Chapter Eleven

Realizations and Coming to truths.

Here I am, sitting by our Christmas tree with Aunt Ginny, doomed with the realization that Christmas wasn't the funfair it usually was, Christmas presents lacked their usual surprise and enjoyment.

They hadn't bought me presents, they bought the baby presents. I had a stroller, a cot and a few items of unisex coloured clothes. I had booties, a cardigan and a matching hat all in yellow.

The few items I did get that were actually for me were a couple of skinny stretch denim jeans, long tops and some new bras. In a way I was kind of happy about that.

"I'm glad you're taking this well Bud" Aunt Ginny said while folding washing, "Merlin, I don't know how you're mother does this"

"Erm, thanks" I say to her.

Aunt Ginny was my favourite Aunty, I think it's because she's not away with the faeries like Aunt Fleur, but even then, she can be a hard woman.

I take a deep breath, I knew I had to talk to her about James, but I didn't know how to bring it up, I didn't want to tell her about how he has a different girl in the Gryffindor girls' bathrooms every night. That's just not something you talk to your Aunty about, especially when it concerns her son.

I take a deep breath, "Aunt Gin, do you think James is alright?" I ask nervously.

She drops Dad's socks and looks at me, "I wish I knew"

I nod, ok, well, not exactly the way to keep the conversation open; maybe she wanted me to drop it? "It is Christmas after all, I think it's a bit odd that he just happens to get a girlfriend just before Christmas especially one that looks like Kaya" I say in a whisper.

She nods in agreement, and I was surprised, most people didn't like to talk about her "It seems like it's been longer than a year doesn't it. My poor son," she was right. It did seem longer than a year, "Poor Lesath too" she said.

Yes, poor both of them, and even more so now, god, with all their drama and hate and love and whatever else you could throw in their mix.

They were one giant mess of tears and tragedy.

And I thought Malfoy and I were bad, maybe teen pregnancy wasn't as bad as it sounds.

"I don't want to go and accuse James of things, especially since he's been so happy, but if he's with Rora because he's trying to fill Kaya's place, that's not right. Oh look at me, dumping our problems on you Bud when all you should be concerned about is getting some breakfast!" she says while tapping my knee.

I shrug, "I told Dad I wasn't a pet"

Aunt Ginny forces a laugh, "So I heard"

"I think maybe Lesath is trying to replace Quentin with James too" I tell her.

But she shakes her head, "No, she just wants someone who can relate"

And come to think about it, I wish I had someone I could relate to but on this ship, I was all alone.

I think about the time I saw James at his worst after what happened to Kaya.

His usual crazy hair clung to his face as he was in a constant nervous sweat, and he almost never went to any of his classes. He wouldn't even talk to Lucy! Which made her get upset and withdrawn too, and what was worse he still drank a lot, and he still took a different girl into the bathrooms nearly every day.

One day in particular Malfoy came up to me but he looked worried, "What's up?" I asked him.

He looked at me nervously, "It's your James. He's going crazy in the Gryffindor common room, I went up there to look for Al, I thought he might have been up there but fuck, I don't think it's good aye" he told me.

I left to go up there straight away, I know it's bad, but I was thinking of my wellbeing more than his, if I didn't go up there and something bad happened, everyone in the family would disown me.

I saw him standing there, by the fireplace and I saw blood dripping from his hands, "Shit! James? What the fuck is wrong?" I ask him.

He just stood there shaking, "Everyone says it's my fault what happened to Kaya and Quentin" he said quietly and with that another bang against the wall from his hand.

I run up to him and I grab both his hands in mine, "Stop it James!" I tell him as I look at his knuckles that were punched raw, I could see his bones.

"What the fuck is wrong with you?" I ask. I'm getting desperate; I'd never seen my happy-go-lucky cousin like this. Never!

A sob racks through his chest and out of his mouth, "Why the fuck would anyone like me when all I do is use them?" he says.

I shake my head, "You haven't used anyone James!" I tell him and he slumps against me and cries.

"I'm not my father you know!" he cried his tears wetting my uniform.

Would that make you so upset that you'd beat yourself up. "What are you talking about James?" I ask.

But his head shoots up and he moves away from me, "No, I'm not telling you! You'd tell everyone" he said anger running through his eyes and he looked like Uncle Harry's when James set the lounge suite on fire.

I put up my hands as if to tell him I won't press any further, "Ok, it's alright, just tell me why you're so upset. It's not that bad is it?"

"Because I'm not my Dad, I can't handle all this difficult shit, and none of these girls will replace Kaya" he took to the wall more now, and he smashed his head against the concrete.

