Whoo hoo! Two updates for Touch the Flame in less than two weeks!

Disclaimer: Nope, I don't own Big Time Rush.

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THANK YOU to everyone who has reviewed, followed, favorited, or read this story! I love you all so, so much!

Warnings: Strong language, and intense and dark situations. Yeah, I'm going general here with the warnings, because I don't want to give away what happens in the chapter. But the chapter definitely has its dark moments, so be prepared for that. As for the rating, I figured I'd better change it to M, because of the last chapter and what happens in this one. But I've also been planning this chapter since I first came up with the idea for the story, so this isn't just because I needed a new twist. This actually was planned. So I'm sorry if any of the subject matter in this chapter bothers anyone; it's not intentional.

Enjoy the chapter!


Chapter Eleven: Guilt and Loss

Katie's POV

We both slept in until early afternoon, and it was with reluctance that we dragged ourselves out of bed.

James grinned when he noticed that I was walking a little stiffly. I stuck my tongue out at him with as much maturity as I could muster.

"Need a bath?" he asked with a laugh.

I nodded with my cutest pout.

"Come on, baby girl." He scooped me up and carried me into the bathroom. He ran a bath and we both stripped back down and I climbed in. He let me position myself before he joined me, sinking down behind me.

I flashed back to a couple months before when I had been just as sore as I was now, when I had taken a bath to help to relieve those overused muscles. Who would have guessed that the next time I would be taking a bath would be with James? Amazing how so much could change in such short a time.

"So, what are we?" I asked, before I could stop myself. I hadn't even been thinking about our relationship status, but suddenly the words were out of my mouth.

"Well…" he massaged my shoulders, "we could be something more than enemies with benefits…"

I let out a snort at the title. "We haven't been enemies with benefits for quite awhile," I pointed out.

"Okay, then, friends with benefits. That better?"

"Much."

"Anyway, could be more than friends with benefits…if you want to…"

I craned my neck around to look at him. "Yeah, I'd like that."

He smiled. "Be my girlfriend?"

"As long as you be my boyfriend."

"Deal."

The next week passed by slowly. Mom had asked for me to come back to Dr. Harrison's office for another therapy session on Friday evening. I only agreed to it because James promised me that he'd take me out for an ice cream sundae after.

Bribery can go a long way.

I sighed as I finished up my homework on Friday evening. I was still barely talking to Kendall, and I hadn't heard from my dad at all. I didn't really care about whether or not I was talking to my dad, but it bothered me about Kendall. The least he could have done was apologize for calling me fucked up. But, nothing. He hadn't even made eye contact with me. James and I had taken to eating lunch together in the library, away from Kendall's judgmental glares, Logan's frowns, and Carlos's confused looks. It was just easier and less stressful that way.

But another problem that I kept encountering was Sean Reinard, of all people. He had taken to popping up in-between classes, just leaning against the buildings where my classes were taking place, watching me as I would go in. A couple of times I caught him skulking around in the library while I was studying, slipping between shelves like a greasy snake.

It was beyond creepy.

We had had Thursday off for Thanksgiving, which I ended up spending with James and his dad. It wasn't anyone's dream Thanksgiving by a long shot, but it wasn't God-awful at least, which was a step up from what I was sure Thanksgiving with my family would have been like.

"So," James said as I set my books aside. I looked up at him as he sat down in a chair beside me at the table, "I've done some investigating, and I think I might have an idea who raped you."

A startled breath escaped me and I stared at him. "You – you do?"

He nodded. "I'm going to meet with the guy tonight to ask him about that night. I set it up for after your family therapy, so if you want to come you can. I'll get you your ice cream sundae afterwards," he added quickly.

I bit my lip. "I don't – I don't know…"

His hand enclosed mine. "It might give you some closure, Katie-Bear. And it might not even be him."

"When have you even been doing this research?"

"During free periods. I've been asking around. Turns out more people remember that night then what you thought."

