No Air
Artie's Point Of View
***************************************Chapter 12***************************************
Finally I'm at the end of one of those crazy consciousness waves and my mind is beginning to work. I can feel someone looking at me but who it is, I don't know. I'm guessing it's my mom but it could be my dad. Whenever I'm in a situation like this they're always here.
"What-?" I hear someone say but I can't tell who it is. It feels like my head is underwater.
"Artie?" I hear a male voice say and instantly can tell it's my dad. It's then I can feel the tube down my throat. I hate this part. The lack of oxygen when I want it is killing me. I make my hands into fists trying to make the pain in my palms distract me from the burning in my lungs. I try to breath in, but the tube stops me.
"Hey, Sport, careful there," My dad says and he puts his hands on either side of my face. "Let the machine breathe for you or you're gonna choke. And don't move your head, alright?"
I stop trying to breath on my own and I try to open my eyes just to look around. I can feel fish net gloves over my hand and I relax my fist allowing Tina to wrap her fingers in mine. I can feel her pulse through her palm and I know that she's nervous but extremely happy.
"Alright, hold on there, buddy," my dad says. "Tina's gonna stay with you while I go get your doctor, okay?"
Normally I would blink to show that I understand but I still can't get my eyes open. I just blink anyway. It probably looks really funny.
"Hey, Artie," I hear Tina say in almost a whisper. I can feel a smile creeping across my face but my mouth is sore. Instead of hurting myself I just end up squeezing my hand to hers.
It's a few moments, or maybe minutes later, I can't tell, when something touches my forehead. I get a little surprised and shift away instinctively. The hand is cold and rough and they are definitely not my dad's.
"Oh, sorry there," a man says and I figure that my dad came back with the doctor. "I didn't mean to scare you. You finally going to come back to us, kid?"
I snort slightly. I hate being called kid. After the accident I demanded that the doctors tell me straightforward why I couldn't move my legs and they told me that I was too young to understand. I was just a kid. I demanded to know and after they told me how I would never walk again that is, in my mind, when I stopped being a kid.
I'm still trying to get my eyes open but it is really hard like there is tape over my eyes. I try for maybe a minute when finally I pry them open. They are halfway open when I slam them shut. I must have been out for a while since the light from the room is hurting this much.
"Can't you turn off the lights? They're hurting his eyes." Tina says, I'm guessing to the doctor, but I already know what his response is gonna be. My mom asked the same question after the accident.
The doctor shakes his head. "No, we've got to make sure his eyes are dilating properly."
Yup, and I'm pretty sure he answered word for word too.
I finally manage to open my eyes without them hurting too much and when I do I begin to look around the room. I see my dad and the doctor but I really don't recognize the doc. I look around some more and my eyes land on a black blob mixed with a bit of blue and I can instantly tell who it is.
"Welcome back," Tina says and I begin to smile. I'm sure that looks funny too since I have a tube down my throat.
Tina sits down on one of the chairs next to my bed, and judging by how she lets out her breath as she does, I'm guessing that she is relieved. She still keeps her hand on mine while the doctor begins his exam. He moves the bed into a sitting position and shines his pen light into my eyes. He pokes my arms to make sure that they are working along with other various tests. He doesn't check my legs so I know he was informed.
After the accident, when I woke up from my coma, the doctor was checking my limbs and when he got to my legs they didn't move. The look on his face was priceless but that's when it hit me that I really couldn't feel/move them.
"Alright," the doctor says, moving to the other side of the bed. "When I say three I want you to cough and I'll tug on the tube." I grip Tina's harder and once the doctor counts to three I cough. As soon as the tube is out I begin to lick my lips, which are really dry, but my mouth is too. I can't really get my tongue to work.
"Alright, you've got to be really careful now," the doctor cautions me as he turns off the ventilator. "Easy on the breathing, don't get worked up. Your throat is going to be really sensitive for a while, so no talking for a few days. Otherwise you'll wind up coughing and collapsing your lung again."
That's what I was afraid of. Not being able to talk. It really didn't matter when I was in the coma for the first time since I was really depressed and didn't want to talk much either way. I just nod to show the doctor that I understand. "Oh, and try and keep your head still for the most part too," the doctor adds. "If you move it too quickly you'll aggravate your throat. I'll bring in a cup of ice chips, I'm sure your mouth is feeling pretty dry." I watch the doctor pat my knee and I could almost throw up. I'm really sure that wouldn't be good for my throat. My dad, Tina, and I exchange a glance as the doctor just walks out the door like nothing happened.
"Hey, Sport, how you feeling?" my dad asks, walking over to my bed and sitting down. I give him a thumbs up but it's starting to get harder and harder to keep my eyes open. "Welcome back."
