A/N: Hello my beautiful readers!
I would like to say a huge 'thank you' for the support I've gotten for this story over various sites.
WARNING: This chapter contains sensitive imagery.
B x
LEVI IS BOLD
EREN IS ITALICS
HANGE IS UNDERLINED
ISABEL IS BOLD AND ITALLICS
Chapter 11
Tuesday PM
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(18:30) Is he still panic-pacing?
(18:34) He's wearing a hole through my floor.
(18:37) That's not good. Try and distract him.
(18:40) Jeez, like I haven't tried, woman!
(18:43) What even happened? When I asked him he just told me to fuck off and hung-up.
(18:49) His phone has gone off a bunch of times but he doesn't reply.
(18:53) It's a little sad, really. Watching someone being actively anti-social.
(18:59) Let me know if it gets worse and I'll drive up, okay?
(19:03) Sure, love, I'll let you know.
(19:06) Thanks Issy. G2g, the pups need a walk!
(19:09) Say hi from me!
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"How's he doing?"
Isabel looked up from her phone at her boyfriend and shrugged. "He's spiralling pretty hard."
"Have you figured out what he's stressed about?"
"Would you believe me if I told you that he let slip about that band, and now he's terrified that Eren will Google him."
"They've met already, why is that such a bad thing?"
Isabel shrugged again. "You know Levi. He's insane about his privacy."
"So I guess this means we're on watch-duty until he snaps out of it."
"I suppose so."
"Did you text Hange?"
"Yeah, she said she'll drive up if he spirals even more."
Farlan rolled his eyes, "You know that won't take long."
"Sadly, yes, I do know." Isabel sighed before raking a hand through her hair and turning towards the kitchen. "Okay, im going to start on dinner. Take a beer or two in there and bond with your bro."
Farlan grimaced. "He's spiralled for twenty-four hours and now we have to bro-bond again?"
Isabel glared up at the blonde man, but he was used to her aggressive looks. Opening the door of the fridge, Isabel grabbed two bottles and shoved them into Farlan's hands. "Get in there and get him to open up."
"What makes you think I can?" Farlan hissed in a whisper.
"You did it before so I know you can do it again. Now go!"
Farlan gave her one final, pleading look. She shooed him away and the blonde had no choice but to obey her. Isabel watched him go and leaned back against the kitchen counter. She needed Levi drunk otherwise she wouldn't be able to find out what the hell was wrong with him. Even if he wouldn't physically speak, she had her ways to get information. Oh yes, she had her ways.
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(19:27) Hey is this Eren?
(19:36) That depends. What do you want?
(19:40) I don't know if he's told you about me. I'm Levi's friend Isabel.
(19:47) How did you get my number?
(19:52) I stole it off his phone.
(19:57) Stealing is wrong you know.
(20:06) Why do you think we became friends? ;D
(20:10) Anyways, I just wanted to know what happened between you guys. He's been in a bit of a mood the last day or so.
(20:16) Oh … that.
(20:19) He may have let slip that he was in a band and I may have teased him.
(20:22) Ah. That would be it.
(20:26) Is he mad at me?
(20:30) I think he's more embarrassed to be honest.
(20:37) Embarrassed about what?
(20:41) Being in a band is like, every teenagers dream!
(20:43) Can I talk to him?
(20:50) No, I think it's best if he has a little down time right now. Hopefully we'll talk some sense into him. Word of advice; try not to tease him over the phone. He … struggles a little with human interaction. It's … a blind-spot for him.
(20:54) A blind-spot?
(20:58) In the same way that people can't understand sarcasm, Levi can't always understand other people, especially when they're getting to know him.
(21:04) I see? So … What should I do?
(21:07) Just give him some time. We'll talk him round for you.
(21:10) You will?
(21:15) Of course, kid!
(21:18) I appreciate it.
(21:23) It's okay :) try not to worry about it.
(21:26) Easier said than done. But … Thanks.
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Wednesday 3:04 AM
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Eren stared up at the ceiling and let out a long, low sigh. The lamplight from the street pushed against the curtains, illuminating the furniture in his room. Dark shadows in the dimness. He couldn't remember the last time he'd felt so lost. It didn't help that Mikasa was away probably having the time of her life in Europe. If he felt in a similar way prior to this year, he would have just crept down the hallway to her room. They would have laid in her bed together, just chatting in low voices, maybe even streamed a movie on Netflix and watched it with earphones until they'd fallen asleep.
Now, however, he didn't have that luxury.
