WARNINGS: UNRELATED!WINCEST, mentions of abuse physically & mentally (nothing too graphic), torture, there'll be hot stuff in future chapters, rated!M!just!to!beLOVE!STORY, what means you won't find a lot of slash in here
special warning for: implied rape

DISCLAIMER: not mine & no beta

you guys know these vehicles that operate with cow dung? Well, I operate with BACON!

(: THANK YOU for all the GREAT REVIEWS & FOLLOWERS & FAVORITES :)


previously on bruisedbloodybroken aka The Road So Far:

She smiled softly. "I know ...", she gave back calmly, as she leaned over the bowl and stared at it. "Soon you're mine again ..." A devilish grin formed on her lips as she tipped the blade into the liquid.

Then she guided it over a map and closed her eyes for a moment. As she opened them again all blackness was gone and her grin widened. Then she looked up and caught the man's gaze. "He left the salvage ..."


Fall Of Darkness

Chapter 11 ~ Snow Is Falling

It was snowing again. - Layers of soft white flakes were covering the Impala, as the hunter glanced outside thru one of the small windows. He sighed and strolled back to the fireplace, throwing another log into the fire.

Dean had cleaned up the kitchen and livingroom, shooting a glance every now and then into the bedroom, where Sam was still covered under the sheets and blankets. It was getting late already and the hunter was about to warm up some ravioli for dinner.

Sam was sleeping since the early morning now and hadn't moved. He didn't even seem to have nightmares. The hunter wasn't sure what was more irritating. The fact that Sam didn't have nightmares (where he usually woke every night a couple of times), or that he himself missed to be needed by him.

Finally his worry won and he sneaked into the bedroom, eying the bulge on the bed suspiciously. He stood a little bit helpless in front of their sleeping place, then decided to go and have a look at the young man.

As he stood beside Sam's half of the bed he sat down on the edge and laid a hand on the outstanding form, since he was covered from tip to toe.

"Sammy?", he asked softly and brushed gently over the area that felt like the man's bicep and traced his hand up to his shoulder. "Got dinner ready."

No respond. Though he felt a slow but steady rise and fall under his palm. "Hey, kiddo ..." Dean started to chew on the insides of his lower lip and waited ... he didn't know how many time he had let pass before he finally decided to tug the covers back a little bit, so he saw Sam's shaggy hair and face.

Dean smiled softly and couldn't resist to let his fingers run thru the soft hair and brush it out of his face, as he saw him sound asleep. Sam looked so innocent and peaceful when he was like that. Like any other normal human ... well not like any other human, because this was Sam. The only Sam he'd ever let that close to the bundle of nerves deep inside his heart. His Sam. He abruptly stopped his thoughts before they could go any further and cleared his throat quietly.

Sam blew out a long breath thru his nose and his eyes fluttered open slowly. He blinked a couple of times and then realized that Dean sat beside him, the hunter's fingers still tangled in his hair. The young man couldn't hold back a comfortable purr and yawned.

"Enough sleep, buddy. - Made us some dinner." Dean smiled at the sleep-drunken expression on the man's face and chuckled. But the smile faded fast as Sam pulled his face into a pain filled grimace and rubbed over the left side of his left chest and let out a hiss.

Dean's eyes narrowed. "Are you hurt?"

"Just sore i think.", he answered drowsy and frowned back.

Dean eyed him for a moment, then tugged the covers further down. "I'd like to have a look at it ...?", he said questioning, not breaking their eye contact.

Sam just nodded and rolled on his back slowly. It felt like his heart had gotten ripped out and put back in. It had started short before he attempted to fall asleep and lasted for what had felt for an eternity. Actually, as soon as it had started it had ended again and left a damn sore feeling in his chest.

The hunter gave him time to get comfortable and glanced over the button-down shirt, then back up at Sam, who watched him warily. The younger male inhaled as deep as possible, as he tried to unbutton his shirt with shaky fingers. He frowned ... he didn't want to ... he couldn't ...

"It's not like i wouldn't have seen you that way, ain't I?", Dean asked softly, a sorrowful expression in his eyes, but his lips were curled up into a gentle smile.

Sam just nodded and his fingers shook even more. No ... he couldn't ... he just couldn't ... "Please don't make me ...", the young man whispered and looked aside, as he fisted the front of his shirt in his fist.

