Chapter 12

"Where is Lelouch?"

The sky was so clear and bright that day - so worryingly perfect for a day to cut classes. She and Kallen were eating their lunches when Lelouch came and asked them to cut classes out of nowhere. Lelouch Lamperouge who was famous for being a diligent and excellent student and the vice-president of the school council just asked them to cut classes in the middle of exam season.

To say that both of them were shocked was an understatement. She and Kallen did that occasionally especially when she was not having a good day because of the situation at home and the buzzing energy of the students would more likely drive her crazy. So to make sure, she asked Lelouch if this was Suzaku's idea and he was just dragged into it but Suzaku was absent that day.

Looking up from where she was smoothening the blanket on the ground, C.C. answered, "He is buying ice cream."

"Wow. He is really going all out with this picnic thing, huh? Do you think something good happened? Or maybe he is trying to get away from someone in school."

Kallen opened the basket near her and started arranging the sandwiches. They all looked so tasty and C.C. was quite certain that they did taste delicious. Lelouch's mother had always prepared something like this everytime she stayed at their house after class to help Lelouch in practicing his lines.

"Or maybe he is really just in a good mood."

"Who is in a good mood?"

Both girls glanced up and found the topic of their conversation holding three ice creams of different flavors. He handed the chocolate flavor to Kallen, the cheese flavor to C.C. and kept the vanilla one to himself.

"You are. C.C. and I are trying to figure out why the infamous straight A student, Lelouch Lamperouge would cut classes at this critical period of the semester."

He shrugged. "No deeper reason. I just wanted to take a break from all the reviewing we are doing for the upcoming exams."

"And you couldn't do it after classes?" Kallen insisted.

"Drop it, Kallen. Just eat this." Handing a sandwich to her friend, C.C. gave Lelouch an apologetic smile.

"Here, C.C. Mom made this for you."

"Thank you."

The trio munched on their sandwiches silently, with Kallen occasionally biting on C.C.'s since the latter's a special edition according to her. A few families surrounded them with children running happily on the grass, joggers jogged with their dogs, and there were a couple of vendors selling balloons.

This was such a peaceful day and C.C. enjoyed the brief moment of relaxation with her friends. She could feel how Lelouch's idea of getting away from the hassle of school instantly refreshed her well-being if only for a short time.

"I've been curious," Kallen started in between bites, "About the practice you've been doing in your house. How is it?"

Lelouch glanced first at C.C. before answering. "C.C. helps me with line-reading."

"Do you also act out the scene?"

"Sometimes."

C.C. closed her eyes. Lelouch, why did you have to tell her that?

Delighted with the new information, Kallen clapped. "Oh, I want to see it! I haven't seen C.C. act. Is she good?"

"Well… For a non-actor, she is quite good. She's really a great help for me to internalize my character."

Kallen slid towards her and nudged her shoulder. The dramatic pleading expression she was giving her was both entertaining and annoying.

"Only this once," C.C. told her.

Kallen drew a cross over her heart. "I promise I won't ask again."

Turning to C.C., Lelouch grabbed her hand without any warning and placed it on top of his heart. Surprised, she stared at him in a moment of silence with her heart beating loud. His heart was hammering under her palm, too.

"Clarence, my love, my angel. If you shall leave, my heart will go with you. And how can I continue to live without a heart?"

Oh, oh, right. They were going to act. Recovering from her shock, she rummaged through the scripts in her brain from which Lelouch got the lines. They practiced so often that she had also memorized his plays.

Ah, this was from that tragic love story that the drama club originally written. She mustered all the emotions needed in this heartbreaking scene despite not having experienced any heartbreak yet.

She tried to snatch her hand but the boy held on to it and pressed it further against his chest.

"I-I must... Or else papa will throw your whole family out of the mansion."

"I don't care. I can't afford to get separated from you."

"You don't care?"

Grabbing his shirt with her other hand, she pushed him away causing Lelouch to stumble on the ground. She stood up with her hands wrapped around her, her body shaking, tears brimming in her eyes.

"That's your family, Alex," she said in a trembling voice. "The family that you dedicated your life to. The reason why you applied for a job here. There is no other choice but for me to follow his order so that you all can live peacefully. He even promised to take care of all the medical expenses for your sister."

