Chapter 12 :
Jane and the therapist :
A few days later after considering it carefully Maura decided to visit Jane after work to ask her something really important that would help with her therapy.
During her last session with Dr Turner Maura made it really clear that her main and most important motivation was Jane and that she refused to go through this without her.
At first Dr Turner was convinced that staying away from Jane was the best for Maura and that starting over with without having made progress in therapy first would be a mistake. She was convinced that by remaining close to Jane Maura would feel compelled to speed up the healing process. Luckily for Maura the therapist understood that trying to keep her away from Jane would useless and that if she wanted to help her she needed to accept that Maura needed Jane in her life one way or another. So after considering it Dr Turner decided that if Jane was going to take such a big part in Maura's healing process she needed to meet her so she asked Maura to bing her to their next session.
Standing in front of Jane's door taking deep long breath Maura was hoping that Jane who hated therapists would put her personal feelings aside and accept to join her in therapy.
On the other side of the door Jane was home working late on a double homicide. After she left that sunday evening after spending the entire week end with Maura Jane decided it was better to keep her distance for a little while to allow Maura to breath. She knew that Maura needed time think and consider her offer. As hard at making this offer was for her Jane wasn't ready to jump back in a relationship and she knew that Maura wasn't either. So for the next few days Jane resisted the urge to call or visit Maura focusing on her double murder. Sitting on her couch a beer in one hand and her case file in the other reexamining the witness' statements and physical evident Jane could barely keep her eyes open and was about to give up when she suddenly heard someone knocking at her door.
Dragging her feet towards the door trying to wake herself up by rubbing her face with both hands Jane was praying for it not to be Frankie and one of his "theories".
"Maura…"Opening the door her eyes half closed Jane almost choked on her own saliva when she found herself in front of her ex girlfriend.
"You look terrible, may I come in?" Maura replied seductively batting her eyelashes.
"Hum…It's just that…" Jane mumbled her right arm on the door keeping Maura from coming in.
"Is there something wrong?"Maura replied taking a step forward.
"I think I should leave the two alone." A feminine voice suddenly spoke from a few feet behind Jane.
"Crap."Jane said to herself as she opened the door wider knowing how Maura was going to react to this presence.
"I…didn't know you had company. Please stay. I will leave."Maura mumbled as she saw a young woman standing about ten feet behind Jane.
"No, I insist, It's getting late and we're not making any progress anyway." Detective Reese was a 30 year old attractive woman working for narcotics. Jane and her had worked together several times over the past few years and their paths had crossed two days ago when she found herself chasing a drug dealer who turned out murdered days a couple of days ago. Knowing how well she knew this man and his gang Jane had asked her for her help to solve his murder.
"You're right. I will see you tomorrow." Turning around watching the younger Detective gathering her things as fast as she could Jane didn't know who between the two of them was the most embarrassed.
"Sure. Dr Isles it was nice to see you again."Quickly escaping Jane's apartment sending a polite and respectful smile at Maura Detective Reese had a feeling that Jane wasn't about to have the night of sleep she deserved.
As discrete as Maura and Jane tried to be about their break up the word spread pretty quickly and everyone in the department knew that the two love birds were "taking a pause" from their relationship.
"I'm sorry Jane. I had no idea you had company. I should have called."Maura said turning around one step towards the door trying to hold her tears.
"This is not what you think. We caught a case together and we were just working on it."Grabbing Maura's arm to keep her from leaving Jane felt compelled to explain herself despite the fact that they weren't together anymore and therefore she didn't owe her any explanations.
"With wine on your coffee table?I know you Jane, when you're working late on a case you drink beer, wine is only for casual nights. " Maura replied pointing at the opened bottle of red wine on her coffee table.
"Maura look at me. There is nothing going on between us, so please come in and have a sit, will you?"Pulling her inside almost against her will Jane knew that Maura didn't come to see her at 10 pm for no good reason and was determined not to let her leave until she made her talk.
Following Jane towards the living room Maura realized her mistake and made a mental note to always call before visiting Jane from now on.
"I'm sorry for barging in unannounced and for making a scene, you and I broke up, you're free to spend the night with who ever you want."Maura said sitting straight on Jane's couch both her hands on her lap.
"Oh sweetheart, I was not about to spend the night with her. We were working, see."Jane replied pointing out the pile of crime scene pictures on her coffee table.
"Alright, alright." Maura nodded looking at the bottle of wine half convinced that this night had no romantic aspect.
"So how have things been since last time we saw each other?"
"Dr Turner wants you to come to one of our session , that's why I came to see you tonight." Allowing the words to slip out of her mouth Maura was determined to spend as little time as possible in Jane's presence and wasn't willing to play games.
"Alright. What time is your session?" If there was one thing that was of common knowledge it was Jane profound hatred of therapist. After Doyle tortured her the first time the departement forced her to see one to determined if she was still capable of assuming her function as a Detective. Luckily for her the departement's therapist turned out to be understanding and didn't try to keep her from being who she knew she was born to be. Unfortunately Jane had developed a hatred towards therapist but was still willing to put her pride and feelings aside to help Maura.