Dean let out a long-drawn shaky breath and bowed over him, laying his hand on Sam's cheek so he was able to guide his face back towards him. "Hey – Just let me look, okay?" Dean tried to smile, but failed. He could damn good imagine why the kid was responding like he was. His whole behaviour and the nightmares. The things he was pleading for to stop. The things he was crying out nearly every night ... "I won't touch you. - I won't do anything.", he continued as he caught Sam's gaze. "It's okay to be afraid, you know? - It's okay that your hands are trembling ... it shows that you're uncomfortable with something. And it's okay to be uncomfortable with things like this." The hunter rubbed with his thumb over Sam's cheekbone. "You've no reason to be afraid of me, Sammy. - You know that, right?"

Sam's gleaming hazel-orbs were filled with fear and something that pretty much looked like hope.

"I'm just looking, no touching okay?", Dean tried not to let him be pulled into Sam's mess of emotions at the moment. - There was no way he'd be able to help the man if he would let himself being dragged down.

Sam nodded shyly, and slowly – so slowly released the shirt of his deadly grip, while he watched the hunter curiously.

"Good." Dean smiled satisfied. "I'll unbutton your shirt, okay?"

Sam nodded hesitantly and watched the hunters hand opened button after button. Then the older male brushed the two sides of the shirt apart and eyed his torso. Dean's breath caught in his throat and resisted the urge to touch the with scars pattered skin on the younger man's front. He looked up at Sam, who still eyed him warily, obviously not trusting him enough.

Then his gaze fell on the tattoo – what reminded him that he still didn't know what it meant. Dean exhaled audibly. Beside the old scarred wounds all over Sam's front was no nothing else that would visibly explain it. His look traced down Sam's ribcage. The smooth pale skin, and the ribs, good visible under a layer of skin. His eyes were guiding him over to Sam's too flat stomach, past his navel and thin line of curled short hair to the waistband of his jeans. That was when the hunter caught himself in failing the task at hand.

"Try and turn to your side, okay?", Dean requested calmly and waited for Sam to turn around. He would have liked to support him ... but since he said he wouldn't touch him ...

He did, and Dean tugged his shirt up to examine his back. Neither a single bruise or anything else there (besides angry scares). As the young man turned back on his back, Dean's eyes flew back over the scars on Sam's chest.

Sam didn't dare to look back at the hunter. At least not into his face. - He couldn't understand how the man could look at him like this. All the warmth and ... the other thing he wasn't able to put his finger on ... He was a whore. Disgusting. A demon's pet. He was filthy and wrong and dirty, and he knew it. Everyone knew it. Sam squeezed his eyes shut as the memories and voices dared to come back - overwhelming him again.

"Hey, it's okay, Sammy." Dean said softly and tugged the shirt together again, starting to button it up. "Doesn't look like you got hurt. - Maybe you're just sore ..." A faint smile crossed the hunter's features.

Silence. - Though Sam had turned away his face, the hunter could sense that the young man was swallowing a sob and if he wasn't completely wrong, a tear was leaving Sam's left eye. "It's okay. - See? - Nothing happened. I just looked." He knew that he didn't understand how Sam felt. He knew that victims of abuse ... (and the bad word, Dean Winchester refused to take in his mouth) ... weren't that easy to handle. He had it seen before. - Even if it was probably a whole lot of a difference to compare that stuff to Sam's story.

The young man's head turned slowly towards Dean and a pair of desperate hazel-eyes searched his face, while his hand rested on Sam's chest.

"You wanna stay a little bit longer?", Dean asked finally.

Sam gave him a short nod and reached for the hunter's hand as he wanted to pull it away from his chest.

"You want me to stay?", the hunter asked surprised, searching Sam's face for distress.

Sam nodded again and inched towards the middle of the bed to make some place for Dean. The hunter eyed the invitation for a moment, thinking if it was a good idea or to find any sorry excuse why he couldn't. Dean inhaled slowly while he took Sam's pleading look in.

"Please ..." Sam whispered, his big eyes growing even bigger with his request. "Please stay."

... And the hunter gave in. He stripped his shoes off and crept into the bed beside Sam, covering them both with the sheets and the comforter. Sam man immediately pressed himself against the hunter's chest, searching comfort and the feeling of being safe.

"I'm sorry. - I'm so sorry ...", he sobbed into the hunter's shirt relentlessly. "I just can't ... i can't – forget. - They are – are still in my head. - The voices don't go away. They won't. And i – i . i can't, Dean. I can't."

"Hey, it's okay to feel that way." Dean wrapped him in his arms and tugged him closer. "Completely okay. - You don't have to apologize, kiddo." His heart bleed more with every sob, every wince, every tear that came over Sam's mouth and from his eyes. "You're save. - I'm gonna take care of you." Dean whispered, chanting his usual mantra when Sam got oddly distressed or when he had his nightmares.

