There is Nothing to Decide…

Recap of chap 1: Phoebus "deflowers" Esmeralda and she doesn't enjoy it.

Recap of chap 2: A cloaked figure brings Esmeralda to a strange place and comforts her…and then tells her he loves her and she faints.

Recap of chap 3: Esmeralda finds out a little about the man she is now with.

Recap of chap 4: Esmeralda begins a sort of introspection, thinking about the men that have been in her life. She begins pondering the intentions of this new man and makes a decision about him.

Recap of chap 5: Claude confesses what he has done to Esmeralda. Esmeralda attempts suicide.

Recap of chap 6: Esmeralda having a major epiphany about her own sexuality.

Recap of 7: Esmeralda blames Claude for not stopping Phoebus. More of Esmeralda's epiphany. She decides to see just how far she can take things with Claude without going all the way. She discovers how she can use him, but then things go wrong.

Recap of chap 8: Claude gives Esmeralda a grand speech about love and Esmeralda begins wondering what type of girl she is.

Recap of chap 9: Esmeralda still wondering what type of girl she is and wonders how Claude can love her now that she is no longer pure. Claude overhears Phoebus talking with Jehan and relays what he overhears to Esmeralda.

Recap of chap 10: Esmeralda sees Phoebus again…make that Esmeralda sees Phoebus with Fleur-De-Lys and she becomes enraged. Claude really begins seeing Esmeralda as a scared little girl. Esmeralda wants to be who she was before and questions why she ever "loved" Phoebus in the first place. Jehan pops in for a visit.

Recap of chap 11: Esmeralda decides to completely discard her old self and has a tiny identity crisis. Claude finally asks her to make a decision regarding her love for him. Esmeralda has a dream…Phoebus haters will like this dream.

Summary for chap 12: Esmeralda makes her decision…sort of. While praying, Claude has two VERY graphic/VERY violent reveries. Claude has a bit of a confrontation with our least favorite captain. Esmeralda gives Claude an ultimatum.

Please note: This chapter contains some very graphic and violent sequences. If you are opposed to graphic violence, then skip over this chapter.

For now this is the last chapter.

Thank you to all of my reviewers.


It had only been a few minutes, but it had felt like an eternity. She finally decided to close the door. Rushing down and calling Phoebus out in front of that little blonde thing beside him would do no good. She could imagine it now; her running to him begging for his mercy, demanding that he tell her he loved her and telling the hussy next to him exactly what he had done. The damsel next to him would think it a joke and laugh and Phoebus too would laugh. The two would be on their merry way and Esmeralda would be left standing in the street, head down and looking sullen.

She also imagined following Claude, catching up to him and looking him directly in the eyes. He would catch her, take hold of her and bring her into a warm embrace. He would want her answer and she would give him her answer, if only she knew what it was.

She sighed, knowing that no matter what her answer would be, it had no happy ending for either of them. She could turn it all around and give him part of what he wanted…that part being the part of the bargain she wanted. But then she would be a harlot and unlike harlots, she actually did feel something for Claude.

"But then what if he changes his mind after that? What if that is all he really wants?"

Tears blurred her vision and she no longer knew what to think about herself.

"And then, what if no matter what I do I am still a harlot?"

She stood up again and this time she opened the door with confidence in her decision. She took one step, then another and soon she was at the bottom of the stairs.

As Esmeralda made her way across the floor of the cathedral, admiring it for it's stained glass windows and awe inspiring statues Claude was elsewhere inside the cathedral praying. Or at least that is what he had meant to do. Somewhere he had gotten lost in thought and sometime ago he too had heard the hooves noisily beating the ground. They had thrown him off course and now, instead of prayer the only thought on his mind was how good it would feel to bring that pompous popinjay captain to justice!


"I would casually invite him into one of the private cloisters…"

Claude's mind conjured up the image of him beckoning the captain to follow him.

"Captain a colleague and I having a discussion about women and I need your assistance in making a point."

He would test the tip of a dagger in his cassock's sleeve and he would welcome Phoebus into the cathedral and usher him away from the public eye.

"So where is this colleague you were speaking of and what point did you need assistance in making?"