He could text Armin but there was no guarantee that the blonde boy was even awake at this time.
He felt bad for freaking Levi out. He hated that his mouth had no filter –this was why he preferred to text! He had more time to erase stupid mistakes if it came to that. It didn't always work but it did make it easier to censor his idiocy.
'I've really screwed this up,' he grimaced to himself. 'Whatever 'this' is.'
He didn't know where to go from here. He hated leaving things in other peoples hands. It wasn't that he didn't trust Isabel –even though this was the first time they'd spoken properly –but he couldn't shake the feeling that he needed to make some effort from his side.
He didn't know where to start.
Levi had facebook, sure, but by the looks of things he didn't go on it much.
Turning over onto his side, Eren pulled his phone under the blankets with him and logged onto Facebook. Clicking on Levi's name, he took his time to look through all the available photos and information, letting it sear into his brain.
As a teenager, Levi had been svelte –not scrawny like Eren had been –but he'd always seemed to have some level of muscle. The circles under his eyes weren't as prominent. Eren felt his chest tighten. For some reason, thinking of Levi not being able to sleep was emotionally up-heaving.
Eren could barely function if he didn't sleep well for three nights.
He couldn't imagine doing it for as long as the older man claimed.
Eren couldn't help but wonder if there was some way he could help the older man sleep. It was hard to think, when he'd barely had the issue himself. When his dad had long nights at work, his mum would always brew his some special tea that would help calm him enough to sleep.
Maybe the same would work for Levi?
Readjusting his position, he looked at the one photo of Levi when he was smiling –or as close to a smile as Levi was sure to get; he was sitting astride a beaten up old motorcycle in the sun, shades on his nose with a tall blonde man –Eren assumed it was either Mike or Farlan –astride another bike. Eren looked at the bike and wondered if Levi knew how to fix it. Images of Levi streaked with motor-oil and taking his shirt of flitted through his mind and he dropped his phone, plunging his room into darkness.
Did he … Have a crush on Levi?
Well that much was obvious considering how he acted around the older man, but even so. He was a 'kid' to him, and Eren was fully aware that if Levi hadn't been a relationship in five years, chances were he didn't want to be in one. The thought left Eren's insides feeling heavy and hollow at the same time.
Did it really bother him that much?
So what if he was never 'with' Levi, he'd still have the man as a friend and that was pretty amazing on its own. To be accepted so easily into Levi's small social group was already an impressive feat and it did make Eren feel better about himself. Where so many of his current friends had issues with how he acted at times, or the way he phrased things, Levi seemed to take it all in stride.
'He's amazing!'
It wasn't a new thought to Eren, either. With each passing week, there was another layer of Levi to unfold and admire. He had accomplished so much already and Eren still felt as though he were floundering about, not one hundred percent sure where his life was going.
Reaching down the side of his bed, Eren fumbled blindly until his fingers touched the cold metal of his phone. He touched the screen and grimaced at the time.
3:49AM.
He really should sleep.
Tucked under his duvet covers, he stared at his screensaver –the photo of him and Levi at the aquarium –before falling asleep.
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5:28AM
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Levi leaned against the railing of his balcony, staring out across the skyline. There was a chill in the air. He'd wrapped himself up in a hoodie but he was still only wearing some cotton bottoms, which didn't provide too much warmth. Taking another drag from his cigarette he winced at the sour taste. It never did taste right this early in the morning but he needed something to settle his nerves.
It had been a long evening of sucking beers and listening to Farlan and Issy's advice on how to move-on from his anxiety attack. He hated the term, but that was more or less what they were. Even if they looked like angry bitch-fits to the rest of the world, Farlan and Issy knew him too well to know the signs.
He had panicked.
Bracing himself against another breeze, Levi glared out over at the houses stretched out before him. Barely any lights were on at this time of the morning. The city was silent enough, save for the chirping of birds.
It wasn't peaceful.
It was white-noise.
In his current state that's all anything ever was to him.
Isabel had managed to calm his mind somewhat, although the niggling sensation didn't leave. He toyed with his lip, the cigarette fizzling as he took another drag. At the heart of his problems he knew why he was feeling anxious. He was scared that he was getting too attached to Eren. A part of Levi couldn't help himself –the kid just made everything seem to easy –but at the same time, he was anxious about letting Eren get too close to him.
He hadn't been with another person for over five years.