He gathered the younger male in his arms and placed a gently kiss on his forehead, like it was the most usual thing in the world. Like he had done this ever since. Surely he noticed what he had done just after it had happened, squeezing his eyes shut for a second and waiting for Sam to flinch or pull away. But he didn't. He stayed right where he was, purring softly into the hunters chest and nesting his face in Dean's tee. Maybe he haven't even realized it – at least the hunter hoped so.

"Okay. - Five more minutes.", Dean whispered huskily and buried his nose in Sam's soft hair. "Then we'll go and get our ravioli before I'm starving."

Sam shifted a little bit in his arms, enjoying himself and the comfortable warmth radiating from the hunter's body. His chest and heart still felt sore and kinda hurt, but it wasn't that bad anymore. Not when he felt as safe and comfortable like this. Not with Dean right beside him. Sam wasn't able to remember if he ever had felt that way he felt right now. Sure, he didn't know anything about the hunters past and he sure as hell didn't know what the man had planned ... but right now he didn't care. He'd try and take all the comfort that he'd get. Try to feel happy for the first time since he was a child.

What was supposed to last five minutes, lasted about half an hour. Dean wasn't able to hold his over-filled bladder back anymore and his stomach was rumbling and crying for food. So he withdrew from Sam, who had his hands still tangled in Dean's shirt, obviously not wanting to let him go. Though he did, even when it was under protest.

When Dean emerged from the bathroom, Sam was already standing in front of the stove and stirred in the pot with the ravioli in tomato-sauce to warm them up.

Both of them worked in silence, while Dean placed two bowls on the kitchen-table, a fork and a spoon beside everyone. That was when Sam finally placed the pot in the middle of the table and sat down, while Dean started to part the contents in two fair servings.


Later they sat down on the Couch. Sam on one end and Dean on the other one, as he switched on the TV. There weren't more than four channels. Somehow the hunter started to miss the merits of civilisation right there.

While they sat there, Sam started to curl up into himself, glancing every now and then at the hunter on the other side of the couch, whose look was glued to the TV as if nothing else existed.

Surely there was something else that existed ... Sam. Though his look was glued to the TV, his thoughts and mind were swirling around the young man on the other side of the couch and ... other stuff. He could feel hazel-orbs glancing at him at some point, though he refused to glance back.

The other stuff his mind wouldn't let go about was the fact – a funny fact – that he didn't miss something that was something particular in his life before. Something he haven't thought he wouldn't miss ever.

Lola and the other one (Alex) ... Surely he had thought about them (mostly Alex lately) ... but not in the way he had before. He had thought about them, because he didn't miss their company. Not even a little bit during the past few weeks since Sam was with him. When Sam had gotten special to him.

And there was the problem ... Sure Sam was old enough (at least physically) and probably not more than four years younger than him. But damn it ... it wasn't about sex, and that was what Dean Winchester disturbed even more. It was disturbing that he was comfortable with cuddling and snuggling and holding him in his arms. It was disturbing that the things he always wanted to elude were happening right now, and that he liked it. That he liked every single moment he was able to spend with Sam in his arms or when he simply was around him.

Dean knew where this could possibly lead and it was wrong. Seven-Days-From-Sunday-Wrong. The kid (yeah well, he was a kid since the guy was damn well younger as him, and some of his behaviour reminded him of kids at some point) had been abused and (damn well he didn't even wanna think about it) most probably raped and if he didn't know better he had the feeling that he started to fall in love. He thought to know that this could just end in a disaster. Sam didn't even dare to make the smallest choices (except it was an order to make a choice) ... he didn't even know what it meant to love someone (highly likely) ... If Sam would be even aware of what they were doing, since it wasn't normal – for usual people – to share a bed - the way they did - when you don't know each other.

And if he didn't know better, he'd say he was molesting Sam in some way.

With a deep sigh and still in thoughts his look traveled from the TV towards Sam, taking in the colors of the tv mirroring in those soft hazel-eyes. The colorplay nearly let them look like liquid crystals.

"You wanna watch something else?", Dean asked hesitantly. He wasn't even aware of what they were watching right now ...

Sam shook his head and looked at him with big eyes. Something longing lurked behind them, something that sought closeness and contact. And Dean knew it, he could sense it. It was all written over the younger man's face.

Dean tilted his head to the side and let a few seconds pass, before he threw his arm on the backrest and nodded towards himself. "C'mon, Sammy.", he said low with a knowing grin.

A shy smile spread over the younger man's face instantly and he scooted on Dean's side, leaning against him and snuggling into his shoulder. Then he sank down and rested his head in the hunter's lap.

Dean smiled and exhaled a deep breath as he started to caress Sam's hair and played with one of the hazelnut-brown bangs. "Better?", he asked after a while, all his doubts shoved aside again. How could something that was so wrong feel so right?

