Rabidreject- thanks for the review. And I know- Ethan really has done it. hehe. but no, promise they won't be apart too long., After all, we need at least one successful couple in the buffyverse don't we? hehe. And thanks for the speed-highquality compliment.
zigpal- thanks for the review (and claps hehe) and I'm glad you get why it was a sad chapter. Because relationships aren't perfect all the time are they? But like I said, I won' t have them apart for long. ;-)
I never knew what enough was until I'd had more than my share. I let the darkness in and it was then that I lost the dare. It was then that I lost the day
The house was completely empty. So empty she was sure her footsteps echoed loud enough for neighbours to hear. She should put the television on in the background. Or the radio. For some noise. Just so the place wouldn't seem so silent and empty.
She'd kept asking for months hadn't she? What was it in his past that he didn't want her to know? She had told him that none of it was going to drive her away, that he shouldn't be so worried. But it had driven her away. Ethan had.
She remembered seeing Ethan at the bar. She hadn't thought much of him. He made a little nervous, but that was all. She had no idea what he was really like. But Giles had. Giles knew him very well from what Buffy had said. So why hadn't he protected her? Stopped him going after her? He said he wasn't going to let her get hurt. But so had Hank. So had Ted in fact and he'd been a homicidal robot. Every single time she was promised protection and each time she was hurt, more and more each time.
The not-so-funny thing was when she thought about what happened, her initial reaction was to go to Giles for comfort. She knew she could. She knew he was waiting for her. But she also knew she wasn't ready yet. She knew deep down it was because she saw Giles linked too heavily with Ethan.
So she sat alone in the chair in the living room, going over the events of the past week again and again.
There will be no prayers on your return and there will be no party thrown. And you will find your inheritance is the silence that's grown. It is the seed that you've sown.
Everything was unpacked and back in its original place. The no longer needed boxes were folded and piled next to the table.
He used to like this apartment. He remembered moving in when he first arrived in Sunnydale, shortly before Buffy and Joyce arrived. He'd been happy here. It was homey, big but not too big. Just right. But now he just saw it as the place he shouldn't be in anymore. He had been moving out of there and in with Joyce. And before he had even had chance to step over the threshold of 1630 Revello Drive he was unpacking all his things here.
He had called Joyce several times, despite Buffy's insistencies that she needed space. He hadn't called that many times. Just once a day, perhaps once every other day sometimes. She never picked up. He remembered she had caller I.D. He stopped called a couple of days ago when Buffy had told him under no uncertain terms that to give space means to make no calls and if he wanted Joyce to be okay he needed to stop 'pestering' and start giving her some space.
But the space was killing him. He didn't want space. Space was the exact opposite of what he wanted. Even Buffy seemed to be keeping her distance recently. She seemed awkward around him. She told him she knew he hadn't done anything wrong, but she couldn't help siding with her Mom. Which was apparently making the situation more difficult for Buffy than it already was. So the others had taken their cue from Buffy and although Willow, being the sweet girl she was, kept visiting out of what could only be viewed as pity, Giles found himself with a lot of space a lot of the time recently. And it was leaving him too much time to be alone with his thoughts.
He shouldn't have gone drinking with Ethan. He could have stopped any of it happening if he had just beaten the crap out of him like he initially intended. But Ethan had come out with the fact he had important information and as much of a little shit Ethan was his information was usually spot-on and for the most part useful. He'd also gone for the drink for old times sake. It was hard not to with how out of place he had been feeling recently. He shouldn't have trusted Ethan. When he joked about slipping something in his drink, he should have taken him seriously. Had no more. He should have stopped him even catching sight of Joyce. He should have stopped him going to her. He should…. there were so many 'he should haves' that he was loosing his head thinking about them. But one thought stayed persistently in his mind. It's all my fault.
Cause you were the one sure thing, the one sure thing.
12 November 1999
"Check you making with the effort" Buffy laughed as lay lazily on her Mom's bed while said mother finished getting ready for her date. She had come over to pick up her mail- something she hadn't done for a few weeks- to find her Mom getting ready to go out on a date with Giles. He was taking her to some French restaurant apparently. Buffy had never been big on French food- it was a little fancy with too big a fondness for frogs and snails, but her Mom loved it. Not the frog and snails part though, Buffy hoped.
"You think it's too much?" Joyce asked worryingly, turning away from the mirror to look at her daughter, lipstick held uncapped in her hand.
"No it's fine." Buffy assured her, taking in her Mom's black and white halter-neck dress. She approved of the matching sandals and made a note to steal them for a while at a later date. "Very restaurant-y" Joyce sighed a sigh of relief.