Lelouch had stood up and moved to reach her again but stopped at the last second and settled his fists on his sides. "Do you think this is easy for me, too?" he whispered. "I love my family dearly but I love you, too. Too much that just thinking about you is painful. Clarence..." He slowly stepped towards her until they were toe-to-toe. Lifting his hand, he cupped her cheek - his thumb caressing her skin. "I'll find a way for us to stay together."

C.C. was not a fan of this story. She found the characters especially 'Alex' immature and selfish. But what did she know about love? About romantic love specifically? Her parents never showed her how to properly love her family. She only had Kallen that she could truly call as her loved-one. But as much as she was inexperienced, she was certain that Alex's actions were not appealing to her.

When Kallen cleared her throat, that's the time C.C. noticed that she and Lelouch had been staring at each other for more than what the scene required. Blushing, she stepped away and quickly went back to her seat.

"Wow, wow, that was intense." Kallen hooked her arm around hers and gave her a knowing smile. "I didn't know that you can act so well. You did great, too, Lelouch!"

"Lelouch had been giving me acting lessons, too."

"Can you give me, too? I badly need it whenever I have to lie to leave our house."

Lelouch shrugged. "You can always join us after class."

The trio continued to enjoy their free day, relaxing under the warm sun and finishing their snacks. Ten minutes later, a man lost control of his motorcycle.


"You've been out longer than usual. Did something happened?"

Kallen flips the 'Open' signage to 'Closed' then she closes the window blinds without glancing at her friend.

"What happened? Why are you closing the store?" C.C. asks worriedly.

After making sure that they cannot be seen outside, Kallen faces her. Arms crossed, she bites her lip to prevent herself from screaming at her.

"Kallen?"

"I guess those free acting lessons from Lelouch paid off, huh?"

"What are you talking about?"

Digging her fingers into her skin, Kallen releases a frustrated sigh. As much as she wants to go to C.C. and shakes her senseless, she is far too angry to share a space with her. So the redhead remains on the other side of the store with secrets and lies scattered between them.

"Stop it already, C.C. I know the truth now. Since when did you regain your memories? How long have you been pretending to everyone? Why are you lying to us?" she asks, teeth gritting.

She obviously stuns her friend into silence. There is a brief moment when all Kallen could hear are their breathing and some barks of the puppies from the backroom. But when that moment ends, she watches as her friend's cheerful expression slowly transforms into a dull, blank one. She watches as C.C.'s eyes turn down as if they had been tired of keeping them wide open. Kallen watches as her lips that had been nothing but smiles the past months becomes straight and tight.

Kallen watches as the C.C. she had known since she was a kid returns.

"How did you know?"

"I'm the one asking the questions here so answer me."

A sigh.

"Almost three weeks ago."

Three weeks ago? What happened three weeks ago that triggered her memories? What... What... Oh.

"That's about the time we went to the exhibit. Was it the place that made you remember? Or was it seeing Shirley?"

"Both were factors, but the trigger was the boxes I found inside the drawers of my bed. Specifically our engagement ring."

Drawers of her bed? Gino and she definitely didn't clean any drawer of C.C.'s bed. She isn't even aware that it has drawers.

"Then why didn't you tell me? Do you even plan to tell me, C.C.? It's been three weeks!"

C.C. shakes her head. "It's not yet the right time."

"The right time?" Kallen throws her hands in the air. "What does that even mean?" A glare. "How far can you remember?"

"Everything," her friend simply answers. She has started to fidget on her sleeve and Kallen's eyes narrow at the movement.

"Including Lelouch, then."

"Yes, including him."

"Is he the reason why you kept this from us?"

When she doesn't answer, Kallen is ready to reprimand C.C. but another thought crosses her mind.

"Schneizel."

As soon as she utters his name, C.C. stiffens. Oh this is bad. This is going to be bad.

Slowly, Kallen approaches the counter, her eyes never leaving C.C.'s emerald hair for the latter had turned her head away. She is starting to understand what is happening and she prays so hard that her assumptions are wrong.

"Is he really your boyfriend? Or is he a part of your stupid scheme?"

C.C. still doesn't answer.

Placing her hands over the counter, Kallen leans in until she finds her golden eyes.

"Answer me, C.C. Tell me the truth."

It is so soft that she almost don't catch it.

"No, he isn't my boyfriend."

"Then who is he?"

"A friend from the group therapy."

Okay. So there is one truth here.

"And can you tell me why you introduced him us your boyfriend? Tell me the purpose of everything you've done."

"I... I wanted to hurt him."

"Why?"