"You really want to come?"Suddenly looking at Jane with the biggest smile on her face Maura could barely believe that Jane would accept that easily.
"Of course I don't, you know how much I resent therapist and as unpleasant as the simple thought of having to talk about my deepest feelings with a perfect stranger is, I'm willing to do it for you, to help you, alright?"Jane replied holding Maura's hand.
"Thank you."Grinning at Jane's positive answer Maura's couldn't help but thinking that woman drinking with Jane late at night in her appartement. Unfortunately Maura knew that her jealousy and insecurity regarding Jane's relationship with that other Detective was inappropriate and decided to let it go for now.
The next day around 2 pm Jane found herself in Dr Turner's sofa a few inches from Maura. As nervous and reluctant as she was she knew that Maura needed her here and that she would have to be honest without being hurtful.
"Well, Jane it's nice to finally meet you. Maura told me so much about you." Sitting in her usual velvet chair Dr Turner was carefully analyzing Jane and Maura's behavior towards each other, the way they were sitting, their body language and their interaction with each other.
"Well as much as I hate therapist Maura needs me here so here I am."Uncomfortably sitting back Jane was uncomfortable. She knew that Dr Turner's methods had helped Maura but the idea of exposing herself was scaring her because she knew she still had many repressed feelings Maura didn't know about.
"Do you always do things you're not comfortable with because Maura asks you to?"
"Well...I supposed I do, but it's not like Maura's requests are usually unreasonable or anything. Being here is important for her so as reluctant as I am I made an effort?Isn't it what you're suppose to do when you're a relationship?Make efforts and sacrifices to make sure the person you're with is happy?"
"But you and Maura aren't in a relationship anymore..."
"We're not in a romantic relationship anymore but we're still in a relationship. Maura and I are...we're forever linked, no matter what happened or might happen in the future I will always be there for her."
"Alright. So would you mind telling how your life has been for the past 3 weeks since you broke up with Maura?"
"Boring, routine, empty. I wake up every morning, walk my doge, go to work, stay there as late as I can to avoid having to go home to an empty appartement and when I finally have trouble keeping my eyes open I go home, take a shower, go to sleep. That's pretty much how my life has been since we broke up."
"What do you miss the most about being engaged to Maura?"Dr Turner asked observing Maura quietly sitting next to Jane.
"I miss her. I miss waking up in her arms and coming home to her at night. I miss having her hold me tight when I have nightmares. God I even miss arguing with her about my overwhelming mother but what I miss the most is looking into her eyes and feeling I'm the most important and beautiful person on earth. I miss my only reason to wake up in the morning and to be careful at work so I'd go home in one piece."Jane replied reaching out for Maura's hand.
"Maura, what about you?"
"I...I miss her arms. I miss her strong and comforting arms around me and her warm voice telling me how much she loves me and that everything is going to be okay. I might have an overpriced security system at home the only thing that makes me feel safe is Jane."Squeezing Jane's hand Maura had trouble describing how Jane made her feel, she had trouble putting words on her emotions but knew that Jane knew exactly what she was talking about.
Listening to both their answers Dr Turner could make a more accurate assessment regarding their dynamic. As she suspected Jane was the strong, dominant one that made her feel safe and Maura was the one stimulating Jane, giving her purpose in life, a reason to live and to be the best human possible.
Observing them holding hands feelings they were both holding their tears Dr Turner started to understand the bond the two women shared and that trying to keep them from seeing each other would be a mistake. But what stroke her the most was that despite how hurt the two women were, especially Jane, they still loved each other so much that they were both willing to do anything in their power to find a way back to where they were before.
For the next hour Dr Turner asked various random questions to the couple trying to focus on their happy memories rather than jumping directly into the betrayal. She knew that in order to heal Jane had to keep in mind that Maura loved her and try not erase the good memories they shared. On the other hand she wanted Maura to also remember their good times so she would realize that she had made Jane really happy when they were together and that there was no reason she wouldn't be able to continue to do so in the future.
Yes before making them work on their negatives feelings Dr Turner wanted them to remember how much they loved each other and that if they had managed to survive Hoyt, Doyle or hostage situations they could overcome Maura's infidelity. She wanted them to realize that their love and bond had helped them survive hell and that if they truly believed in each other they would be able to survive this and that their love would eventually come out stronger.
Alright people, probably the worse chapter I wrote so far. I shouldn't have posted it…..I think I'm at the same point I was a few weeks ago….My muse has abandoned me again not to mentioned I'm fucking depressed and I don't understand why considering I'm leaving my crappy job in two days…
I think another break from writing would be the wisest thing to do, at least until I get my mojo back. It might take a couple of days or a couple of weeks I don't know yet, all I know is that you have been so supportive ever since I started writing that you deserve high quality chapter and that I should stop rambling about my problems lol :(
PS : Don't worry the jealousy thing isn't over yet.