"Oh good" She turned back to the mirror and started applying the lipstick when the doorbell rang.
"I will get that," Buffy told her, heading downstairs still holding the mail in her hand as she answered the front door.
"Buffy" Giles said not without some puzzlement.
"What?" Buffy asked, "Not the girl you were expecting to see?"
"Well, uh, no" Giles answered honestly, stepping inside to see Joyce walking down the stairs. He smiled widely and she smiled back. Buffy rolled her eyes.
"In fear of being infected with cute vibes I'm outta here," Buffy told them as she headed out the door, "Have a nice time" She called back
"You certainly know how to pick a restaurant," Joyce told him with they arrived at Le Jardin de Lys. Living up to it's name, on every table was placed one white lily while along the walls were bunches of brightly colored lilies in oranges, reds, and pinks draping down from the high walls and ceilings above. Designed to look like an elegant French restaurant to be found on some quiet street in Brittany it had wooden shutters at the open windows with silk drapes covering the panes and the waiters were dressed in every way a garcon should be.
"I just thought it would be somewhere you would like very much," He told her as he watched her look around the entire restaurant taking in every detail. She saw placed around the edges of the restaurant, for a cultural feel she guessed, several art pieces that made her itch to look at closely. The one next to her though was a piece from a collection she admired- Les Nabis. The work was by the artist Paul Sérusier and was called Le Talisman. She adored it. Always had but had never seen it up close before. She let out an involuntary art-geek squeal. He looked at her with a raised eyebrow.
"Sorry," She apologized with a smile, "It's just…. just this place. Everything in it-"
"No need to apologize," he said, leaning down to kiss her just as the waiter arrived to lead them to their table. She knew she shouldn't, it was a public place after all and the waiter was obviously watching, but she had hardly seen him at all in the past week so she gave into the kiss completely. And when he went to pull away, conscious that they were stood up in the middle of a restaurant, she wrapped her arms around him letting him know that he wasn't getting away anytime soon and within seconds he gave in too as he wrapped his arms around her waist, drawing her closer, the kiss becoming more intense. The waiter cleared his throat startling the couple and they broke apart sheepishly.
"Sorry about that…." Joyce apologized but the waiter shook his head as though there were no need.
"Your table Madame, monsieur," The waiter indicated in a direction to their right and Joyce and Giles looked at each with a smile before taking each other's hand and following the waiter to their table.
Maybe I'm not crazy, just inconsolable. Inconsolable.
"…So we'll need the documents regarding the Medallion pithoi"
"Hmm?" Joyce looked up, barely registering that Carole was talking to her and suddenly she remembered she was sat in the gallery and not sat at home. She shook her head, "I'm sorry what?"
"Documents." Carole repeated, "For the Medallion pithoi. Where are they?"
"Oh erm…there," Joyce pointed to a drawer not too far away from them and Carole headed over to it. Opening the drawer and pulling out the papers, she threw a concerned look Joyce's way.
"What's up hon?" Carole was fond of the term 'hon' when she was getting ready to psychoanalyse her friends.
"There's no up" Joyce replied half-heartedly realizing that her sentences weren't even really making sense, as she went to drift back into her thoughts.
"You've been out of it all day. All week actually," Carole stated, "There is definitely something up" She went and sat next to her, "Maybe it would help if you talked about it, talked it through."
Joyce shook her head.
"No, it's nothing, really" She got up and headed into the backroom, closing the door behind her and not even looking back at a concerned Carole.
Carole watched her go and was unconvinced by her friend's claims of 'nothing'. She got up and followed her to the back room. She had barely opened the door when she heard the crying. Pushing the door open completely she saw Joyce there crying her eyes out. So much for 'nothing'.
"This must be a pretty big nothing," Carole joked as she hugged Joyce comfortingly and she laughed slightly through the tears. She didn't stop crying though, "Perhaps you should go home for a bit, huh?" Carole suggested kindly.
"No I-" Joyce tried to argue but Carole was having none of it.
"No, you need to be at home. You're in no fit state to be working," Carole said to her, "Go spend some time with Buffy. That'd be nice wouldn't it?"
Joyce nodded slightly but Carole was sure she wasn't listening.
There is no mystery to be revealed and so we tell the truth and then run
"I know, it's complicated," Buffy agreed as she and her Mom talked in the living room together about well, everything. Her Mom had told her about what had happened with Ethan and Buffy had listened with a sympathetic ear and began to understand more and more why her Mother felt she couldn't see Giles quite yet.
