Chapter 12
Bridie was certainly right about the distance to the Pass. It seemed like no time before, riding in a kind of trance, feeling the peace that had so eluded him when he left, he saw it before him.
He made his way down it, Sport picking carefully through the debris.
It required all his concentration for a time. So much so that he didn't even notice the smoke from a campfire at the other end of the Pass until he was almost upon it. He was so surprised that he pulled Sport up to stare, taking in the familiar buckskin tethered nearby and the tall, silver haired figure looking toward him, waiting.
I keep forgetting you're always right, Bridie, he mused as he urged Sport forward again, stopping right in front of the imposing figure. "Well, you're a long way from home."
Ben smiled. "So are you, stranger. Thought you'd be on the move today and that you might like some company on the ride home." He eyed Adam's sling and pallor, frowning a little. "What happened to you?"
Adam shrugged. "Little accident. Almost healed now. Still, I'd prefer not to dismount unless I have to, if you don't mind." He extended his hand down to him. "How ya been, Pa?"
Ben took his hand, returning the handshake warmly. "Just fine, son. All's well at home, but we've missed you." He studied his face more keenly. "What's the damage, exactly?"
Adam sighed inwardly. He should have known there was no getting around this. "Four cracked ribs, broken collarbone. Couple of scratches. Hoss and Joe okay?"
"They're fine - into some kind of mischief, I think, but I haven't been able to figure out what, exactly. Let me break camp and we'll go home and see for ourselves. Want some coffee while you wait?"
"Sure. Thanks." Adam accepted the cup and watched his father pack up the sparse campsite. "I warn you I go at a kind of a pokey pace, so if you want to ride on ahead I won't take it personally."
"I'm just in the mood for a slow pace. Been a hectic couple of weeks." He saw Adam's face and was sorry the minute he said it. "Everything's fine, Adam," he repeated emphatically. "Cattle all moved in short order and well underway with other things. We found those missing cattle to the south, so I'm guessing you didn't have much luck?"
Adam suddenly remembered his deal with the Bannock. He hoped his tally sheet had survived his dunking in the snow. "Um - sort of. I found eight head of ours."
Ben paused in tying on his bedroll and looked at him. "Whereabouts did you leave them?"
Adam hesitated. "I traded them to the Bannock."
"For-?"
"Four mares, come spring."
"Seems like a pretty uneven deal - four mares for eight head of cattle."
Okay, here it came. "It wasn't just eight head, Pa, though they were pretty sad specimens. There were a handful of head from each of a bunch of our neighbors - I figured to pay them for their cattle and gave the Bannock the lot to help get them through the winter." He held his breath.
Ben pulled himself into the saddle slowly. "I see. And if our neighbors don't care to sell?"
"They've probably written those cattle off anyway. I figure they'll be glad to get anything for 'em."
"Any from the Circle J? Johnsons hate the Bannock. What you going to tell them?"
"Haven't figured that out yet. I'll pay them with my own money, Pa. I know it was my decision."
Ben pursed his lips. "Bannock can be unreliable, especially at this time of year. Pretty big risk, walking into their camp alone."
"I know, Pa."
Ben clucked his tongue to move Buck forward. "You and your underdogs. Seems like a good deal for us, anyway. I don't see any reason for you to use your own money, unless you want the horses for yourself."
"I thought we could use some new blood in the breeding stock."
"Good idea. But I'd prefer it if you didn't take chances like that with your life in the future."
"Yes, sir." Adam was relieved to let it pass so easily.
"So, where've you been holed up all this time?"
"A little northwest of the Pass. A doctor found me and took me in."
"Found you…?"
Adam cursed his carelessness. He hadn't intended to mention that. "Had a little trouble with the storm."
Ben smiled amiably. "Good thing we have the trip home, since I'm guessing it'll take that long to pry the whole story out of you."
Adam grinned. He'd really missed his father, he realized. As it happened, they continued for the next few hours in a companionable near silence. Adam was enjoying watching the landscape change and flatten. He knew it was a good time to tell about his grandfather while they were out here all alone, but his father was so clearly happy to see him and the quiet camaraderie was so pleasant that he was loathe to spoil it.
By the time the sky was purpling they were still a long way from home. Ben gave a look at the sky and then a shrewd look at his son. "Probably should make camp for the night. We can make it home by tomorrow."
Adam nodded and began to carefully lower himself from the saddle. Before he had gotten very far, Ben was there, supporting and helping him. "I'm okay, Pa," he said a little breathlessly.
