Winners & Summaries

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Al-Cid has decided upon a flavour for the muffins. Mint-chocolate-chip muffins are to be baked, as requested by Airemir, a narration companions who never fails to amuse Al-Cid. But of course, Al-Cid has also decided upon second place and third place winners. The second place prize goes to Ravekizu, for her suggestion of Mango Strawberry muffins, a lovely anonymous addition to our family, Al-Cid sincerely apologizes for almost killing you. Third place goes to crazygunbladergirl, a faithful narration companions who has been with us since the beginning, for her suggestion of banana-chocolate chip. Al-Cid would feel guilty for not mentioning the runner-ups, so here goes. Thank you ever so much to LuthienSky, for her fantabulous suggestion of chocolate chip, to Angel Dumott Schunard Collins, for her two fantastical suggestions of herbal and bran, and last but certainly not least (Al-Cid abhors that phrase, apologies) to heaven-monument for his mesmerizingly-excellent suggestion of blueberry.

Al-Cid applauds you all. In honor of such wonderful entries, Al-Cid will bake a full batch of mint-chocolate chip muffins, two-thirds a batch of mango-strawberry, one-third a batch of banana-chocolate chip, and another batch to be split evenly among the runners-up.

Al-Cid feels guilty for not honoring the runner-ups so well… yet, it must as such, for Al-Cid hates it when those who host competitions yell at the end "EVERYBODYWINSYAY!" It is just so degrading for the losers and so annoying for the winners! What if they used said tactic for illegal-Chocobo-races? "Well, your chocobo won, but since we're going to do this the new way, everybody is going to split your prize money!" and then all the thugs who race will beat the host up. At least there would be something fun in that.

But anyways, we must carry on with this epic journey.

The party has finished with the laying-low strategy and decided to scamper through the Giza and Ozmone Plains to Jahara, the land of Goat-People.

Those darned Goat-People scare Al-Cid. How do they tell the differentiate between each other?

"STAN, BUDDY, WAZZUP MAH HOMESLICE?"
"Stan's by the mud pit chatting up Jerry."
"Oh… CATCH YA' ON THE FLIPSIDE, PAL!"
"…Yeah."

There are no women. Al-Cid does not want to know how they generate new generations of goat-clans.

But anyways, let's summarize the entire plot thus far.

Ashe and Rasler get hitched, a couple days later some Imperial goes for the jugular and takes Rasler out in battle. Fallen prince, war chocobos, space battles, LOTR-Star Wars cross-over fights.

Enter Reks, clad in a leather bra who follows Cap'n Crunch in all his neon-orange-pant-glory. The Baschster educates Reks about talking with happy-face emoticons. Beat up some random encounters, repetitively, blah, Reksy goes all heroic and kicks some imperial butts all by his lonesome. Goes to join the troops, only to find that Basch has BETRAYED his teammates, and then gets stabbed.

Archadia claims Dalmasca as it's own little colony, Dalmascans get pissed, Ashelia 'commits suicide', while Rozzaria sits back and sips their smoothies.

Cut to the innocent younger brother two years later. Endearing little street thief Vaan goes all Aladdin (unfortunately, without a fez) and pilfers some gil, scampers off, Penny steals it back and emasculates him for it.

Tutorials, flower-picking and some stealth-mini-quests ensue, and Tomaj teaches you all about the license board where the characters have no noses. Steal some shiny stuff from the royal palace, meet some sky pirates. You get caught and they get on with their sexy escape.

The trio of awesome get down and dirty in the sewers and meet Ashelia, who's probably the first girl with a sword and some hardcore melee skillz to ever grace this series.

Vayne brings down the whole army to snag their freedom-fighting asses. Ashe settles for a higher-quality prison while the rest get thrown in the depths of Nalbina where the prisoners canabaslize on eachother.

Penny gets pissed and breaks free of the grasp of three imperials, only to be stopped by Balthier and given a handkerchief as a pitiful consolation prize. Ratty gets knocked out by an imperial.

Here we arrive in the white room with Ratty's hallucination of vegetation-Reks. The flowers come back because they're Reks' favourite reoccurring symbolism that relates to his death. Meaningful undertones that are all heart-wrenchingly dandy and still very tragic.

Ratty Rastbane awakes in a prison, dismisses Balthier, bears witness to another prisoner clubbed to death, calls for an intervention, gets dragged into a pit-fight. Balthier jumps in to the fray and takes on those underlings with his colourful rings.

The party runs off and meet caged-over-a-pit-Jesus-Basch. We now meet Cap'n Crunch of Archadia, also known as Basch's evil twin brother. This plot device has got to have beeen stolen straight from Young & the Restless, General Hospital and the other soap operas that Al-Cid watched when he was of a younger age.