The last time he had been with someone it had never gotten serious. Not because his lover hadn't wanted to, but because Levi had turned cold at the idea of someone moving into his personal, clean, organized space. In the end, Levi decided that he was never meant to be someone's 'other half'. For the most part it didn't effect him; he liked his life as it was. However there were quiet moments –moments like right then as the sky lightened overhead –where he didn't mind the idea of someone waking up to find his side of the bed to be cold.
Or to come out wondering where he was, bleary-eyed from sleep.
To wrap their arms around him and coax him back to bed.
No –there would always be the quiet moments where he longed for someone to want him.
A dull ache bloomed behind his eyes.
With a groan, he stubbed out his cigarette and flicked the butt over the balcony railing. He needed to get ready for work. At least now that he was up extra early he could take his time getting ready and maybe even have some proper breakfast for a change.
~0~
Thursday PM
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(22:48) I think we need to talk.
(22:57) It's been two weeks.
(22:59) Why do you think I want to talk to you?
(23:08) I need to explain myself. I shouldn't have acted the way I did.
(23:14) No. You shouldn't have.
(23:16) And over the mention of you being in a band, no less.
(23:19) You realised that I actually thought that was pretty cool, right? I can't wrap my head around your fucking reaction and now you want to talk like it's going to be OKAY?!
(23:25) You have every right to be upset with me. I'm upset with myself, for having put you through this.
(23:29) FFS Levi you told me about a shit childhood and detention centres and being SHOT –but a band is too much for you to share?!
(23:32) That's not why I … behaved the way I did.
(23:37) So explain it to me. Why did you act that way?
(23:41) I got … nervous that you were getting too attached to me.
(23:47) WHY is that SUCH A BAD THING?! FFS Levi I LIKE YOU, okay? Whether you can understand why or not, doesn't matter, I LIKE YOU. You're a good man! You've proven that time and time again! Even if I only have GLIMPSES to go on, get it through your head!
(23:52) Eren, I don't get on with people. I don't like people. This is … alien for me.
(23:54) WHY?!
(23:59) Because I like your company, shitty brat! You make me smile, you're fun to poke fun at, your reactions are fucking adorable and –despite myself –I. LIKE. YOU.
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Friday AM
(00:13) Back. Had to make some tea and get my head around the fact that you just openly stated you liked me.
(00:16) As insufferable and STUPIDLY patient as you are, I know you're also smart if idiotic. Logical yet irrational. Cautious yet reckless. You, Eren, are a paradox to me.
(00:23) A paradox, eh?
(00:25) Not a bad thought. That's what you thought up while I went downstairs?
(00:29) Yes. I can barely understand YOU, Eren. Can you understand how I fail to see why you like me? Why you talk to me?
(00:32) I suppose I can understand, to a degree.
(00:36) I don't understand why a handsome intellect such as yourself is putting up with one extra snotty brat when he literally works with tons every day of the week.
(00:40) We seem to be as bad as each other.
(00:43) Yeah we do.
(00:47) I am sorry for having been so quiet. I needed to do some thinking and didn't want to burden you.
(00:51) I got anxious. And angry.
(00:54) And may have broken my desk chair.
(00:56) Sorry.
(00:59) So? Are you going to tell me why you freaked?
(1:04) I panicked that we were getting too close and I wasn't ready for that.
(1:07) Levi … There's nothing wrong with having another friend … is there?
(1:10) Technically no. However, I've had many people leave me. Friends and otherwise.
(1:14) It feels like you don't trust me.
(1:17) Over time, perhaps I might.
(1:20) I have only met you the one time, Eren. Remember that.
(1:23) I do. Doesn't make it any easier to read, though.
(1:27) Sorry.
(1:30) This is what I get for prying, eh?
(1:34) Try not to take it personally. These are my hang-ups not yours.
(1:36) Easier said than done.
(1:38) I know.
(1:40) I guess I can try.
(1:43) Anyway, I should probably head to bed.
(1:45) Same.
(1:47) Night Levi.
(1:50) Goodnight Eren.
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Sunday PM
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"So what did he say after that?" Mikasa's voice sounded tinny through his headset but Eren sighed for a completely different reason.
"Nothing," he shrugged. "We just …Sort of stopped talking, said goodnight then went to bed."
"How do you feel about it?"
"I don't know." It was the truth. His thoughts had been a mess for the last two days. "On the one hand –I get it. On the other hand I just feel like it's an excuse."
"You are nosey, Eren. Even you know that."
"I'm fully aware," he deadpanned at the webcam. "I also warned him about that."
"And I warn you every time not to eat peanut butter out of the jar, but you still end up with a dead arm by the end of it."
