Dedication: This chapter is dedicated to a very good fish, Pepsuber, who journeyed on to that giant vampire squid in the sky today. He was always fond of playing dead, but this time it was for real. Farewell, you backwards-swimming, dead-playing, long poop-having rascal; you will be missed. :(

.

Chapter 12

The chapter in which there is singing

Alucard is the last to put his parchment into the bottle, and sand-Probst staggers to his feet, ready to scoop the bottle out of the water once it floats gently to the shore. Instead of floating it, however, Alucard corks the bottle, winds up and pitches it to shore, nailing Probst squarely in the forehead and knocking him back to the sand. This time the trusty host doesn't moan. This time he lies very still; he's been knocked unconscious.

The Major chokes back an amused snort as he watches his monitor, but then pulls himself together and looks sternly out from the television screen. "Vell, now, vat are ve going to do? Novone can read the votes until my minion regains consciousness. Ah! I know, how about ve check in on some of your friends, hm?"

The Cullens tense, and little Alice tries to push herself up. She hasn't had so much as a flash into the future of any of their missing family members, so they are anxious to get another live glimpse and to see if Rosalie is with them. But that's not what they see. That's not what they see at all.

They are looking at an entirely different location. They see a large stage with blue lights. Smoky white beams flash all around it and spill out onto conspicuously empty theatre seats. At the back of the stage hangs an electric sign in the shape of an oval. Glowing neon tubes spell out something in cursive letters. It says: La Push Idol.

"Some kind of idol…" Integra murmurs as if trying to solve a puzzle. "The push…what can it mean?"

"La Push is a community near our town of Forks. It's home to the Quileute Native American tribe; they're friends of ours," Edward answers, not taking his confused and concerned eyes off the screen.

A petite man with messy hair, bleached blond at the tips, walks out onto the stage. He's wearing a stylish sport coat with jeans and a black dress shirt, unbuttoned at the neck. He flashes his pearly whites at an audience that isn't there and says, "Welcome to La Push Idol, where many werewolves will compete, but only one will sing his fellow pack-members' way to freedom. I'm your host, Ryan Seacrest."

"Werewolves?" Alucard questions.

"Erm, yes, our friends are werewolves," Edward confesses.

Integra turns to him with a surprised look. "You're friends with werewolves?"

Jasper steps in. "They're not technically werewolves; they're shapshifters, and the shape they turn into happens to be that of a wolf."

"Really big wolves," Alice puts in from her seat. She's sitting up straight now and appears to be recovering from her injuries.

"They are not a danger to your kind?" Walter asks curiously.

"They are dangerous to us," Jasper corrects him.

"Yeah," Alice adds. "They only exist to protect humans from us 'blood suckers' as they call us. One step into their territory, and we're dead meat."

"Well then, why are you friends with them?" Integra asks.

"Oh, they're really nice," Alice says, nodding her head. Her answer is met by a skeptical glare from the Hellsing heir.

"Nice werewolves?" Seras asks, sounding somewhat intrigued.

Alucard chuckles, "The only 'nice' werewolf is one that has his skull caved in and the holes of a thousand silver bullets piercing his pelt."

"Well, you see, Bella used to have a crush on one of them," Alice begins in explanation.

"She did not have a crush on him," Edward corrects.

"Well, she kissed hi—"

"He kissed her," Edward cuts in, now fuming.

"Twice," Alice mumbles under her breath, and then sees from Edward's look that she better drop it. "Well, anyway, they used to be really good friends, so when Bella became one of us, he was sort of part of the package, especially after Bella had the baby, and-"

"That's enough of our personal history, Alice," Edward warns. "The point is, they are our allies, and now it would appear that they are in as much danger as we are." He inclines his head back toward the television, and all attention returns there.

By this time three figures have come out to occupy chairs set at a table just in front of the stage. "And here we have our three judges," Seacrest announces. "Simon Cowel is finally feeling in his element, now that the contestants are monsters, just like him."

