Spike could feel his demon rage at the thought of death as he sat. He knew the sun would be up in about forty-five minutes but he didn't care.
I can't believe Buffy really truly hates me. I can't live without her. It's better I just leave with the mornin' wind. I'm just tired, I'm done with it all.
Spike cursed as music tainted the still air. He stood and let the damned music take him over.
"I'm not supposed to be scared of anything, but I don't know where I am.
I wish that I could move but I'm exhausted. And nobody understands. How I feel."
It was true. Nobody under stands my feelings. They couldn't, they all just see me as a monster. Spike felt a pang go through his chest at that thought. I am a monster. A vampire no less. Not truly alive anymore, never will be again. It doesn't matter, it'll all be over soon.
"I'm trying hard to breathe now. But there's no air in my lungs
There's no one here to talk to. And the pain inside is making me numb"
He saw a flash of blond hair as he spun around in circles. He could feel her presence. She's here? Why, to make sure I die and leave her be?
"I Try to hold this under control, You can't help me, cause no one knows"
Fine, if she's here she's gonna hear how I feel for once. Maybe she'll understand what's happening to me. Even as the spiteful thoughts flutter through his mind a little voice cut through them all. Maybe she'll save you from yourself
"Now I'm going through changes, changes. God, I feel so frustrated lately
When I get suffocated, save me. Now I'm going through changes, changes."
Buffy was still standing about twenty feet from him, she hadn't moved at all. See, she doesn't really care. I'm sure after the music fades she'll just cry about having to hear it, and how it hurt her to hear it. She'll put me down and laugh as I burn. They'll all have a good laugh. I'm still alone, always alone. Stupid bint.
"Feelin' weak and weary Walkin' through the world alone
Everything they say every word of it cuts me to the bone, and I bleed."
I need someone to hear me, to care about what I say. Why am I there for other's when they need someone, but I'm left alone when I need help? Dru use to listen, but now she's gone too. I'm nothin' to them.
"I've got something to say But now I've got nowhere to turn
It feels like I've been buried Underneath all the weight of the world"
I try to hold this under control, They can't help me, cause no one knows
Something was happening to him and he felt like it was might just kill him before the sun did.
Now I'm going through changes, changes. God, I feel so frustrated lately. When I get suffocated, save me.
Now I'm going through changes, changes
Spike felt the air grow warmer. Daylight was soon. God, don't let her to see me die.
I'm blind and shakin', bound and breakin'. Don't know if I'll make it, through all these changes
Buffy dropped down and tears spattered on the grass. Spike's resolve hardened. She pitied him. That wasn't love.
his is what she really wants. She wants me to leave her alone.
"Now I'm going through changes, changes. God, I feel so frustrated lately
When I get suffocated, save me. Now I'm going through changes, changes
It occurred to the William in him that there was a bloody good poem could come from all this emotional sturm und drang.
"Now I'm falling apart, now I feel it. But I'm going through changes, changes
God, I feel so frustrated lately And I get suffocated, I hate this. But I'm going through changes, changes"
The music faded. Spike sank to the grass. Dew drops soaked into his clothes. He sensed Buffy and heard her light footfalls.
"Spike?"
She knelt and put her arm around him.
"I'm here, and I'm staying."
The words fluttered around and sifted through his consciousness, wending a path to meaning. He looked at her, and she looked back earnestly and squeezed him tightly. Slayer strength. If she stayed to see his death, it would surprise him. If she stayed close like this, she'd share it.
"Let me go."
"No."
A glance to the east showed imminent disaster.
"You'll burn."
"I'll burn with you."
"I'll shove you away the last minute." To show he meant business, Spike vamped out and growled.
"Sure you've got the danglies for it?" Buffy growled back.
Spike collapsed on his arms and barked a half-laugh, half sigh.
