The airstrip was cold and dreary.
Water dripped from the edges of drainpipes, puddling in the roads. People hurried by the windows of the terminal, umbrellas out and coat collars turned up against the biting wind.
Jemma stood quietly off to the side while Fitz checked her luggage in and printed her boarding pass. A hole had opened in her chest, and she didn't quite know how to fill it.
It was two days since their talk, since Fitz had been her definition of normal. He used to be bright eyed and sharp, but his joy had dulled to a dim spark. It didn't take two PHDs to know what had caused his sullen behavior change.
Jemma but her lip guiltily, looking down at where her carry on was hanging. It seemed that at this point, no matter what she did, she was going to hurt someone.
First Skye, whom had been taken while trying to save her. Next Lizzie, who refused to leave the base today to see her mother off. And then Fitz, who had seemed to be on the verge of depression for days.
The arm cradling her small baby bump reminded her that this was for the best. Fitz had been stressing adamantly for nearly two weeks over how to heal her mind that he couldn't focus on anything - or anyone - else. It wasn't fair for her to be the center of his priorities when there was a world that needed his full focus. When he had a daughter that needed him.
He would have time to concentrate on what needed him most - Lizzie and SHIELD. Jemma would be fine. Her and their unborn child. The memories were appearing at vague moments, though mostly in dreams. Eventually she would be normal, more or less. Eventually she could return as the mother Lizzie so desperately needed and the wife Fitz deserved.
So she took her boarding pass with a small smile and a "thank you."
Fitz took her bag for her, and after a moment of hesitance her hand. She gave it a slight squeeze as they headed to the security checkpoint. It was time to say goodbye.
He placed her carry on on the ground beside them, taking her other free hand with his now empty one. She watched him swallow deeply before raising his eyes to meet hers.
"Take care of the babe," he whispered, rolling a thumb over her knuckles. "And yourself."
She nodded, blinking back her tears. "I promise." She hesitated a moment before adding, "And you take care of Lizzie,"
A smile ghosted over his face before he nodded. "I promise."
He let her right hand go before carefully lifting it to her stomach. His palm gently touched their child through the fabric of her shirt, silently bidding him or her goodbye.
She sucked in a shaky breath as he straightened himself, gently cupping her cheek. "I know . . . I know you don't feel anything for me, Jems. Not right now, but . . . " he shook his head softly, eyes meeting hers with a weight she hadn't seen on him before. "I love you, no matter what, alright? No matter what, nothing will make me stop."
"Not an ocean, not the atmosphere and certainly not an alien planet could keep us apart," she breathed, not quite realizing what she was saying before the words had left her lips.
His eyes sparked in their blue depths. "You . . . You remember?"
She swallowed heavily, trying not to cry at how she was hurting him. "I don't think anyone could forget their own wedding vows."
He let out a shaky breath before pulling her into a hug, breathing in the scent of her coppery hair one last time and committing the fit of her body against his. She gazed into his eyes as his lips met hers in a brief kiss.
And then he let her go.
The flight was smooth, with only mild turbulence.
It was rather ironic, considering how very busy and turbulent her own mind was. Her thoughts leapt from Lizzie to Fitz to her parents whom would be waiting for her at the airport.
The Anna Simmons Jemma remembered was not the woman waiting to meet her. Her fingers were worn and wrinkled, her hair graying and thin. Likewise, Josiah Simmons was nothing the same.
They weren't her parents as she remembered. Her mother didn't walk the young spunk she had used to. Her father's frame was hunched. They had grown old.
Jemma promptly broke down sobbing, her parents trying to comfort her as much as possible. The little Fitz had explained to them over the phone wasn't enough, promising he would explain more once everything was set in motion.
"Jems," her father soothed, pulling her to his chest. She clung to his coat, pressing her face further into the coarse fabric as she cried. He still smelled like she remembered - the earthy scent with a twinge of cologne. He felt like home, like nights lying under the stars and days spent romping out in the fields behind the farmhouse.
"I'm so sorry," she cried, his hands rubbing at her back. "I'm so sorry,"
Fitz barely made it back to their - his - room on the base. The second the door was shut behind him, his façade collapsed.
He'd played the strong card for almost two days now. I'm fine. No one pushed it. Each and every agent on this base had had their fair share of pain. They understood the value of a few hours of solitude.
His chest felt heavy with all that he'd left unsaid. Like he hadn't tried hard enough, tried to keep her here. But then her words came back to him, and he would remember why he let her go in the first place.
Fitz collapsed heavily on the bed, head falling into his hands. He'd lost his best friend, his wife and his lab partner all in one day. Not to mention their second child.
The handle on the door rattled, breaking him from his trance. He looked up just in time to see Lizzie run in and slam the door behind her before jumping to sit next to him.
He opened his arms, letting her curl into his lap. Her little arms wrapped around his neck, pulling him closer to her.
She was a cuddler like her father, as Jemma had once told him. Said it was his fault that she despised the crib as a baby, only content to be held or rocked. Preferably at the same time.
Now, he looked down at his daughter and saw nothing but Jemma. The way she'd fall into his arms at night after a long mission, or cuddle with him after a trying lab day. Simply the way they showed their love everyday through small gestures and pecks on the cheek.
He ran his hand softly over the mess of curls on his daughter's head. Sometimes he wondered what it would have been like to come home after Maveth and not be immediately shoved into fatherhood. Would he and Jemma ever have really gotten together? Had their date end with a kiss outside her bunk?
But then he would remember the tender moments of first holding their newborn daughter, of the screams from her tiny new lungs and the wide eyes that first stared at him. All of the little seconds and snapshots over the past few years would come flooding back, and Fitz would remember why it was all worth it.
Regardless of the struggles they'd each faced to get here - Jemma learning the trials of having a heartbeat depend on her own, and he of surviving solar systems away from her - it was all worth it. It had been painful and it still hurt sometimes, but no matter what they had each other.
Or, at least, we did, he reflected bitterly. Once upon a time Jemma had given him a sliver of positive plastic and announced he was about to be a father to two. And he knew, in that instant, that he was going to be there for her. That no matter what happened she would never again endure what she did with Lizzie as a single mother. It was the two of them against the world, for better or for worse.
But she'd left. And no matter what, he couldn't hold it against her. Because he knew what it felt like to be trapped in your own mind, to be caged in a body that was once your freedom. He understood, and so he let her go.
Fitz didn't sleep that night. Instead he watched his daughter's chest rise and fall next to him, holding her tight and clinging to the fact that not all hope was lost. Jemma may not be here, but their child still was.
He wasn't alone, not by a long shot.
Kind of a filler chapter. Sorry! But I'm seemingly deathly allergic to spring, so I'm not exactly at my best writing at the moment :(
Hope you enjoyed it! I'm sitting alone in a hotel in Detroit whilst my family is out, so any reviews to keep me company would be much appreciated! :)
