Disclaimer: Apparently, we're trying to be Shonda. We're trying to be Shonda really hard. Because this update is what we like to call Shondaizing. The final step would be owning Grey's, but we sadly still don't own Grey's Anatomy.
Meredith stared at her phone as she bit her bottom lip, her hands shaking as she stared at the offensive device. This was bad. This was so incredibly bad. She had slept with Derek. She had drunkenly slept with Derek and then left. And now he wasn't calling. She looked up at Cristina who was reading her anatomy book. "He hasn't called," she said desperately for the fourth time.
Cristina rolled her eyes for the umpteenth time. "Yeah, well you did kinda leave him in the middle of the night."
Meredith sighed and dialed his number, listening to it ring and then go to voicemail. "He's not answering his phone."
Cristina rolled her eyes again. "Yeah, well you did kinda leave him in the middle of the night."
"Cristina!" Meredith fell back onto her bed. "We drunkenly slept together. Drunkenly. We had dirty drunken sex on our first date. And I told him I wanted to take it slow and then I got tequila and drinking makes everyone and everything seem kinda porny and we had dirty drunken sex. And now, he's not answering his phone. He's not answering his phone. All he wanted was dirty drunken sex."
"Meredith, I saw the way he looks at you. It's sickening and kind of makes me want to shoot a puppy or something, but he definitely didn't just want sex," Cristina sighed.
"It was a mistake, a total mistake," Meredith sighed. "I never should have asked out Derek the Dork. He's probably not even really a dork. He probably tutors girls and then fucks them. God, a huge mistake. The biggest mistake ever."
"Oh please, a hot future doctor wants to make you open up and say ah. It's the American dream, stop whining about it," Cristina groaned.
"He's not a doctor yet," Meredith frowned. "I can't believe this. I, do we have any tequila? Because I'm going to need tequila. Lots of tequila. Because he's not calling. And we slept together and all he wanted was dirty drunken sex. God. Why did we sleep together?"
"Because you were drunk, and when you're drunk you get horny. Did you really think he was going to pass up sex?" Cristina asked.
"Yes!" Meredith sighed. "I thought he was better than the rest of the guys. But he's not. He just wanted dirty drunken sex. And I have to see him tomorrow for tutoring. God. I hate my life. My life sucks. It officially sucks."
"Seriously, Mer. Get your panties out of a bunch. Just because he fucked you last night doesn't mean that's all it was to him," Cristina sighed.
"Then why hasn't he called?" Meredith asked as she threw her phone across the room.
"He probably has his panties in a bunch just like you," Cristina said, groaning in disgust. "The way you two were, he's obviously into you. You. Not your pants. It's disgusting but it's your problem not mine. And now he probably thinks you're, well, thinking what you're thinking."
"Seriously?" Meredith turned to her. "Is this your idea of helping? Because you're not. Because you should be threatening to hurt him or something. Because he slept with me, Cristina. He fucked me and now he won't call or answer his phone. If I'm calling, it means I want to talk and that means he should answer. But he's not. Which probably means he's done with me."
"Fine," Cristina said, getting off her bed. "I can take him, the man has a fucking day planner. I'll go take care of him."
"Thank you," Meredith sighed and then jumped off the bed as her phone started ringing. "Damn it. It's just my mom. You talk to her."
"What? I don't want to talk to your mom. I don't do moms," Cristina said, looking at the phone like it was poisonous. "Besides I have to go kick McDreamy's ass."
"Go do it then," Meredith sighed as she pressed ignore on her phone. "And then bring back some tequila. Because I hate him and his stupid boy penis."
"Really? Because I'm pretty sure you loved that penis last night," Cristina cracked.
"Cristina!" Meredith threw a pillow at her. "Seriously? Seriously. He slept with me. He slept with me and now he won't answer his phone. I hate him. He's such a fucking freak and I hate him."
"Sure you do," Cristina laughed.
"This isn't funny," Meredith sighed. "It really isn't funny. This was a mistake. The world's biggest mistake."
"Meredith, you do realize he's just a guy, right?" Cristina grumbled.
"Of course he's just a guy," Meredith nodded. "But, he's, he's Derek. He, understood. And he...he fucked me. And he's just a guy. Just a stupid, stupid guy with a stupid boy penis."
"Fine, I'm going to kick his ass," Cristina sighed. "But if his asshole of a best friend touches me, I'm blaming it on you."