The saucy Brit rolls his eyes, and shakes his head in blatant disgust at Seacrest's lame joke. Moving on to the next judge, it looks like the persistent rumors about Abdul leaving the show have been true, because that sure as hell isn't Paula. It's a hulking figure in a dark camo-green great coat with a tall collar standing up all the way around, so that half of his face is covered. On his head he wears a matching military hat with a skull and crossbones emblem on the front. The short rim of the cap is pulled down low and pushes his unkempt waves of pure white hair over his eyes. Only one eyeball peers out between his bangs, like a large, boiled egg.

"And now the guy we just can't seem to get to shut up, Captain Hans Günsche. At least we think that's his name; he hasn't exactly told us, yet."

The Captain stays silent and merely stares intensely at the stage with his egg eye, making Seacrest nervous. The host quickly turns to the next judge, who is far less threatening. The small figure bounces up and down excitedly in his khaki Hitler-youth uniform, his blond wisps flopping around his pointed cat-like ears. Before Seacrest even addresses him, he starts babbling.

"Dah, it is great to be here, Ryan. I can hardly vait to send the next one into the incinerator."

"Good to have you back, Junior Warrant Officer Schrödinger."

"Bring on the volves!" Schrödinger cheers.

"You heard him; they're begging for it – come on out Sam," Seacrest says.

A strapping man with cropped, jet black hair and russet skin steps out on the stage in a tight pair of jeans and a flannel shirt, unbuttoned almost to the naval. Through the opening in his shirt, it's plain to see that he's a solid mass of foxy wolf meat.

"Tonight's theme is songs from New Wave bands of the eighties. What're you singing for us tonight, Sam?"

"You'll see," Sam answers somewhat cockily, especially considering the circumstances. He clearly doesn't plan on going to the incinerator tonight. He takes the stage, and lights begin circling as a catchy beat flows out onto the stage. His hips gyrate, and he pulls the microphone to his mouth, drawling sultry lyrics into it.

'Dark in the city; night is a wire
Steam in the subway; earth is afire
Do do do do do do do dodo dododo dodo
Woman you want me; give me a sign
And catch my breathing even closer behind
'(1)

He swivels and sings and, quite frankly, seems to be enjoying this a little too much. When he's finished, he stands panting from the effort, and watches the three in front of him, awaiting their judgment.

Cat-boy leans back in his chair, and makes a show of folding his arms behind his head. He hasn't felt this powerful since his last sugar buzz. He shrugs and pronounces, "It was just alright for me, dog." And then he can't help himself – his little shoulders start shaking, and he elbows the Captain. "Get it? Dog…und he's a werewolf?"

The captain turns his boiled eye toward the small boy, but doesn't say a word or give any other reaction.

"Aw, come on. You know how Randy always calls them 'dog,'" Schrödinger prods. When the Captain continues to mutely stare with no expression, the boy whines, "You really haff a way of taking the fun out of things. I'm telling the Major on you."

The transmission cuts, and there's only static on the television.

The fuzzy crackling emanating from the beach perfectly mimics the confusion that racks the contestants' minds after that very...odd...display.

"Sing their way to freedom?" Alice finally murmurs. He said one would 'sing his fellow pack-members' way to freedom,' so they must be holding some of them – and I'll just bet they're with Carlisle and everyone, and that's why I can't see anything about them!"

Edward turns to the Hellsings to explain, "Alice's visions are blocked around the wolves."

"Why?"

"We don't know."

"So then, you can't read their minds, either?" Integra asks.

"No, I can read their minds," Edward answers.

"So, your gift works on them, but Alice's doesn't?"

"Right."

"Seems rather inconsistent doesn't it?"

Edward is spared from having to admit to the multitude of inconsistencies surrounding Unstet vampires and their gifts when there's a loud groan from the beach. Probst is reviving. The host sits up and gives his head a firm shake, sending tiny granules flying off of him in all directions.

The television pops, and the Major is back in view. "Did you enjoy the show?" he asks.

"What do the wolves have to do with any of this?" Jasper demands.

"Vat does anything haff to do vith anything?" the Major asks cryptically. "I believe I already told you that my purpose is a total absence of purpose. Vere you not listening?"

"He obviously wanted the wolves around to block Alice's visions, and decided to have some fun with them while he was at it," Edward whispers with disgust at the inhumane treatment of non-humans.

