Jessie's POV
"God, I can't believe you didn't invite me!" Tad whined for the hundredth time since I had told him about the dinner Lily had thrown for Grace and Katie.
I guess I was too naïve when I thought people would get over it in just a few days. People I didn't even know had come to me, asking me if anything had happened during the weekend, and others had come to say how sorry they were that my stepsister was gay.
But how could I honestly expect people to get over it while it was all I could think about? Sure, at first I had been shocked because not in a million years would I have thought that Grace was gay. Then I was relieved because she had finally decided to be honest and open with me, and now I was…I don't know, excited? Which was weird, because why the hell would I be excited to have a gay step-sister? Maybe I was glad because I saw that as an opportunity to be closer to Grace, because, honestly, the fact that she hated me was killing me. And the fact that she had told me the truth meant that there was still some hope for us to finally get along.
So I was ready to be there for her. People seemed completely obsessed by the fact that her and Katie were an item, that I knew things weren't going to be easy for her. And maybe it was the Mother-Teresa-side of me, but I thought I had to stick up to her.
"I mean, come on!" Tad complained, putting his arm around my shoulders as we were walking in the hallways. "We're partners in crime!"
Partners in crime meant I had to keep count while he would try to eat fifteen donuts in a row.
"Why didn't you invite me?" he pressed, lowering his voice.
He thought that because he was my boyfriend I should have told him everything. If only he knew.
"Because I didn't want you to look at them like you were watching some porn," I answered, rolling my eyes.
He gasped when I said 'porn' and slowed his steps and mine too.
"What?" he asked, pretending to be surprised. "What makes you think I watch porn?"
Again, I rolled my eyes.
"The fact that you're a seventeen year-old boy," I answered easily.
I wasn't mad, really. It would have been stupid of me to think that Tad didn't watch porn, especially since we still hadn't slept together. Everybody thought we were having sex and that we had done it a long time ago, probably because that's why we kept telling our friends, but the truth was that the two times we had tried had ended up being pretty disastrous. So I kept telling him I wasn't ready and he kept telling me he understood while I knew the only reason he was being so patient was because he got some relief from his impressive collection of porn that he thought I didn't know he was hiding under his bed. So it would have been unfair of me to be mad at him for that considering I had been making him wait for five months, which actually meant five years for a teenager.
"Hey!" Tad exclaimed, thrusting out his chest. "I prefer 'seventeen year old man'."
He laughed when he saw I wasn't mad and I couldn't help but laugh along with him. Everybody thought that Tad was just a popular basketball player with a pretty face and nice abs, and at first that was all I had seen too. But as I had gotten to know him, I had realized that he probably was the goofiest person I had ever met. Of course, being as popular as he was, he was trying hard to hide it but his goofiness was what I liked best about him. He was letting me see it when we were just the two of us and I liked that he could trust me enough to be himself. Too bad I couldn't trust him enough to be myself. But then again, I couldn't even trust myself enough to be myself.
Again, I thought about Grace and how she had decided just to be herself without worrying about what other people might think. I couldn't help but envy her, which was weird because, honestly, how being gay was better than being one of the popular kids? Gay kids were always laughed at, or beaten up, or just avoided as if they had some kind of disease. Popular kids were admired, envied, and everybody wanted to be their friends. Sure on the outside, they hated us but it was mostly because they were jealous. Because, honestly, who doesn't want to be popular in high-school? I knew everybody envied me, but now here I was, envying my gay step-sister. What was wrong with me? I had everything I wanted to be happy and all I could think about was how lucky Grace was for not having to pretend anymore. Was I pretending? Well, yes, sure. I mean, everybody pretends, right? I didn't want to be popular; I didn't want people to look up to me, always expecting something exceptional from me. Sometimes I just wanted to be invisible, or to just do things a girl like me wasn't supposed to do. And I was just tired of having to come up with people's expectations. I just couldn't wait for the day to come where I wouldn't have to be so damn perfect all the time anymore. But how was I supposed to make that day come? Maybe Grace knew the answer. Maybe that's why I was so excited about her coming out. Maybe I thought she would help me. Or maybe I was just glad that her being gay would bring us closer. That's a lot of maybe. The only thing I knew for sure was that everything had changed, only I didn't know just how much at the time.
There are some strict rules in high school, like not to sit in the front row in class if you don't want to be interrogated, or not to wear the same backpack two years in a row. But the most important rule is where you sit at the cafeteria. Who you sit with defines you are and where you stand in the school hierarchy. If you're popular, you have to sit with the popular kids; if your geek, you have to sit at the geeks' table, and so on. Of course it wasn't written in stone, but it was the way it was, and everybody respected those rules. But that day, I broke the rule as I found myself standing in front of Grace's table.
"Hey guys!" I said cheerfully. "Mind if I join you?"
Their reaction was pretty funny. Grace looked at me as if I had grown another head, Katie's jaw almost hit the table, and Russell choked on whatever he had in his mouth.
