Disclaimer- I don't own Degrassi
A/N: I'm sorry I haven't updated in a bit, but I got a new job. I do plan to update a lot more though. As a reward I made the chapter longer with some twists involved and a little bit intense.
I woke up again next to my mom. "Did I do it again?" I asked waiting for her answer.
"You really loved him didn't you?" She asked knowing I knew what she'd mean
"I really wanted him to survive I don't understand what I did to have him taken from me, I would've taken care of him the best of my ability and given him everything I could and Josh would've helped. I can't help but to think what would my life be like if I didn't miscarry. Like would Josh still be here, would we still be together, would we be in Degrassi together as parents? There are so many questions left unanswered that are always going to be there."
"Honey." mom said as she wiped away a stray tear "I know how you feel, honestly I do aside from miscarrying. Maybe you should stay home from school."
"I have Eli, he made me feel better yesterday." I paused shaking my head at what I just said "I can't rely on him to make me feel better all the time can I?" I asked knowing it was a rhetorical question.
"Honey everything will be ok, you just need to live. I'll call school and tell them you won't be going."
"I want to maybe if I were around people…" I paused again and pinched the bridge of my nose as I thought. "Mom can we just move into a different house or something? I know this sounds weird, but I want to make a nursery like you make a room for Darcy, I know the logic behind it doesn't make sense, but I don't know what to do anymore."
"Honey we can't just make a nursery maybe we both just need to let go." my mom said as she brushed my hair.
"I know, I'm going to lay in the back of Clary for a little." I said as I looked at the clock.
"Ok honey." she cooed
I still had an thirty minutes before Alli would come over and fifty before Eli would pick us up, not that it mattered today, I wrapped my blanket around me, grabbed my keys as well as my iPod, and walked out the door.
"Hey Clary." I mumbled as I shut off her alarm.
I hopped inside my car, shut my door, put my iPod in, hugged my pillow, and started to silently sob as I played with my ring that Eli bought me. I started to sob and think back to my book A Child Called "It" I haven't read it since I bought it. I'm not sure if it was because Eli kept me happy yesterday and I didn't have the chance to mourn my son's death or if it's because I think of him and what type of mother I'd be if he were still alive. I soon fell asleep shortly after turning Clary's car alarm on so she would protect me.
The sound of Clary's car alarm going off woke me up I looked around immediately as I took my headphones out of one of my ears. I noticed Eli outside the car with his hands up in defense, I shut the alarm off, opened the door and let him in.
Eli sat down next to me and cupped my face, brushing my cheek with his thumb, I couldn't help but to lean into his touch.
"Clare what's wrong?" He asked
I shook my head and looked down.
"You know you can talk to me." Eli soothed
I just nodded not knowing what to say. It's not the kind of thing you talk to your boyfriend about. I need a best friend to talk to about this. For all I know my mom took Alli to school already.
"So out with it."
I still shook my head. Eli lifted my chin so I looked was looking at him, he looked into my eyes, and bought my head towards him as he moved his head towards mine. We shared a romantic and gentle kiss.
"Clare I'm here for you." he said with his head resting against my forehead.
"I know." I whispered "But I can't talk to you about it."
"You know you can talk to me about everything." He is voice was soothing, but I still shook my head and listened to my music.
"You have school." I muttered after a few minutes of silence.
"I don't want to go until I know you're ok."
"I'll be ok Eli." I mumbled
"I know because I'm not leaving you like this."
"I've caused you to miss school once and I'm not doing it again."
"Clare it's my decision to help my girlfriend."
I just sat there motionless and Eli pulled out his iPod as well.
"If I am only here to watch you as you suffer I will let you down." He paused "I will never leave you I will not let you down." He sang
I looked at him and sighed deeply. "I-I miss him." I stuttered as tears fell down my face. I smiled when I remembered how I felt when I found out I was pregnant. My smile faded when reality hit me. "He's gone and there's nothing I can do to bring him back." I started to sob. Eli held me. I looked at his face and he had tears in his eyes. "I don't know what to do I miss him, I don't think I could love someone so much and then he was just taken from me." I sobbed into his shirt.