Blood seeped out of a gash in his head, "JAMES!" I yell as I grab the scruff of his robe and pull him back, "It doesn't matter if you're not like your Dad… he's not even that great anyways… kind of annoying actually, but still! You don't have to be like him to be a great guy James" I try and comfort him, it didn't work though.

"What about the girls Rose? I hurt them all" he says, I shake my head.

"I doubt that they're all hurt, some of them probably feel privileged" but that makes the sobs come harder.

"You're not helping Rose" he stammers.

I pull him into a hug again and his blood gets on my robes, "James, I know it's not right, but unless you're actually going to do something about the girls, there's nothing you can do about it. Until you actually feel something for a girl, maybe you should just try and calm down, concentrate on yourself for a while"

"How can I feel something back when every girl is not Kaya? She's the only one for me, they're both dead and it's because of me. Lesath lost the only person she'd ever been bloody nice to and now she's just as alone as I am"

I felt for my cousin. Being Harry Potter's son was a lot different to being Ron and Hermione Weasley's daughter.

Especially when your name is James Sirius Potter.

On the twenty-fourth of December last year Kaya Rayleigh and Quentin Wentworth were victims at the hands of two death-eaters. Murdered while at a Quidditch match.

Of course their actual targets were supposed to be the boyfriend and girlfriend of these two, James and Lesath, the son of the Boy Who Lived and the granddaughter of the man who betrayed the Dark Lord in a quest to save his son, but Kaya and Quentin were killed instead.

And if my cousin was going to move forward thanks to Rora, then I was going to have to stop sheltering him.

The two death-eaters may have been put away in Azkaban and cursed with a Dementor's kiss, but that wasn't going to bring back Kaya and Quentin was it?

Yes, I know it's one giant tragedy.


"Well 'Ello there gorgeous, Fred Weasley's the name, but you can call me Freddie" Freddie says.

I roll my eyes, he knows full well that this girl is James' but still he presses on, "What? You don't even want to say hello to me? You rude" I say to him.

Fred grins and he looks just like Aunt Angelina, "Come here fatty!" he says to me and pulls me into a big hug.

"Oh! It's you fatty!" I hear Roxie say, "And you bought a stray along, how nice" she says obviously about Rora. She joins in with the hug and it's obvious these two can't do anything without each other, to think they were both twenty. They were both as immature as Lily while watching Lysander take his top off.

At least I could say I would end up a better parent than both of them put together, "Must you insist on calling me fatty?" I ask. I'm getting royally pissed at these two and I've only been at the burrow five minutes.

I start to shiver and realize that I've been standing in the snow this whole time, "Let's take you two inside" Freddie says with his arm extended out for Rora to take, "Or three"

I laugh and Roxie looks at me, "who is she?" she mouths.

"James' girlfriend" I say.

Roxie's eyebrows knit together, "Oh shit, please tell me you're joking, she looks just like Kaya"

I shake my head, "No, you're the joker, not me"

Roxie looks from her brother with Rora back to me, "You know, no one's told Grandad and Nanna about you" she says.

"Why didn't you tell them!"

She gasps, "As if I want to be the one that ruins Christmas!" she says.

I shrug, "I guess you have a point"

Home at last.


Mum and Dad are already sitting at the table with Uncle Harry and Aunt Ginny, Uncle Harry get's up and hug's me, "Bud, we've been wondering how you've been for ages! It's good to see you" Uncle Harry says.

Aunt Ginny goes to put her hand on my stomach, she'd been doing it all morning before she left to go home, and now I'm with her again and instinctively she does it again. As if she could feel it grow. I go to slap her hand away but Nanna walks in, "Oh my Rosebud! How have you been? Finally put on a bit of weight! How long have I been telling you to increase your appetite?" she says to me.

Everyone in the room goes quiet.

Well, you need worry no longer! I am now eating for two! "Well, Mum, I think Bud needs to sit you and Dad down for a talk" Dad says,

Aunt Ginny snorts, "Way to palm things off to your daughter who needs your help" she says.

Dad scowls. "Shut up Ginny"

"No you shut up"

"No you shut up"

Dad points at Aunt Ginny, "Mum, tell her to shut up"

"Mum, tell Ron to shut up!"

Nanna scowls at them both, "You both will shut up immediately!" she says and it goes quiet.

"Twenty bucks on Aunt Gin" Says Roxie to Molly who I hadn't seen in ages.

Hugo tugs on my top and I see him sitting behind we're I'm standing, "Do you want everyone gone?" he asks. I nod.

Louis starts to speak, "Everyone! Get out before Nanna hides all the food, Bud needs to talk" for once in his life he speaks more than a word, and it's actually worth listening to.