I look at Tina without turning my head and I pull my hand out of hers. She looks kind of confused but I start to mimic writing and she nods, bends down, pulls out a notebook and pen, and then hands them to me. I grab the pen and Tina opens the notebook and puts it on the bed next to me. I begin to write, bigger than usual, mostly because I can't see what I'm writing but it's really messy.
"How long was I out?" Tina reads slowly.
"Six days," My dad answers and I am really shocked. It only seemed like it was maybe a day to me. "Yeah, you had us pretty scared."
"What happened?" Tina reads as I write again. My dad explains it mostly as, your lung collapsed and you went into cardiac arrest. Tina has a look of confusion on her face but I understand it perfectly. If I could talk I would probably be the translator. I know every medical term there is. "Wow that sucks." I write and my dad and Tina just laugh while I smile, although it's painful.
It takes another minute before the doctor comes back in with the ice. I put the pen down and take it from him and pour some of it in my mouth. It feels so good. It's cold and wet. Just what my desert mouth needed.
"Can I talk to you out in the hall, Mr. Abrams?" the doctor asks and my dad stands up and walks out the door with the doctor. I put the ice between my knees not worrying about accidentally moving my legs and knocking the ice over. I tap the corner of my eye after getting Tina's attention and she begins to look for what I want. After a little search she finds my glasses and hands them to me and I put them on. As soon as they are situated on my nose, I pick up the pen and begin to write, this time much smaller and neater.
When I am done I touch Tina's arm and point to the page with a worried look on my face.
Are you ok? I remember you screaming.
"I screamed?" she asks and judging by how she sounds I can tell she really doesn't remember. I nod. "Weird, I don't remember that. But I'm fine," she informs me. I keep staring, knowing that she's not telling me something. She sighs and goes on. "Really, I'm okay, I just had an anxiety attack. Your heart stopped beating, and that sort of freaked me out."
Now I feel really bad. I manage to write 'Sor' before Tina grabs my hand. "Don't apologize," she says in annoyance. "It's not like it was exactly something you could stop. If anything I should be the one saying sorry. I kept pushing you into singing those songs and that's what put all the stress on your lungs."
I just stare at Tina completely confused. Don't you apologize, you didn't know either.
She sighs and watches me shaking slightly like she is about to cry. I move the notebook and pat the side of the bed next to me. She smiles and climbs up situating herself so close to me that our arms are plastered together and her leg is against mine through the blanket. Are you sure you're okay?
Tina just laughs a little too loudly. "Yes, you persistent, crazy, wonderful moron." Tears are forming in her eyes and I put the pen down to brush the one that began to fall down her cheek. "I'm sorry," she says although it sounds like of lifeless. I guess I should expect nothing else since I nearly died… twice… and she had no idea if she would ever see me again. "I'm just – it's been a rough week and I'm not – " she trails off unable to finish her sentence.
I watch her for a second then I grab the cup of ice chips from between my knees. I take a big mouthful and suck on them until they are completely melted away. I am determined to do what I plan on doing. Once the ice is gone I wrap my hand around the back of Tina's neck and pull her in closer to me, making our foreheads touch. I stare at Tina and finally she looks up.
"Tee…" I say and I can tell that my voice is hoarse and I'm whispering. It hurts but I am determined to go on.
"Artie, you're not supposed to talk," Tina says but new tears are forming on her eyes.
I frown and with my left hand, so I can keep my grip on her, I write out a single line on the notebook. She doesn't turn away when she reads it and instead just uses the corner of her eye. It's a bit messy but finally she reads it.
Just this one thing.
I know she wants to argue with me but she just can't bring herself to do it. My expression becomes gentler and I slowly move my thumb along her neck. "I missed you too."
Tina's head drops against my shoulder and I move my hand so that it is rubbing against her back in slow circles just like my mom did for me after the accident. She's shaking and I know she's holding back. Normally she would be holding me in a hug that says 'I will never let you go again,' but she doesn't want a repeat of before. Gently, I rest my head on hers and just let her be.
After a while, I don't know who long nor do I care, Tina sits up and rubs her palm over her cheeks trying to wipe away any tears that there are. I look at her and I want to talk but I frown. I guess I shouldn't any more. I grab the pen and write on the notebook quickly and messily.
Are you gonna be ok?
"I am now," She says, taking another breath to steady herself. "But I swear to God, you scare me like this again and I am so done with you, Artie Abrams."
I smile in defeat realize that she isn't completely serious. She didn't say my full name. Ok, Tina Cohen-Chang, it's a deal.
"You're a dork," Tina tells me but after the jocks flushed my glasses down the toilet for the fourth time I figured as much. She leans forward and kisses my cheek. "But I'm glad you're back."
