Chapter XII

"You can open your eyes now," he told her, giving her hand a gentle squeeze.

She allowed her eyes to flutter open, gasping slightly as she took in the scene before her.

Both she and Will stood on the balcony at his apartment, the cool summer evening settling softly around them. On the porch, Will had arranged a candlelit dinner for two, so perfect that it could've been taken straight out of a romantic movie.

On a bench near the end of the balcony, Will had set up his iPod and speakers. As he reached for the music player, Frank Sinatra's deep tenor filled the background.

Emma giggled, turning to smile widely at Will. "This is perfect."

Will smiled in return, taking her gently in his arms as they began to sway to the music. "Not as perfect as you."

She giggled again. Though often a corny romantic, his unfailing sweetness never failed to make her smile. She tucked her head beneath his neck as they continued to dance slowly. "So what do I owe this wonderful surprise to? I didn't think today was a special occasion..."

"Since when do I need a special occasion to serenade you?" he joked, his lips brushing against her ear as he spoke softly. A tingle shot up her spine. No matter how accustomed she grew to his touch, it never failed to electrify her. "But really, we've been dating for about a month now, and though I don't want to treat this like a petty high school relationship by making a huge deal out of each milestone, I thought it will still be nice to do something a little special."

She smiled into his neck. "It's perfect," she assured him again.

They swayed for a moment longer until Emma felt Will's stomach grumble against hers. "What's for dinner?" she asked, grinning once again.

"Pasta with pesto," he told her, leading her to the candlelit table.

She smiled. It was a filling dish without including meat or dairy, which usually repulsed Emma in most meals. They ate in silence for a moment, Will quickly filling his ravenous stomach while Emma daintily picked at her own.

"Thank you, Will," she said softly, watching him in the dim glow of the candlelit.

"No thank you," Will told her, taking another helping of pasta as Emma still continued to work on her first.

"For what?" she muttered, chewing thoughtfully.

"For letting me be such a big part of your life," he told her. "This past month has been wonderful...I haven't felt this good in a long, long time."

"It's been great for me to," she told him, taking a small sip of wine. "You've made being in a relationship more enjoyable...and comfortable, than I ever could've imagined."

He smiled at her, reaching into his pocket to produce a small jewelry case. Her heart accelerated for a moment, her mind flashing where she had only gone in her wildest fantasies—fantasies she wasn't even sure she wanted to make a reality.

"Don't worry," he chuckled, watching as her eyes widened in panic and surprise. "This is nothing significant." He winked at her.

She relaxed, allowing herself to chuckle faintly as he handed the box to her. She carefully opened it, revealing a dragonfly pin resting inside. The wings were embedded with tiny multicolored crystals that glowed in the faint shimmer of the candle flame.

"Oh, Will," she muttered, smiling at the quirky pin. It was perfect. So perfect, that she found herself growing flustered from his unfailing generosity. "You shouldn't have...and if this is technically our one month anniversary, it isn't fair, because I didn't get you anything..."

"Don't worry about it, Em," he assured her with a chuckle. "And if it makes you feel any better, I didn't spend any money on it. It was my grandmother's...Terri has most of her jewelry now, but this was one of the pieces I still had...and I thought of you immediately when I saw it."

She smiled, fingering the tiny gems. "I love it," she assured him. "I love it, really, I do."

She closed the box, tucking it gently into her mauve purse that matched her musky purple dress.

After cleaning up the dishes—a task Emma refused to let wait—Will led her back to the balcony. The music continued to play softly as Will took her back in his arms.

"I love you," she whispered. The words never felt old or overused when they left her lips.

He bent over to press his lips softly to hers. He was no longer as hesitant and careful, finally initiating the kisses Emma craved. She tasted the spearmint flavor from the mint she always insisted they use after eating, lacing with his own unique taste she could never properly describe.

The music was soon forgotten as Will molded his mouth against hers, bringing his hand back behind her her head as he tangled his fingers through her hair. A sigh escaped her mouth as she parted her lips, a thrill of panic pulsing through her as his tongue slipped in. She suppressed her panic, instead focusing on the intense pleasure his touch shot through her body. Her knees trembled slightly as he deepened the kiss.