"Because he hurt me so bad." C.C. clutches her chest. "It still hurts so much that he left me when I needed him the most."

"Oh my God, C.C."

Grabbing the nearest chair, Kallen sits and puts her head on her hands. This is a lot to take in for a Saturday morning. But what else did she expect? She is just looking for confirmation. After seeing the inside of C.C.'s room - with all of their picture frames up, the desperate scribbles on her open diary, pieces of what look like trophies and plaques sloppily put and glued together - Kallen had a hunch of what was happening. But to hear it, to confirm that her friend is capable of doing this lie is painful.

She retrieves her phone from her pocket and places it on the counter.

"Call him and tell him the truth."

Brows furrowed, C.C. is confused. "Why would I do that?"

"Because he needs to know. Because you've done enough and you need to end this bullshit."

"You are my friend, Kallen. You should be on my side."

"I am your friend but I don't tolerate this kind of stupidity, C.C. Lelouch had been so good to you ever since after the incident. Despite you having 'amnesia' and not remembering a single damn thing about him. He even had the decency to distance himself when Schneizel came into the picture."

"Why are you defending him?"

"I'm not defending him. I'm just… ugh! What do you wish to achieve for doing this? Did you think after this you can go back to how it was before?"

C.C. shakes her head vehemently. "No. After everything, we cannot go back to how we were. God, I badly wish we can. But there have been so much anger and desperation that separate us now."

"Then you don't have to add more to that," Kallen whispers. "You have to let go, C.C. For your sake and sanity."

Her friend's golden eyes are covered with unshed tears. Hands trembling, C.C. starts pulling on her sleeves. "I don't know how," she whispers back. "When I lost my parents, I only have you and him. You have been the one who was always there for me – the constant part of my life. But Lelouch… He became my whole world. He was the stranger who came and never left," she continues as she points to her chest. "He promised me that he wouldn't leave. He promised that he will be there no matter what happens. He promised that he will never give up on me. He promised…" A teardrop. "He had broken all his promises."

Kallen feels immense pity and helplessness at the state of her friend. It is like they are back to that time when the break-up was so fresh and painful that all she can do was just stay by her side and make sure that she wouldn't hurt herself.

Hurt herself.

Kallen glances down at her wrist. C.C. has been touching her sleeve non-stop. She had been wearing long-sleeved shirts these past few days. No. Immediately, she grabs her wrist and lifts up the cloth. The relief that she feels upon finding her scratch less skin is so intense she almost weep.

"Thank God. Thank God," she murmurs.

C.C. quickly snatches her hand back and cradles it to her chest. "I try not to do that anymore."

"And you are succeeding. I'm so proud of you," Kallen smiles. "But… You have to stop this pretense, C.C. Don't hurt yourself more. If closure is what you want with Lelouch, you have to talk to him and tell him what you are feeling. I am certain that he will listen to you."

Her friend remains silent.

"Do you still love him?"

C.C. takes a seat across her and covers her face with her hands. The ragged breathing that she does fills the silent atmosphere surrounding them like a child trying to stop herself from wailing.

She nods.

Kallen closes her eyes. Of course, she still does. Up until the day of her attempt, she still did love him.

"You know what's funny, Kallen? The funny thing is I still fell for him even though I lost my memories. I had developed this small crush on Lelouch because he is too kind and understanding and," her voice breaks, "He can't get to be like that after what happened. He can't just return to my life after ignoring all my calls, after moving on as if I didn't exist, as if what we had was just a dream that was never real. He can't just smile at me and be there for me as if nothing happened."

Reaching out, the redhead holds C.C.'s hand and hopes that she can feel her support and send her strength. She wants to tell her about how he genuinely cares for her, she wants to tell her that Lelouch had been with them because he hopes that he could apologize and make up for what he had done to their relationship. During that first night in the hospital, the man confessed that he wanted to go back to C.C. After all, that's what led him to her apartment just in time when Kallen found her in the bathroom.

"He cares for you. That's the one truth that I cannot deny."

"Should I be happy about that?"

"Are you happy with what you are doing right now? Do you feel satisfied as you live your lie knowing that you are hurting someone?"

C.C. whispers. "No."

"You are a good person, C.C." Squeezing her hand, Kallen tries to convince her once more. "So please stop and don't let things reach the point where you can no longer return, the point where the both of you cannot co-exist anymore. Please."

"Do you hate me for this?"

"No. I'm angry but I don't hate you."

