Chapter 12: Poison and Wine
I wish you'd hold me when I turn my back
The less I give the more I get back
Oh your hands can heal, your hands can bruise
I don't have a choice but I'd still choose you
Oh I don't love you but I always will
- The Civil Wars
Brooke walked through the doors with a new outlook on life. This was senior year and she definitely needed it to be different. First off, no more fights, verbal and definitely not physical. The stress wouldn't be good for the baby and obviously physical could hurt the baby. No one knew yet of course. She was only a few months along so you couldn't really see anything.
She had finally accepted she would be having and keeping this baby and the fact Lucas was the baby's father. She didn't want him in her life but now he would be there forever and she understands that now. Brooke already felt a great love for the baby that grew inside her and felt a protection towards it that she had never felt before.
When she made it to her locker she could already feel the stares on her and she wondered if some crazy way they all found out, but then she heard the whispers get louder when a body was next to her and she automatically knew they were talking about the break up that had occurred. Many had spoken of what broke up the crazy couple and the main rumor was that he had caught her in bed with some random guy at a party.
If only they really knew.
Brooke let them think what they wanted to think because she didn't feel like fighting them and she surely didn't want them knowing the humiliating truth.
"Are you okay?" He whispered and Brooke glared at him.
It had only been a few weeks but the wounds were still very fresh and every time Brooke saw Lucas she didn't know if she wanted to break down and cry, punch him to a bloody pulp, or pull him into the closest room. She hated to admit that she missed him after what he did to her but she did. She missed him so damn much that it hurt.
"Stay away from me," Brooke hissed at him slamming the locker.
"I'm just trying to be nice,"
"Nice would have been you never coming near me," Brooke snapped turning and leaving him with a sad expression.
Lucas had hated the last few weeks. Every time he saw Brooke he wanted to just beg for forgiveness and tell her how much he loved her but he never did. He knew she deserved best and always bothering her wasn't going to be good for the baby. It was a scary thought, being seventeen and having a baby on the way.
She needed to have a stress free pregnancy and it didn't help with all these people staring at her and he could hear what people were saying about her, they called her whore, they called her slut. They snipped at her that she was crazy to let him go.
"You hear what happened?" Lucas happened to listen in on as two junior boys passed him. He watched their line of eyesight stay planted on Brooke who stood next to Rachel at the other end of the hallway.
"I heard she cheated on him,"
"Apparently she had the whole relationship and now she is pregnant but doesn't know who the dad is," The second boy laughed.
Once they got to Brooke the first boy muttered under his breath, "Slut" and laughed.
Brooke looked down at her hands and started to play with them while Rachel glared at the back of their heads and Lucas couldn't handle it. He wasn't going to let them pick her apart so he strolled up to them grabbing the blond that had called her a slut by the collar and slammed him into a nearby locker.
"If you're smart, you won't talk about her or even look at her," Lucas released the boy who fell to the floor and was stupid enough to keep talking.
"Why are you looking out for her Scott? She's the whore that cheated, not you man"
Lucas turned to look at Brooke who kept her eyes downcast at her hands and Lucas just spun and gave the blond a hard kick to the stomach.
"Stay away from her,"
Lucas walked away glancing at Brooke who refused to even look at him. He didn't think acting like losing her didn't bother him would be this hard, but it was proving to be. He hated that he was the one looked at as the victim and gaining pity when obviously he had hurt her.
He hoped she didn't though, he hoped she didn't care for him as much he had cared for her because then he could at least know that she wasn't hurting, maybe he is the only one that has the gnawing pain that wouldn't let up and only increased when she was in sight.
He wished she didn't feel that.
He didn't know she wished he felt it because then maybe that meant he cared for her.
Neither would know what the other wished.
She had known them both forever and always wanted them both to be happy. Before Brooke moved there, she waited for the day he met a girl that didn't laugh at his jokes. A girl that made him fall to his knees and beg for the chance with her.
They were only fourteen.