"So what? His listening sucks more than mine?"
Mikasa shrugged, although there was a faint smile on her lips. "Wouldn't surprise me really."
"Do you have any real advice oh wondrous traveller?" he quipped.
"Not really," she cocked her head to the side. "I guess just try not to think about it, keep texting and see how it goes. If it still feels weird in a week or two try and talk about it again."
"That's so long!"
"Good grief, Eren! You've only known this man for two months and you're already pining this hard?"
"Oi," he glared at the screen. "Need I remind you how many times you doodled yours and Reiner's names in the back of your notebooks?"
"Hardly," she grunted. "I had to throw them out."
It was still a sore topic for the both of them. Eren's arm was healing somewhat slower than he'd anticipated but the creams his dad got him were some of the best money could buy.
"Sorry," Eren said. "Foot and mouth disease."
"I know," she smiled faintly at him. "I'm used to you, remember? But this Levi isn't. Try and bear that in mind."
"Heh … He said the same thing."
"Then I guess the universe is sending you a sign."
Eren tried to return the smile but his heart wasn't in it. Not really. "Thanks Mika."
"No worries. I need to shoot off now. I'll call you soon?"
"Sure just let me know and I'll make sure I'm free."
"Cool. Love you."
"Love you too."
It took a moment before the skype call ended. Eren was left staring at their sparse messaging that had taken place before she'd called him. With a sigh, he logged off of his laptop and made his way over to his bed. The sheets were chilly against his skin as he pressed his thumping head into the cool pillows and tried to relax.
~0~
He was almost glad to have lectures to go to so that he was distracted from his phone for a little while. He replied to Levi between lectures and during the evening whilst doing other things. He tried to make his actual life his main focal point instead of his phone.
Armin joked that Eren acted as though he'd been dumped.
In truth, he wasn't far wrong. It's how Eren felt at least.
Levi's messages had been sporadic as well. Eren read them and couldn't help the little skip his heart did when he saw Levi's name pop up on his screen. He tried to control himself he really did.
They talked about mundane things; the weather, cooking, Eren's lectures, the poor students Levi bothered to give detention to, and what their friends were up to. They were both dancing around large, flashing red question marks and it was becoming harder and harder to ignore.
It was like there was a huge pink elephant in the room.
All he wanted in that moment was for Levi to feel as though he could trust him, even a little. He felt as though he'd undone all of the progress they'd made in the last two months all because he'd gone and teased a man who was no stranger to pushing people away. Eren loathed the idea of so much isolation. He didn't even want Levi to feel that way. There wasn't anything he could do about it though.
Armin often told Eren that he did a lot of over-thinking.
Maybe he was right.
Glancing at his screensaver through the gloom, Eren ran his thumb down the edge of his phone. His feelings, though intense as they always were, were charged with an eager energy to get to know the older man –which had landed him in his current predicament. He bit his bottom lip. His birthday was coming up soon. He was a little nervous. He was finally going to be twenty-one and he had yet to plan anything. He'd been so caught-up with Levi's mood swing that he'd forgotten about his own birthday!
That would have to change.
His birthday landed on a Friday which would be perfect!
He opened the Facebook app on his phone and started typing up an event for his birthday, inviting a bunch of people from uni, a few relatives from nearby and Mikasa –hoping she could return for the weekend at least.
His finger hovered over Levi's name.
In the end, Eren opted not to invite him over facebook. It wasn't as though he was online often anyway. He did, however, copy and paste the information into a text to Isabel. He don't know what possessed him –in hindsight he would blame the late hour –and pressed 'SEND'.
His heart lurched.
It was done.
The ball was in Isabel's court now, and she could do as she pleased with the information. He only hoped his birthday was a night to remember –and not for any of the bad reasons he kept having nightmares about. Worse case scenario, he'd pin the blame on Jean and punch his stupid horse face in.
Good, he had a game plan.
His skin prickled as he settled down to sleep, his eyes focused on his laptop across the room. A million thoughts rushed through his head. Would Isabel tell Levi about his birthday event? There was no reason why she wouldn't. Would Levi even come? Would he even care? If he did come did that mean he cared for Eren? Or was it just a friendly thing you did for a stranger fourteen years younger than you?
'Wow,' Eren thought, blinking in surprised at himself. 'Armin's right. I'm such a fucking drama queen!'
A/N: Sorry for the long wait in updates! It's been rough. Thankfully, I have several chapters written up as of now, I just want to pace them a little more x