Nanna seems to have forgotten what Dad had said but she manages to put in a few stern words to get everyone out of the kitchen, "Now, Bud, I'm just going to ice this cake then I think I'll put some sausage rolls on" she bustles around the kitchen with her wand flying everywhere getting pots and pans.

That's when Grandad walks in, "As the Muggles say, a lot of Hex, rugs and sausage rolls"

I sigh, "Pretty sure it's sex, drugs and rock'N'roll" I correct him but he just looks at me with a confused look on his face.

"Well that makes no sense Bud" he says while kissing my forehead and looking at me, "My yes, I've missed you, been having Molly and Dominique here every day and they do nothing but cause trouble those two!" he says to me.

I've always been his favourite.

I sit there awkwardly, but knowing that everyone bar them know about my pregnancy, I can't continue to keep it from them.

That was until Nanna spoke up, "You know, I've had seven children, I've seen my fourteen grandchildren grow up and I know how big the mouths on all of these people are, I've seen my fair share of pregnancies. Of course we know. And if you're ready to be a mother, then you will be a mother. I can't stop loving you or anything stupid like that Rose, all we can all do is help and support you" she said with a smile, "You're lucky that your Grandfather talked me out of sending you a howler"

Grandad makes a small cough, "Why, I know you're no dummy, you'll be fine… as long as you steer clear from listening to your father and take hold of everything your mother says. She is part Muggle after all" he adds with a grin.

Swell, "Well," I say quietly, "That went better than I thought"

Grandad knits his eyebrows together and sighs, he looks disappointed and it was bad, I feel as though I've just swallowed a kneazle, "Who's the father? Everyone's seemed to keep quiet about that"

I choke on thin air which hurts just as much as choking on any other thing, "Let's just say that there is no Dad, it's all just me" I say but I know they don't buy it.

Nanna starts shaking her head and Grandad just stares at me, "Come on Rose, you can't get this far and back out, you've always been braver than that"

Fine, "It's Scorpius Malfoy, Lucius Malfoy's grandson"

Grandad starts nodding and Nanna says, "Oh"

I sit there awkwardly, I mean, they weren't saying anything to me just looking and making cakes, as you do when you're in shock and you're well into your seventies I'd say.

"Well, I have been told that Lucius has lost his mind, I guess that's my biggest worry, another thing is school, I'd imagine your mother is making you finish. How about living arrangements?" Grandad asked.

What was it with everyone and there bloody arrangements?

I shrug, "Yeah I'm staying in school, I guess Mum and Dad are going to look after it while I'm still at school" I Mumble.

I wanted to eat Christmas food not talk about arrangements.

Nanna smiles at me, that small smile that says "Poor child, has no future" "Well, if you need to, our doors are always open, with all the children flying the coup" she says.

I snort, there hasn't been any "Children" living here in centuries.

The fireplace lights up behind Nanna and a skinny blonde woman steps out with an equally blonde man with a short bowl cut, Luna and Rolf Scamander, "Hello Molly and Arthur, how is Christmas working out?" she asks Nanna and Grandad.

This is my time to exit.


You see, Christmas is my favourite holiday.

And now it's rapidly slipping downhill about to crash and shatter into a million pieces because my damn family are going crazy as they always do and it's ten million times worse because all conversations seem to turn and end up snugly in the topic of me.

And as it is, one of the people I don't want to talk to because of me being severely weirded out by her, is walking towards me.

"Oh hello Rose, why, you look different, did you get a haircut?" she asks me.

I look at her, a look that would probably make me look very rude right now, "I'm pregnant Luna" I say monotonously.

Al nudges me in the ribs, "Exciting stuff aye?" he says with a smile that matches Luna's.

She starts nodding up and down. "Oh yes!" she says, "That's beautiful news" and she starts walking backwards while she's still smiling at me.

Lily and Lysander sit opposite Al and I, tangled in a blanket together, so damn charming they were, "Excuse Mum, she's still a bit dazed after almost freezing to death in the snow because she spent eight hours watching birds in a tree" says Lysander with a grin.

I look at him likes he's just finished talking to me in French, "For some reason I don't think I'd be grinning like that if that happened to my Mum" I say to Al.

"Hey!" Molly says while sitting half on my lap and half on Al's lap.

Al looks at her alarmed, "Umm, excuse me! Pregnant stomach behind you!" he snaps at her.

She looks over to me and rolls her eyes, "I'm not even touching the precious stomach" she says to him.

I laugh, "I've missed you Moll" I say to her, and it was true, neither Molly or Lucy were like their Dad, it was great watching him whenever his girls do something crazy, he looks a lot like what I'd imagine a house elf looking if you refused to eat anything it gave you or you forced it to watch you fold washing.