"Yes it is" Joyce stated, seemingly staring at nothing for a moment before she looked directly at Buffy, "Tell me everything"
"What?" Buffy didn't understand.
"About Rupert. His past. About Ethan. Everything,"
"Oh," Buffy said in comprehension, "Well, I don't know it all…"
"Tell me what you do know," Joyce insisted, "Please. I need to know"
Buffy still wasn't sure. She was worried that telling her Mom the things she knew would just make an already bad situation worse.
"Are you sure? I mean…" Buffy winced as she thought about what she was about to say, "Some people died because of Giles…and Ethan…do you really want me to tell you?"
Joyce did think about it for a moment, from the small slice of information Buffy had just given away she knew what she would be told would be bad, very bad. But she needed to know. She couldn't run away from it. She had to face it all if moving on of any sort was to happen.
"Yes"
I love you because I love you and I did think that you were the one
April 14th 1997
Giles had gotten the phone call from Buffy just under fifteen minutes ago. It had been about Angel- he had attacked Buffy's mother. As Giles hurried down the corridor looking for the right room he worried about Buffy's exposure as the Slayer. After all, Mrs Summers didn't know about Buffy's secret identity as the Watcher's Council's protocol stated- it was to stay that way. Finally he found the room and walked in.
"I guess I slipped and cut my neck on…. the doctor said it looked like a barbecue fork" Joyce looked at Buffy in confusion, "We don't have a barbecue fork,"
Giles watched the woman in front of him as logic and denial seemed to wage a war in her mind. He didn't know what he expected for when he first met Buffy's mother, formalities and introductions mainly, but in fact the moment he laid eyes on her he was blown away. It was quite shocking really. He had never been one for letting emotions overcome him but as he looked at Joyce Summers for the first time strong, unknown feelings rushed through him uncontrollably and for the first time in his life he found himself wondering at how stupid the Council's rule was about watcher's having relationships with family of the slayer. He was surprised that this was where his thoughts turned to. Was he considering having a relationship with this woman? He wanted to, he knew that, but he hadn't spoken one word to her. But he knew he couldn't take his eyes away.
"Are you another doctor?" She was talking to him and he found himself actually at a loss for words. So lost in his thoughts, he suddenly became a little too nervous to actually reply for himself, but luckily Buffy filled in for him.
"Oh, um no Mom, this is Mr Giles,"
"Oh- the librarian from your school," Joyce nodded in recognition before frowning at Buffy in something that was a cross between nerves and confusion, "What's he doing here?"
Her attitude to the entire situation made him smile.
"Uh, I-I just came to pay my respects," He was amazed he was able to actually form words finally, "wish you a speedy recovery,"
January 12th 1998
Joyce pushed open the door to find the library empty and so quiet it was eerie.
"Buffy?" She looked around; trying to find the daughter she had strictly order to stay in the library till 5.30. "Hello?"
"Hello"
She jumped in surprise when she heard someone reply and turned to see Giles peering comically out from behind a shelf in…was that a cage? She hadn't seen Giles since…since she had been in hospital, but she had been fairly out of it then and only vaguely remembered him. But she did remember that he had stayed by her bed after Buffy had left. She smiled.
"Oh uh, Mr Giles, hi. Uh, I-I was looking for Buffy. She, she was supposed to wait for me here," God she was getting that stutter- a clear sign she was starting to get nervous. Any moment soon she suspected she'd start babbling and who knows what she might come out with. It was just he was so attractive. She thought for a split second why Buffy never mentioned this…and then realized that Buffy wouldn't have even noticed. But Joyce certainly was.
"Well sh-she hasn't been in," Giles told her, "I-I've been waiting to talk to her myself about uh, uh…history texts."
She felt herself getting warmer bordering dangerously on hot as she looked at him and she leant on a nearby card catalog to try and compose herself. She decided to focus on the fact that Buffy wasn't here.
"That is just the last straw"
"I'm sure she didn't mean to-" He was defending Buffy and despite the fact that Joyce was still mad at her, the fact that this man was clearly willing to back Buffy up and support her made Joyce find him even more attractive.
"She never means to but she always manages to anyway," Would asking him out be too daring? After all, they'd practically just met. Then he might be involved with someone. Might be married. Or have kids. "Do you have children Mr Giles?"
But now I see who you've become.