C.C. looks down at their hands, eyes sad and guilty. "It's not all his fault why we broke up, why he cheated on me." She gives Kallen a tired smile. "I never told you the whole story. We... We agreed not to share the darker details that led to the break up. So don't hate him too much for it." A laugh of disbelief. "Am I making sense? I was just hating on him a while ago."

"I understand," reassures Kallen.

"I'll tell him the truth. But not today. I... I have to find the right words to say since this is going to be our very first real conversation after the break up. I'll stop bringing Schneizel, though."

"If you need help, I am here."

"Thank you. And thank you for being just on time when you found me in my apartment."

Kallen stands up and goes around the counter. Sitting beside her friend, she lays her head on her shoulder. They both stare at the closed door, contemplating how far they've come.

"Just promise that if ever you thought of doing it, you can go to me."

"Okay."

It's like a big thorn is removed from Kallen's throat. The suspicion and worry all disappear and she instantly feel lighter. Despite being upset about what C.C. had done, at least the latter told her the truth and opened up her feelings to her. That is such a huge step for someone like her friend. And knowing that C.C. herself is trying her hardest to keep living, Kallen feels that later it will be okay. It might not happen in the near future, she doesn't know if it will involve Lelouch, but she believes that it will happen.


The phones won't stop ringing. Milly stands in the middle of the chaos that is her office and helplessly watches her staff do the damage control.

"Entertainment Daily wants to get our statement about what happened," Rivalz says.

"Tell them that we are releasing an official one soon. And please, if another one of those trash outlets call again, just don't entertain them."

"Yes, ma'am."

"A lot of people have uploaded the videos in their SNS accounts. We cannot keep up with how fast they spread."

"Do everything! I need it down and removed in the face of the earth."

"Channel 5 already broadcasted their report about the incident."

"Channel 47, too, and 13."

"A lot are bashing and attacking him in the internet. But there are also some who defend him."

Milly listens as the operator tells her again that Lelouch's phone is out of coverage area. Damn it, where is that boy? He can't just disappear after creating this whole mess.

"The victim will not be filing a case," says Nina.

"When did he say that?"

"In an exclusive interview with Channel 41."

"Find a way to contact him immediately."

"Yes ma'am."

She tries to dial Lelouch's number again but it is useless. His sister does not know his whereabouts, too. Meanwhile, his friend, Suzaku is also MIA. What is happening?

"Good Lord, Lelouch, I thought we've talked about this," she utters to herself.

Suddenly her phone rings and the name of the caller brings instant panic to Milly. Because it only means bad news when the producer of the documentary calls you personally while the whole world is watching your talent punch someone with no remorse.


He will only make sure that she is okay then he will leave.

Just making sure that she is okay.

And perhaps also tell her about what Schneizel has been doing behind her back.

That bastard. Just thinking about his name is bringing him rage. No. He needs to calm down. He doesn't need to cause unnecessary fear to C.C.

The door opens after he rings the doorbell for the third time and the sight of her wide surprised eyes almost caused him to wrap his arms around her tightly.

"Lelouch? What are you doing here?"

Oh fuck sanity and reasons. Fuck Schneizel and all to Hell. Her innocent voice - unaware of what had happened - breaks his control and without thinking, his hands are on the sides of her face and he is staring at her with a panicked relief.

"You're okay," he utters. "You're okay," he tells himself.

"What happened?" As soon as her palm touches his hand, she immediately removes it and looks at the wetness on her palm.

"You're bleeding. Come in, we need to treat it."

"It's not my blood. It's Schneizel's."

"Schneizel? Where is he?" The immense worry in her voice makes Lelouch want to go back to the bar and punch the bastard more.

"I punched him, C.C. He was with another girl in the bar Suzaku and I were at and they kissed and I punched him. I'm sorry but I was just so angry so I punched, and punched, and punched his face because you don't deserve that and that fucking bastard doesn't deserve you!" He does not mean to raise his voice but he is beyond frustrated, panicked and furious at this point.

C.C. could only whisper in surprise. "He does what?"

"He cheated on you." There. He finally said it. The bad thing that Schneizel and him have in common. And delivering that news to C.C. is bringing him back to that day when he confessed his own cheating to her. He covers his eyes with his hand. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. You don't deserve that. I'm sorry, C.C." Good grief he doesn't know if he is sorry for her or if he is asking for her forgiveness. "I'm so-"

The sudden feel of her lips on his sends shockwaves throughout his body that he stands there motionless and unresponsive. C.C. pulls away slowly and stares up at him - panting.

