I want to say a big thank you to my twitter Canuck buddy dipdipmyblueship for all the dialogue brainstorming just help in general that you gave me with this chapter. Now I'm just glad to have finished it finally :)

Thank you as always to all my readers. Enjoy this update

There was no hope in focusing on dinner; his patience was wearing thin as he felt an increasingly growing need to be with Carla again. They would steal glances at one another from across the dinner table and whilst everyone else was busy in conversations, loud and boisterous and of the mouth; theirs was a silent one pertaining to matters of the heart.

He couldn't help but look at her and not think what she would look like completely naked, he had been so close to undoing her clothes, undoing her everything completely until they were so cruelly interrupted by her mother and Leanne. Still Liam's lips were moist with the words so delicately whispered in her ear…I want. That image of her was now burnt into his mind, as he watched her in the reflection witnessing first hand what it was like to break her, to let her lips sing again. He experienced that uniqueness, the bareness of her folds; nothing could compare to how it felt to touch and be touched there for the first time. As he watched his fingers slide in and out of her knowing that he was pleasuring her, Liam felt like he would cry because it became clear to him then that this wasn't the extent of his capabilities or the limitations of how he could love; he'd have a lifetime of different ways in which to love her.

Clasping the top of his wine glass and bringing it seductively to his lips, Liam could not drink enough for his mind was incapable of banishing any of all thoughts of her. And he wondered perhaps if this was now the part lost finally coming back, telling it was okay to feel good things once in while. Perhaps it served as a reminder that happiness walks hand in hand with sadness as life does with death for all time. So Liam began to feel a bit stronger as looked Carla, allowing himself to give into the idea of things, to give things a chance. Because in spite of the horrible things he had seen, things that most people couldn't even comprehend he could no longer wish for himself an early death. It was simply too painful now, to think of a world were he would die and tommorrow she'd be someone else's lady.

"Heavens," murmurs Leanne interrupting Liam's thoughts. She was sitting next Carla and had been smirking at her friend for the entirety of dinner, "Look at you, you're blushing! Isn't she blushing everyone?"

"I'm not," says Carla still not having removed her eyes from Liam as she takes a generous sip of champagne.

"Or yes you are," says Jamie Baldwin having been seated at the head of the table as this evenings host his eyes had the luxury of being privy to everything, "You're blushing quite profusely Carla. I'd say Liam is as well.

"Do you two kids have anything you'd like to share?" Leanne says working off of Jamie's banter her voice laced with teasing and innuendo.

Leanne knew full well what was going on but always had a propensity to embarrass Carla in public places. It wasn't really appropriate and although Liam knew no one would tell, he felt it wasn't right until Carla was officially broken up with Tony Gordon.

"Yes," says Jamie's his half- brother Warren now joining in on the fun and games, "Any escapades to inform us about Carla? Any extracurricular activities keeping you up late at night darling? You look a little tired...perhaps you need to be catching up on sleep anyways," He gives her an all knowing wink.

"Be quite Warren," Liam says quickly coming to the defense of Carla but at the same time he is trying to suppress a grin as he bits down on his bottom lip. He couldn't wait for this dinner to end so he can get her alone and all to himself.

"Oh look at that face!" says Jamie pointing at him, "I imagine a smile so big must be full of many secrets."

"I think that's what people say about big hair Jamie," Leanne says raising her eyebrow and smirking, she had been drinking quite a lot more than every else and was beginning to get tipsy. Turning her attention to Liam she looked him dead in the eye and said, "Surprise surprise Liam Connor is being a killjoy yet again...somethings never change."

The atmosphere of the table changed considerably. There was a deafening silence as Carla glared at her best friend and Jamie, Warren, and Warren's girlfriend Candice all shifted uncomfortably in their seats. Liam was not surprised though it was just like Leanne to be a bitch and shit stirrer. Every since the day he had first met Carla, Leanne had been incredibly possessive and rude when it came to 'looking' after her best friend

Jamie gave Liam a sympathetic look before looking at Leanne in a matter that parent would when about to scold a child, "Now Leanne, you are being unfair. Have a heart...Liam's been through a lot these past few years."

Liam glance at Carla who looked visibly uncomfortable and her face no longer glowing with the happiness that had marred it only seconds ago. And Liam silently cursed Leanne for ruining what had been a smooth evening and taking that happiness from her. He felt a slow burning anger simmering in him and it was taking all the strength in the world not to lose control of himself, not to let himself give way to the darkness. But Liam was determined to keep the peace Carla, he was determined to try.

"And he reminds us everyday," whispers Leanne in ice cold voice. Her tipsy behaviour could only be blamed for so long. But Liam knew that right then she was speaking from the heart; telling everyone how she truly feels about him.