Yes, a painful look.

She nods, "Yeah, yeah, and I haven't missed you. Now, I have to do this, I have to do it for the baby. What's going on with you and Malfoy?" she asked.

Yet again, a Molly makes me choke on thin air, "Uh" I say.

Al shakes his head, "Am I allowed to say something?" he asks.

Molly laughs, "Umm, no"

"Oh"

"Stop being the Grinch, Moll" I say to her.

She snorts, "Of course you can twit"

Al blushes, "I think that maybe Bud, you're hiding your feelings, cause I know for a fact that Scorp is in to you… like really in to you," he says, "You have to give him a chance"

I sit there, I couldn't, but I was lying to myself.

I just roll my eyes.

Al looks at me like I'm a stupid person and I've just attempted to read poetry, "Umm, where have you been every time he's confessed his love for you? It would be great! You two could get married and the baby would have a Dad—" I cut him off with a horse bite to his leg.

Because after everything that we've been through, telling his Mum and Dad, the scan, visiting him in the night, it showed me a side of him that I had forgotten.

It was the side that he used to always show when no one was around, and that was the him I liked.

The him I didn't like was the git that would be snarky to me in class and lead me on a wild goose chase.

I take a deep breath, "You know how they say every rose has its thorn?" I say to them.

Great, I was comparing Malfoy to a rose.

Al nods, "Yeah"

"I think I know what they mean" I say.

Molly starts nodding and her eyes brighten with understanding, "Yeah, every Rose, which is you, has a thorn, which is Malfoy that is a total and utter prick, with a prick, that impregnated you"

I start to laugh hysterically, "What? I don't get it" Al says,

I shake my head, "No, that's not what I meant, but hell, that was great!"

I gather my composure, "Then what did you mean?" Moll asks, "Because you can't get any better than that".

I nod with agreement, "No, like Malfoy is great and the greatness is the rose, but he's also annoying and careless, and that's the thorn" I explain.

They start nodding; "Oh" I hear them both say.

And I sigh, I sigh at the realization that I have been kidding myself for too long.

About two years to be exact.

And if I was going to have a kid to Malfoy, it would be selfish of me to try and have nothing to do with him; it would be selfish of me to keep our kid from him and him from our kid.

It's selfish of me to ignore both of our feelings.

Even if I was obviously allergic to feelings and it made me break out in foreign things like tears and love.

The only person I've ever been heartbroken over was him.

When I see him with Ashley of course I fucking feel jealous, how would you feel when the only person you've ever fully felt comfortable with is with someone else?

How would you feel when the only person who thinks the same way you do is begging you to be with them but you're so fucking scared of being hurt so you say no?

And how would you feel if you were too damn proud to be with the father of your child because you don't want to look like you've trapped him like a spider traps its prey in a web.

Me being the spider, Malfoy being the prey and my womb with our sprog in it being the web.

I feel stupid, betrayed, scared, confused, all these things but because I'm so damn proud I ignore it and pretend like I'm going for a long walk down candy cane river. Can you feel that many things at one time?

That's what's wrong with me; I'm scared of being hurt.

And now abandoned.

"Oh Rose," I hear a voice pull me back to reality and it's Molly's, "You're in love with him aren't you?"

Al was initially looking down at the piece of cake in his hand but his eyes shot up when he heard Molly's voice, he looked… smug, "But you said you wouldn't fall in love with him"

I snort; "No I didn't" I wasn't that dumb.

"Yes you did"

I shake my head, yet again I have an answer and I'll come out on top, "I said I didn't want to fall in love with him"

He snorts, and throws his hands in the air, "Same thing"

"No, very different thing Albus" I snap at him.

Molly just looks at us two, "So this is the sort of thing sixteen year olds argue about these days, thank merlin I'm not at school anymore or I'd top myself" she says with a laugh.

"Well, even these day's people don't often talk about stuff like this either, but people don't often get pregnant at Hogwarts" Al says.

"Here here" I say while rolling my eyes and a deep sigh.

My life is weird.

With all this "coming to the realization" shit going on, I think back to our fourth year.

The year I realized.

Malfoy and I were walking around the school grounds. We had had a good run, no bickering, no snapping, no nothing, it was good, it was so good that we went to Hogsmeade together every weekend and there were no dramas.

The no dramas actually being Ashley Parkinson-Krum, but she didn't count because when was there a time when she wasn't a drama?

I took a deep breath when we reached the lake and sat under a tree together, sure, it was a prissy scene, but we were wagging class so we had nowhere else to go, "Do you feel like sometimes we have to hide when we're together Malfoy?" I ask him.

He shrugs next to me, "Yeah and nah, we don't hide when we go to Hogsmeade" he says.