"Oh…okay…" To be completely truthful, I had completely forgotten that he was trying to figure out who had roofied me. It just hadn't been on my mind. Probably I had been shutting it out, because thinking about it was just too…I don't even know. I guess the word would be scary. Terrifying. Humiliating.

He nodded. "So, if you want to come, I'll pick you up at nine. We're just going to talk. I'll be there the entire time, I won't leave you alone with him. And I'll have 911 on speed dial and I'll be recording everything he says."

I took a deep breath. Closure. He had done this for me so that I could have closure. "Okay. Okay. Let's do this."

"Okay." He pecked my lips. "It's going to be okay, sweetie. I won't let anything happen to you, I promise."

I reached over to hug him. "I know you won't."

"I love you."

"Love you too."

An hour later, he dropped me off at the building, and I headed up to Dr. Harrison's office. My parents and brother were already there, and you could've cut the tension with a knife. Oh goody. This was going to be fun...

I dropped down into a chair and looked at Dr. Harrison. "Let's move this along, Doc. I have an appointment."

"Katie!" Mom gasped, appalled at my behavior. "How rude!"

"Well, no one's ever used polite in a sentence when they were talking about me," I snipped back.

Dr. Harrison sighed. "So, how was everyone's Thanksgiving?"

Dad immediately went into a long spiel about how he had had to celebrate Thanksgiving at his office while working. Once he was finished, Mom talked about spending it catering for people. Kendall had celebrated it with Jo and her family, and I finally mentioned that I had spent it with James and his dad.

Dr. Harrison asked us polite, yet searching questions, about how we felt about spending the holiday apart. Our answers were all pretty much the same: Whatever.

We were such a tight-knit family.

She made a note, and then continued to ask questions about the dynamics of our family, how we all related to each other, that sort of thing. She didn't single me out to ask about James again, though she did occasionally send me searching looks when, on the occasion, Kendall or I would bring him up. Luckily she kept her mouth shut about her suspicions when it came to James and me.

Not once did I mention that James and I were together.

It wasn't that we were hiding it, it was just that, well, we kind of didn't have anyone to tell. Anyone who we could clue in would probably be pretty pissed off and confused. It wouldn't make any sense to them. I mean, James and I were practically considered different species in this town. Hell, even by our own friends, we were considered different life forms. There just wasn't any point in causing any more strife in our group than Kendall and I had managed to do.

It was a quarter to nine by the time we were allowed to leave. My parents stayed behind to talk to Dr. Harrison about something or other, and Kendall headed to one of the restrooms. I took the opportunity to slip outside. I immediately spotted James' car and hurried over to it. I opened the door and slid in.

He looked over at me. "Ready?"

"As ready as I'll ever be."

He nodded and started the car. "We're going to The Grill." The Grill was basically our town's version of Applebee's, with a bar at one end, and tables at the other. It wasn't necessarily in the nicest neighborhood, but what could you expect when you were meeting up with a potential rapist?

"Okay," I agreed.

James drove us to The Grill and parked. He took my hand as we approached the entrance, giving it a reassuring squeeze, and led me to the bar. We sat down at it and I glanced around nervously. James continued to hold onto my hand, stroking my fingers with his thumb.

"It'll be okay," he said softly. "It's going to be okay."

I nodded, biting my lip. My stomach was twisting and turning and churning and all I wanted to do was leap up and run to the nearest restroom and hurtle the contents of my stomach into it. Or maybe just run outside and just keep going, never to look back. What the hell had I been thinking?! I couldn't do this, I wasn't ready for this, I couldn't handle this.

The minutes passed by slowly. Nine-o-clock came and went. James' brow began to furrow in annoyance. And then his eyes began to glint with fury. His grip on my hand tightened.

