Chapter Twelve

Disclaimer: I own nothing but my original characters. Don't sue my pants off please.


The door of the Authoresses' room flies open and hits the wall with a sharp thud. Zoey marches in, followed by a pissy looking Paul. Zoey goes straight to the bed and grabs the Authoress by the hair, and yanks her half out of bed. She sputters awake, and tries to make sense of what's happening.

"Bitch, it's been over a month. Get your ass up and write an update!" Zoey gestures back to Paul, "We've been stuck not together, but obviously getting together this whole time. We make out, but aren't an official couple because you friggin' can't update regularly! Get it together, and give us something to work with, or I'll kick your ass."

Paul crosses his arms and glares before saying, "You could always shoot her, you know, since she wrote you as a badass with a concealed carry and gun."

"If I kill her, how's she gonna finish the frickin' fic?"

"Well, then shoot her in the leg or something. People don't die from that, right?"

"Whoa, whoa, whoa! Are you forgetting something here? I'm the writer, which means I decide what happens. Probably not a good idea to shoot me, unless you want a tragic end. Hmm, maybe I could send a nice Mary Sue your way? Or maybe your best friend Dakota can visit and fall in love with a sparkle-pire? Do I sense angst in your future?" The Authoress bluffs.

"Zoe, babe, back off. I can't deal with a Mary Sue or angst. We have enough shit that's bound to happen already, seeing as this is an imprint fic..." Paul says nervously.

"No! She's bluffing!- wait, imprint? What the hell is an-" Zoey argues.

"Erm, nothing, baby.." Paul sputters.

"Bluffing? Am I? Bitch, I OWN you. Read the disclaimer!" the Authoress says as she points up to it. "And I might just feel like REWRITING you. Hmm, how do you feel about the name "Rosalina Elizabeth Marie Sapphire Hermione Zoey Jessica Aurelia May Tourmaline Ebony "? Do you want fuchsia hair and violet eyes? And you could talk to animals- or better yet, you could be a MERMAID! Ha!" The Authoress taunts triumphantly.

"Y-You wouldn't. Not a SUE!" Zoey trembles.

"That's what you think. I could parody or write you into an awful crossover so fast you'd get whiplash! And I've got dozens of female main character outlines saved in Microsoft word who would kill to be written into a story! Now go get me some coffee, or someone has a tragic car accident!" The Authoress crows.

"Y-Yes ma'am."

"Hmph. See what happens when you give a O.C. a perfectly good plot, detailed past, and make them all independent and feminist? They get uppity and think they run the show." The Authoress mutters to herself as she powers up her computer.

***************************Meanwhile, on with our tale******************************

A few hours later, I finished my grueling workout, sweat covered and smelly. I made my way to the bathroom and stepped into a blissfully cold shower. I took my time, relishing the cool water rolling down my skin. I shampooed my hair and applied my vanilla scented deep conditioner and swept my hair up into a messy topknot. Humming errantly, I began to exfoliating and shaving. I had just stepped out of the shower and was patting myself dry when I became aware of the phone ringing.

Clutching the damp towel around myself, I stumbled out to answer it. It was a woman I had never met, someone named Emily. She had a beautiful voice and was calling to welcome me to the bonfire. We chatted for a while, and I asked if she needed me to bring anything. She didn't, but I insisted on bringing a dessert.

Walking into my bedroom, I shed my towel and pulled the closet open. I was struck with the knowledge that I'd never been to a bonfire. What does one wear? Mystified, I reached for the phone to call Kim just as she burst into the room.

"We have to talk wardrobe! Hey, is that a hickey?" She said rapidly.

"W-Wwhat? No!" I exclaimed, clapping a hand to my neck.

"Ha, ha, got you!"

"Very mature, Kimmie."

"I told you not to call me THAT!"

Kim helped me pick an appropriate outfit and throw together a cheesecake. Just then, I noticed the blinking answering machine light.

"Hey, did you call earlier?" I asked Kim.

"No.."

"Hmm. I wonder who did…" I said as I pressed the flashing button. Paul's voice soon filled the room.

