just lost it completely. You suffer terrible nightmares every night. The only time I have ever seen you peaceful in all this years we have spent together was as you where laying in an inducted coma."
Sam still had his back towards Jules. He couldn't face her right now.
"Sam you need help. If not for you or for the two of us than for popcorn. I need you in this, your baby needs you!" Jukes could see that she had pinched a nerve as Sam was slowly shivering under her words. He turned around slowly and Jules could see the tears in his eyes.
"I am not ready to become a father. The baby deserves better, you deserve better."
"Stop talking like that!" Jules interrupted him harshly getting in front of him with two steps. Sam slowly turned his head to the side but Jules got to her tiptoes and put her hands onto Sam's cheeks.
"Look at me Sam. Look at me! I love you. You are the greatest boyfriend, fiancée, husband and daddy to be I could ever imagine. You are not perfect neither am I but together we make a hell of a team and you know that! I can't imagine anybody else in my big picture than you. I love you Sam." Jules said while Sam was trying desperately to fight back the tears.
"Thank you."
"For what? For being honest to you? I know that you didn't get much love in your life but you have to stop thinking that you are not worth it to be loved." Jules said kissing Sam gently. They stood there for a few more minutes before Jules could feel Sam shiver slightly.
"You are cold. Take a hot shower. I will set up breakfast and than we will figure something out."
Jules waited patiently for Sam to get to the kitchen. He looked a lot better with some colour from the hot water left on his cheeks.
"I really want to get to work today. I need to work Jules. I need to clear my head."
"But work isn't clearing your head. What if you have to take the Sierra shot again? It is just putting more pressure on your shoulders."
"Jules please. I will not call in sick today." Sam made his statement while Jules got her hands up in defeat.
"I don't think Serge or Ed will be pleased to see you in this shape."
"I will handle it."
Jules knew that she had to let Sam go. Fighting against him wouldn't bring any result other than Sam feeling even worse than he already did.
"Be careful. Please. We need you." Sam nodded starring blankly at the toast in front of him. "Do you want something else for breakfast?"
"I am not hungry."
"You need to at least try and eat something. Your stomach is completely empty." Jules begged but Sam just pushed the toast away. There was no way he could eat something. Not after everything he had remembered the previous night.
Jules watched him with pure concern. She needed to talk to Natalie. She knew that she had helped Sam out of this state before. Maybe she could help her understand what she could do for Sam. How she could help him.
Sam had just managed to put out his shirt as the guys entered the locker room.
"Samtastic! Ready to hit the road?" Spike asked watching Sam struggle to put on his gear.
He made eye contact with Ed before stepping in and helping Sam to put on his body amour.
"You're alright?" Spike asked full of concern.
"Yeah. I think the shot got me in some trouble yesterday."
"Did you get yourself checked out?"
"Nah, it's not that bad." Ed could tell by one look into Sam's face that something was wrong. "Sam I don't think that….."
"Team One hot call!" Winnie ended their conversation abruptly.
"Damn it. What is it these days?" Spike asked exchanging a quick nod with Sam. He knew that the two of them would be paired again and with his nod he had shown Sam that he trusted him. Completely.
The call wasn't an easy one. The Sergeant negotiated one hour after another. As they finally ended it peacefully Sam was amazed that it was already noon. He felt exhausted even though he had just sat beside Spike in the truck feeding the Boss with background information's.
"Hungry?" Spike asked as Sam's stomach growled out loudly.
"Yeah I think so. Got some energy bars in my locker."
"I am afraid we won't return to your locker that soon Sam. Winnie patched another call through. We may have a robbery in progress.", the Boss started while Sam rolled his eyes. He was tired, exhausted and hungry.
"Spike, Lea I need you to cover the Boss during negotiation Raf back entrance. I will get to a Sierra position. Sam?"
"Yeah?"
"Can you hold your MP5?"
"Of course."
"Front entrance."
"Copy that." Sam said as he got out of the truck right after Spike. During this call it was Ed who ended it with a perfect shot. Sam was close to the subject and watched helplessly and frustrated as the lifeless body of the woman crushed to the ground. Great. Two casualties in two days. SIU would be very pleased with their actions. The only thing Sam was completely glad about was lowering his gun. His upper body was screaming in protest which had caused the weapon to shake slightly in his hands.
As Sam got home Jules was already waiting in the kitchen. The smell of pasta was filling the air.
"Hey. How was your day?" Jules asked but got all her answers out of Sam's face.
"Come on get yourself comfortable, I made your favourite pasta."
"I'm not hungry:"
"No Sam. You haven't eaten probably in days, you have thrown up all that little that was left in your stomach, you really need to at least try and eat a bit."
Sam watched her with a blank expression on his face while he was still standing in the middle of the living room.
"Come on, get comfortable, the pasta is getting cold." Jules cheered him up again while Sam slowly climbed the stairs to their bedroom. As he got to the bathroom he searched for painkillers but was only greeted by an empty space. They didn't have much medication stored in their house but painkillers had always been in this space.
"Jules?", Sam asked while walking into the kitchen again.
"Yeah?"
"Do you know where the painkillers are? I couldn't find them."
"I know." Jules said and faced Sam's confused look.
"I moved them."
"Why?"
"Sam I am just….scared." Jules said while Sam widened his eyes as the meaning and Jules actions mixed together in his mind.
"Scared of what? Of me killing myself?"
"I am sorry."
"How could you ever think about anything like that?" Sam asked loudly and Jules could see that he was hurt but she….she was just afraid.
….to be continued!