"He bailed," James finally said. "The little fucking wimp fucking bailed on us! I bet he walked in, saw you sitting here, and knew what I asked him here for. The next time I see him, I'm beating his head into a brick wall, and then I'm taking a knife to his balls and – "

"Who is it?" I asked him. "You never told me…"

He shook his head. "I don't want to tell you, I don't want you getting your hopes up. No, you know what? This proves it. This fucking proves it. I'll tell you in the car – " his phone went off and he looked at it. "It's my mom." He passed me his keys. "Go ahead and wait out in the car, all this place is doing is making you more antsy. I'll be out in a few minutes. Be careful."

"Okay." I headed outside, taking a deep breath. It was hard to say whether or not I had just narrowly missed a bullet. On the one hand, I really did want to know just what exactly had happened that night. But on the other hand…I didn't want to know. Not at all. How could I? It was better left a mystery. I knew once I found out who had done it, I would see his face flashing through my mind. I would have nightmares about him. The mystery for who had raped me was a stone that was better left unturned. I didn't need closure. I didn't want it.

I was so lost in my thoughts that I didn't notice the young man in the shadow of a parked car, or the way he was staring at me, like a hungry lion eyeing a nice, fat deer. Needless to say, I was caught unaware when I was suddenly thrown into a nearby car. My head hit the roof, and I let out a gasp, stars erupting in front of my eyes and a shot of pain firing through my skull.

I blinked the stars away, finally able to make out the tall, black haired, icy eyed man who was standing in front of me.

Sean Reinard.

I raised my hand up to the back of my head where it had cracked into the roof, and felt a thick, sticky wetness.

Blood.

I looked at Sean for a long moment, and he looked back at me, and then my senses finally caught up to me. I let out a high pitched scream.

He was on me in a half second, his hand covering my mouth, his body pressing against mine, invading my personal space. And in that moment, I knew exactly who I was facing.

I bit down as hard as I could on his hand. I tasted blood – his blood – on my tongue, and almost threw up. He let out a yell of pain and yanked his hand away.

"You fucking bitch!" There was a hard slap, and a sharp sting shot across my face, my head jerking to the side. And then there was a second one, and all I was seeing were stars again, but I had to escape, I had to get away…He had raped me and he would do it again and no one would stop him and oh, dear God, please let me get away…

I shoved past him blindly, dizzyingly trying to remember where James' truck was parked, or what direction the restaurant was in. I was terrified, beyond terrified…Get away from him…get away…I tried to scream again, but all I managed was a weak cry. My throat muscles had closed up on me in terror, and my body felt like it was moving in slow motion.

The next thing I knew, I was on the ground with him holding me down. I let out another hoarse scream, but to no avail.

And then he was rolling me over and his fingers were on my jeans button and hell no, I was not going through this again. And that's when I remembered that I was holding James' truck keys.

I blindly slashed at him, catching him across his face, and then across his arm. He recoiled and I jumped to my feet, adrenaline pumping through my body as I realized that I was fucking pissed off. I swung my foot at his face, making contact with his nose, and then took off across the parking lot, screaming bloody murder and shrieking for help.

But he was behind me, catching up to me, and then he was pinning me to a wall – and where the hell had it even come from?! – and fumbling with the buttons on his jeans. I struggled against him, but years of playing hockey had given him unrelenting muscle. He grabbed my neck, fingers enclosing around my throat. "If you don't stay still and be a good little girl, I'll squeeze," he threatened in a whisper.

To reply, I let out a half-choked yell.

He slammed my head against the wall again, and then everything went black.


James' POV

"What's up?" I asked my mom as I watched Katie walk out of The Grill. Disappointment and anger was still coursing through me. That fucking bastard hadn't shown. He had completely blown us off. Fucking Sean Reinard.

"I'm back in town," she said. "Your father actually called me, he wanted to see me. So I'm at the hospital right now."

"Is he okay?"

"He's fine. He just wanted to explain some stuff to me. I've been talking to him. But he wants to see you, so maybe you could come by tomorrow?"

"Yeah, sure, of course."