Sam nodded and laid his big hand on the hunter's knee, squeezing it gently. "Better.", he answered in a whisper and blinked at the TV. They sat there for a while. Eventually the both of them dozed off soon after ...


Wouldn't it have been for the knocks on the door, the both of them would've spent the whole next morning asleep on the couch in impossible uncomfortable angles. Both woke with a start. And before Dean was even aware of what had woken him, he felt suddenly cool air instead of a warm body beside him, heard the coffe-table – he had pulled in front of the couch – topple over and Sam was gone.

The hunter sat up and swung his legs from the couch, as it knocked again. "Yeah?!", he called out towards the front door while he searched the room for any evidence where Sam could've been gone. ... this could just have been Ellen. "Just come in!"

He was already on his feet when the door opened and a short blonde woman in her late forties stepped in. Dean gathered her into a bear hug, before she was even able to know what was going to happen to her.

"Good to see you again, hon.", she spoke with the unique scent of smoke in her voice.

"You too, Ellen.", he gave back and released her.

The woman's gaze flew thru the room and a curious expression formed on her face, interrupted by flashes of worry. Then she looked at Dean, taking in his relaxed features.

"I feared i'd have to clean up for ya both when i get here ... but ... not that bad.", she praised and let out a deep sigh. "Where's the kid?"

Dean rubbed over his face. "Vanished as you knocked." The hunter's voice was still hoarse from the fast awakening. "We just got up ..."

Ellen nodded again and took another look thru the room, wich got caught on the kitchen-door. "Thought I'd get breakfast when i come here?" She grinned and raised an eyebrow.

"Yeah sure ... just ...", Dean's gaze fell on the fire-place. Not a single gleam of fire was left. "We didn't get started for the day ..." He felt a little bit taken aback. He actually had planned to have everything suited before Ellen would show up. - And he definitely wouldn't have thought that Ellen would come by that fast.

"No problem." She smiled reassuring. "You gotta make fire and I'll go and get some breakfast for the three of us."

Dean nodded with a huff and smacked his tongue as he turned towards the agape standing bed-room-door. "Just ... give me a second."

"Sure. - Go and check on him." She smiled softly and followed the man's gaze towards the bedroom. "No need to hurry anyway ..."

Dean nodded gratefully and left her right where she stood. As he entered the enlightened room, he stopped in the threshold. Sam sat curled up in the corner beside bed and wall, visibly shaking.

"It's okay Sam." He narrowed slowly and squat down beside the younger man, laying an arm around his shoulders. "It's Ellen. - You know her ..."

Sam blinked up and took the hunters face in warily. "Church?", he asked frowning.

Dean chuckled and added a short nod. "Yeah, that's her. - Ellen's a friend.", he explained whispering. "A good friend." He ran his fingers thru Sam's messed up mop of hair, straightening it. "She's not gonna hurt you, Sammy. - Ellen's a nice woman ... when you know her closer ..."

The younger male leaned against him and closed his eyes for a brief second, as the hunter started to massage his scalp gently. "She'll check on us every couple of days though."

Sam looked up at him and frowned.

"C'mon. - Lets go and say hello." Dean stood up and straightened, reaching towards Sam. "She won't bite you."

Sam watched the offered hand with hopeful glistening orbs and took it, letting him be helped up. All he would've wanted was to curl up and stay where he was until she was gone again. But Dean didn't seem to want that. On the other hand ... what could probably happen? ... He trusted Dean. Everything he had said so far was true, though something deep down in his mind screamed at him not to trust the hunter. That he was probably worse as the black-eyed monsters out there. That this was just a game to win his trust and that he'd hurt him whenever the time was come.

Sam followed him, led by the hunters hand, and hesitated as they reached the door. He lurked into the livingroom, wich was empty. Then he heard the chattering of dishes and pans in the kitchen and instinctively wanted to draw back, but Dean held his hand tightly.

"Just come.", Dean looked back at him reassuring and smiled softly. "It's okay."

So Sam followed him into the kitchen. The nearer they came, the more he pulled back, so he was walking right behind the hunter as they entered.

"I thought about Pancakes, scrambled Eggs and bacon?", she asked with her back towards them.

"Sounds fine, Ellen.", Dean glanced over his shoulder and led Sam to the table, where he let him sit down. "I'm going to make fire and get some wood inside ..."

Sam's grip on his hand tightened and he glared up at him with fear in his eyes.

"It's alright, Sammy. - I'm right next door and on the porch, okay?" He smiled and looked at Ellen who turned around to face them both.
She smiled softly as her look fell on Sam and then back up at Dean. "I've some wood on the load-bed. You could stack it to the other one on the porch when you're at it?"