Ratty jumps onto Basch's cage screaming some nonsense about BETRAYER OF DALMASCA TRAITOR TRAITOR and then Basch tries to make an excuse that's actually not an excuse and is the truth, they all jump down a pit on a cage together, not breaking their skinny necks, and then Ratty is still really really pissed. Balthier has a mellow-rebel moment and tells Basch that he can join as long as he can beat up zombies with his fists.

Battery-spiders who eat electricity are slaughtered, the party escapes and everyone ditches Ratty to go get lit and/or reconnect with lost rebel-friends.

Old Dalan sets the whole story in motion by making Ratty go speak with the aforementioned rebel-friend of Basch, Ratty defends his brother from muscled guys, and that lucky boy doesn't get beat up. A.A. and Cap'n Crunch of Dalmasca have a mini-staring-contest and then Basch gets a sword.

Vaan and Basch share a romantic moment.

Vaan and Basch walk in on Balthier and Fran and Migelo's not-so-romantic moment.

The party agrees to go on a heroic rescue for Penny, who is trapped in the mines in Bhujerba with a gang of smelly Bangaas (poor girl).

Larsa joins up with the party as a guest, for some… reason… to do… with not liking Judge Ghis. Larsa and Balthier have really odd half-moment-of-romance and then Ba'Gamnan shows up.

Penny gets saved, the party gets chased by smelly Bangaas through a mine, Larsa and Penelo ditch you, Ghis gives them creepy smiles, Ondore raises his eyebrows and decides that he hates his job for having to deal with trouble-making Archadians (this is why he starts the resistance).

Ratty pretends to be Basch, gets captured by the Sky Mob, gets rescued by his new friends and they all get to talk to Ondore. Politics, Basch wants to save Ashe, Drednaught Leviathan, the party is captured again.

Basch and Ashe romantic-moment-but-not-really-because-Ashe-slapped-him-up.

Freakish mass-produced guards and laser traps ensue and then Penelo joins up with the gang and together they kick Ghis's golden ass for the first time as a full party. Now christened the Hero Faction at this point by Al-Cid, they go talk to Ondore again who tells Ashe that she shouldn't go kill Vayne because that's not very diplomatic. Of course, she goes and tries to steal the Strahl, Ratty stops her and the two have a romantic moment, Balthier jumps in with his voice changer and then they all get to fly to the Ogir-Yensa Sandsea.

The Emperor of Archadia starts dying from a cough, Vayne starts contriving even more.

Travelling over the Ogir and Nam-Yensa Sandseas occurs, and everyone gets sand everywhere and everyone gets really pissed at eachother because they have sand everywhere.

They excavate Raithwall's tomb, obtain the Dawn Shard and Belias the Gigas (he sounds ever so menacing…) and then the party gets captured again.

The Hero Faction mortally wounds Vossler, Fran goes all bersek and they all get to blow-up Ghis. The lay-low in Rabanastre for a few minutes and then decide to cross the Ozmone Plain to go talk to the goat-clan about creating more explosions with the Dawn Shard, all that fun stuff.

They arrive in Jahara, the Elder talks to Ashe about power, Larsa shows up, Ashe yells at Larsa, Larsa calmly raises his voice ever so slightly is response, Ashe sees an appearance of Rasler, it turns out to be Ratty, Ashe and Ratty have an odd romantic moment (because of Rasler?), Larsa joins the party as a guest and whines about how he can't be the party leader, Ashe and Basch have a would-be-romantic moment if they weren't talking about bringing peace to Dalmasca, and now they are all off to the Golmore Jungle.

Now they are stocking u- what is that?

It is like a green… shaggy… llama… with horns… where are it's eyes? What do the Jahara herd? Al-Cid is shocked and appalled. Al-Cid doesn't know what to think, it is a travesty.

The Hero Faction get free chocobo rides? Lucky dogs.

Ah, it's time for the fact of the… narrative… entry…: Larsa buys his drugs from an underground drug-dealer named Antonio in Archadia, he keeps them in Basch's potholder.

And with that summary, Narration Companions, Al-Cid leaves you to bake muffins.

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Author's Note: HOLY CRAPSICKLES WE GOT CHARACTER LISTINGS AND EVERYONE IS ON IT I THINK I JUST DIED OF AWESOME. Can you believe it?! CANYOUCANYOUCANYOU!? And I'M SORRY I SUCK SO MUCH AT UPDATING GUYYSSSS!! I'll try to get TWWOOO more chapters out before I leave for camp, promise promise. Either way, I will write chapters at camp, and I think I have convinced Angel Dumott Schunard Collins (I think she's the Pygmy Puff now? Something like that?), a close friend of mine, to type them up and post them if I send them to her in the mail. On a more important note I WANT MARQUIS HALIM ONDORE TO BE MY UNCLE!! HOW COOL WOULD THAT BE?!#:?e (and you know, all y'all who've favourite and alert but never review, YOU DON'T GET MUFFINS (zing))