"Thanks, sweetie. So, how're things going?"

"Well, um…Katie Knight's living with me. Her parents are split up and, well, I don't think anyone's really staying at her house right now," I told her. "So, that's probably the biggest change. Other than that, things are going okay."

"Well, that's good. And tell her she's welcome to stay with us for as long as she likes."

"Thanks, I will."

"So, where are you?" she asked me.

"At The Grill. Katie and I were supposed to meet up with someone, but he never showed."

"Ah. Well, that's rude."

"Beyond rude. Anyway, can I talk to you later? I need to go and find Katie."

"All right. Love you."

"Love you too." I hung up and headed out. Just as I reached the lobby, I heard a scream. A tiny figure was running across the parking lot, a taller figure chasing her.

I shoved through the doors and ran after both of them. I turned around a corner, into a short alleyway, just in time to see Katie slide to the ground, eyes closed, and Sean kneel over her.

I tackled him, pushing him off of Katie, and we fell to the ground. We scrabbled around, punching and kicking at each other. And then he was up and running and I was on my feet, about to go after him, when I heard Katie let out a weak moan. I fell to my knees beside her and pulled her into my lap, holding her. Her hair was damp with blood, her lip was bleeding, and I could see a light pattern of bruises spanning across her left cheek.

She slowly stirred, eyes opening. She blinked up at me. I looked back at her, my grip on her tightening.

"My head hurts," she mumbled out, leaning into me.

"I know, sweetie. I'm gonna take you to the hospital, okay?"

"Kay." She closed her eyes again.

"But I need you to stay awake. I don't know how bad you're hurt, but I don't think it's a good idea if you fall asleep."

"Kay," she said again, opening her eyes obediently. I got to my feet with her in my arms, and carried her over to my truck.

"Keys?"

She passed them to me, and I opened the passenger side door. I set Katie on the bench seat and closed the door, before walking around and getting in on the driver's side. It was only then that I noticed blood smeared on the keys.

Katie curled up in her seat, and I reached over, pulling the seatbelt around her. I pulled my sweatshirt off and held it to Katie's head. "Put pressure on it," I told her gently.

She nodded, her body beginning to shake. "'M cold," she mumbled out. "And thirsty."

I reached behind the seat to pull out the quilts. I wrapped them around her.

I knew from a First Aid class my mom had made me take in high school that you aren't supposed to let someone drink water when they've gone into shock. Instead, you let them chew on crushed ice cubes. But I didn't want to leave Katie alone again…

I grabbed the water bottle I always kept in my truck and dumped most of the water out the window, before passing it to Katie. "Suck on the ice cubes," I ordered. "Slowly. Don't go too fast."

She dumped a couple out into her palm and shakily slid them into her mouth.

I put my seatbelt on, started the truck, and drove as fast as I dared to Canton Lake General Hospital. I parked in the ER area and carried Katie in, keeping her wrapped up in the quilts. She was barely conscious, her eyes half closed. The receptionist looked up at me as I approached.

"I have an attempted rape, and it looks like her head's been beaten against something," I panted out. "She's gone into shock, she's freezing cold and her mouth's dry. Please…you've got to do something…"

It was still another ten minutes before they would let me bring Katie into a hospital room. While we were waiting, I helped Katie fill out an information sheet. At last, we were emitted into a room. The nurse came in to make sure she was comfortable and to let us know that the doctor would be with Katie in just a moment.

As luck would have it, it was another good ten minutes before the doctor walked in. Things began moving quickly after that. Katie had to have a CAT scan so that they could see the amount of damage that Sean had done to her.

Luckily, she only had a mild concussion, but they still wanted her to stay overnight for observation.

Visiting hours were over, so I headed out to the waiting room. I called the police to report the rape attempt. They promised they'd look into it as soon as possible, and I collapsed in a chair. I dozed on and off through the night. It was almost five in the morning by the cops were able to get to the hospital. Apparently it had been a busy night for crime.

