Chapter 12: You will someday
It was still early in the morning. Maggie and Beth were going through their supplies making an inventory, what they would keep for the road to Washington, what they can eat and use now.
"Add batteries on the list, we barely have any… And, I think we're good."
Beth stood up and waved the list to her sister "I'm gonna go give that to Daryl."
She walked outside to the cars they were loading up for today's run. Daryl just finished cleaning the windshield when she held out the list.
"Here. It's a list of stuff we need."
He took the list from Beth's hand with a grunt and a nod. She smiled back and was already starting to return inside to her sister when Daryl's voice stopped her.
"Wanna tag along today?"
She turned to him with a small but happy grin on her face.
"I guess yeah. I mean plenty of people can take care of Judith here. Let me check with Rick."
Carol closed the trunk after finishing putting some supplies in for their day out and came closer to put her hand on Beth's shoulder. "You go honey. I'll take care of Judy today."
"Alright. Thanks. I'll get my things and let Maggie know."
Daryl kept watching Beth as she went inside the warehouse. He wasn't exactly sure why he asked her to come along today. They hadn't spent a lot of time together since they got reunited. Big group, lots of folks. Daryl was never very comfortable around so many people and he was starting to miss the days when it was just the two of them.
Once Beth was out of his sight, his eyes turned to Carol. She was looking at him with a slightly curious smile. All the staring might have been a bit too obvious. And everyone probably noticed he and Beth had been sleeping next to each other, a bit too close for that matter. People are always so intrusive he was surprised no one had asked questions yet. Not that he would answer, his relationship with Beth was none of their damn business. Plus he wouldn't probably know what to say. He had no idea at that point what their relationship was. He was pretty aware he cared deeply about her. Probably more than he should. Every time those feeling hit him, when their eyes met, when he felt her touch, he wasn't sure he was allowed to think of her that way.
"I don't need to tell you to be careful out there?"
He shook his head at Carol. She put her hand on his forearm and her face suddenly took a serious expression.
"And I especially don't need to tell you to take good care of her?"
Daryl wasn't exactly sure she was talking about today's run. This sounded much more like a motherly warning to him. And it was annoying him because all the subtext in this sentence wasn't exactly subtle. He wasn't stupid and got what she implied but he would have wanted her to tell him what she exactly meant straight to his face.
"You don't."
"Good. Be safe."
Daryl was driving the car, while Beth was sitting in the passenger sit. Michonne, Glenn and Tyreese were traveling in the other car. There had apparently been a silent agreement to let them ride together. Daryl was both grateful and a bit irritated about it. Was it so obvious something was going on there?
They haven't been sharing a word yet. Beth was looking outside the window, the forest of Georgia passing before her eyes. She felt really peaceful at that moment in the comfort of the car seat and listing to the soothing sound of the car engine. She wasn't too worried about their trip to Washington but wondered if she'd miss the woods of Georgia, it felt like her home nowadays.
She broke the silence. "What do you think we'll find in Washington?"
"We'll have to get there first. S'a long trip. And there's a lot of people in our group now. S'not gonna be a walk in the park."
"I know that." She paused still caught in her thoughts, looking out the window. "I hope we'll find a safe place. I hope we'll be able to settle there and finally catch a break. For good." She giggled softly. "Stupid isn't it?"
He turned his head to watch her. Her big blue eyes were filled with hope and it was such a warming sensation. He hasn't seen so much of that since they got back together. Her gaze was usually harder and sometimes even blank, as if she were drifting away in painful memories. He tried not to think about all she's been through and why her look has changed so drastically. No matter what she says, not matter how much she had tried to make him understand it wasn't his fault, the feeling of guilt never quite left his stomach and it probably will always be there deep down.
Daryl turned back his face to the road and she kept examining him. The way he was touching the hair on his chin, almost too delicately for a man with that temper. She remembered their conversation at the moonshine cabin. How he opened up to her. How comforting it was for her also. She remembered the way he looked at her from the casket when she was singing. She remembered every detail of their time together after the prison. How she felt safe when he was around her. How she liked to look at the reaction in his eyes when she was sharing something important with him. The sensation of his arms lifting her from the ground and carrying her around. The roughness of his fingers when their hands were locked to each other. The heat that filled her whole body every time she felt his touch.
Beth had never been thinking about Daryl that way, not before they ran together, not when they were drinking moonshine. Not even when she was singing to him. She realized that after his interrupted confession at the kitchen table. All she could say then was "Oh." Because she didn't know those feeling were here, hidden inside her, under thick layers of pain, fear and hope. And when he was no longer with her, when she was gone, she missed him every day, every second.
"Daryl… what did you mean back in the kitchen? Before we were attacked."
His body tensed up a bit and his hands firmly closed on the wheel.
"You never answered me."
It took him a few seconds to mouth a soft and barely audible "You know".
She had a weak chuckle.
"No I really don't. I mean. I think I do. I'm not blind. I… I just need you to say it. I want to hear you say it."
Daryl was moving uneasily behind the wheel. He wasn't saying anything, letting the awkward silence stretch out in the car. He wasn't sure what to answer her because he still didn't know exactly what he felt. Or, it's probably more accurate to say he didn't want to admit it to himself just yet. But above all he just couldn't get the words out. For so many years he was told never to show his feelings, he saw it as a weakness. He was not supposed to care so much, to get close to people like he did with Beth, with the rest of the prison group. Her eyes were locked on him and the smile on her face was gone. She was longing for him to tell her and it was physically impossible for him. It just wouldn't get out.
"Daryl… please."
"You." He started quietly. "You made me change my mind. You had hope. I thought it was pointless at the time. Thought you were just naive. But I realized you were actually right."
"Why?"
His throat tightened and he was having a hard time swallowing. His inability of sharing anything with anyone was hurting him more badly than ever. And Beth's words were aching like a knife in his chest. He had no idea how this girl managed to make him feel so exposed. So vulnerable.
"I can't say those words Beth. Y'know I can't."
"You will someday. You will."
She turned back her head to the window leaving Daryl in the agony of wanting to tell her he loved her like he never loved anyone in his life. That he would give anything, his own life, to keep her safe and alive. He was completely sure about this now.
N/A: Last chapter before the end. These two are getting closer together...
Thanks for your feedback and to my great proofreader!