"Clare." Eli cooed
"I just wish he never left, he left this empty place inside my body. Though it would be empty when he were born I still can't help, but to think of him." I sobbed "I don't want another baby right now because I'm not fully over the loss of my son and that would mean I'm replacing him."
Eli nodded "I understand, for a while probably like you did, I thought dating again would mean I'm replacing Julia."
"I felt the same until I met you."
I tightened my grip around Eli's torso as I hugged him tighter.
"Clare, it'll be ok I'll help you get through this." He soothed as he hugged me tighter as well and kissed my head.
"Eli how do you feel about kids?" I asked
"Someday." he simply replied, I nodded and fell asleep in his chest.
I woke up a while later and noticed I was laying down with Eli's arm wrapped around me in my bed, he was asleep next to me. I rolled over on my stomach to face him knowing that he most likely carried me inside. I smiled as he slept, he looked so cute, I kissed his forehead, and moved out of my bed without waking him.
I walked out of my room and went down stairs. I sat at the table, and put my head down on my folded arms as I sighed.
"Honey what's wrong?" my mom asked
"I don't know, it's just that there are too many things jumbled in my head." I stated
I felt my mom rub the back of my head and I could tell she was sitting next to me.
"Like what?"
"Well the loss of my son it's still haunting. I know I should let go and move on like I did with Josh, but it's different."
"Honey, you were lucky to have Josh." My mom paused
"I know I was lucky to have him, but I'm also lucky to have Eli. I mean Eli's always trying to keep me happy and I just feel bad that I have all these issues. I'm afraid of bringing him down, then there's the fact that I may never be over the loss of my son and putting it in the back of my mind to forget about it obviously doesn't work. I don't want to have another baby just to replace him, it's not right." I groaned as I looked over at my mom.
"You thought about more kids?"
"Well I asked Eli and he said someday." I said honestly, she nodded again. "We've only dated for a little I'm not even sure what point we're at in our relationship so don't worry, right now we've just been kissing a lot." I said as I blushed. "We're taking things slow."
"Slow is always good."
"As long as it doesn't move too fast." I giggled
"Is Eli still sleeping?" Mom asked
"Yea I might go back and check on him."
"I found your cell and called his parents, they said they'll call him out of school."
"I'll tell Eli."
"Tell me what beautiful?" Eli asked causing my mom and I to jump and turn towards him.
"W-well your mom called you out of school."
"Ok."
"Well since you're awake Eli, I'm going to go food shopping we need a few things. Clare you know the rules."
I nodded "Same rules as always."
My mom smiled at me as she got up to get her things. I stood up and hugged her. "Thanks mom." I said
"You're welcome." She replied
I let go of her and walked over to the couch. I looked down and did my best to gather my feelings and try to figure them out.
"I'll be home in a few hours." My mom said as she left.
I felt Eli sit down with me and put his arm around me. "What's wrong, Clare?" he asked
"I don't deserve you." I muttered
"I think you got things backwards." He chuckled
I shook my head "I'm messed up. I'm broken, shattered even."
"Clare, it's ok I'm here to help you as your boyfriend." he said
"Eli it's not that easy, I don't even know what I'm going though." I started to sob
"Clare.." Eli muttered sadly
He lifted my head so I was looking at him, his green eyes were filled with sadness, and my blue eyes were filled with tears. Eli grabbed my chin, tilted my head, and pulled me into a kiss. I could feel the passion, intensity, and want in the kiss. Eli pulled away leaving me breathless, he leaned his forehead against mine and we breathed each other's breaths. "I love you." He said his lips brushing against mine. "Whatever you're going though we're in it together." I nodded and pressed our lips together in a soft, passionate, chaste kiss
"I love you too." I said involuntarily as our heads rested against each others. My heart started to flutter rapidly and my chest felt like it was going to implode. That's when it hit me I really do love Eli, I just masked the feeling until I said it out loud. Eli pulled me into another kiss, deepening it this time.