I laugh, "That's probably because we have Al and Harley to cover for us" I say.

He picked up a rock from the ground and flung it into the lake, "Yeah, I guess. Who would have thought we'd have to fucking run around behind peoples backs just because we're friends"

His comment stung as good as a bee does, just friends? I wanted it to be more than that but instead I fake a giggle. "Yeah" I falsely agree.

Malfoy sighs, "Weasley, I don't want this to go to your head, but I like spending time with you. A lot. More than I'd fucking like to" he says, but he doesn't look at me, and he goes tense. As though he didn't want to say it because the truth hurt. "And I'm sorry about what I said to Flint. I didn't mean for you guys to break up" but then he laughed, "Actually, I did"

I smile to myself. I'd been waiting to hear those words for such a long time it was like Christmas had arrived, "I like spending time with you too"

"I think it's because, you know, since first year, your nosiness got the better of you and you happened to find out a whole lot of shit about me, what makes me happy and sad and angry and all that other stuff. So now I'm comfortable around you"

It was almost like he'd taken the words out of my mouth but arranged them so they weren't as good anymore, but the theme was still there. "I feel the same too" I say stupidly.

I build the courage up in the mind, the courage to say what I really wanted to say, and then I do it, I blurt it out like I have to filter or no barrier, it's all the truth, "Malfoy, I want to be more than friends" I say.

And this time, his head snaps to look at me, his mouth opening and closing as though he was trying to catch flies. "I-I-I… what?"

Oh no.

I look at him with confusion, "I said I wanted to be more than friends" I say to him again but in a whisper, it was too late to try and change what I said because I knew he'd heard me.

Malfoy goes blank and his face turns whiter than it already was, "I just asked out Kate yesterday"

"Oh" I say as my heart crumbles into little pieces.

Malfoy grabs my shoulder, "I'm sorry Rose"

It's alright; I can nurse my own heart back to health, "It's probably better this way, as friends"

He started nodding ferociously, "Yeah. It wouldn't have worked out" he says with his eyes cast down.

That's when I decided never to fall for Scorpius Malfoy. Because it just wouldn't have worked out.

Molly runs her fingers through her choppy, short, straight red hair, "And I thought you were clever Rose, no offense" she says.

I snort, "Even clever people do dumb shit and doesn't that make the dumb people feel clever"

"What?" Al says confused.

Molly looks at him, lifts her hand to his head and knocks, "Is there anything in there?" she asks, "Because I don't think there is"

Al looks offended and I wonder why he hasn't left yet, "Well, he's going to be here tomorrow so we all better sort our stuff out"

Our stuff out? "Pretty sure I'm the only one with shit to sort out"

They start nodding, "Yeah, you've got to sort out your love speech" Molly says.

Would I actually do it? Tell him that in fact I have sorted myself out and I in fact very well may want to have some type of serious something going on with him?

All this coming to form when I had a not so serious chat with two of my cousins on a couch at our grandparents' house?

These were hard times.

"So are you going to do it? I hope you do, actually, you will, you will do it! I'll bloody make sure of it" Says Al.

I supress the need to scream at him, "Yet again, you seem to think that you are me" I say quietly.

"Don't stab him in the front while his back is turned" says Molly, now it's my turn to wear the look of confusion.

"What?" I ask.

She laughs, "You muttered under your breath at him, you were back stabbing Al, but he was looking at you"

I shrug, "Right" this girl was weird.

"Rose, you can sit here all day and try and move the feminist movement forward a couple of decades by insisting you'd make a fine single mother or you can do something about this Malfoy and how it's making you depressed" she says to me with a smirk on her face, a smirk worthy of a Malfoy.

I look at her in shock but before I can find an awesome way to retaliate Al pipes up, "Yeah, you look like misery if it was a person"

"Partners take all your time and all your points off your house because you get caught sneaking out!" I say as a way to defend myself.

Molly just shakes her head, "It's misery personified" she corrects Al.

"Yeah and you're both dicks personified" I say to them both.

I get a punch to the leg, "Oh cheer the hell up, it's Christmas for Merlin's sake!" Molly says to me.

"Sorry Moll" I say.

She slaps her hands together, "Look at it this way Bud, it's the Yule ball, who do you want standing with you?" she asks.

Oh no, role play! "Him"

She starts nodding, "Exactly, he's what you want"

"Oh hell" is all I can say.

I'm obviously in love with him.

"Look at me, I'm twenty-two and my biggest problem is whether or not I want to go to work" she says.

I roll my eyes; "As if you wouldn't want to play Quidditch all day" she was in the Holy Head Harpies.