And then Brooke Davis moved to town. At first, he didn't admit it; admit that she got under his skin. Everyone saw it though. The way they exchanged looks even when they were younger and 'hated' each other. The way Lucas would go out of his way to interact with her. The second they got together no one ever expected them to part. Of course people wanted them to because they wanted them for themselves.
"What do I owe the pleasure?"
Rachel smiled and took a seat in a chair that at one point she probably sat in.
"I came to talk"
"About?"
"I miss my best friend…" Rachel shrugged picking at her jeans.
"I know, we should have a girl hang out this weekend. Just me, you, Peyt, and Quinn," Brooke said flipping through a file.
"Good. Oh, I heard about the fight. What was it about?" Rachel asked referring to the fight between Tyree and Charlie.
"Oh you know, Red Franklin… Duke Taggaro" Brooke shrugged.
"Wait, my Duke?" Rachel asked.
"Oh, you know another Duke Taggaro? Weird," Brooke said sarcastically.
"Don't be a bitch. Why were they fighting about my son?"
"You remember that thing we thought happened between certain Scott and Taggaro?" Brooke asked and Rachel nodded, "Yeah, that happened,"
"They…"
"Yup,"
Rachel slumped in the chair. "Oh my god, my son likes a Scott,"
"Hey! My daughter liking a Taggaro is no better!" Brooke argued.
"What is that supposed to mean?"
"Your son is the product of Felix and you…"
Rachel sat there for a second before getting an understanding look on her face. "Oh poor Charlie,"
Brooke let out a loud laugh. "Yeah, and I got Davis completely head over heels with Alice Parker and I got Tyree denying feelings for Theresa's daughter… where did I go wrong?"
"We should be asking where Alice and Red's parents when wrong… and me,"
"There is nothing wrong with caring for-" Brooke cut herself to think about her own times with caring for a Scott.
Brooke sat in the hospital bed freaking out. She wasn't ready. She didn't have anything ready and she wasn't ready to be a mom. She was scared and she didn't know what to do and everyone in her family had tried to calm her down and had yet worked. Even Nathan tried and the only thing that helped was when she threw a bed pan at his head and it made her laugh when he yelped in pain.
A small part of her wanted to know where Lucas was. He was the father and should be here but she had yet to see him and part of her was completely pissed about that. Just as she started to curse him in her mind- because that always made her feel better- he walked in. Well, ran in.
"Are you okay?" He asked speeding up to her and Brooke seemed to have lost her hating attitude towards him. Maybe it was the drugs that made her shake her head and look at him with scared eyes.
"I don't want to do it, Lucas" She whimpered.
"Brooke,"
"I'm not ready Lucas. I'm not ready to be a mom," She said shaking her head and he sat on the bed.
"It's more than that, isn't it?" He asked and she nodded with a trembling lip.
"What if I am a bad mom? What if I'm like him, Lucas? I don't want baby living with that and what if I'm just like him?"
Lucas grabbed her face gently and Brooke blinked the tears away. "You're not. You're Brooke Davis. Badass of Tree Hill-,"
"That's not a good quality to have Lucas" She said placing her hands comfortably on his arms.
"You didn't let me finish. You're Brooke Davis, yeah the badass of Tree Hill. You are also the girl that protects people when they don't deserve it. You find good in everyone. You are caring, you are strong and determined and very competitive. You are selfless. All that makes a good mom, especially determined because you are going to prove everyone wrong." He finished wiping her tears away.
"Aren't you scared?"
"Oh I'm scared shitless" He quipped making her laugh, "But we're gonna be okay. We are gonna give this kid the best life. Because he is part Davis making him part badass," He shrugged and she laughed.
"I'm ready,"
Brooke watched Lucas get up to go get the doctor and she missed his touch. She'd never admit to anyone on how Lucas even now made her feel but it pissed her off a small amount he could still make her feel this way even after seven months of them being broken up.
"Brooke?" Rachel said snapping Brooke out of her thoughts and giving a scowl.
"You're right. Loving a Scott sucks," Brooke sighed not noticing the huge meaning behind the small comment.
Rachel's eyes grew wide at the confession and stared at Brooke as she continued to look through her notes. Rachel sat up in her chair with her mouth hanging open. Of course everyone knew how Brooke felt about Lucas but to hear her actually come out and say it was just amazing.