And that's when this weird thing happened. Suddenly it was like somebody had died or something. Everyone in the cafeteria stopped what they were doing and looked at us. It was like they were expecting a bomb to explode and I got the impression that I was the bomb. Suddenly, I didn't think joining Grace was the best idea and I was about to go sit at my usual table when the sound of a broken glass resonated throughout the cafeteria. Everyone started to cheer like they usually do when someone breaks something, and then it was like we were back to normal. People stopped staring at our table and went back to their lunch, and I could breathe again.
"So, to what do we owe the pleasure of your company?" Grace asked me with that tone that she only used with me. "Don't you think sitting at the losers' table is gonna affect your popularity?"
I couldn't help the hurt look that appeared on my face. I couldn't believe that she still saw me like that after our talk in the bathroom. I was trying to support her for God's sake!
She must have seen it because she immediately looked guilty and opened her mouth to probably apologize but Katie was faster.
"Losers? Speak for yourself, Grace," she huffed, before turning back to me. "Don't pay attention to Grace's low self-esteem. Have a seat."
Of course, no one knew what to say after that. These people weren't my friends and we had absolutely nothing in common. The only thing we had in common was Grace and the Gay-Straight Alliance. I wasn't sure if I even knew Grace anymore, and I had been to the GSA only once and it had been one of the most boring moment of my life. Still, it sounded better than talking about my stepsister, especially when she was sitting just in front of me.
"So, are you guys still going to the GSA meetings?" I asked lightly, pretending that none of this was weird.
"In case you haven't noticed, Mr Dimitri is no longer here," Grace said, trying not to sound too pissed. "Which means the GSA is dead."
"Oh," was all I said, looking down at my food.
Suddenly I realized how hard it must have been on them. I mean, the GSA was probably their only chance of standing out for their rights, or at least the right not to be beaten up after class. And just when Grace had made her spectacular coming out, there was no more GSA. All of this because of that ridiculous rumor about Mr Dimitri and Grace. That was even more ridiculous now that everybody knew the truth about Grace.
"I still don't understand why he's not coming back," I said, frowning. "I mean, now everybody knows for sure that you didn't sleep with him!"
I laughed at that but Grace didn't seem to find the fun in it.
"What?" I asked, not getting why she looked like I had just killed her puppy.
Maybe she was still too upset about the GSA.
"Oh my God, you're so right!" Russell suddenly exclaimed. "Isn't she right, Grace?"
Grace looked at him as if he had just killed her puppy before forcing a smile.
"Right," she said, looking back at me. "I couldn't have slept with him…with me being gay and all…and with Katie…Right, Katie?"
We all turned our gazes towards Katie who looked up from her food as if she had just remembered we were there.
"Right!" she exclaimed. "You're gay…and with me...because I'm gay too...and hot...so it's only natural that you-"
"Okay, thank you, Katie," Russell interrupted her.
"You guys are not used to talk about this, are you?" I asked after observing their little game.
"Not really," Grace mumbled.
"I get that," I said sympathetically.
Except I didn't. Tad and I had always been the most popular couple in this school, and we were used to people knowing about us and asking questions about us. So no, I couldn't possibly know what it was like to hide your relationship for weeks or even months.
"How long have you guys been together, anyway?" I asked suddenly.
Grace and Katie shared a look and I could see they were uncomfortable.
"A few weeks," Grace finally answered said.
With that she forced a smile and I smiled back. It was so weird smiling at each other, like it was a dream or something. But I guess things were finally starting to get better between us.
"So, how did it all started, anyway?" I asked after no one had spoken for seven minutes.
I didn't know why I cared so much, but I couldn't help being curious about their relationship. After all, it was the first time I knew a gay couple. But I doubted telling that to Grace would make me score some points.
Again, they looked at each other but they didn't get time to answer as Tad appeared out of nowhere and sat between me and Russell.
"Dude, I swear to God, Big Mama totally has the hots for me," he said, chuckling.
Big Mama was the nickname he had given to the woman served our food at the cafeteria. For some unknown reason, he was convinced she was in love with him, which, honestly, even if it was true, didn't matter one bit.
"Is that why she gave you enough food to feed a whole country?" Katie asked, eyeing his tray.
She was right. His tray was covered with so much food that you couldn't even see it.
"Oh, no," he answered examining his food. "I asked for it. I need strength for the big game this weekend."
He finally looked up from his food to look at the others.
"You guys are coming, right?" he asked them, as if they were our friends and came to the games every weekend.
"You're kidding, right?" Grace retorted.
She probably thought she was too good to go to a basketball game, and I could only agree with her on that one.
"But, guys!" he whined. "This is the most important game of the year!"
"You say that every week," I told him.
"Well, basketball is very important. So you guys better come, 'cause it's gonna be maaaad! Besides, that way you can keep Jessie company. I know how boring she thinks basketball is."
I hated when he did that, when he talked like I wasn't even there and when he thought what was good for me.
But if there was something Tad was good at, it was in working his charms on other people. They had worked on me, after all.
So in the end, they all agreed to go to the game, and for the first time in my life, I couldn't wait for the game to come.