"You okay, Em?" Will asked, breaking his lips apart from hers as she continued to shake.

"Yeah, I-I'm f-f-fine," she tried to assure him, her teeth clanging together as she continued to shake.

"Take a deep breath, Em," he tried to calm her, leading her into the living room to sit her down on the couch.

"I'm f-fine," she tried again, fighting to arrange herself in his lap.

"You're shaking like a leaf, Emma," Will told her, beginning to rub hesitant circles around her back.

"It's okay, W-will," she muttered, pressing her lips against his neck. "It's just lot, feeling this kind of emotion...but I like it," she insisted, trailing her lips up to the edge of his lips. "I like it a lot."

He cupped her face gently, bringing his lips back down on hers. Another trembling spasm shot through Emma's body. He retreated once again. "Are you sure, Em?"

Tears of frustration brimmed in her eyes. A faint sob escaped her lips as she fought to keep her composure. "I want this, Will...I want it so much."

"I know you do, baby, but we don't have to push it, okay?" he soothed, placing a kiss on her wet cheek as her tears spilled over.

"Can we just try...a little bit more?" she pleaded, wiping away her tears furiously. She arranged herself in his lap, the skirt of her dress bunching up around her thighs as pressed herself against him.

He bit back an argument, dropping the futile topic as Emma brought her lips to his once again. She pushed through another bout of trembling, keeping her body steady as Will's lips trailed across her jaw, burning against her skin.

She shifted in his lap, her dress hiking further up her thighs. Hesitantly, she reached for his hand, placing it deliberately against the bare skin of her leg.

"Emma," he moaned, and she felt him harden beneath her, a wave of panic shooting through her. She composed herself, allowing herself to feel his body against hers. He trailed his hand against the smooth skin of her thigh, stroking her rhythmically as he brought his lips back to hers.

"I want this," she found herself fervently whispering against him,squirming so that her dress rode up even higher, exposing her delicate lace panties.

Will broke away from her, his eyes darting to her to exposed lower region. Emma followed his gaze, looking shyly at her own body as she tried to imagine it from Will's perspective. His hand rested softly on her thigh as he hesitantly caught her gaze, his face flushing deeply.

"It's okay, Will," she muttered, the words almost catching in her throat. She rested her hand on top of his for a moment, letting her eyes lock with his as she pulled it away. He brought his fingers delicately up her leg, tracing the hem of her panties gently.

She quivered, clenching her fists together as he touched her softly. She felt slightly sick as he continued to explore, fighting to keep herself in the present. This was Will; her sweet, compassionate Will who loved her. It was okay for him to touch her—it was okay that she wanted him to touch her.

She held her breath, battling as Will's fingers skimmed across her skin, her nails practically puncturing the skin of her palms. Her body began to shake violently, Will's hand leaving her body faster than she could comprehend.

"I'm sorry, Will," she choked out the words, desperately fighting tears. She did not wish to cry again.

"No, Em, don't apologize," he soothed, pulling her dress down past her thighs before pulling her into his lap. "There's nothing for you to apologize for...I'm the one who should be apologizing."

"You need to stop, Will," she sobbed into his neck. "This isn't your fault. It's my fault. All my fucking fault..."

His eyes widened as the vile word slipped from between her lips. She bit her tongue, her anger and frustration boiling in her core. Her sobs only grew louder. "T-t-tonight was s-s-s-o p-perfect. And I r-ruined everything."

"Emma, baby, you need to stop this. This isn't your fault...there's nothing for either of us to feel guilty about," Will muttered, working his fingers through her hair. "How can I make you stop feeling this guilt?"

She breathed hotly into his neck, gulping in breaths as she calmed herself. "Can we try again?" she whispered, desperate to prove to herself that all the improvement she had made in last month had not been in vain.

"Emma," he sighed, fighting to reason with her.