"I hardly think the Major spent so much as one second worrying over the special gifts of a group of sparkling vampires," Alucard says derisively. "No, something else is going on here." His red eyes narrow at the television screen, trying to figure out what the hell the Major is up to.

"Now then, Probst -- are you quite vell enough to read the votes?"

"Uh, yeah, yeah," Probst answers, feeling around in the sand for the bottle. He finds it, and sitting cross-legged on the beach, pops the cork and pulls the votes out one at a time. He still appears to be a bit dazed, and has to squint and adjust the paper at various distances from his eyes before he reads groggily, "First vote, Walter."

Integra flinches, but then resumes her composure. It makes sense. They have to consider the best way out of this mess, and he's the oldest member of the crew. Even if he is in stellar shape for his age, he's still an old man. She feels a flash of anger at her relief that it wasn't her name written down.

"Next vote, "Alice."

Jasper's arm shoots protectively around his mate. This vote makes sense, too. Alice had arrived at the boat badly injured with no one knowing when or if she'd recover. And the Hellsings control the vote. The Cullens' only hope is that, without being able to communicate, the Hellsings' vote was split.

Next vote, "Alice."

Alice's stomach plummets, and Jasper tightens his grip around her shoulder.

"Edward," Probst reads next, and Jasper feels hope, but it's only his own; there is no blip in Alice's mood.

"Edward," Probst reads again, and now Jasper feels a shift in Alice, but it's almost more guilty than hopeful.

"That's two votes Edward, two votes Alice, and one vote Walter," Jeff explains before pulling out the next vote. "Walter," Probst reads, and his eyes suddenly clear and flash with excitement. He can't recall a time when the vote has come down to a three-way tie with only one vote remaining.

"So, we've got two votes each for Alice, Edward, and Walter. Next vote could decide it all, or it could leave us with a three way tie," the elated host announces. He pulls out the last roll of parchment and looks at it; from the way his eyes pop, they can tell that it's a deciding vote. He slowly raises his eyes to them and says dramatically, "Sixth person voted out of Survivor: Vampire Island is Alice."

Alice gnashes her teeth together, suppressing a distressed squeak, and Jasper wraps both of his arms tightly around her. "There's no way they're taking you," he growls with unmitigated determination.

Alice hugs him back and says, "I know you want to protect me, but sweetie, I've got to do this. We learned tonight that there's no other choice. And I don't believe they're exterminating us. The sand didn't kill Jeff, and he was only human. And they never showed any wolves actually get into an incinerator. They're just big bullies trying to scare us. I'm going to be fine, promise."

Jasper cups the back of her head in his palm and presses his face to her spiky hair. "See something, baby," he begs in a murmur. "Tell me that you see us together again; tell me it's all going to be okay."

"Jasper," she whimpers and brings her arms up around his neck, pulling him to her as tightly as she possibly can. "We're going to be together, again; we will, but…I don't see anything."

"Try, baby, try. I'm not letting you go until you do."

Alice clamps her eyes tightly together and focuses. In the past, she has sometimes been able to channel very convenient visions during times of extreme stress. Her eyes fly open, and she chirps, "I see something…I see something! Which means that I'm not going to be extinguished!" Her eyes maintain a glassy look, and then her face scrunches in confusion. "Who's that? What's he doing here?"

"That is quite enough, pathetic lovers!" the Major shouts from the television, breaking Alice's reverie. She and Jasper remain touching, but have loosened their grip on each other. "Now prepare to meet your fate immediately, or I vill have my little vater friends dump the entire boat."

The boat shakes from underneath as the tiny squid remind them of their presence.

Jasper helps Alice stand -- her legs are still a little weak -- and he says in a smooth, authoritative voice, "Bring us to shore, and you can have her."

Edward knows what Jasper is thinking, and he agrees: once they get to shore they can overpower Probst and refuse to give up Alice. They can run and run without ever losing energy, and they can fight off whatever this psychopath wants to throw at them. One of the principles of Survivor is to outlast, and they can certainly do that. And yet…and yet…that won't help them to get Bella back. If they resist the Major's instructions, he is going to obliterate her and Carlisle and Esme and Emmett and whatever wolves are with them. No, when they get to shore, he's going to have to restrain his brother, let Alice go, and pray for the best. It's the only way.