Phoebus would sneer and Claude would ready himself for the act he was about to commit. Claude would first slide the blade along the wall, causing it to make a treacherous sound! The captain would turn swiftly to see what was going on and Claude would lay into him. He would begin by carving into one cheek. The wound would be deep, too deep to ever heal from. Claude would puncture directly into Phoebus' mouth and carve the flesh away from the bone, flicking it onto the ground. Phoebus' face would be covered in never ending rushes of blood and Claude would laugh! He would take the most sincere delight in taking the captain's most valuable procession from him as he had delighted in taking Esmeralda's virtue. Claude would over power the young man and from behind he could see himself crudely removing the mustache from Phoebus' lip. The raw and exposed flesh, the blood curdling screams and the red, sticky mass that was now Phoebus' once beautiful face would seem heaven sent to Claude. And while Claude had hold of the captain's neck, he would glide his dagger up to the bridge of the young man's nose. In one slice it too would be on the floor, beside his discarded cheek leaving a cavity behind. That is all the captain's face would be, one giant cavity. He would be more disgusting to the girl than Quasimodo! Claude began to laugh out loud when he realized that this was not the most horrendous part of his plan; he would force the captain up the stairs to see the sweet damsel he had wronged. She would surely enjoy seeing him.

"Now captain, behind this door is a lovely young woman who loved you deeply once. She wishes to have a word with you and you had better listen to every word she has to say! Treat her words, as they are your only means of survival, as they are. You will apologize to her and if she does not accept your apology, then I will allow her the honor of deciding your fate."

He would want Esmeralda to have the satisfaction of dealing the last blow! But no, she was loving and kind and all things good in the world. There was no need for blood to be on her hands.


"She would hate me then."

Claude muttered.

"Yet there must be a way to quicken her decision."

He attempted going back to prayer, but his mood was not interested in talking to God right now.


For all intensive purposes she was attracted to him. That was a fact Claude was certain of. He noticed her from time to time gazing into his eyes. She always seemed memorized by them and God only knew why! To him they were just slate gray eyes…slate gray eyes which found their way to her. It was their fault! Had they stayed on the book, where they were supposed to have stayed in the first place nothing would have ever happened. Esmeralda would have just been some girl and nothing more, just an annoying girl. But they had locked onto her and she was a sight to behold!

"Without them I would never have to look at her again! If I do not see her, she cannot be beautiful and if she is not beautiful, then I will not want. Problem solved!"

Claude was so gleeful upon jumping to this conclusion. He would pick up his dagger and without hesitation he would plunge it into his eyeball. There would be searing pain, but it would be worth it if it bought him his freedom. He would yank the dagger with the eyeball attached to the tip out. He would cut the muscle and let the first one drop to the floor. He would repeat this a second time and then rush up, groping his way to his cell to see if indeed the experiment was a success!


She loved his eyes and perhaps she would not love him if he were to discard them. But he was ready to if it solved the problem. He sighed, vexed that he could no longer pray. And then the thought of his own eye looking up at him frightened and disgusted him. He cringed and left the cloister.

Esmeralda had made it outside, but still clung to the doorway as a means of support. From here she could see Phoebus and the little blonde girl next to him.

Claude had made his way up to his cell without turning around and ambushing the captain and without any self mutilation. The door was open and she was gone. Claude looked around to see if she may be hiding.

"Esmeralda?"

After about ten minutes or so he decided to sit down on the bed and wait for her. He had not prepared for this moment, the moment when she decided to leave. He took up one of the pillows and it smelled like her; spices, lavender, roses and some unknown scent unique to her. That was the scent he loved the most! He ran his hand along the mattress and the sheets, tracing where she used to lie. She was gone and these things no longer had a use. But where had she gone? In a panic Claude looked out over the balustrade thinking that perhaps seeing Phoebus a third time, parading in front of her with another girl had been her undoing. Surely a crowd would have gathered, but there was no crowd and Claude thanked God that Esmeralda was not a lifeless corpse. He slowly went back over and sat on her bed once more, allowing his own tears to bathe his cheeks. He had once wanted to be rid of her and now she was gone. He needed her to be here, crying, screaming, cursing him, hating him! He needed her to scream out in rage that she loved him! God how many times had he watched her sleep in this bed and now he would no more!

Esmeralda looked on as Phoebus and the young girl laughed. She was admiring his armor, his hair, his eyes. His eyes had seemed dead up until now. She saw a smile in his eyes, as he gave her flowers and complimented her beauty. She in turn blushed and allowed him to kiss her hand. Esmeralda felt her knees quake and wobble. Unable to hold herself up any longer, she allowed her body to collapse in a pool next to the door. She could hear every word he was saying to the girl.