"Will," she trilled, her voice rising with frustration as she suppressed another onslaught of tears. "I want this. I want—I want to have sex with you."

The words were blunt, sounding strange as they fell from her lips. Will pursed his lips as he answered. "Emma, even if we were both...in the right frame of mind, I wouldn't want us to do this tonight. I don't want our first time to be on a whim...I want it to be because it's the right time, because it's what we both really want."

"But what if I want it now?" she whispered, almost frantically. Her hands twisted around the collar of his shirt; she refused to look at him as she said the words.

"Emma, honey," Will reasoned with her, lifting her chin so he could look her in the eye. "There's no need to rush. You know you don't have to prove anything to me, right?"

"Of course," she told him, her eyes darting away from his face once again. "I know that."

"You don't have to prove anything to yourself, either," he sighed, watching as she squirmed uncomfortably. "Emma, listen to me. Nothing you're doing is wrong...getting scared, feeling unsure...it's normal. I want you to know that."

"But I'm not scared, Will," she pleaded with him, another wave of panic overcoming her. "I'm not scared of you at all."

"Baby, I didn't say that," he told her gently, pulling her securely against his chest. "You were wonderful tonight, and you don't have to feel guilty or upset about anything. I love you so much, you know that, right?"

She nodded into his neck, though her throat still felt tight as she relaxed against him.

"Do you want me to take you home or would you rather stay here tonight?" he asked her after a moment.

Their relationship was entirely unorthodox in every facet. Emma ended up staying with Will most nights, sharing a bed in only the purest sense. She slept better tucked in his arms, and her nightmares became less frequent. And on the nights she was plagued by bad dreams, having Will to pull her gently from them proved to be much easier than trying in vain to do it on her own.

Will had even suggested that Emma could move in with him, but Emma had declined, having a mental block against the whole concept. No matter how safe and comfortable she felt in Will's apartment, she always wanted the option to have her own place to call her own. She had become a fiercely independent woman upon moving to Lima, and though she craved Will's comfort more than anything, she could not come to terms with giving up the controlled, stable environment she had created for herself.

"Stay here," she muttered. She knew her guilt would only be harder to bear if she fell victim to loneliness.

"I'll go change the bed while you shower, okay?" Will told her, pressing a gentle kiss to her temple.

She fought to curve her lips into a smile, thanking him dutifully. It wasn't until she was in the scalding stream of water that she allowed herself to cry once again.

XXXX

"No, Will, that can't go there...it needs to be in alphabetical order..." Emma sighed, glancing at the pile of books stacked on her office floor that still need to be shelved.

"Emma, if we put it in order, we're going to have to rearrange this whole shelf," Will sighed, glancing at the titles of the perfectly aligned books.

Emma bit her lip in frustration, her eyes darting from the book to the already organized shelf. "I suppose...it could go on the next row down."

Will rubbed her arm reassuring as she placed the book at the beginning of the next row, her face twisting into a frustrated expression. As he continued to rub her arm, she willed herself to take in a few deep breaths.

She reached for the next book, placing it beside the previous one. Will smiled, encouraging her. Over the past few months, he had brought up the idea of therapy numerous times. But she insisted that she was fine handling it on her own, and simply having Will by her side made her days easier to handle.

He couldn't argue with her, especially when she was showing improvement. She was more willing to rationalize and compromise when dealing with a messy situation rather than letting her anxiety get the best of her. She was getting more confident in herself as they dared to explore their physical relationship, not breaking down and spiraling into a endless loops of guilt as they continued to work through the obstacles. When she made a mistake, she allowed Will to reason with her, relinquishing her need for utter perfectionism.

She was slowly progressing without the help of therapy, and she relished the control she had found even though her world was gradually changing.

"It looks nice there, on that shelf instead," she dared to say, looking thoughtfully at the shelf.

"That's the way to look at it," Will congratulated her, pecking her cheek as he handed her the next book in the sequence. She smiled, beaming proudly as she took in Will's praise and her own pride for her accomplishment.

