Chapters might be a little later from now on I am having serious issues with my computer and I got a feeling it is going to crash. Oh well need a new one anyway. I am so happy that there are so many of you adding this to your favorites, alerts and I love all review keep them all coming.
Chapter 12
Healing Needed.
I closed my eyes waiting for the knife to come clean across my throat. I should not have been lying down like this. I should be fighting for my life,even if it meant threatening his or worse taking his. I would take my own life before I would take Peetas. I would never kill the man I love. Neither of us were going to die I was going to make sure of that. Peeta had to be fighting it because the look on his face when he placed the knife on my neck indicated he was having a mental battle with himself. All I had to do was continue to tell him I loved him and hopefully he would be able to come back to me; come back to where he belonged. I couldn't believe this was happening to us. I really didn't know by fighting with someone an episode would be triggered. I looked up into Peetas eyes and did nothing but cry, he had a look of such hatred and rage towards me; I didn't know he had this much anger towards me, but then again I kept telling myself this was not my Peeta, this was the horrible twisted side of Peeta that was designed by the capitol. The capitol did this to get to me; it was my fault Peeta was like this; It was my fault he was hurt, wounded and would have to suffer episodes for the rest of his life, Yup it was all my doing. They tortured him, beat him, poisoned his mind and turned part of him against me and I will never ever forgive myself.
Peeta grinned as he gripped the kitchen knife with both hands and just as he was about to plunge the knife into my chest I decided to lift my knee up and kick him in between the legs. He groaned, dropped the kitchen knife and grabbed hold of himself in pain. He rolled off of me taking deep breaths. I didn't waste any time in getting to my feet and bolting down the hallway towards the bathroom again. Peeta scooped the knife from the ground once the pain between his legs subsided. He flew down the hallway after me, I was nearly there at the bathroom door when I felt the thin piece of metal graze the back of my arm. I yelled as the metal blade made a almost deep cut all across the back of my right arm. Peeta's next swing of the knife just barely missed the back of my neck. I finally made it to the bathroom door and flung it open, Peeta was still hot on my heels. I ran into the bathroom and slammed the door shut before he could come in with me. Once the door was locked I crouched down into a fetal position and cried my eyes out.
Peeta pounded on the bathroom door for a good hour; all I could do was listen to his curse words. The bleeding in my arm wouldn't stop and that was when I realized he had actually cut me pretty deep that I might have to have stitches. I crawled across the bathroom floor and scooped one of the white towels hanging from our towel rack that sat on the titles in the corner of the room. I wrapped the pearly white towel around my arm and watched it turn a deep red color; God it was worse than I thought. I had to stop the bleeding; he was never going to forgive himself if he caught sight of what he had done to me. I had to hide it from him somehow, this had to be the very worst thing he had ever done to be during an episode.
A small knock on the door caused me to jump and back myself up into the corner further. It could have been anyone on the other side of the door. Haymitch could of heard the screams and cries and hurried over here to stop Peeta or it could still be Peeta on the other side waiting for me to answer. He could be tricking me into believing he was back to normal and the second I open that door he would slice me up like a fish. The knocks were soft knocks instead of pounds and I decided to brave it and cautiously stumble across the titles. I carefully opened the door and peered out into the hallway. Peeta was standing on the other side of the door with his head down and tears streaming down his face. As soon as I saw he was normal I bolted from the bathroom and flung my arms around him, but he would not hold me back. He wiggled from my grip and distance himself from me. I was hurt, upset and all of the above that he would not come anywhere near me.
"Peeta" I whispered taking a step towards him.
"I'm sorry" He whimpered.
"I'm not hurt Peeta" I lied.
Truth was my arm stung like crazy and I knew it was bleeding onto the towel that I had wrapped around my arm. Peeta was no moron; He approached me just enough to quickly yank the towel away and gaze down at my flaming red arm. I didn't have time to move away from him because he pulled it away so quickly. He let the towel fall to the ground and placed his hands over his eyes and sighed.
"I hurt you" He said with guilt.
"It's not your fault"
Peeta actually snapped at me, "Yes it is my fault! Stop standing up for me!"
"Peeta I..." He cut me off.
"No, whatever it is your going to say don't say it. There coming back Katniss, The episodes are coming back and there getting worse. I stabbed you Kat I freaking STABBED YOU" Peeta fought to keep his voice under control and the tears out of his perfect blue eyes. I knew he was going to be upset with himself for cutting the back of my arm. But that was what it was a cut not a stab. He didn't stab me and I don't think he was going to if I hadn't gotten away from him. I really don't think he could go through with killing me.
"You wouldn't of killed me!" I shouted at him.
"Yes I would have!"
"Peeta it was just an..."
"Stop acting like this is not a big deal. I stabbed you Katniss with a freaking kitchen knife. I'm an abusive man, I don't want to be around you knowing I could kill you any second"
"Please stop acting like this Peeta" I whimpered.
"Acting like what" He hissed.
I could feel tears start to bottle up inside me but I did everything in my power not to burst into tears. I have been doing that alot lately. Becoming to overemotional, anyone in my shoes would be: I had two guys fighting over me, My boyfriend just tried to kill me, my best friend is in love with me and being a jerk about it, I hit my head, slipped through ice, got punched in the face by my best friend and now I think my boyfriend was having a nervous breakdown. I really did think something inside him was breaking, he had never done anything like this to me before and I could tell it was going to take alot to convince him that I was okay, that it was just a cut nothing major.