Katie was woken up, and the cops questioned both of us. Katie reluctantly mentioned that she had been raped three years before, and that she did, in fact, remember seeing Sean Reinard at the party.

I stayed with her while she talked, a mixture of guilt, horror, sadness, and nausea beating through me. I couldn't believe I'd been so fucking stupid! I had let her go out there alone when I knew Reinard had been there earlier. I knew he had raped her. And I knew that there was a very good chance that he would try again. And yet all I had done was give her my keys and tell her to go wait in my truck. How fucking stupid and irresponsible and selfish could I fucking get?! It was all my fault Katie had almost been raped again. All my fault she had a mild concussion. I didn't even deserve to be in the same room with her.

As she reached the part about Reinard shoving her into the wall, I felt the largest wave of nausea yet hit me.

I mumbled something about needing to use the bathroom, and then I sprinted out the door, into the men's restroom. I locked myself in a stall and fell to my knees, hurling every single thing that I had consumed in the past twelve hours straight in the toilet. I gasped for breath, tears streaming down my face, nose running, as my stomach clenched over and over, pushing everything up and out.

After who-knows-how-long, I collapsed on the floor, shaking both from exhaustion and from the horror of what had been done to Katie.

The bathroom door opened, and a moment later, one of the cops was kneeling on the floor, peeking under the stall door. I avoided his eyes and instead curled up into a ball.

"Your girlfriend's worried about you," he told me gently. "You've been gone a good ten minutes. She said you didn't look very good when you ran out."

"I'm fine." My voice was hoarse and my throat was dry. My mouth felt like someone had stuffed an old sock into it.

"Come on out," he said. "It's normal."

"What? To be responsible for your girlfriend almost being raped?! I set up the meeting with him! I sent her out to the parking lot all by herself because my mom called and I didn't want to talk to her out in my truck."

"She said you were trying to help her, that you were going to trap him. It wasn't necessarily the best way, but given the circumstances, I can understand why you did it. And as for sending her out there, she said you both thought he had left. Run off. Probably the only reason why he even hung around was to go after her one last time. Did you know he'd been appearing all over campus, wherever she was?"

"He – he was?"

"Yeah. She didn't think much of it. She thought it was creepy, but it didn't even occur to her that he was the one who had raped her. He was going to go after her no matter what. Because of you, he didn't manage to rape her a second time. Because of you, we'll probably have him in custody before long. It's not your fault that she was almost raped, James. It's his fault. You didn't put a gun to his head. It was his choice, he went after her, just like he roofied her three years ago. You might have saved her life. She doesn't blame you, and she thinks you're a hero for doing what you did."

I flushed the toilet and pushed myself to my feet. I was a little unsteady, but I managed to get out of the stall. I washed my hands and rinsed out my mouth, before popping a handful of Tic-Tacs. The cop gave me a small smile. "And for the record, this isn't the first sexual assault charge that's come up against Sean Reinard. A couple of them popped up when he was in high school, but nothing ever came of it. His dad's pretty rich, and could hire a good lawyer and pay off the judge, but I don't think Daddy's going to be able to buy his way out of this mess this time around."

I blinked at him. "Are you serious? No one ever heard about that."

"It was kept quiet. But Reinard finally pushed the line. He went after the wrong girl."

We left the bathroom and I bought a Sprite from a soda machine, before going into Katie's room. She was sitting up, knees pulled up to her chest and arms wrapped around them. She looked up when we came in, and her bottom lip began trembling. "I – I was afraid you'd left," she mumbled out, blinking back tears.

"I didn't. I'm sorry." I sat down next to her, pulling her into my arms, before noticing the presence of a woman who I had never seen before. She had dark brown hair pulled back into a loose bun, and her eyes were warm and brown.

"I'm Meryl Kline, a psychiatrist. I do some freelance work for the police department."