Her progression could easily be viewed as infantile, but Emma was so adverse to change that she welcomed these small improvements she could handle with an open mind.

"I can't believe school starts in a week," Emma mumbled as she filled the next shelf, motioning for Will to hand her the stack to start filling the next one.

"This summer did fly by," Will agreed. Will had insisted on helping Emma organize her office this year. She had been hesitant at first, considering her anal tendencies, but his relaxing presence was making the task surprisingly bearable.

As they shelved the last of the books, Emma glanced around the office. A stack of papers, which needed to be filed, rested menacingly on her desk. She sighed, reaching for the pile.

"Em, it's almost four...maybe we should be done for today," Will hesitantly suggested.

She sucked in a breath, a wave of anxiety gripping her chest as she thought about leaving the papers overnight. She wrung her hands nervously, fighting to be reasonable.

"Relax, Em," Will whispered, coming up behind her to gently message her shoulders. His soothing touch soon had her mind muddled.

"Mhmm, Will, that feels so good," she muttered, closing her eyes as his hands strayed to her neck, sweeping her hair away from her skin.

She felt herself loosen considerably as he continued to work at her tense muscles. After a moment, she felt his lips press against her neck, causing a moan to escape her lips.

She turned in his grasp, twisting her arms around his neck so she could bring her lips to his. The force of her passion caused him to stumble backwards as she pushed him up against the glass wall of her office.

"I thought you weren't an advocate of PDA in schools?" Will chuckled, reminding her of the pamphlets—most of which Will had mocked—they had organized earlier in the morning.

"Oh, hush," she whined, hitching her right leg around him. "This doesn't count. School hasn't technically started yet"

He didn't answer as her lips bore down on his. The very taste of him intoxicated her; her worries about her unorganized papers now seemed trivial as she focused all of her energy on his physical touch. He had opened a whole new world for her, and she became more and more confident with herself as he offered her more patience than she was willing to give herself. She woke up each day, feeling blissful and hopeful rather than melancholy and disheartened.

There would be no more pining for him, no more of the disappointment she felt from chasing after an unobtainable man. He was hers now, so fully and utterly hers that the magnitude of the realization was almost mind boggling.

"I love you, Will," she said suddenly, the words almost unintelligible as she said them against his lips.

"I love you too, baby," he whispered back, tucking her hair behind her ear as he caught her gaze, smiling broadly.

"It's going to be different this year, you know, with us as an official couple," she told him, smiling at just the mere thought of having him by her side each day.

"We're going to have to be careful, considering your walls," he joked, kissing the tip of her nose lightly, glancing at the glass that surrounded them.

"Honestly, Will, we're going to have to end up eating lunch in your classroom everyday so we don't embarrass ourselves in front of the staff..." she joined the joke, lifting her neck as he brought his lips back to her skin once again.

"Embarrass ourselves?" he asked innocently, his breath spilling hotly against her neck.

"With the messy way you eat, someone's going to have to help you clean up," she smiled, her cheek brushing against his curls.

"I have Ms. Carlisle for that," he laughed, earning a scowl from Emma. "But seriously, how do you plan to help me 'clean up?'" He raised an eyebrow.

"Well," she grinned. "If you got some peanut butter on your upper lip, I might have to do this." She skimmed her tongue delicately across the corner of his mouth. "Or even this," she whispered, shoving her tongue between his lips.

It took him a moment to answer as he groaned against her, his mouth working passionately against hers. "I'm already trying to think of the messiest foods I can eat."

Emma wrinkled her nose slightly, but she smiled as she pulled away, keeping her arms locked around his neck. "I can't wait."


A/N: Sorry again for the wait. I keep getting distracted by one shot ideas :P

A half angsty, half fluffy transition chapter for you here, before things start to get dicey...but I won't say anymore!

Thanks so much for sticking with me so long! And seriously, over 300 reviews? You guys rock

And as always, thanks to my anonymous reviewers: Karen, Alyssa, Honest Reviewer, IHEARTWEMMA, and lodvg,