"Sometimes I'd rather stay home" she shrugs. I highly doubt that, when you live with Vickie you'd want to stay out as much as possible, especially since she's about to have a kid, "See, even when you're twenty like me you shouldn't have problems like kids, you should wait until you're eighty or something"

"But both Vickie and Sahara are twenty-two… they don't seem to think it's a problem" says Al.

Yeah because they're so prepared and what not, probably already got that milk powder stuff kids drink sitting in the bottles just waiting until the kid comes to add the water.

Molly slaps me on the knee and grins. "Boy or girl?"

Oh here we go, another Weasley obsessed with playing clairvoyant, "No! no guessing the gender, no attempting to convince me to name said random gendered baby after you and no, no trying to make up stupid names that include your own name but if it was the opposite gender!"

Al looks at me and shrugs, "I still think Albusher is a cool name"

Molly snorts, "Cool name? That's bloody hideous!"

The conversation steadily continues to flow out of their mouths and I use it as another cue to leave.


I see Hue and Louis sitting by the door with James and Rora, Freddie and Roxie, and I look outside the door to see my Mum and Dad.

Even though it's snowing, they're still out on the veranda hugged up together with a blanket.

See! Even after all of these years these two still love each other, they used to fight all the time apparently. Is it a sign that maybe Malfoy and I could work?

Or is it a sign that in order for us to work we'd have to help our best mate, Al, fight off the most powerful and dangerous wizard of all time?

Because if it's the latter, I'm pretty sure I can handle just being friends with him.

Or can I?

I go outside, I have to admit, I've been spending more time with my crazy cousins than I have with my parents.

Mum and Dad both turn to me, "Bud" Mum says with a small smile.

I got to the other side of the table that they're sitting at on the veranda and I look at both of them, "So…" I say awkwardly.

"I heard you're a bit confused about Scorpius" Mum says.

Oh no, if they were trying to give me some type of sex talk then they're definitely in for a shock.

My face screws up but I answer, "Yeah, I guess… I don't need any advice though" I say.

Dad sighs, "That's what I thought until I realized that everyone knew that your mother and I were in love but we were both too blind to bloody see"

Mum snorts, "You were too blind" she mutters.

Dad goes red and nods.

I shrug, "I don't know what to do, I mean, he says he likes me, and I like him, but with the whole baby thing and you guys not liking the Malfoy's and then there's the whole thing with me always getting angry at him…" I stop.

Dad looks like he's about to explode and Mum just looks, I don't know, like she doesn't know what to say.

Awkward.

"I think Rose, at your age; you've got enough time to see what is right for you and what's wrong. He may be the father of the baby but at the end of the day, if it's meant to be, it's meant to be" Mum says.

Dad nods, "Erm, right!" he says.

Oh god.

"Have you thought about what me and your Mum asked?" Dad says.

Yes and no, "I don't want to make a decision about it until I ask Malfoy"

He chokes, "it doesn't make a difference does it? You're my little girl and you're having the baby, he doesn't have the right to have an input"

Oh but he does, because he's the Dad, the kid is half his, and if I'm going to give it away to my parents he's gonna have to go along with it too, "Dad…" I warn him.

He slinks back further into the blanket and I see he takes Mum's hand by instinct.

"You two have had much more than you lead on Rose that much is very clear to me" Dad says and for once, his eyes are open, and I'm not the little girl I once was.

Mum takes a deep breath and looks at Dad, the way she always does when she needs his help, "I guess that if you are going to go for the plunge bud, you better be sure it's what you want"

Oh yes, I always wanted it. I've just been blind.

And all this time I've been blind, I've settled for second best, just like I did that time in fourth year, it just can't happen anymore.

"Al, we need you again"

He started shaking his head in disgust, "No! no way Bud, I don't want to do it anymore"

I sigh, "But you have to! Please, bloody hell, what if we get caught? Our detentions will be sitting on your conscience!" I tell him.

Al slumps, "Why Rose? Why do you let this happen? Look at you! You're settling for second fiddle"

I have to cover my mouth from laughing, "Second fiddle?"

He looks at me like he's pissed off; I don't see it often so I don't take it seriously, "Library, behind the forbidden section, after potions. Got it?" I say to him.

"Got it" he says quietly.

I got to the forbidden section as quick as I could but Al was already standing there, "He's there" he says monotonously while holding a book to his face as though trying to hide from someone, that kid was weird.

Malfoy sees me and he rushes up to take my hand, "Fuck, I've missed you" he whispers.

I giggle, "I saw you fifteen minutes ago"

He smiles at me, "Fifteen whole minutes ago"

I smirk at him, "Anyone would think you were desperate with the way you're grovelling around by my feet" I tease and it just makes him smile harder.