"Can I hold you?" Eli asked once he broke the kiss.
"Of course."
I laid down and bought Eli with me. "I just want to lay down for a little." I said feeling exhausted. Eli laid behind me on the couch and pulled my back to his chest as we spooned.
"You've slept a lot today." Eli noted
"I know, I just feel depressed." I said honestly.
"Clare, I can't afford to lose you."
"You won't Eli." I said with my eyes closed
I felt Eli's arm tighten around my waist as he moved the hair away from the back of my neck and started placing feather light kisses there. I smiled to myself, placed my hand on Eli's which happened to be on my stomach, and rubbed the back of his hand with my thumb. I felt him smirk in the back of my neck, he added a few more kisses as he squeezed me a little, and then he stopped.
"Clare?" Eli whispered
"Hmm?"
"I feel like I'm not being honest with you."
My eyes shot open wide at his words. What does he mean he's not being honest? I thought. I immediately sat up and he joined me. Eli was looking at his hands and I began to play with my rings. The silence was nerve wracking.
"Julia." He said in a hushed tone. "She said." He paused and shook his head "She said I was suffocating her, that I became too clingy." Eli whispered, I noticed his hands were shaking so I moved to the floor and knelt in front of him as I took his hands in mine. "Which was why I went to the store. I was angry at her for telling me that and I need to calm down." He sighed "I just didn't think she'd try to find me."
"Eli it's not your fault." I soothed
"You should look in a mirror when you say that." He chuckled nervously, I just nodded and laid my head on our hands, Eli removed one of his hands and rubbed the back of my head. "I'm sorry I know the circumstances are a little different." He cooed and picked my head up. "I didn't think first."
I nodded and looked at him "It's ok." I said soothingly "I know you didn't mean it, but you're right. I do need to move on and let go of my son just like I did with Josh, but it's hard."
"Clare." Eli paused, I looked up at him with pleading eyes. "Just promise me that you'll tell me if I become too clingy or suffocating."
"I promise, but if that happens I'd just want you to hear me out."
Eli nodded "I promise to listen." he picked my head up and kissed me chastely I returned the kiss after we pulled away and stood up.
"Lay down?" I asked Eli, he laid down with no questions asked, but held a concerned look on his face. I knelt down by his feet facing him and laid on top of him, his hand stroked the back of my hair as he grabbed the TV remote.
"Today isn't one of your good days is it?" He asked sadly
"Sadly no it's not." I replied as I hugged him tightly.
"So what do you want to watch?"
"Anything is fine by me."
"Well you never told me your favorite movie genre…." Eli trailed off
"I don't have a favorite movie genre. Like I said before I like anything from horror to certain chick flicks I told you already."
"Certain chick flicks?" Eli questioned
"Well I've seen the Notebook I liked it the first time, but when I watched it again, it seemed like it was way too long, and it bored the living hell out of me."
"Titanic? I know most girls fawn over that movie."
"Too overrated I mean two people fall in love from two different classes on a boat, they fall in love, seduce each other, and he dies."
Eli chuckled "My type of girl."
"A Walk to Remember is the only chick flick I liked where someone died." I stated
"Wait you're telling me there are chick flicks where no one dies?" His voice was playful.
"Yes and those are the ones I like such as Save the Last Dance. Why are we even discussing this again?" I asked playfully as I covered us with a light blanket.
"We have the same taste in movies and music. I think we're off to a really good start. We're discussing this again so I can get a better memory of what movies you don't like all you mentioned last time was you don't do scary, but you do horror care to explain?"
"I agree and I like Zombie movies as well as Vampire, and Werewolf such as Blood and Chocolate which surprisingly has nothing to do with chocolate." I giggled
I heard a key in the door, but when I looked out the window there was no car which only meant one thing: Alli was home for lunch.