The hunter gave her a nod, then looked back down at Sam, whose heart started to race again like it wanted to win a champion ship. The hunter squatted down and laid a gentle hand on his cheek. Sam leaned into the touch, tears stinging in his eyes. "Please.", he pleaded silently. "Stay?"

Ellen's eyebrows narrowed at the picture before her. For a brief moment her features went unreadable, then sorrow crossed her orbs and she put on a gentle smile. "You could help me though?"

Sam glanced at her while he still tried to not end up as a panicked wreck.

"It's okay. - She's gonna show you how to make pancakes, okay?", Dean asked, sharing a look with Ellen who nodded with a sigh. "You wanna make pancakes for me?"

A faint smile ghosted over Sam's face. "Yeah."

"Fine. - And throw some of the butterfinger-crumbles in the pastry too, would ya?"

Sam's smile widened and he nodded.

"Awesome. - I'll be outside for a while. - Just holler when you need something." Again the hunter shared a short gaze with the woman in front of the stove and Sam lessened his death-grip on Dean's hand.


No one needed to holler that day. Sam sat at the table for while and when it was about the pancakes he let himself being shown by Ellen how to make them, while Dean got the logs from her truck on the porch.

Ellen spent the rest of the afternoon with them. More with Dean than Sam, since the younger male settled on the couch and watched TV while the other both stayed in the kitchen. The huntress told him that Bobby hadn't found anything about the tattoo yet. Nor did he found out something about Abaddon.

She left later at night after they have had dinner with another can of ravioli. So did the days went on. Occasionally Sam seemed to be in pain, what worried Dean at some point. - Specially when it seemed to get worse with every time Sam gripped his chest and started to whimper in pain. Though the hunter knew that no hospital in the damn world would look Sam over. And it'd been hard to explain why the younger man's eyes flashed black every time another wave of pain washed over him.

So he had taken him to the pet doctor two hours away and somehow regretted it, when they came to an old man, who obviously didn't care a lot about sick creatures. He was extremely rough and crude with Sam, so that the hunter felt the urge to pull the guy over his desk and punch him. But he didn't. Well, he had pulled him over the desk and threatened him with god knew what, but he couldn't punch him. Over all the man was still human.

After an x-ray that didn't show any signs of an injury, and showed that Sam's heart was okay, he sent him and Dean away with a bottle of pain-killers. Though he was relieved somehow that it didn't seem to be something organic. What meant it could probably be something supernatural.

What had shocked him on the other hand was, that even he – Dean as a loan – was able to see the healed multiple fractures of his ribs on the x-ray.

So he had taken him back home again, had taken him to bed – like all the other times it had happened before and had given him two of the pills, wich seemed to help a little bit with the pain. Sadly they didn't work as good as they should have though ...

Other than that Sam seemed to do better. He smiled more often, his nightmares started to get less and he didn't hide anymore when Ellen came by. He also had gained some weight and the pale colour of his skin was nearly gone. So were the dark half circles under his eyes.

Though the fact that Sam was doing better, he was still clinging to Dean. He still curled up in his arms and still sought the closeness of the hunter. Would've anyone else seen the both together they would've thought they were a couple.


It was one of these days, when Ellen got by with another load of logs on her Pick Up. Dean was already waiting for her on the porch as her car pulled up in front of the house.

"Hey, Ellen!", Dean called out, blowing a warm breath into the still icy air. Though it wasn't that cold anymore.

"How are you both doing?", she asked as she followed him up the porch.

"Thanks. - Sam's doing better. And I'm gettin' lazy." Dean chuckled. He rubbed over his stomach and stopped in front of the door and turned towards the huntress. "Wait", he said hesitantly and eyed the woman's hope-filled features for a moment.

"Don't you worry.", she said, as she caught the hunter's concerned gaze. "I'll stop, when he doesn't want to talk about it anymore."

Dean nodded gratefully and entered, holding the door for her open. "Hey Sammy.", he called out, "Ellen's here."

The young man emerged from the bathroom in nearly the same moment and tugged his still oversized hoody streight. Ellen and Sam shared a look. Sam knew that Ellen wanted to ask him something. Dean had told him already a couple of days ago, but pretended not to know what it was about. Not that Sam would've asked. He still took things like they were and followed orders, just that he had gotten a little bit more self-esteem over the weeks of training.

"I'll be in the kitchen if you need me.", the hunter said and gave Sam a reassuring look. "Okay, kiddo?"

Sam just nodded and stood where he had stopped, shifting his weight from one leg to another and back again.

"Why don't we sit down, hon?", she asked gently and moved towards the couch.