He presses me against the shelf of books behind us, it's dark and dusty in this aisle and the guilt pumps through my veins as he starts dotting my neck with kisses and I couldn't help but wonder if he kissed Kate like that.

I run my fingers through his blonde hair, "Rose" he said in a low husky voice, the way he always did when he wanted me to bloody melt under his touch.

His hands travelled down my sides until they were both resting on the small of my back and with that he brought my hips to his, we were standing so close we could move as one.

It was dangerous.

His kisses made there was to the underside of my jaw until his lips were only millimetres apart, I could feel the heat coming right off them, "What about Kate?" He asks me guiltily.

He laughs silently; I could feel the vibrations from his chest, "Since when did you care?" I said and he ran his lips across mine.

It made me weak; I had shown weakness in front of Malfoy.

His tongue played in my mouth until I decided to join the battle, both of our tongues wanting to win the fight which turned the whole situation into one giant ball of lust. We pulled apart only briefly to look at each other but when I met his eyes I couldn't help but feel hurt, I began to pout and I bit my lip, "I'll do that" he said as he pulled at my lower lip with his teeth.

We started at it again, once more the lust overtaking all morals I ever had and his long fingers travelled to the edge of my shirt and upwards, making small circles on my bare stomach.

But I was pushing it, and he had to draw a line, "Maybe we should stop?" he says while short of breath.

Malfoy pulls away, "Yeah, I think so," I say, he still nips at my neck "You have a girlfriend"

He nods, "Yes I do"

We stand there for a bit awkwardly before he speaks again, "Stay with me tonight" he says with a small smile.

I shake my head and walk towards the end of the aisle, "I can't, you have a girlfriend" I say but he grabs my arm as it swings back and yanks me towards him.

"You're mad" I say to him, it's a fact. He's pissed.

"No shit!" he says.

He looks at me but I don't want to meet his eyes, "You knew what this involved, if you didn't want to be here you wouldn't be" I snap.

He shakes his head, "Well hex me for being so fucking cut up about you that I'd settle for this"

"Scorpius…" I whisper.

But he just stands there glaring, "Look, I care for Kate, but because you were so fucking stubborn, you and I aren't bloody together, and now, I'm cheating on my girlfriend with a girl who could have been my girlfriend!"

I turn and throw my hands up in the air, "You had the chance to call this off! You had the fucking chance to call whatever it is you have with her off too!"

He snorts, "As if, you bloody know I don't have the willpower"

"Stop making this my fault Malfoy" I warn him.

He just laughs without humour, "And then, when I ask you to spend the night with me you throw Kate back in my face. Trying to make me feel guilty"

I shrug, "Al will be getting pissed off, I still feel guilty for dragging him around"

"You know fuck all about guilt Weasley"

Al looks livid as usual when he keeps watch for us, "I'm angry at you!" he says pointing to Malfoy behind me.

He smirks, "How could you be mad at this?" he asks while gesturing to himself.

Git.

Al shakes his head and starts walking towards the door, "Idiots!" he snaps.

"Same time tomorrow Al?" Malfoy laughs and looks at me.

Tears are forming.

Malfoy looks at me, "You don't have the fucking right to cry Rose, not after all those times I gave you the chance" he says to me.

Because he had given me a million chances.

The one time I decide to do something about it, it was too late.

Mum and Dad look at me as though looking for an answer, "We just don't want you to get hurt Bud, that's all" Dad says to me.

I nod, "Yeah I know"


Lily waves as Lysander, Luna and Rolf leave, "Merlin, to think I'm going to have to wait a whole five days before I see him again. OMG, I think my heart is breaking"

I cover my mouth in mock shock, "OMG! What will you do? FYI WTF!" I say to her.

She looks at me like I'm crazy; I'm not crazy… yet… "FYI? WTF? What are you talking about?" she asks me like I'm stupid.

I laugh, "Never mind" I say to her.

She jumps on to the couch and drags me with her, her and Lysander have it so good, to think at her age, fifteen or whatever, she's found someone good, "Lil's, do you think you'll be with Lysander forever?" I ask her.

I'm thinking about forever already? She laughs, "I don't know, but for now we're good" she says.

And that's a good enough answer, you can't guarantee forever, but for now is still pretty long depending.

"How about you and Malfoy?" she asks.

I shrug, "I could probably tell you if we were actually together" I say.

She starts nodding. "Well there's a start" she laughs.

"You know what Lily, it's been better talking to you in these two minutes than it has been talking to everyone else and trying to get half-arsed advice from their mouths in two hours" I tell her honestly.

"OMG, really? Well, cool!" she says flicking her dead straight red hair back in a way that reminds me of when I was her age.