"Thank you," Meredith nodded as she buried her head under her pillow. She never should have gone out with Derek Shepherd. She never should have even asked him out. This was turning out to be the biggest mistake of her college career.
GAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGA
Derek paced around the apartment, pulling at his hair as he started at the ringing phone. He knew what the display said, he didn't have to look. Stupid mistake, big huge mistake. "I can't answer that," Derek groaned.
"Dude, seriously, answer her," Mark rolled his eyes as he handed Derek a beer.
"No, no," Derek shook his head. "I, no, I can't. Last night, after last night I definitely can't answer that phone."
"Why the fuck not?" Mark asked. "You fucked her. It was good. She obviously wants more."
Derek groaned at his best friend. "Fucking her wasn't good. Not that way, it was amazing, but it was a mistake. I wasn't supposed to fuck her, Mark, I wasn't supposed to be that guy. I'm different, I'm supposed to be different. For her, she...I have no fucking clue what I was thinking."
"You were thinking there was a hot drunk naughty school girl practically fucking you in the kitchen," Mark rolled his eyes. "You did what any man would do."
"Exactly!" Derek yelled. "I wasn't supposed to be any man, not with Meredith. She...she...every single man at that party wanted to fuck her, you damn well know that. You lead the fucking parade. But no one wants her, not to be with her, not really. I do. I wasn't going to fuck her, I was going to wait."
"Okay, I'm apparently sharing my apartment with a girl," Mark rolled his eyes. "Wait? For what? Shep, she's calling you. Which means she wants more. She wants to fuck your brains out. I'm not seeing the god damn problem here."
"She doesn't want more," Derek sighed. "She's calling because she just found out I'm like all the rest of them. I wasn't supposed to be, I was supposed to be better than that."
"So she's calling you to tell you you're just like the rest of them and now she's not going to talk to you?" Mark stared at him. "You'd think she'd just stop calling. Next time she calls, I'm answering the fucking phone."
"You're not," Derek snapped. "I need...no, she, she needs to be with someone that makes her feel like she's worth more than a good fuck. Maybe...I...I'm not that guy."
"Are you on something?" Mark glared. "Derek, you're so fucking crazy for her and she's so fucking crazy for you it's disgusting. I look at you two and I want to vomit. You are that guy, you ass. Now pick up the phone and call her."
"I can't," Derek shook his head. "She...I promised her. I told her I would wait and then we got drunk...and I just can't."
"You got drunk," Mark shrugged. "And you fucked her. And now she's calling you. I'm not seeing the problem here."
"Meredith," Derek sighed. "She...she's dark and twisty. She's...there's a lot of layers to her. And she deserves to be with someone who can make her feel worthy, who won't jump into bed with her."
"You didn't just jump into bed with her," Mark sighed. "You got drunk, stumbled into a room and had sex. Did she say no?"
"She was drunk Mark," Derek groaned. "And she sleep with innappropriate men when she's drunk, it's her thing."
"If she didn't say no, I'm not seeing the problem here at all," Mark said. "Now call her."
"It was a mistake, a huge fucking mistake," Derek yelled. "I can't just call her."
"How the hell do you know she thinks it was a mistake?" Mark asked. "How do you know she isn't calling to ask you out again? And what about tomorrow? You've got to go tutor her you know."
"Oh, god," Derek sighed, grabbing his leather jacket. "I have to go talk to Stanton. She doesn't need me."
"Are you serious?" Mark frowned. "You are on something. You're going to stop tutoring her because you fucked her?"
"No, I'm going to stop tutoring her because she doesn't need a tutor. The woman is a genius," Derek said shrugging into his jacket.
"Don't you think you should talk to Mary about this?" Mark urged.
"I already told her she doesn't need tutoring," Derek shrugged.
"And did she say you were right?" Mark asked. "Or was it during the dirty drunken sex that was for some reason a huge mistake?"
"She...she thinks she needs me but that's because she doesn't have any faith in herself," Derek groaned. "And the sex didn't really help that."
"Will you just fucking call her, Shep?" Mark rolled his eyes.
"No, I'm out of here," Derek sighed, heading towards the door but turning back at last second. "Mark, just let this drop. Mer and I...the whole thing...it was a mistake. Let it go."
Mark sighed. "You're a fucking idiot, Derek. But whatever."
"I want what's best for her," Derek sighed, heading out the door. Pretending that his heart wasn't squeezing in the pain of losing what had never really been his.
"You wanted it so much, and now that it's over you don't know what you want."