"Stop acting like a jerk"
"A jerk" His brows furrowed and he stared at me as if I just slapped him in the face, "Kat, I'm trying to protect you"
"I don't need protected from you" I couldn't believe we were having this conversation. Were we actually getting into a fight over this. I didn't care about anything that had just happened between the two of us a couple of minutes ago. All I cared about was him and he was here and he came back to me.
"Let me see your arm" He approached me and my entire stomach filled with butterflies as he brushed his fingers across the enraged skin that was torn. The blood was slowly stopping, but it still continued to run down my arm. He picked the towel up from the ground and wiped the newly flowing blood from my arm.
"I can't hurt you like this anymore" Peeta said as he wiped my arm clean of the blood.
"It don't happen often" I pointed out, "Once a month"
"Four times this month" He corrected me.
"What! What the hell! Why didn't you tell me" My mouth hung open in complete shocked.
"I didn't want to alert you. I could of killed you while you were in my arms. I...God...I'm a monster.I've been having urges for some time now I just haven't told you. That night when you kissed Gale and I held you. I...I never went to sleep. I left for awhile once I was sure you stopped crying and were asleep. Katniss I wanted to kill you that night. I locked myself in the bathroom until the urges past"
"Peeta, Gale provoked you into having an episode" I said.
"No it was all me" He challenged, "And I have to do something about it...maybe if I let Gale have you then maybe you will be safe"
"I don't want Gale... I want you" I frowned.
"Gale wouldn't hurt you" Peeta said.
I chuckled and pointed to the small little bruise that was beginning to form on my cheek, "He sure knows how to punch"
"Well the point is you would be safe"
"Do you love me at all" I hissed.
"Yes"
"How much do you love me?"
"Too much" He replied.
"Then why would you be willing to give me to Gale. I would not be happy with him, I would rather die then live my life without you"
"I...I just...I'm sorry...I do love you more than you will ever know" He said.
Before I could answer he led me into the bathroom and turned on the sink, He dipped a clean rag into the cold water and wiped my arm completely clean. He then rummaged through our bathroom cubber and took out peroxide and bandages. After he wrapped my arm and made sure it stopped bleeding; he distances himself from me for the thousandths time today and calmly walked down the stairs not saying another word to me. I bolted after him.
"Peeta please talk to me about this" I begged.
"I got to do something. I almost killed you; it wasn't like that last time Katniss."
"Were fine we'll work through it together" I told him.
"No I want to get rid of it myself; I will not put you in harms way"
Tears were coming out of my eyes now, we were in the living room facing each other. The lights were all on and I could see every inch of his troubled face. I didn't know what was going through his head, what he was thinking or what he had plan but something told me that it wasn't going to be good for me.
" I need to get rid of it" Peeta said.
"I'm going with you" I said.
"No! I want you to stay here in 12 be happy and try to forget about..." I cut him off.
"Don't even finish that sentence. Why the hell would you want me to forget about you" I hissed.
"Just for awhile. I want you to forget my violent, abusive side okay."
I relaxed and took a step forwards, ignoring Peeta's rejections I placed my hands around his neck and snuggled deep into his chest. When his warm arms engulfed me I sighed and leaned up to kiss him on the lips. He took a moment and deepened the kiss, when he went to pull away I grabbed his head and held it in place, kissing him even deeper. I broke the kiss for air and Peeta's lips went to my neck, I weaved my fingers through his golden locks and let out a large deep moan.
"I love you"
"I love you too"
"You understand why I got to find someone to help me get rid of these episodes right" He mumbled into my neck
I nodded, "Yes, but I wish I could come with you" My breath was deep and heavy. My fingers were still weaving through his hair and I was placing light kisses against his neck while he ran his hands through my wavy black hair. I leaned up to kiss him again but he moved around my lips causing me to pout and lay my head against his chest instead.
"Where will you go?" I asked.
Peeta was silent for a moment; all he did was run his hands through my hair and then he spoke very clearly and deeply, "To where it all began ...The capitol"
I kind of knew that was what he was going to say, but I pushed the fear that was forming through my body and just focused on him and my love for him. I grabbed the back of his head again and forced him to kiss me as passionately as he could. I grabbed the front of his shirt collar and pulled his body against mine. We broke the kiss and gasp for air. I placed kisses along Peeta's neck and jaw while I waited for him to catch his breath.
"Katniss I don't think you should be kissing me like..."
"Shut up and kiss me" I demanded.
"Yes ma'am" He chuckled.
"Kiss me until you can't breath"
"Geez Kat" Peeta laughed.
He didn't disobey me either, he connected his lips and drove us into a long deep kiss and then before I knew it my legs were around his waist and he was carrying my up the steps while my fingers fiddled with the buttons on his shirt. I was skating on thin ice by touching him like this, what if he relapsed and had another one while we were in the process of making...
My thoughts trailed off as I become aware of our current position. He had carried me to my room and was laying on top of me kissing me like it was the last kiss we would ever share. His shirt was off ;discarded somewhere in the hallway. His hands were gently creasing me, his lips went everywhere from my cheek, lips, jaw, shoulder, chin and just about everywhere he could get to, my clothes were discarded and then I soon became aware of the flaming, piercing pain that was shooting between my legs. I let out an agonizing cry and dragged my nails down the center of Peeta's back.
"I love you" Was the only thing Peeta told be before he took something that belonged to me. It was the only thing that he was allowed to take from me, nobody else could have it but him. It wasn't a easy thing to give him because at that moment all I could think about was the agonizing pain I was in.
To be continued...