Liam placed his wine glass down slowly on the table and look at her purposively. If she had something to say she better get on with it because she was wasting air, space, and all the time that could be better spent alone with Carla, "If you got something to say, I suggest you say it now."

"She's got nothing to say," spits out a frantic Carla, "And even if she did she'd know better than to be spewing mean things out now."

"Oh gosh Carla," Leanne says taking a generous sip of champagne, "It's the elephant in the room. How can you expect people not to address it? You're stepping out with Liam and you're engaged to Tony Gordon...people are going to talk."

"He's amongst friends her though," says Jamie combatting Leanne at very corner, "None of us here are going to talk about anything," and looking at Warren and his girlfriend Candice says, "Are we guys?"

"Not a word from me," says Candice smiling at Liam sympathetically.

"Nor me," adds Warren, " Because there's nothing to say; because nothing has happened... we're just old friends catching up at dinner."

Liam was grateful for the support and that others were not going to entertain Leanne's antics. He felt that she was one to talk. She had cheated on Jamie herself countless times when they were going out and she continued to do the same to her current boyfriend Peter Barlow. Leanne was the last person who should be judging him and Carla for following their hearts when she constantly did the same with Nick Tisley. Liam despised her but tolerated her because she was Carla's friend. Out of respect for Carla he was trying to keep his cool. But maturity wasn't enough for Leanne; she was too much of a child to act civilized.

"You know Liam, Carla's mom never liked you...I admit i didn't like you much myself when we first meet."

Carla let out a gasp; the mere mention of her mother and all the horrible feeling such a person encompassed was enough to upset her, "Leanne-"

But Leanne ignored and Liam thought to himself, hell he had to stand up for himself if the likes of Sharon Donovan was now the model of measurement in which people now assess others like ability. It was ridiculous, "I think you'll find the feeling is mutual, for Sharon and you both."

"See?" says Leanne looking around at Carla, "He's such brooder. Now don't tell me that's the sort of man your mother wants in your life."

"Stop it! Why are you acting like this Lea! Leave him alone," Carla was becoming increasingly upset her voice beginning to shake. Tears were soon to follow.

"This is what he wants," responds Leanne immune to Carla's tears, "He want's everyone to be all serious. He wants you to coddle him," turning back to Liam she mocks, "Why so serious, Liam? You never lighten up do you...just constant brooding."

"LEA!" shouts Jamie, "You're being a bitch!"

"You're only noticing this now?" Liam hears Warren mutter sarcastically under his breath to his own girlfriend and it makes Liam want to laugh if only this situation hadn't been so damn pathetic.

Liam had to smirk at the stupidity of it all. Who was this idiot woman, thinking her opinion mattered to him or anyone for that matter? Calling him a brooder when she new nothing about his situation at all, nothing at all about the true extent of pain he had suffered, "I lighten up around people who are worth my time Leanne; which is probably the reason you've never seen me as such. In case your hard of hearing that means your not worth my time." The insult was worth it just to see her mouth drop for a fraction of a second or two. She was probably having trouble comprehending since she was such a flipping idiot.

"See?" she says looking pointedly at the other members of table and flicking her fingers, "Brooder."

That was it; Liam had had enough. The anger was slowly starting to rise him and he had to put her in her place, "You're the expert on such things darling. I know of another brooder...Peter Barlow; does his name ring a bell? He broods a lot too...it must be the mutual company we both keep. What do you think about that Leanne?"

"I don't know what you're talking about, Liam!" she says in her usual huff although she knew full well, "But I suggest leave my boyfriend out of this! In fact I suggest you shut up and take a back seat!"

Liam's mouth closed immediately. And Leanne smirked triumph because she realized the effect her words had had on him; the gravity and context in which she used them...back seat. He had been in the back seat when the accident had occurred and Paul had died; Leanne knew this, everyone did and that's why everyone gasped and went pale. Poor Carla didn't even look capable of registering the cruelty of the jib. He thought to utter how dare she? How dare she says such things? Did she ever think when she opened that gob? Did she realize the effect her words had on others? Liam knew for certain that she did; and that's what make him sicken by her even more. She knew all this and that was what made his anger stop for a fraction of a second on it way to the top as he threw down his napkin paled and whispering in a contorted voice...the voice of that angry thing living inside of him, "What did you just say?"

She was undeterred "I said take a back seat!" so vindicative Leanne was she didn't stop there, "Maybe everyone else is afraid to tell you what they think, but i'm sure as hell not! And for good measure I should remind you Carla's getting married and it's not to YOU!"