He nodded and followed her lead, sitting down in the furthest corner from Ellen and eyed her warily, as she cleared her throat.

"So ... Sam ...", she started hesitantly. "Dean told me, that you ... you knew Jo?"

Sam's look lowered and fell into his lap, where he started to play with his fingers like a little child that was about to get punished for stealing candies.

"Yes.", he answered silently, and pulled a leg to his chest, leaning his cheek on his knee's side.

"Would you mind ..." Ellen sighed and pinched the bridge of her nose, rubbing over it. "I mean ... did you knew her?"

Sam glanced up between his long chestnut-brown bangs and nodded hesitantly.

"Did you knew her well?"

Sam shook his head. "When we were younger i did.", he answered, barely a whisper in Ellen's ears. "I don't remember that much."

"It's okay, honey.", she reassured him with a strained smile and inched closer, just to push the younger man further into the corner.

Dean shot a longer-than-nessassary-glance thru the kitchen's door towards the couch. The hunter bit his lower lip as he noticed Sam pressing himself further into the corner on the couch.

Ellen stayed put then and eyed the young man closely. "You don't have to talk about it, when you're not comfortable with it, okay?"

Sam nodded again.

Ellen added another nod and took a deep breath. "Was she ... did she ... did she kill people?"

Sam nodded. "We all did. - We all lured hunters into traps.", he answered in a random tone.

The huntress sighed and closed her eyes.

"But she wasn't bad, ma'am.", Sam added and looked up, catching Ellen's gaze for a moment. "She was nice. - She didn't want to do what they told us to do."

Ellen seemed kind of relieved.

Silence for some long moments, and as Ellen wanted to ask another question, Sam continued: "I liked her. - Andy liked her too."

A small smile built on Ellen's face and tears started to fill her eyes, though Sam seemed to stay untouched. "Was she like you?"

The young man shook his head, well understanding what the older woman wanted to know. "We were all different.", he answered. "Jo had this ... this unique scent on her. Men fell for her like shot ducks from the sky. She ... was unique."

"And you? - You and Andy? Did you both fall for her?" Her voice turned into something threatening.

Sam answered with a chuckled long-drawn "No" and looked up, holding Ellen's gaze longer this time. "Me and Andy ... we both didn't. - I think it was because we were the same even when we were different. You know?" He blinked. "It just didn't work on us ..." His look went back into his lab and his face darkened again.

Ellen nodded. "And ... the – the demons ... Did they touch her?"

Dean leant in the threshold and listened to them, while his gaze narrowed. He could feel a deep frown building on Sam's forehead, though he wasn't able to see it.

"No. - They didn't." The young man looked up, meeting Ellen's gaze streight away, laying all his cogency into his look and features. Dean was stunned what a good liar the kid was. "They hurt her ... yes ... but not in the same ways like me.", Sam's voice grew smaller and barely noticeable at the end.

"Lunch it is.", Dean called out with a carefree smile on his lips that never met his eyes. Like he had heard nothing of the spoken.

Ellen sniffed and wiped her tears away. "Thank you, Sam.", she said quietly. "Thank you for telling me. - It means a lot."

Sam just nodded. Then they sat there on the couch for another few moments in silence, until he looked up at Ellen and then at Dean who remained leaning in the threshold of the kitchen.

"May i ...", he didn't finish, but Dean understood instantly.

"Sure. - Go.", the hunter said softly, watching the young man as he went into the bedroom and closed the door behind him. Then he answered on Ellen's concerned look: "I'll check on him later. - Don't worry." Though his words it hurt a bit to not follow him into the other room right after. It hurt to see him like that, since Sam had made that much progress from the state he was in when they had found him.


Ellen had left a couple of hours ago, when Dean and Sam laid already in their double-bed. Sam snuggled into Dean's chest, clinging to him, while the hunter massaged his scalp, waiting for the low purr Sam had always made when he usually started to ease into the hunter's caressing. But there was no such thing. Sam still felt kind of tense in his arms and gone was somewhere else in his mind.

"Why did you lie to Ellen?", the hunter broke the silence and stopped massaging, looking down at Sam.

The male rubbed his nose against Dean's chest and pulled his arms between their bodies, as he wanted to try and protect himself. Wanted to create some kind of barrier between the hunter and himself.

"She doesn't have to know.", he answered quietly, his voice steady and affirmative. "No one has to know."

The hunter's eyes fluttered shut and he blew out a warm breath into Sam's hair, Waiting ...

"The things they did to us, Dean ..." Sam hesitated. "No real mother should know what happened to her kid." He let out a shuddering breath.

