This one is... special and includes the words rhinestone penis.
A tense silence hung over the dining room table, which could only mean one thing. It was Friday night.
The three women sitting around the table kept their focus on their own plates. Every so often, though, Emily felt compelled to glare at her daughter across the table. It was hard to ignore the elephant in the room.
Or rather, the rhinestone penis in the room.
Every time Emily stared daggers at Lorelai, she just shrugged like she had done nothing wrong. As far as Lorelaii was concerned, she had done her job. It was Friday night and she was having dinner at her parents, even though the nice buffer that was her father was gone for the evening, no doubt having a much more pleasant dinner in whatever city he was doing business in that week.
Rory knew in situations like this she was supposed to be her mom's buffer, but she had spent the evening staring at her chicken piccata. Instead of acknowledging the tension between her mom and grandma she tried to hide some of the capers that dotted her dinner. She had done her part at home, trying to convince her mom not to wear a t-shirt adorned with male genitalia. Look where that had gotten her.
After more than twelve minutes of the only sounds being forks scraping against plates, a faint beeping came from outside. Lorelai ignored it at first, but the sound kept getting closer to the house. "I think someone's in the driveway, Mom," Lorelai said. "You want me to send the guard dogs after them?"
"No, it's just the tow truck," Emily said, as if that was a common occurrence.
"Is something wrong with your car, Grandma?" Rory asked, glad to finally have something to talk about.
Emily neatly sliced a roasted potato and chewed slowly. "No, it's for your mother's car," she said.
"You cannot tow my car, Mother," Lorelai said, pacing back and forth in front of the living room windows. The tow truck driver had already told her that since her car was on private property, she had no say in whether or not it got towed. Lorelai was certain Emily had slipped him some extra money.
"You heard the driver, Lorelai. It's my property and I can do as I wish. And since you were willing to disrespect me in my home, I thought that a punishment should be in order." She took a sip of wine, looking completely relaxed on the couch.
Lorelai sighed. "I wasn't trying to disrespect you. It's laundry day."
Emily eyed Rory's dress. "Rory looks perfectly lovely," she said. "Are you saying you couldn't scrape together anything besides that horrible shirt?"
"Rory wears a uniform for five-sevenths of her week," Lorelai pointed out. "And though you may find it hard to believe, I do dress up for work every day."
Emily sniffed. "I'm sure you do. I'm also sure you could have borrowed something appropriate from Rory."
"I tried to keep my coat on," Lorelai said. "If you had let me keep my coat on you never would have known."
"It's not proper to keep your coat on indoors."
"It's not proper to have your guest's car towed when you disagree with their clothing!"
"I miss Grandpa," Rory said to no one in particular. Neither Emily nor Lorelai noticed.
"You do realize that without my car I can't get home and then you'll have to look at my shirt all night, right?" Lorelai asked, walking over to the bar to pour herself a martini. When she saw the look Emily was giving her, she added a little extra to her glass. "What? It's not like I'm driving."
"For heaven's sake, Lorelai. I'm not holding you prisoner. You can take a cab." Emily said it with the air of someone who had never had to pay for a 30 mile cab ride. Not that it would have made much difference to her.
Lorelai threw up her hands in frustration. "Yes, because I brought $100 cash to dinner tonight. I don't have the money to pay for a cab, Mother."
"Well, that's not my fault," Emily said. She produced a gardening magazine from out of nowhere and began to flip through the pages.
Lorelai said down directly across from her, drawing her shoulders back to make her shirt as prominent as possible. "So, this is going to be the rest of our evening then," she said.
"I guess so," Emily said, not even looking up from her magazine. Lorelai twisted in her seat a little, wondering if she could somehow catch the light with the rhinestones on her shirt and direct it toward Emily. "Lorelai, do you need to use the bathroom?"
"No, I'm not leaving you alone again," Lorelai said. "You might decide to call and have the Jeep compacted if I leave the room. When did you call them, anyway?"
"When I went to check on the first course."
Of course. Lorelai should have known something was up when Emily had willingly left the room to check on the maid. "Well played," she said begrudgingly.
Emily looked startled at receiving even a small amount of approval from Lorelai. "Where did you get such a heinous shirt anyway?" she asked.
"It was a gag gift from Sookie when I was engaged to Max," Lorelai said. "She gave it to me after my bachelorette party. You were there," she reminded her mom.
"Yes, I remember," Emily said. Her frosty tone had softened. "Places like that aren't usually my taste, but that was a lovely night."
Now it was Lorelai's turn to look stunned. She had assumed her mother had immediately erased the drag club from her memory. "Thanks, Mom," she said, touched.
"I had the truck drive move your car around the corner," Emily confessed. Lorelai might have thought so, but she wasn't cruel enough to actually prevent her daughter and granddaughter from getting home. "You can go, if you'd like. It's getting late."
For a second, Lorelai hesitated. It was rare that Friday night dinners that started with a fight ended on a good note. She wanted to say something to preserve the pleasant atmosphere until next week. She was about to compliment the dinner when Emily spoke up again. "And if I ever see you in clothing with a penis on it again, I'm going to do a lot more than have your car towed."
Ten miles outside of Hartford, the Jeep was silent except for the radio playing. Rory and Lorelai both stared straight ahead, trying to process exactly what had just happened at dinner.
"My mother said penis," Lorelai said, finally breaking the silence halfway home.
"Yep," Rory agreed. She wasn't sure she would be able to look at her grandma the same way again next Friday.
"I feel dirty.
"Yep."
Lorelai flipped on her blinker and pulled off the highway at the next exit. "I need a coffee," she announced.
Rory nodded. "A double espresso with a shot of bleach."