Carla burst into tears at this moment as everyone else let there disapproval be known. But it was too late and although Liam wanted nothing more than to comfort Carla, his chest was exploding. The monstrous anger had won out, he threw back his seat standing up and giving Leanne the look of death he choked back hot tears of anger, "What the hell do you know about what I've been through? You have no idea what i've seen, what it was like in that car!"

"Ignore her mate," says Jamie rising up and trying to grab Liam by the shoulders to calm him down.

But all Liam saw was red, Carla was crying all he saw was blood and that smell...the leg, the leg he had been so selfishly allowed to see. Leanne knew nothing, she understood nothing. He shook his head in anger shooting daggers at her. He wanted to destroy her, literally sweep in like death and end her because such horrible creatures did not deserve to live, "But what would you understand?" he says going in for the kill, "You wouldn't understand anything deeper than a puddle," And taking himself away from Jamies grasp he whispers, "You're just a Manipulative. Psychotic. Bitch."

Carla was in hysterics now having given up a while ago on stopping the peace. Liam watched as Warren's girlfriend got up rushing over trying to comfort Carla as best she could. Some best friend Leanne was,he thought. She had done this to Carla, this was all her fault.

"And you're a manipulative psychotic prick!" she screams, "Oh yeah, yeah everything is just so hard for Liam. You like to milk things, mopping around town all day...wanting Carla to pay attention to you," she switches into maniacal baby as she begins to mock him " You're transparent. It's all 'ooh Carla, look at me Carla. I'm so sad, poor little me'...pathetic. IT'S BEEN TWO YEARS, MAYBE IT'S TIME YOU GOT ON WITH IT! And as for understanding things? I understand perfectly," Leanne threw back her chair rising up and pointing at Liam; now it was Warren's turn to hold somebody back. "My best friend spent nights and nights just crying over you! You have no idea what you both Carla through and who was left to pick up the pieces!"

Liam let out an incredulous laugh, "Aaah...the world according to Sharon Donovan, I see. She's done a good job of convincing you Leanne! What is it 'how to lose friends and emotionally abuse your daughter'? If you truly cared about your best friends feelings, you wouldn't be airing all her private matters at a table full of her acquaintances. You'd keep your mouth shut about things which don't concern you."

"Carla's future is a concern of mine, thank you very much. I've been her dearest and oldest friend since our days in the nursery! You came later in life, so it is no concern of yours!"

He wasn't going to entertain such antics anymore, "If you're her friend then stop being Sharon's little sidekick," his voice started to crumble then just thinking about all that Carla had suffered, all the nights he had spent cuddling her on his bed trying to stop those tears from falling, "I know what her mother has done. I know all the horrible things said. And if you think for one second that that is love; how a mother protects their child, then you know nothing about human kindness and you know nothing about LOVE!"

"I've witnessed all the things you've said as well!" retorts Leanne breaking down and starting to cry from this draining shouting match. Warren himself looked exhausted from holding her and wore a expression of 'fuck all' as he finally just released her so she could finish her piece, "You hurt Carla! You hurt her a lot!"

"I'm not the villain of this piece! I know I hurt her and I know it was wrong but i'm going to make it right. I can't change the past and I'll never forgive myself but I deserve a chance, Leanne. Who are you to say otherwise? Or Sharon?"

"Once a chance is gone you can never get it back!"

"LEANNE THAT'S ENOUGH!" shouts Jamie he had had enough, "Shut up already or don't you think you've said enough? You want Carla to go over the edge? The poor girl is drowning in tears. LEAVE IT ALONE!"

"It's fine Jamie," whispers Liam near his wits end, "It's what Sharon wants...for me to be the villain of this situation. Strange, considering Leanne has witnessed first hand her little cruel jibs. She has a selective memory."

"FUCK YOU!" shouts Leanne, "Just fuck you bastard! Tony Gordon is a thousand times the man you are. I can't believe I ever gave Carla the advice to cheat with you."

"Yeah that's it, continue supporting Sharon and all her fanciful ideas. You got a vicious tongue on you Leanne! Too bad you can't seem to direct it at the people who really deserve it; women who measure their daughters self worth by what the highest bidder is willing to pay for her."

"You just want her to be as miserable and unhappy as you are!"