"She specializes in teen cases," the cop who had come to get me explained. "She'll be talking to Katie before she's released, to make sure it's okay for her to go home."

"I told them I'm already going to family counseling, but they brought her in anyway," Katie said to me, resting her head against my shoulder.

"I don't think family counseling is going to do much good with rape," I told her, holding her a little closer.

Meryl nodded. "The police department doesn't do this for all cases, but they do try. I'll just talk to her and get a feel for where she's at. Emotionally, she's going to be pretty torn up for a little while. Don't be surprised if she's more clingy than usual, if she's suddenly paranoid about losing you. You saved her, so she's probably going to have a bit of a hero complex when it comes to you."

"I find that hard to imagine…"

Meryl chuckled. "Mind if we begin?" she asked Katie.

An hour later, Sean was in custody for sexual assault, physical assault, and drugging an unsuspecting girl, and Meryl had finished her session with Katie. She gave Katie her business card and told her to call her if there was anything she wanted to try to work through or talk through. Katie promised her she would, and I actually had a pretty good feeling that she'd follow through on that. She seemed to like Meryl a lot more than Doctor Harrison.

By eight-o-clock that morning, I was allowed to bring Katie back to my house. She was doing much better, though definitely exhausted and still emotional from such a hard twelve hours, and she immediately fell into our bed, snuggling under the covers.

I sat down beside her, stroking her hair. "Do you want me to call your parents or brother?"

"No," she mumbled. "They never knew about the original rape, and I don't want them to know now."

"Word's going to get around," I reminded her. "Someone will hear something from one of the nurses in the hospital, or from a cop's wife, and then the news will be all over town."

"I just want to avoid it for as long as possible," she told me, closing her eyes.

"Okay." I kissed her forehead and laid down beside her, pulling her into my arms. Within seconds, she was fast asleep. I drifted off soon after with a small sigh.

By Sunday afternoon, Katie was doing much better. Her head still hurt, but she was taking pain meds to help with it. The main thing was that she didn't want to be left alone, and that was okay with me. I didn't like leaving her alone either. I kept her near me at pretty much all times, and that kept us both as relaxed as we were going to get. My mom had stopped by the house a couple of times the last two days, but mainly she was spending time either at the office, or at the hospital with my dad. The latter was surprising, to say the least. I couldn't remember the last time she had willingly spent time with Dad. Katie came with me on Saturday evening to see him. She was pretty adamant about me going to visit him, and since neither of us wanted her to be alone, she tagged along.

My mom had heard from a friend on the police department that Katie had almost been raped. Katie reluctantly explained what had happened, and both Mom and Dad were about ready to go and beat the living shit out of Sean Reinard by the time she finished the story. Dad actually threw his covers back and tried to get to his feet, but a nurse came in at that moment and told him to get his ass back into bed.

No one in Katie's family called about the attempted rape. Katie was pretty sure they hadn't heard, and I was hoping that was the case. I was sure Jennifer Knight would care, but it was hard to say about her father…I was pretty sure Kendall would be beyond livid when he found out what had almost happened to his baby sister. For all he was putting the blame on her, he still loved her, of that I was sure. After all, you don't just stop loving someone because you're hurting.

Sunday afternoon found Katie and me on the couch, my arm around her and her head on my shoulder as we watched TV, occasionally flipping through channels to see what else was on. It was nice and quiet and relaxing, exactly what we both needed after the insanity and terror that had been Friday.

We were in the middle of a rerun of Bewitched when my phone rang. I dug it out of my jeans pocket and checked the Caller ID. It was my mom. I hit the receive button and put it up to my ear. "Hey, what's up?"

"Your dad…he just had a heart attack…James, get down here, now!" Mom sounded almost hysterical as she relayed the message to me.

"Okay, okay, I'm on my way!" I hung up and turned to Katie, who had straightened up and was looking at me in worry. "My dad had a heart attack, I have to get down to the hospital."

She nodded. "Do what you have to do. I'll see you when you get home."