"Eli be quiet, Alli's here." I panicked "Don't make a sound." I said as I threw a blanket over his head.
"Like this is going to work." He chuckled
"Shut up."
I moved part of the blanket down that was on Eli's head to his chest fully cover him. Eli moved his hands by his sides and chuckled a little.
"Good you're not in your room I was worried about you."
"So you came home for lunch?" I asked as she walked towards me.
Alli stopped in front of me with a puzzled look on her face. I tried not to giggle at her face.
"Clare here I am all worried about you and you have Eli over." She stated
"H-How do you know it's Eli?" I asked "It could just be a big ass body pillow."
"Right and I'll just sit on you."
Alli moved over and sat on my back squishing me against Eli and he made a "Umph" sound
"You're hurting me Alli" Eli groaned after a few minutes, Alli jumped off of Eli and looked at us as he removed the blanket from his face.
"You're hiding places suck."
"Don't blame me it was Clare's idea." Eli said in defense
"I didn't think Alli would sit on you." I whispered
"Either way it looks like you two are quite comfortable." Alli stated
"We kind of are." I said
"Kind of?" Eli asked
I shrugged
"We are comfortable." Eli corrected.
I kissed Eli chastely, then pulled away.
"I didn't need to see that." Alli groaned
"Sorry I couldn't help it." I giggled
Eli pulled me back into a kiss, he thrust his tongue in my mouth, and our tongues danced in a slow romantic rhythm. I held back a whimper, pulled away, and panted a little.
"On that note I'm leaving." Alli said I didn't even get to say goodbye before the door closed.
I grabbed my phone and texted Alli.
Are you mad L
I received a text shortly later.
No I'm not I got a text when you and Eli were making out. Drew asked me to meet him in the garden. J
I smiled as I texted back.
Have fun, but not too much.
"Should I be worried about who you're texting?" Eli asked with a raised brow as he tried not to smirk.
"I'm making sure Alli's not mad at me and she's meeting Drew." I said as my phone vibrated.
I should tell you the same thing :p
Eli frowned a little. "He's a player."
"She knows." I replied as I shut my phone and laid back on Eli's chest.
He played with my hair as we started to flip through the channels again.
"There's nothing on." He sighed as he put the remote down.
"It's ok, this looks interesting." I said as I stared at the TV
"Come on it looks like a chick flick." He retorted
I looked at him as he stared at the TV. "You know this chick flick could be interesting." I stated with a smile as he turned to me.
"Not something you should watch." He said with a worried expression.
"Why not?" I asked
"The girl gets killed and her family is left to deal." he stated, I slowly nod at him with my eyes closed. "See it hits a little close to home for you."
"Maybe watching this could be a good thing." I said
Eli nodded and we turned back to the movie which was just starting. The girl Susie Salmon had a lovely family she was fourteen when she was murdered. Each time I'd cry Eli would ask if I'm ok and I'd just nod too into the movie to say anything, but I'd always stop.
"Sophie Cichetti, Pennsylvania. 1960. She had been his landlady." I started to cry when I seen the place she was killed
"Jacky Meyer, Delaware. 1967. She had just turned 13. Her body was found in a drainage ditch...by the side of the road.
Lea Fox. Delaware 1969. She was already dead when he dumped her body in the river.
Lana Johnson. 1960. Bucks County, Pennsylvania. She was lured into a shack, he had built of old doors. She was the youngest. She was six." I cried harder when I heard this and seen where she was killed along with part of her body. How could someone kill an innocent young girl? I thought knowing I how hurt the parents must be.
"Flora Hernandez. Delaware, 1963. He'd only wanted to touch her, but she screamed.
Denise Li-Ang, Connecticut, 1971. 13. She was waiting for her father to close up their shop, when she vanished. Denise Li-Ang, who sometimes
liked to be called Holly.