Liam was done. He had had enough because it was clear now that Leanne was never going to see sense and he was beginning to wonder why he should waste the effort trying to convince her otherwise . He didn't care anymore if she thought him the bad guy, he was exhausted from this day. It seemed that people were enjoying taking a verbal thrashing out of him because they didn't want to understand him. They just wanted to be hostile, like people often were about things they did not want to understand. He had considered saying something about Paul, explaining that he couldn't afford to deal with himself until things were sorted. Leanne would never comprehend this. She would never comprehend the irreplaceable feeling of coming to and seeing your hands wrapped around the neck of girl you loved and just wondering how the hell they got there. She only saw black and white, since the day she met him; Leanne decided what she'd think of him. So he thought, why not just let her continue to do so? But no amount of Leanne's, Sharon's or Tony's were going to stop him from making Carla happy and giving her the life she deserves. He took on last look at the scene infront of him, this dinner party erupted in carnage and havoc and he help but feel the negativity; that everything falls apart and falls apart just by his mere existence of being here on this earth. Would these two sides always battle inside of him? Would he ever get any peace...no more he says and quickly he turns stomping from the room and just wanting to get away from her.

The monster was growling in his chest, etching it's approval at all his negative thoughts as flashes of that night come before him. Paul's blue eyes wide and lifeless; the permanent look of surprise and fear mingled in one his lasting imagine forever. And Carla...Carla had worn that same look too, surprise and fear and the monster had wanting to destroy her...to get rid of that look, to get rid of memories of Paul. He had looked at her that day like he didn't even know who she was or why she was in his bed.

"Liam it's me, Carla. It's Carla Liam..."

He wondered if he could ever make her happy; if he even deserved to anymore. It was exhausting, exhausting trying to fight these thoughts and remember that he had been so happy earlier. He couldn't give into the darkness. He had to fight it; he'd have to try harder, harder for her. He wasn't that monster and would just have to work harder at remembering so.

Carla is running down the hallway towards him now and Liam feels the tenseness in his chest easing, the horrible thoughts gradually slipping away as he sees her perfection, that olive skin and full lips coming to kiss him; lifting the weight like she is the air and all that he breathes. Carla was breathing the life back into him.

"I'm sorry," she cries in between those moist kisses letting her tear filled eye lashes brush against his skin, "I so sorry."

"Don't apologize," he says, "None of it's your fault."

"I wish we could just disappear, runaway together..."

"Maybe well will," he says trying his best to smile. She broke his heart when she was in this much pain, he wants to see her live again like he had earlier as he watched her in the reflection, "Maybe we could sail away."

She gave gave a half laugh and a half cry, "Do you mean it? Where will you take me."

"It's a surprise," he says and grinning adds, "You'll have to close your eyes first of course."

Carla is biting her lip, her green eyes dancing at the reference as she wraps her arms around his neck and leans in supporting her weight on his body. He can hear the shallowness of her breath as they rock back and forth. This is all he needs, Liam thinks to himself; this is all he needs to stay sane. The thought of her here with him making him stronger and capable of living.

"I'm getting tired Liam," she whispers.

"Do you want to go home?"

"No," she says very delicately, "I want to stay here with you...always."

It was strange how she breathlessly uttered that last word and it seemed as though she need all her strength to raise her head and brush his lips. Even stranger, when he kissed them back he felt that unsettling feeling of oddness he used to get when he kissed her; the times when he felt strange like it wasn't right and that he was sucking out of her...taking her soul. And then he looked at her, paled in the face and her lips turning blueish, her grip on him slacking.

"Carla?" he whispers frantically having no idea what was going on; it was his worst nightmare. It was scary, "Carla?" he says again but she seems unable to communicate. Her body fast becoming dead weight, as she sunk in his arms he began to shake her, "Carla?"This couldn't be happening? What the hell was happening? He watched as her eyes slowly began to roll back into her head and Liam couldn't take it anymore...fear rising in his chest the smell of death..."CARLA?"

He was crying now as he slumped to the floor with her, footsteps fast approaching demanding to know whats happened, voices everywhere in panic, giving orders about what to do. He said she was like the air that he breathed in, but now that monster was telling him something different that if she was the air he breathed he was the air she sucked away; which sucked away at her taking all her life until nothing is left. It seemed so clear in his mind, the negative half which was taking over again trying to make him forget who he was...

"And now you know why you can never be together..."

It was winning out slowly but surely because it had proof. He was numb; existing outside of himself...watching himself cry as he clutched her and Warren and Jamie tried there best to help as Leanne called for the doctor and her parents and Candice rushed to get a glass of water. He felt nothing but strange if this was to be his fate; like everything was a wreck and yet he could not tear his eyes away from the fascination of it all;this place he found himself in where one felt hopeless and unable go on but they don't want to die either; they just want to go somewhere else so that it will all be over. All of it...he went back into his own body no longer witnessing the events as they unfolded, but every much apart of them. He clutched Carla harder, against all hope just trying to block out and fight all the thoughts that said they'd be this... a couple so madly hot for one another only they'd be incapable of finding any equilibrium of peace or even remote happiness.