The hunter cupped the back of Sam's head in a protectively gesture and buried his fingers in the chestnut-brown hair.

"It wouldn't make her whole again. - It wouldn't have helped your friend if she knew." Sam continued more silently. "When i tried to protect them ..." his breath hiccupped.

Then a few seconds of silence followed.

"They took it out on me in front of the others. - So they'd know what would happen to them if they tried. - Then they just separated us.", Sams voice showed the first signs of deep sorrow and guilt. "Andy and Joanna ... They were just kids, Dean. - And they didn't care."

"You were a kid too." The hunter frowned and buried his nose in Sam's soft hair, blowing out a warm breath.

Sam didn't respond to that. Deep down he knew he had been a child. But still – he felt guilty. Not just for what had happened in the demon's liar. For the things he had done he felt guilty even more.

Dean didn't dare to say a single word, not even taking a deep breath. The younger male would've never talked about this part of his past before. - Not like this. So he listened, giving Sam a chance to tell his story ...

"It hurt. - So bad." Sam pressed tighter against the hunter, cradling Dean's pyjama shirt in his fists. His voice shook, his body started to tremble, as all the memories and the fear flooded back into his mind. "And they just ..." His voice broke. "Then it came. - And it wouldn't stop. Ever." Tears were already wetting Dean's shirt. "Abaddon was the worst of all of them. - The worst."

The hunter let out a silent sigh, instinctively tightening his grip on Sam and pressing him tighter against him. Aware that if he'd dare to use any more strength, he'd hurt him. The hunter's eyes started to sting with tears. It weren't Sam's words that caused this. It were the memories and events that remained unspoken. - The things that hurt the most. And though – Dean could nearly feel them. Sam's agony and fear flooded the room and made the air heavy and hard to breathe.

"I'm so afraid. - So afraid.", he sobbed between hiccups. "I don't want to go there anymore. - Please ... When they come for me – when they ... before they hurt you – before they can take me ..."

Dean didn't want to hear what he was going to say, because he already knew it.

Sam sniffed and blinked his tears away, before he looked up. Haunted eyes searching for Dean's gaze in the spare illuminated room. "Please end me ... please ..."

The hunter swallowed hard and a shaky sigh left his lips as a single tear left the corner of his eye. He tried to regain control over his feelings, his thoughts, his body. He couldn't let Sam see the fear he carried deep inside of loosing him. Dean had to be strong, had to show the kid that it was going to be alright.

"Sammy ..." Dean's voice broke. He wouldn't be able to do it. - Not if there was a chance to get Sam back. - of course just if the demons would be able to get a hand on them. - and just then. Because he wouldn't let them take Sam. Ever.

"I won't let that happen. - okay? I promised you i'd look out for ya'. That i'll take care of you." He couldn't believe that he was ever able to think that Sam was a monster. - Something that was wrong and dirty and filthy ... Something that deserved to die. He wasn't able to remember when his mind had changed completely and was running on protection-mode. He didn't know if the young man in his arms would ever understand what he was feeling for him. Nor if Sam would be able to reciprocate the way he felt.

"You know what i want?", he asked gently and dove with his gaze into glistening hazel-eyes. As no respond came he answered for Sam: "I want you to get better. I want you to sleep thru the nights without having nightmares. - I want you to feel free." Dean's hand moved towards the younger male's jaw and tipped it up a little bit further. "I want you, that you can be you, Sammy."

Sam blinked his tears away, holding onto the hunter's words like on a lifeline.

Dean placed a gentle kiss on the younger man's forehead. "I think we should get some sleep, okay? - And for tomorrow i thought, we should get outside for a little while. Check out the surroundings and lay out some traps. Maybe we'll catch a rabbit or something ..."

Sam closed his eyes and laid his ear on the tear-soaked fabric that covered the hunter's chest. "I don't want to kill anything.", he muttered, exhausted by the days events and things that had happened.

Dean chuckled. - Yeah this guy was damn dangerous. "Okay.", he just answered. "Then we'll just check out the woods."


It had started to snow during the night. - Big flakes of frozen water where swaying down in slow motion and gave them three inches more snow over night.

So it was. The both of them had breakfast. Sam had developed a favor for the sweet stuff like waffles and pancakes. So Dean would make him these instead of bacon and scrambled eggs or sausages and gravy or other things.

Later that morning they watched TV – Tom and Jerry to be straight. But it didn't bother Dean and Sam seemed to enjoy it. What let Dean think about all the things the young man wouldn't have been able to see and learn so far. So yeah, at some point he felt responsible to teach him things. What let him think about, since when Sam wasn't a job anymore ... Instead he had grown a responsibility. Maybe the young man had never been a job. And when he remembered back at the motel where they had cleaned him up and bandaged ... Sam had never felt like a job.