Shortly after that question Joyce realized Giles had set the bezoar demon thing on her turning her essentially into a mindless zombie. Why did everything also lead back to something like that? Flowed into something evil. Why? But she had forgiven him for that, once she found out what had actually happened, after all it hadn't really been his fault. He had been under the influence of the bezoar and a person had had no control once they were. After all, Joyce had even tried to kill Buffy at the time. So Joyce had easily forgiven Giles that. She'd forgiven for other times as well just as he'd forgiven her for times such as when she'd nearly burnt Buffy at the stake. God, that was an awful memory.
So why this time when it wasn't even him could she not forgive him?
Perhaps she needed someone to blame and Ethan wasn't here for her to blame directly so it fell on Giles. Why couldn't she just hate Ethan and forgive Giles? Wouldn't that be so much simpler?
You always hurt the ones you love the most. That saying applied to both of them right now. Was this payback what she was doing? She didn't think so, but maybe she did see it as some score to be evened. Put him through a fifth of what she had been through herself. She couldn't think like that though.
What it boiled down to she realized, was it had been too much too soon- she wasn't ready to accept that part of him.
Or was she?
Cause you were the one sure thing, the one sure thing.
November 10th 1998
She couldn't believe what the two of them had just done on the hood of the police car. And they'd done it twice! The thought of knowing they could have been caught only added to the thrill. She giggled as she thought back to it, it had only be a minute or so ago, but she wanted to go at it again. In the middle of the street, on a car, in a room, against a wall, anywhere. She wanted to use this feeling of being fully alive to it's full potential.
The moment they had got off the car, Ripper had grabbed her hand and had her running down the street away from the scene.
"What are you doing?" She said, laughing as she pulled back a bit.
"Don't wanna be around there when that copper wakes up," Ripper replied, tugging at her hand harshly so she was forced to carry on walking along with him.
"'Fraid of getting caught huh?" She asked with a sly smile and Ripper shook his head.
"No, just don't fancy a pervy old git watching us"
"Well there's no one around…" Joyce grinned, "And I still have those cuffs on me" For a man who claimed he wanted her as much as she wanted him, he didn't seem too keen right now as he looked around where they were stood and looked down at her in annoyance.
"Not now," he told her, "I thought we were getting more chocolate," And he tugged her hand again and this time it hurt. She pulled away.
"God, what is your problem?" Joyce scoffed, "Attitude much?"
"Oh for God's sake," Ripper rolled his eyes impatiently as he walked back over to her realizing she was getting 'girly' on him. Why was he even bothering with her anyway? He was more of a get some get gone type of guy. But he was playing the boyfriend. More fool him apparently, "Just come on"
Joyce apparently seemed very unimpressed with his command as she stepped off to the right of him to head down another street.
"Whatever" she told him, heading off, "Like I don't have better things to be doing than dealing with your lame issues"
He didn't let her get far as he grabbed hold of her tightly. When she turned round to face him she saw the familiar look on his face and smiled. That was more like it. She dimly registered the chocolate bars being thrown down around them, but saw it as unimportant as he put his arms around her. His grip on her arms was so tight it bordered on uncomfortable and she squirmed a little, but she stopped the moment his lips were on hers. The kiss was letting her know he was the one in charge as he had been moments ago on the car and just to see what would happen she tried to fight against the kiss and he bit her lip silently telling her not to try that again. She gave herself to the kiss fully as she wrapped her arm around him, running her finger through his hair. She arched into him, reaching up slightly on her tiptoes wanting to take in every bit of the passion that he was giving to her through the kiss.
"Mom? Giles?"
Joyce ignored the annoying voice in her ear as she continued to snog Ripper.
"Go away. We're busy," He said through the kiss and Joyce made the kiss more intense, encouraging him not to talk again. He responded, boy did he respond.
"Mom!" Suddenly she felt a tug on her arm and she was dragged away from Ripper by her daughter.
"Hey!" She exclaimed in complaint. What the hell did Buffy think she was doing? She wouldn't have liked it if she'd ever pulled her away from Angel, would she?
Willow heard a loud banging sound that reverberated through the phone painfully into her ear and she assumed Buffy had had to fight someone or something. She put the phone back to her ear.
"Hello?"
"Hi" A different voice from Buffy's replied and Willow could hear the person chewing gum loudly. She heard a bubble pop, "Is that Willow?"
"Erm…yeah…" Willow replied nervously. Whoever it was on the other end of the phone knew her name.
"Cool. Yeah, Buffy's just like totally wailing on this guy or something. She's always about the slaying- like whatever."
Suddenly Willow recognized the voice in shock.
"Mrs Summers?!" She knew for sure that the candy had affected Buffy's Mom, "Are you okay?"