Three.

Two.

One.

It only takes Lelouch three seconds to disregard reason and dives to her lips, kissing her rough with desperation, his hands cupping her face. C.C. kisses him back with the same intensity, their mouth and teeth clashing.

Then they are stumbling towards the sofa and they are on the sofa and C.C. is grabbing his hair and his tongue enters her mouth and goddamn it feels so so good to kiss her again. How long has it been since they last kissed? How long has it been since he felt her skin against his? How long, how long, it's been too long.

His mouth leaves her lips and proceeds to devour her neck - slender, smooth neck that had always been sensitive and ticklish.

"Lelouch," cries C.C. She writhes beneath him as he interlaces their fingers and pins her against the cushion.

"Please be gentle." The softness and shyness in her voice made him want to build a fortress around them to keep her demons far and away from her.

Touching the side of her face, he said, "I will be. And if I hurt you, tell me immediately, okay?"

She nodded. She took a deep breath, bit her bottom lip which made him crazy and looked him into his eyes with resolute decision and said, "I'm ready."

He misses her. Oh God, he had missed her in every way possible. Her laughter, her musings, the sparkle in her eyes, the way she smiles - a slight lift of the tips of her mouth, the subtle dimples on her cheeks, her eyes turning soft - her beautiful words that the world needed to hear and read, the whisper of her voice, her craving for pizza, the soft snores she did when she slept after a very tiring day, the pride in her eyes when she watched a film of his, her messiness, her stubbornness, her kindness, her strength in facing her demons, her... her... Her.

"I'm so sorry, C.C." he whispers to her skin as he kisses her neck. "Please forgive me. I'm sorry. I love you."

They both freeze as soon as the words left his mouth. Their ragged breaths fill the heated air as they process what he had just said. Lelouch stares blankly at the strands of her emerald hair as his heart thudded inside his chest.

"What did you say?" she pants.

Slowly, he lifts his body until he is looking down at her. Her eyes dazed and confused.

"Lelouch, what did you say?" she repeats.

"I..."

"C.C.!"

The sudden intrusion of another voice makes them jump away from each other. C.C. hastily fixes her crumpled shirt but upon seeing Schneizel's still bloody but swollen face, she passes by Lelouch and goes straight to him.

Lelouch quickly follows her and before C.C. could utter a word, he is in Schneizel's face. "What are you doing here, bastard?"

"What are you doing with my girlfriend, Lelouch?" Schneizel snaps back.

"Stop it, both you!" If C.C. isn't there, Lelouch would have a second round with him. But the glare they are receiving from the woman makes all their restless energy and anger restrained.

She turns to the blonde man. "We need to treat your wounds. Come in." What the fuck? Then she says to Lelouch, "I know we need to talk but please leave us for tonight."

"I won't leave you with him." He doesn't budge.

"He won't hurt me. I'll talk to you tomorrow."

"But -"

"Please?"

"C.C..."

"Tomorrow, Lelouch."

They stare at each other - skin flushed, lips swollen - the remnants of what happened earlier still visible to anyone who would see them. The tension between the pair hasn't died down, instead the complication that Schneizel's appearance brought intensifies the emotions that are boiling inside them.

Lelouch throws a glare at Schneizel, never once regretting every punch he had landed on his now battered face. Pissed off, he steps infront of the latter and counters his height with his menace. He wants to say more, to threaten him of what he would do if he ever touches C.C. the wrong way, but all of Lelouch's anger keeps him dangerously silent.

Finally, he steps around Schneizel and without looking back, leaves C.C.'s room. He stays on the corridor in case something bad happen and stares incredulously at the door as he hears the muffled voices of the people inside.

They've got to be kidding him. They've got to be fucking kidding him.

Inside his car, Lelouch numbly switches on his phone and finds hundreds of Milly's voicemails and messages.

"Goddammit, Lelouch, where are you? The producers need your answer now if you'll take the role. You need to answer NOW. They're giving you this chance despite the mess that you've caused. Call me and go to the office once you receive this message."

His thumb hovers over Milly's number, waiting for him to press it and give him her answer. So they chose him and still want him, huh. Is this luck? Lelouch's thinks of what he had heard behind the door a while ago.

He bangs his head against the steering wheel and a low crazy laugh bubbles in his chest.

Ridiculous. Everything is ridiculous.

He is certainly getting ridiculed by fate.