The seven contestants stand huddled together on the small boat in the middle of the black, glassy sea, gently rocking as the ocean's surface undulates. Another discreet motion is thrown into the mix as the boat begins to slowly turn. The squid are repositioning it to face the shore.

"I vonder if you could see your way to doing me one favor, Fraulein Cullen," The Major says. With no response from Alice other than a face pulled into an expression that plainly says, 'Are you flipping kidding me?' he continues. "Haff you seen the movie 'Titanic'?" It's a rhetorical question; everyone has seen 'Titanic.' "Remember the scene vere Leo is leaning off the front of the boat und he says, 'I'm the king of the vorld'?"

The passengers on the boat exchange confused glances, and then Alucard snaps, "Are we reliving favorite movie moments or shoving sparklers into the sand?"

"Ah, Alucard, patient as ever," the Major says. "Fraulein Cullen, as the squid direct your boat in, vill you please stand at the bow und hold your arms out like Leo und say it?"

"Are you flipping kidding me?" Alice asks out loud this time. Apparently the non-verbal cues hadn't quite gotten her point across.

"Uff course you are under no obligation. I suppose instead of towing you in, I could haff my pets simply dump the boat, destroying the Nosferatu, paralyzing your kin, und drowning the humans…if you vould prefer."

"You are barking mad!" Integra shouts

"Velcome to the program, Frauliein Hellsing," the Major twitters with a high pitched chuckle.

While the Major cackles, Jasper whispers to Alice in a voice so low that only she can hear it, "Don't worry, I have something planned for when we get to shore. Cooperate until then, and we'll catch them off guard."

Alice nods as the boat completes its rotation and points toward shore. She has regained enough feeling in her legs to climb onto the bow of the boat and step to the edge. She leans forward and holds her arms out to her side and shouts, "I'm the king of the wo-"

The boat lurches from the impact of hundreds of squid, throwing Alice off balance and over the side of the boat. Jasper leaps toward her, but is stopped mid-air when Edward grabs his legs. He crashes onto the front of the boat and shimmies to the edge, but Edward climbs up and pins him. Jasper struggles, but Edward has the advantage of being on top, and all Jasper can do his twist underneath his brother to peer through the inky water. He sees that Alice is surrounded by tiny squid. They don't appear to be stinging her, but have wrapped their tentacles around her arms and legs and are pulling her deeper into the water.

Her eyes are wide open, and she looks straight through the water's blur at Jasper. She smiles and winks, trying to reassure him as she's dragged down to who-knows-what fate.

"Alice," Jasper groans, right before she disappears.

Edward whispers softly to him, "You have to let her go. Going after her isn't going to save her; it'll only endanger everyone. We have to play the game…we have to play the game."

Jasper despondently stares into the depths, willing his wife to reappear. After a while, he becomes aware of a firm, stabilizing confidence that surrounds him and presses into him.

"Dude," Jasper says to his brother.

"Yes," Edward answers compassionately.

"Could ya get off me now?"

.

.

Footnotes:

(1) Lyrics from "Hungry Like the Wolf"; written and performed by Duran Duran. Thanks, Metropolis Kid, for the superb suggestion!

.

Author's Note:

I know, short…but sweet, right? You do think I'm sweet, don't you? Well, it was either post now or wait two more weeks to get us to the next vote, and I just couldn't bear to be without y'all for that long. (Which means, Tsuki, that we are in for a bit more than just four more chapters, as I told you. I hope you don't mind. If ever I try to give another hard prediction like that, just don't listen to me; I have no idea what I'm talking about.)

Many thanks to Master of the Boot for making time in his busy schedule to look parts of this over and provide his sage advice. You will always be my Master beta……ooh, that sounds kinda funny, doesn't it? ;P

The results of the poll in which sweet, darling, adorable, wonderful Alice got voted out are posted on my profile. You guys really shocked me this time! I thought it was going to be Edward, fo' sho. All I can say is…how could you???

-LiLa