"I'm fine" Joyce automatically replied, "Oh my god he is just so hot."
"What? Who?" Curiosity won over shock and confusion.
"Ripper. He just like pulled a gun on this guy. It was so cool."
"Ripp-" Willow knew the name, "Giles?!"
"Whatever," Joyce dismissed the second name, "Either way it is wicked cool. I mean we're going steady and everything- how neat is that?" Willow went to reply but Joyce carried on talking, "Even though rat boy like so wants it not to be. It is so gross the way he keeps looking at me. It's like hello? Dream on. Like I'd even think of even looking at him. I mean Ripper's this hot, daring British guy and Snyder's well…hello? Not"
Willow did not want to hear anymore.
"Can you put Buffy back on please? I need to talk to her"
"God, everyone always wants to talk to Buffy. It's like Buffy slay this, Buffy slay that."
"Mrs Summers," Willow said sternly and she heard the woman sigh.
"Fine. Whatever." Her voice went quieter as she called away from the phone, "Buffy. It's uh, Willow. She wants you real bad"
"Hello?" Willow sighed with relief when she heard Buffy's voice.
"Oh thank god it's you again. Your Mom just sounds really weird…. and she keeps talking about Giles"
"Uh-huh," Buffy said, clearly showing she didn't want to talk about it and Willow completely understood.
"Okay, so Oz just found it"
The babies were safely returned and they were stood outside the hospital waiting for Buffy who was trying to get the nurse to pay attention to the children she hadn't even noticed were gone.
Joyce looked at the soaked white top Ripper was wearing.
"You're soaked," She commented.
"State the obvious" Ripper replied.
"For what it's worth…I think it's really cool what you did. Really brave" Joyce looked down for a moment, afraid to catch his eye. She was getting nervous around him again.
"Just doing what I had to," Ripper boasted, knowing it would impress Joyce.
"And a job well done deserves an award," She teased and he grinned, grabbing her around the waist again and pulling her towards him. She felt the wetness of his t-shirt through her clothes, but she didn't care as the two kissed passionately. As the kiss deepened and she submitted to it entirely he lifted her up, closer to him, so she was stood completely on her tip-toes, and she gave more into the kiss, putting her arms around him tightly.
Then the kiss became warmer, more loving and she felt more tenderness there than there had been previously. She enjoyed it as his arms wrapped around her caringly rather than possessively and her grip on him loosened as well, but she didn't drop her arms from around his neck.
And then she realized who she was kissing. And he seemed to realize who he was kissing. And the kissing stopped abruptly. They stepped apart slightly looking at each other in shock for a moment before looking down at the clothes and becoming even more embarrassed. Giles ran his fingers through his hair nervously and Joyce tugged down her skirt self-consciously with her right hand just as Buffy came out of the hospital.
Buffy watched them both suspiciously. The two were stood further apart from one another than they had been previously and she noticed her Mom now looked very awkward in her outfit. If it wasn't for the fact the two were still holding hands Buffy would have said the chocolate had worn off completely. But apparently it was getting there.
Maybe I'm not crazy, just inconsolable. Inconsolable.
When Giles opened his door to find Xander and Anya on his doorstep he was disappointed. He had hoped it would have been Joyce. But still these two were a welcome distraction.
"We come bearing gifts," Xander held up a few boxes which apparently contained nutrition bars. Giles stepped aside to let them in. They all took a seat and Xander started to rant about the Boost Bars Giles tuned out of the conversation as his thought drifted back to Joyce. It had been almost a week now. If not more. He wasn't sure anymore. It sounded terrible, but he had lost track of days. He just wanted to wallow in his misery, but he was the adult and all the teenagers expected him to keep it together. He had to. It's what adults did. And as he had heard Buffy say many times throughout the years he had know her; 'it sucked'.
He just wanted to see her again. Just for a minute. Or to talk to her, for her to answer one of his phone calls. He couldn't carry on like this for much longer, he couldn't.
"Check these flavours!" Xander said encouragingly, realizing he was loosing Giles' attention, "Cherry-berry! Maple Walnut! Almond…" Xander trailed off as Giles suddenly started crying. It, if he was honestly, really freaked Xander out. He had never seen Giles cry before. Not that he could recall anyway. And it unnerved him. Giles was always the strong, in control, on top of things, British Guy. But the man in front of him now was totally weak, seriously lacking in control and looked as though everything had just come crashing down around him. Human. Xander felt really bad for Giles, but truly didn't know what to do.
Anya reached over and patted Giles on the shoulder almost robotically in comfort as she had seen on televised soap operas.