Susie Salmon, 14. Norristown, Pennsylvania, 1973. Murdered in a room he
had built under the earth."
Eli shut the TV off after that part and began to kiss my tears away. "Clare I'm sorry I should've turned it off anyway." Eli whispered as he started to brush away my tears.
"You didn't know it was a true story, besides I fought you on it." I said "But how can someone be so cruel hearted where they not only kill innocent people, but innocent kids as well the youngest at six?"
"It's wrong I know, but Clare the murder is dead now."
I turned on the TV to finish the movie knowing I probably missed a lot. The murder had found another victim, but she got away and I smiled. He ended up falling down a really big cliff and dying.
"See he did die." Eli chuckled a little, I nodded, wrapped my arms around his waist, and squeezed him a little, he squeezed back. "Hey Clare?"
"Hmm."
"I don't know if this will scare you or anything…" Eli trailed off
"Eli what is it?" I asked concerned as I looked at him.
"Please don't leave me."
"Why would I leave you?" I asked, he shrugged "If anything I'd be afraid of you leaving me." I said honestly.
"Clare I would never do that." Eli stated and I kissed him chastely.
We had decided to shut off the TV and relax together, Eli's hand was running along my spine while his other one played with my hair. "You're starting to put me to sleep." I whispered with my eyes closed, Eli chuckled as he continued. "Are you planning on putting me to sleep or something?" I asked as I opened my eyes to look at Eli, I noticed his eyes were closed "Are you starting to fall asleep too?" I asked.
Eli nodded "I'm very comfortable like this."
The more he played with my hair and rubbed my back, the closer I was to falling asleep again for the second time today, before I knew it I was asleep.
"Hey it's time for dinner." My mom said as she gently shook me awake.
I groaned and shut my eyes again as I squeezed Eli a little. "Mmm" he said as he squirmed a little to get comfortable again causing me to smirk to myself.
"Both of you need to eat." my mom stated
"Five more minutes." Eli groaned as he wrapped his arms around me and squeezed a little. I couldn't help, but to giggle I know now I'm not going back to sleep and I think my mom knows too because she got up and walked away. I started to tickle Eli's sides causing him to squirm "Trying to tickle me?" He asked.
"Possibly." I said and tried again to tickle him only to succeed this time. Eli tickled me back both of us were squirming on the couch until my mom interrupted us.
"Kids dinner." She chimed, Eli and I got off of the couch and walked to the already set table.
"Would your mom care that you're eating over?" I asked Eli
"No she already knows I'm here, so she's not worried." Eli replied, I nodded and we started to eat.
"So Eli what's your opinion of kids?" my mom asked as Eli coughed a little.
"Mooom." I groaned
"Well I want to know." She said
"Well my dad wants grandchildren, but my mom and I wouldn't mind waiting." Eli said
"Waiting is always good though I don't condone what Clare's previous actions, she did handle things well."
"Thanks mom, but can we not talk about that?" I asked
She changed the subject to school which wasn't that bad. After dinner Eli went home and I went back to the kitchen. My mom and I cleaned up together.
"How about you and I bake like we used to?" my mom suggested
"That sounds fun what are we baking?" I asked
"Um, cookies, chocolate cake, anything your heart desires."
"Cookies and cake." I chimed
My mom walked to the fridge and got out the ingredients while I got out the utensils.
"Ok we need 2 cups of sugar, ¼ tea spoon of salt and baking powder." I said after remembering part of a recipe.
After about ten minutes the food was in the oven minus some chocolate chip cookie dough we set out for ourselves.
"Ok Clare we need to clean up."
"Agreed."
I watched my mom get some sugar in her hand. "Don't you even dare" I stated as I took some flour. She threw the sugar at me as I threw the flour at her.
"Really mom?" I said as I hid behind the counter with some cinnamon.