"You just admitted it," Rachel said astonished.
"Admitted what?" Brooke asked.
"You love him. You love Lucas Scott!"
"Umm, no I don't," Brooke said confused on what was happening.
"No, no you just said and I quote, 'loving a Scott sucks,'" Rachel smiled.
"I didn't mean it like that, Rach"
"Yeah you did," Rachel grinned.
"Well even if I did, it's gone now" Brooke shrugged.
"Are you sure?" Rachel asked and Brooke finally looked at Rachel and shrugged once again.
"Yeah,"
"Why'd you guys break up?" Rachel asked.
Rachel always asked and Brooke always gave a bullshit answer to get off the topic.
"I broke up with him," Brooke cleared and Rachel nodded.
"I didn't know that," Rachel said.
"No one knew that,"
"Why?"
"It wasn't because I found out I was pregnant,"
"Brooke, tell me,"
"I can't," Brooke said and she truly couldn't.
Telling would open a can of worms because she would ask if Felix knew and Brooke was ninety- nine percent sure he did know. She wasn't going to screw them up because she knew Felix was most likely the one that didn't want it to happen and he probably only knew because he just happened to be sitting there when it was arranged.
"Can you tell me anything?"
"It doesn't show Lucas in a great light," Brooke shrugged.
"That's all I'm getting?"
"Yeah,"
"If you hate him so much why do you protect Brooke?" Rachel asked her and Brooke thought long and hard on her answer.
There could probably be thousand reasons why she kept what happened a secret.
Protect herself.
Hide the humiliation.
It would piss off a lot of people.
It is in the past.
She didn't want her kids knowing.
But even Brooke knew the one reason that was small but there that it made her want to throw things at him when he walked into a room. She tried so hard to hide it. To hide the feelings she felt for him, but Rachel just had to bring it up and ask about it. Ask what her feelings were and because of it, that small reason slapped her in the face and now that she knew it was never going to go away.
The feeling felt like the first time she felt it. And she thought the same thing. Like when you see the arrow on a FedEx truck. It was there, it had always been there and always will be there. And just like last time she wondered how it happened so quick. It wasn't like he was nice or different but maybe because she saw him over the last twenty years as the real Lucas Scott. Not the one that was after something.
Because underneath all the hate she felt for him was that feeling that he made her feel. Even though he was an ass that didn't care about her.
But one thing that was different that it didn't make her happy. It made her want to run to a bathroom and bawl her eyes out. It made her want to scream out why him? She wanted to bad to hate him and she had a feeling of dread realizing that she never could truly hate him. Not really. And she hated it because even though she could never hate him, she knew she could never trust him. But it didn't make it go away. It was still there making her heart race.
"Because I love him" Brooke admitted completely contradicting her earlier statement.
And for once Rachel Taggaro née Gatina was completely speechless.
You only know what I want you to
I know everything you don't want me to
Oh your mouth is poison, your mouth is wine
You think your dreams are the same as mine
Oh I don't love you but I always will
Oh I don't love you but I always will
Oh I don't love you but I always will
I always will
I wish you'd hold me when I turn my back
The less I give the more I get back
Oh your hands can heal, your hands can bruise
I don't have a choice but I'd still choose you
Oh I don't love you but I always will
Oh I don't love you but I always will
Oh I don't love you but I always will
Oh I don't love you but I always will
Oh I don't love you but I always will
Oh I don't love you but I always will
Oh I don't love you but I always will
I always will
I always will
I always will
I always will
I always will
I personally think this song is just perfect for them. It has that whole I am going to hide how I feel about you but I feel it. And the whole I don't have a choice but I still choose you… kind of how Brooke really doesn't want to love him but she knows that even if she had a choice she would still love for the horrible idiot he is.
i know the chapter is short but i wanted it to end here because it would lose meaning if i jumped to something else quickly after her confession. But dont think it is all sunshine and rainbows because she loves. She is still super pissed off and isnt even sure if she can forgive him for what he did.