"We will be married soon and you will be the happiest girl in all of France!"

Esmeralda searched for some sign of engagement and on the girl's pale left ring finger sat a diamond ring. A weight had been placed over Esmeralda and it was crushing every bone in her body, making it difficult to breathe. The last sensation she felt were tears dropping onto her hands.

"Phoebus…"

He had seen her! He had rushed to her side. It was after all his duty to assist a lovely damsel in distress. Claude had rushed out of the cathedral in time to see her limp body in the captain's arms. In a blind fury Claude marched over and snatched the girl from Phoebus' hands.

"And just what do you think you are doing with her captain!"

It was completely rhetorical, but being the man that he was Phoebus felt obliged to reply.

"Another one of your experiments Archdeacon?"

The captain threw his head back in laughter.

"She had Sanctuary."

He stated, as though that would make a difference. Claude watched the captain turn to leave with his fiancée and a thought occurred to him.

"Does she not look familiar captain?"

Claude placed Esmeralda's body down gently. He wished for no injury to ever befall her and this duel of words could quickly become physical.

"The dancer with the goat…Similar I think they call her."

Phoebus gave Claude a smug grin and turned to leave once more.

"Captain."

Claude had drawn his cowl up to hide his face and as Phoebus turned around he recognized the man. This sent shivers down the proud captain's spine. But remembering that this man was a priest, Phoebus became bold once again and stepped close enough for only Claude to hear.

"Any man would have done the same."

Phoebus chuckled and then retreated with Fleur-De-Lys in toe.

Claude spun around and lifted his sleeping prize into his arms. Once in his cell he placed her down onto the bed and felt for her pulse. He worried that Phoebus had done something to her, or that she at last did succeed in taking her own life.

"Leave it to her to die as dramatically as possible."

He thought, rolling his eyes. He felt a few thumps against his fingers and sighed relieved that she was alive. Her lips moved and Claude placed his ear close to them, hoping to hear her decision.

"When will I stop hating myself?"

It was a dry and cracked voice which held the blunt and emotionless question. And for once, as much knowledge as he held Claude had no answer. She had come to terms and stopped hating Phoebus, but now her new adversary faced her in the mirror on a daily basis. She wanted to be "Esmeralda" again, but had lost the ability to be her. Maybe "Esmeralda" wasn't supposed to be only one part of her, but now she needed to know what being "Esmeralda" encompassed.

"I haven't made my decision yet, because I want you to make one."

She sat up, ignoring Claude's protests.

"I will say yes to letting you have me, but only if you never tell me that you love me. I do not want love to have anything to do with that. Or I will love you, but you will never be able to have your way with me. Love and that are not the same and if you can prove to me that you love me without that, then perhaps in time I will be ready for that."

Claude could not believe his ears. Was she turning this all around on him? He knew she was. He could only stand there flabbergasted that she would ask him what his decision was. He wanted all of her.

"No more bargains! No more compromises! Answer me! Do you love me?"

Esmeralda took a long while to it over and in Claude's mind her decision should have been an easy one.

"Before I give you an answer, you must answer my question."

Exasperated, Claude nodded in agreement.

"Would you still love me if we never did that?"

She looked into his eyes and saw all the torment, the passion and fear. Those gray eyes, which reflected the sun and dispersed its rays in thousands of directions taking on new colors grew blank and then pained. Every ounce of light seemed to scurry away, afraid of what would come next. But instead of yelling or crawling to her in desperation, he was silent. At length tears sprung from his eyes, but he did nothing to wipe them away. He stood motionless, like a statue, letting her words play out in his head. She was allowing him to decide whether or not he wanted to be like the captain. In some twisted way he wanted the bravado and the pride that went along with being Phoebus as long as it got him Esmeralda, but he could see in her eyes that she didn't want him to be anything like the captain.

"This must end! Will I forever be chasing after your heart, or if I tell you that I love you will you love me?"

His eyes hardened as he asked her this.

"I do love you."

She looked down, tears in her eyes as she whispered.

At these words Claude sat down to comfort her. He placed one arm around her shoulders and let her lean into him as they both sobbed. Now began the days that would be Heaven sent and plights into Hell. For her, telling him that she loved him was giving him the permission to hurt her; she had given him her heart and she knew that he could easily break it. This wasn't a compromise…it was a truce.