"Of course all is fair in love and war." She chimed
"Quoting things now?" I asked as I got hit with some sort of powder
There was a knock on the door. The minute I got up I was hit again with some sort of spice. I threw some cinnamon at my mom and got her shirt.
I giggled as I opened the door to see a shocked Eli.
"Um, we were baking." I giggled nervously
"I'm glad I'm never home when my mom bakes now."
I moved aside to let him in the messy house. I shut the door behind him.
"Want a drink?" I asked
"Sure." he replied
We both walked into the kitchen and my mom jumped out of the closet and attacked the both of us with flour.
"Mom you got Eli." I groaned
"This means war." He said grabbing a bag of brown sugar and throwing some on both of us.
My mom and I ran and took some items to defend ourselves as we hid. All three of us were covered in food when the door opened we surprised the person at the other end by throwing some stuff on them.
"Hey." Alli yelled. "Mrs. Edwards you're supposed to be the grown up here."
"Oh come on Alli we all need a little fun." my mom said. The three of us looked around and the house was a complete and udder mess. With the help of Eli, my mom, and Alli, the four of us had the place cleaned within an hour.
"So Eli, what brings you here?" My mom asked
"My parents asked for some alone time." he said simply
We all nodded. "Sorry to hear that." my mom said
"It's ok." Eli replied as we got up.
Alli left to shower once the place was cleaned and I let Eli use my bathroom while I used Darcy's and my mom used hers. I finished my shower and went into my room, Eli was still in the bathroom. I dug through one of the boxes and took out some clothes.
I noticed the water stopped running and waited a few minutes before knocking on the door.
"Eli are you ok?" I asked
"Yea I'm fine, um do you mind if I borrow your robe?" He asked
"No not at all though I wouldn't mind seeing you in color." I giggled
"Funny it's happens to be red." He chuckled back.
Damnit out of all the robes I have in my bathroom I just had to leave my red one in there. I thought as I backed away from the door.
Eli opened the door, the way his hair stuck to his face and the way he narrowed his eyes on me left me at a loss for words I was completely lost and awestruck he looks so amazing.
"U-um these were Josh's they're a little too big for you, but.." I said holding the clothes out for Eli.
"Thanks" Eli said as he took them, I could only nod.
I sat on my bed waiting for Eli to change. "How tall was this guy?" He asked from the other side of the door.
"Um about 5'10, 5'11" I replied knowing Eli's not much taller than me and I'm only 5'2.
I watched as the bathroom door opened and held back a giggle. The clothes were really big on Eli to say the least, but he looked cute nonetheless.
"Would your mom care if I stayed the night?" He asked nervously.
"We won't tell her unless we have to." I said sneakily as he made his way over to me.
"Clare, I don't want you to hide anything from her."
"She won't be mad."
I looked over to my mom who was in the door way. She seen Eli and started laughing.
"Eli those are really too big you're swimming in them." She giggled.
"I'm lucky his sweat pants have drawstrings." Eli chuckled after looking at his feet which were covered by the pants. "I'm kind of walking on them is that ok?" He asked
"Eli, I don't care." I giggled sweetly as I shook my head and took his hands "I have you remember?" I said looking up at him, Eli bent down and kissed me.
"I remember." he said against my lips and kissed me again.
"Ahem." My mom interrupted "I'm assuming you're staying the night?" she asked
"If it's ok with you." Eli said
"As long as Clare allows it and the door stays slightly open." My mom said "You two should go to sleep you both have school in the morning and it's 11pm. I'll wash your clothes and I'm sure we'll find something that you'll be able to wear tomorrow."
"Thank you Mrs. Edwards." Eli said
"Helen." my mom said back to Eli who nodded and gave her his dirty clothes.
"I'll be right back." I said as I followed my mom down the stairs.
"What's wrong Clare?" She asked when she turned around.
"I know I won't be able to sleep tonight." I stated
"Need your pills?" She asked, I nodded as she took out the bottle. I watched as she took the top off.