"Thanks." I kissed her quickly before gathering my keys and wallet up. "Love you."

"Love you too."

I was out the door and in the car in thirty seconds flat. My foot was pressing down on the gas the entire way to the hospital. My stomach was tightening and un-tightening rhythmically, my heart pounding so loudly against my ribcage that I was worried it might actually break my ribs.

I finally reached the hospital, parked, and rushed in. I hurried up to my dad's room and found my mom and Savannah both there, faces white. The doctors were gathered around my dad's bed, and they had him connected to a fibrillator, one of those machines that gets your heart beating again.

My mom grabbed me and pulled me into her arms, tears streaming down her face as the doctors yelled orders to each other, never looking away. Through the gap of the white coats, I could see my dad's body, limp and unmoving.

They hit the machine again, and he was jolted by the shock. And then there was another one. And another one. And then…

All that could be heard was a long beep. The heart monitor's screen showed one long, straight line.

The doctors checked his pulse, and then listened at his mouth for signs of breathing.

At last, they stepped back and one of the doctors bowed his head. "Time of death – 5:45 PM."


Katie's POV

It was almost midnight and I hadn't heard from James. I had ended up ordering takeout for dinner, and then at about eleven, I crawled into bed. We had class the next morning, but I was tossing and turning, restless and worried. Something had gone wrong…I just knew it.

I sighed, rolling over for what felt like the hundredth time in less than an hour. I wanted to text James, but I didn't want to bother him. Besides, he should've been home hours ago…I was worried. What if something had happened to him? What if he had been in a car accident? What if Reinard had gotten to him? That thought alone made me want to vomit.

I just wanted James to come home. I didn't feel even slightly safe without him.

Suddenly, there was a flash of headlights and the purr of two different engines. I leapt out of bed and hurried to the window. Both Brooke and James had just pulled up.

I dashed downstairs, just as the door opened. James and Brooke trailed in. Brooke's face was red and puffy, her usual makeup running in streaks under her eyes and over her cheeks. James' face was just bone white, his eyes glazed over.

I looked at Brooke, almost pleadingly, hoping, praying, that what I was sure had happened hadn't happened at all. Please…

Brooke shook her head, her voice catching. "He's…he passed away. They couldn't…the doctors couldn't…they couldn't save him…"

I struggled with the urge to burst into tears. James and Brooke didn't need me starting to cry when they were already in so much overwhelming pain.

Instead, I just wrapped my arms around them both, hugging them. Brooke leaned into me, but James barely responded.

Brooke pulled back after a few seconds and wiped at her eyes. "I'm – I'm going to go upstairs…see if I can get some sleep…I don't think James will be able to go to class tomorrow. Are you planning on it?" she asked me.

"I don't – I don't know."

"Maybe you should stay home and be with him."

"Won't you be home?"

"I have to make funeral arrangements and meet with Ben's lawyer. Savannah's not planning on doing anything, she'd rather play the part of the helpless, grief-stricken widow." Brooke wiped at her eyes again. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't be talking about her like that."

"No, it's okay. Go get some sleep. I'll stay with James."

"All right. Thank you." She kissed his head, gave me a quick hug, and then headed upstairs to her room.

I took James' hand in mine and led him upstairs as well. I got him onto his bed, and crawled in next to him, wrapping my arms around him.

Neither of us said anything for the entire night, but I don't think either of us ever fell asleep either. We were too lost in our own thoughts, too immersed in our pain.


*Hides in closet* Is it safe to come out? Do you guys hate me? Do you want to kill me? I'm really, really, REALLY sorry about what just happened. I really am. But like I said, it was planned from the very beginning, not that it made any of it any easier to write. But I hope you guys will forgive me for Mr. Diamond's death.

So, if you guys are still speaking to me, even if it's just to yell at me, do the review button a favor and click on it? Let me know what you think? If I even want to know what you guys think...? *Blinks hopefully*