A year younger than I am now.

Lily sighs and leans back on the couch, "I think James needs help again Rose" she tells me, and in a way, I agree.

I'm still not dead sold on Rora yet.

I pat her on the knee; it must be hard to watch your brother become something that's not really him.

Depression eats you up and spits you back out.

But I don't have time to worry about him at the moment because I can hear my Mum calling for Hugo and I so it must be time to go home.

"I'll see you tomorrow Lil's!" I say to her and I give her a hug.

She gives a brief smile. "Have fun with Scorpius" she says.

Shit.


We get home and somehow Al has convinced Mum and Dad to let him stay.

"Don't you raid my plate in the middle of the night boy!" Dad says to Al while pointing at a plate that had a lot of Christmas food piled on it.

It was making me hungry, but food wasn't an option today, I had realized that even with a break in the throwing up department, it didn't necessarily mean that it was over.

I hadn't thought much about Malfoy coming to stay, most of my thoughts had been stuck on the fact that I had been falling for him all over again.

It was like a regular occurrence, it happened at least once every year.

Now I'm standing there and watching Mum, Dad and Al talk it's weird, I feel out of this world as though I'm watching them from the outside. The outside looking in.

The reason why I feel like this is because I'm having a hard time thinking about Malfoy and how he's going to be here tomorrow afternoon.

I've got until tomorrow afternoon to think about what I'm going to say to him and how it's going to work out.

And as much as I hate to admit it, I'm getting pretty fucking upset about it.

I have to go to my room and lock the door, and yes, maybe I'll even cry about, that's how messed up this all is.

I all but sprint to my bedroom when the tears come.

I slam the door which I realize is a bad idea because it would make my exit obvious, I take a deep breath "Fuck!" I say in a hiss.

"Fuck fuck fuck!" I say over and over while slapping my face lightly.

I hear my door open and click shut, "What's wrong Rose?" Al asks.

I wipe away my tears and look at him, "I love him Al" I say and he takes me into his arms.

His hug is strange, like it wasn't going to do the trick, only Malfoy's could, "I know Bud, but it's up to you to do something, poor bloke's been trying to get through to you for ages"

I nod, "I know, we're both so… fucked" I say to him.

Al laughs, "You're telling me!"

I sniff and step away from him, classily wiping my nose on my sleeve, "What should I say?"

Al smiles and puts his hands together, "Let's get this speech sorted"


"So you do it on your own now, go" Al says.

I open my mouth to say what he wants to hear but I can't, "You know, I feel stupid doing this"

He shrugs, "You wanted help!"

I nod, right he was, "Malfoy—"

"Scorpius!" he corrects.

"Erm, right, Scorpius, I've been thinking hard about us—oh god Al, I can't do this when you're miming the words" it was getting irritating watching him watch me repeat something back to him.

He shakes his head, "Get on with it mama!"

I snigger, "Dick, ok, Scorpius, I've been thinking hard about us and I think we've been stupid and immature—no—you know what Al? I'm just going to say what comes to my mind"

Al smiles at me, "Good"

I take a breath and run my fingers through my hair just like Malfoy would have, "You know? This is like a love gun, one through the head, made me crazy, another through my heart, made me fall in love, and yet, I'm not dead. In fact I feel real good"

"You are crazy; this isn't helping you think about what to say to Malfoy woman!"

On top of thinking about what I was going to say to Malfoy after I realized I was actually in love with him, I had to think about him actually staying at my house.

And to put the cherry on top, our kid was now four months closer.

(A/N) yes, I know, another filler chapter, but that's ok you know why?

Because next chapter, Scorpius is there!

And you know what else?

I'm going to update in two days!

Yes! So you don't have to wait for Rose to tell Scorpius her true feelings!

In this chapter and the last chapter I just wanted you all to get a feel of the family and James' new love interest, Rora, because like I said, she's actually a very important character in the sequel!

Yes that's right guys! Sequel! I had to make one or we'd never know what their kid was like!

Speaking of kid, gender and name suggestions everyone!

Be pure awesomeness and leave a review saying what gender you want the baby to be and what you want it named! You see, I never had the chance to name my son, so, I'm giving you guys the chance to name Rose's!

It's up to you my precious!

Remember, reviews are my only payments! And they make me happy when I'm sitting here all alone because my son has gone away for the weekend I miss him! And I still can't believe that he'll be at school soon.

Pre-pre-pppp-preview!

She moaned and bucked against me, shit. "take off your shirt" she demanded.

Did I want to because she wanted me to? No.

Did I want to because I couldn't resist her? Yes.

OH MY GOD WHAT ARE THEY DOING?

Update will be the 22nd of May 2011