"Mom I can get my own medicine." I stated
"Right like last time after everything you were in the hospital for three days." She said
I looked down at my wrists and seen the scars. "Mom I'm over that I have Eli now."
"Clare I'm not taking the chance." She said
"Mom! Come on things are different now for heaven's sake." I said in a slightly raised voice.
"Clare how many times do I have to tell you I'm not taking that chance again!" my mom yelled causing me to jump and slight tears to form. "I'm sorry I yelled here are your pills." she said handing me two of them and a glass of water.
"Like two will help me sleep." I muttered
"Clare please don't start."
"The warning label specifically says no more than 6 within 24 hours." I said back as I took the two.
"I don't care you're not taking four if you're still up in an hour I'll give you two more."
"Deal." I said in defeat.
I walked up to my room looking at my feet and I would've walked into Eli if he didn't stop me.
"Is tonight a bad night?" he asked "I sort of heard your mom yell about something."
"It's fine." I said tugging at my sleeves.
"Do you want to talk about it?" he asked as we walked to the bed and laid down.
I shrugged as I laid my head on his chest and covered us up.
"Clare honey I'm sorry, but I'm just trying to protect you." my mom said as she sat on the bed
"Mom did we not discuss this downstairs." I said as I sat up. "Besides I'm not going to hurt Eli like that." I stated looking in her eyes.
She nodded. "Clare-"
"This isn't the time to discuss this mom."
"I just worry about you."
"Mom." I started and sighed knowing I'm not going to win. "I get it, but you also have to understand where I'm coming from. I'm not like that anymore can't you see that?" I asked trying to get her to understand.
"I do, but Clare I'm your mother besides I informed the school before you started."
"Whatever mom." I said "Can't we discuss this at a different time."
"I can leave if you want." Eli said
"No Eli, my mom should leave."
I looked at my mom and saw venom in her eyes. "Ever wonder why Clare wears long sleeves a lot?" She asked
"Mom don't." I said
"I'm sure Clare will tell me when she's ready." Eli said soothingly
"Just be sure you don't leave her alone with sharp objects and a bottle of pills who knows when she'll attempt suicide again." My mom said with tons of venom. I could feel Eli staring at me and I knew this was the end of our relationship as I started to let the tears fall. I walked into my bathroom, leaned on the wall, and slid down to the floor.
Eli's going to leave me, I'm going to end up alone again. All I'll have is Alli and my mom, I can't ask Alli to move again she's happy. Were the thoughts coursing in my mind before the bathroom door opened. I hid my face in my knees.
"Clare." Eli cooed
"I know what you're going to say so save yourself the trouble." I stated as I felt more tears roll down my face.
"What would that be?" Eli asked in amusement.
"That you'd rather not date some suicidal teen who has had a miscarriage, a dead family, and issues."
"Clare, remember what I told you earlier about me worrying that you'd leave me?" I nodded "Then why the hell would I do something so stupid as to leave you, who cares if you have stuff to work through, we'll get through it together." I nodded again and looked up at him.
"Really?" I asked
He nodded and kissed my head. "Now can I see your wrists?" he asked
I rolled up my sleeves to reveal the two scars one on each wrist and Eli moved his thumbs over them rubbing them as if they would somehow magically come off, when he realized they weren't he kissed them, then kissed me. "I'm not going anywhere." He said.
"Good because neither am I."
Eli helped me off the floor and we walked to bed together. The minute I laid my head on his chest I started to feel sleepy. "Clare." Eli said in more of a question.
"Hmm?"
"I have two questions." he said as he glided his nails on my back.
"Mmhmm."
"One, if you ever feel suicidal or anything again please come to me first and two I can't sleep can you lay on me again?"
"If I ever feel suicidal I'll talk to you which it doesn't happen that often so you have nothing to fear." I said as I crawled on top of him.
I listened to Eli's heartbeat as he played with my hair and ran his fingers up and down my spine. Within minutes I was asleep.
Reviews? Predictions?