"Zoe, I just got home, and I realized I can't stop thinking about you. I mean, for Christ's sake, I almost blinded Jarred with drain snake because I wasn't paying attention. He was pretty pissed about that. Which is understandable. I mean, no one wants that. And now I'm rambling into your answering machine like a prick. The point is, that I'm trying to say, is I miss you. I know I sound like a freaking stalker, because I just saw you- hell, I had you pressed up between a wall and a hard place a few hours ago, if you know what I mean. Oh fuck, I just realized I didn't even tell you who this is. This is Paul, by the way. Now I'm going to hang up before this gets any more embarrassing."

*BEEP*

Kim and I look at each other for a minute, before simultaneously bursting into laughter.

"A wall and a hard place?" Kim asked teasingly. "Is there something you haven't told me?"

"Oh shut up. Is this typical Paul?" I asked her, still laughing.

"Actually, he's never gotten this crazy about one girl before." She replied.

She settled down at the bar to repaint her nails, and I grabbed my pack of cigarettes and headed out to the patio for a smoke.

When I re-enter, Kim's blowing on her wet nails and glaring at me.

"What?" I ask melodramatically.

"You shouldn't smoke, you know. It's bad for you." She harped.

"Yeah, so are saturated fats. You've got to die somehow." I wisecracked.

She humphed. "Jesus, you're just like him. Which I find hilarious."

"Who?"

"Paul."

"Oh, I'm sure-"

"Really? You don't believe me? Let's see. You listen to the same music, like the same foods, both smoke and can drink like fishes. You would both willingly pick a fight, and win a brawl. You have the same microscopic temper. And you both have Daddy issues, and problems with obeying authority figures."

"I do NOT brawl."

"Zoe, you carry a *gun*. And out of that list, the only thing you take offence to is brawling?"

"Whatever. So, how do you know Paul so well?"

"It's a small rez, Zoey. Everyone knows everyone, and most of us grew up together."

"Tell me all about Paul. I'm calling girl code on this one."

"Nope. Get to know him yourself. You'll thank me for it later."

"What? Why-"

"Just trust me on this. 'Kay?"

"Sure…You ready to go?"

Soon we were packed in the car and on our way.


As I nervously climbed out of the car, I clutched the cheesecake like a life preserver.

"I can't do this. I can't do this."

"Do what?" Kim asked as she roughly shoved me forward.

"I-I don't know, but I can't do it." I sputtered.

"Bitch, move your ass. I spent too long doing your hair for no one to see it!" She utters as she shoves me into the front door.

I stumble inside, and am immediately surrounded by a group of huge and familiar guys, who all began grabbing at the cheesecake. While I'm trying to fend them off, another woman appears, wielding a wooden spoon. The guys immediately back off laughing. I instantly recognize the woman as Emily, as she says hello and leads me to the kitchen to stow my dessert in the fridge. I offer to help cook or something, and she just smiles and shoos me out, telling me to go find the "boys".

Last time I checked, none of them are boys! They're freakin' huge! But, hey, whatever.

Pushing myself back into the flow of people, I decide to try to find Kim. It takes a while, but eventually I find her, where else, but with Jared and a large group of guys. Instantly, I'm pulled into the group, and somehow end up next to Paul, with his arm wrapped around me. Kim was talking about a show she wanted to go see and the boys were all ignoring her to talk about a new horror movie they all wanted to see. The chatter continued for a while longer until Jared cleared his throat, and everyone froze. Suddenly, he was down on one knee and holding out a ring to Kim.


Endnote: I'm so sorry it's been so long! Harry Potter came out, then I went on vacation, and then school started and I just didn't have that much time! So I give you five pages for the neglect you have suffered. But I'm sorry it end on a sort of Cliff hanger. We all know what's going to happen though.

What did you guys think of the beginning? I wrote it to kind of get past my writers block, and it worked really well. I thought it was funny, how 'bout you guys? Review = love. Oh and I've done a ton of other short pieces lately! Check out my profile! 3