Sam's eyes lit up and he chuckled lightly as the mouse hit the cat with a pancake-pan.

The hunter couldn't do anything else but chuckle and lough with him, watching the cutest dimples across gods earth grow.


It began then, when Sam's head rested in the hunters lab. He started to get restless, shifted forth and back ... Signs Dean knew all too well by now. Knew that whatever caused the pain in Sam's chest would give them both a hard time again.

The hunter laid a hand on Sam's head and looked down at him. "Shall i get your pills?", he asked with a deep frown spread over his forehead.

Sam shook his head. "They won't help."

Dean nodded. He knew they wouldn't, but the pills were the only thing he could do for him, besides holding him and guiding him thru it until it'd be over.

The younger man gripped the hoody right above his chest and screwed his eyes shut as a sudden wave of pain flooded thru the left half of his ribcage. The pain alone wasn't the worst – it was the feeling to suffocate, the feeling that he wasn't able to get enough air into his lungs, that let him panic easily.

Dean slid out under him and eased Sam's head on the couch, helping him to stretch out a little more and settle him on his back.

Sam's breathing changed short after. Short in and exhales left his lips. A thin layer of cool sweat built on his forehead. And Dean just kneeled beside him and was damned t o watch.

"Breathe, Sammy.", he whispered gently, a hand resting on Sam's chest where the pain seemed to have its offspring. "C'mon, breathe with me. - Nice and slow."

Dean tried. He really tried to guide him thru it. But every time it happened he felt like he failed miserably.

Sam clutched the hunter's hand and pressed it to his chest, squeezing it in his bigger once that it must've hurt. But Dean took it. He'd take all of it, as long as it made Sam better. As long as it helped him to get thru the seizure.

As the young male opened his eyes the next time, they were pitch-black, though filled with endless agony.

The hunter took a deep inhale. "In", then he exhaled slowly, "and out." It took them about twenty reruns before Sam was able to follow Dean's instructions and the pain started to ease. "That's it. - Nice and slow." Another twelve reruns and the pain was nearly gone and Sam's eyes started to flicker until big gorgeous hazel-eyes looked in Dean's direction.

"I'm sorry.", Sam whispered and eased his grip on the hunter's hand.

"It's okay. - Didn't hurt." He brushed gently over Sam's chest, noticing something wet under his palm, where his hand had rested.

Dean's forehead furrowed and creased in concern when he saw that the wetness was crimson red. - Blood.

He gazed at Sam's dark hoody. It wasn't much, just enough to soak thru the fabric. But enough to worry about if the blood came from what he thought it came.

Sam stared in shock at Dean's hand and then into the hunter's face.

"It's the tattoo ...", Sam breathed in stunned realization, as he shot a glance on Dean's hand. "Isn't it?" He caught Dean's gaze again, that was now soaked in concern.

He looked aside for a brief second. "We'll figure it out, Sam.", he said finally and rose slowly. "I'll get something to patch you up. - Then i'll go out and see if i can get a signal on my phone from a higher point. - Calling Bobby for help."

Sam nodded and turned his face away from the hunter in shame. He knew this wasn't good. Whatever it was that caused the pain and drew the blood – it was demonic. It was bad.


An abandoned warehouse, somewhere in the USA ...

The red-haired woman shot a glance to the suited man to her left and looked back at the map in front of her. A satisfied grin spread over her face and blinked up from her long lashes. "We are close ...", she chuckled and added a lightly sigh. "Wherever he is. - I am sure he's not alone. He wouldn't have been able to flee on his own."

She leaned back in the black recliner and raised her index finger, drawing the suited demons attention. "Bring him in. - I want to know who's trying to hide my precious pet from me."

The man nodded and disappeared behind one of the doors, just to return a couple of minutes later again. Behind him two black-eyed bitches (Dean Winchester's words, not mine), who dragged a lifeless human form between them.

Reaching the table, they let go of the human male and the woman rose from her chair, taking a seat on the edge of the table. Sie tipped with her fingertips on the smooth surface beside her and grinned.

"Did the hunters notice anything?", she asked, watching the both closely.

"No, ma'am. - We replaced the corpse before they were able to burn them.", one of them answered.

"Very well. - I am proud of you both." She smiled reassuring. "I will reward the both of you."

The men grinned widely, eyes flashing black.

... to be continued


In the next chapter - i thought - it's finally time to kiss, huuu? What do you guys think? Shall I? Shall I not? Shall I be a bitch about it?

Hey, by the way ... WHAT ABOUT SOME BACON?

& i know ... this one's a lousy chapter ...