Ben continued to support him. "Why don't you have a seat while I set up camp."
Adam frowned. "I'm not that bad off, Pa - why don't you take care of the horses while I build a fire?"
Ben hesitated. "You look tired to death, son."
Adam shrugged. "I'm okay. Besides, you'll notice I left the strenuous work for you." He began gathering kindling. Bending, he decided, wasn't too bad if he took his time. By the time Ben had finished with the horses and was pulling out provisions, he already had a decent fire in place. He looked at his father and raised his brows triumphantly.
Ben gave him an affectionate, rueful smile. "Stubborn," he said simply. "Just like your mother."
"But not like you?" Adam asked innocently.
"Me?" Ben looked at him in mock astonishment. "Never." He began to lay out provisions for cooking.
Adam suddenly remembered. "Bridie packed me enough food for an army, if you don't feel like cooking. This won't keep forever anyway." He untied his saddlebags, lowering them rather hastily as he found the act of lifting their weight a little more than he was ready for.
Ben walked over and took them from him. "Who's Bridie?"
"The doctor I told you about. That I stayed with."
Ben filed that away for future conversation and began to set out the food. He was trying to decide how to begin something he wanted to talk about. He waited until they had finished and were relaxing before the fire in the gathering darkness before he said, "I had a couple of long talks with your mother while you were gone."
"With my - ?" Adam smiled in the darkness. How could he have told Bridie his father wasn't whimsical? "No kidding."
"That's right. She really gave me a piece of her mind, too. Turns out she's pretty disappointed in me."
Adam stopped smiling. "Pa. That can't be true."
"It is, Adam. Gave me some food for thought, let me tell you."
Adam looked at him, but he couldn't read his face clearly in the firelight. "What did you talk about?" But he already knew.
"Why, you, of course." Ben hesitated. "Adam - you know how proud I am of you, don't you?"
He supposed he did, he didn't really think about it much, so he said, "Sure, Pa."
"Your mother would have been so proud of you. Firstly, of course, that you're a good, honest man. But after that…that you're a man of letters. That you love and understand beautiful things, big ideas. That you fought so hard for your education. That would have made her so happy. It would have been just what she would have asked for." He paused, ordering his thoughts. "When I met her, she opened a whole new world for me…of music and poetry and art and literature…I'm not quite sure why I haven't let you continue to do that for me. Did it hurt too much? Is it something I shut away when Liz died? I don't really know anymore." He poked at the fire, letting it blaze up again.
Adam remained silent, unsure as to what to say.
"I spent some time in your room while you were away - " Ben glanced at him quickly, wondering how he would take this trespass on his privacy, but he couldn't make out any change in his expression, "and it occurred to me while I was there that that whole part of you - that part your mother would have cherished - was shut away in there somehow, like a secret. Like a prisoner."
"Pa." Adam's voice was quiet. "You sent me to college - "
"Fought you most of the way. Don't think I ever even told you how impressed I was when you got that scholarship. If it weren't for Marie - "
"You needed help with the ranch and money was tight. I don't think that's very hard to understand."
Ben nodded soberly. "Curse of being the oldest, I suppose. I wonder sometimes if it would have been different if you'd been last - ranch more stable, money more abundant, not needing help with the younger boys - "
Okay, that was a little too much. "Pa – "
"Adam." Ben's tone was kind, but firm. "I've been practicing this speech for about four days – I think you'd better just let me get through it."
He couldn't see his father's face, but he knew that tone. After a brief struggle with himself he sighed. "Okay, Pa. Whatever you say."
Ben looked into the fire. "I guess what I'm trying to say is that I only accepted that part of you when it was useful to me - when it helped with the ranch or contributed to our business interests. Otherwise I sort of expected you to put it away and take it out only for occasional decoration, when it didn't get in the way. Kind of like a Sunday shirt."
"Pa, the ranch is our livelihood. If that came first - "
"Adam."
Adam shifted uncomfortably, but fell silent.
"Your brothers' talents - Hoss with his animals and Joe with his guns - fit in so well with ranch business - well, if I ever made it seem as though that was more important, more worthwhile, I apologize. Maybe I actually thought it was, at the time. Maybe I didn't stop to think about it at all - either way, I'm sorry. Sorry if I've somehow driven part of you underground, even inadvertently. Marie always understood better than I did. If she'd lived…" he smiled a little. "...she told me once that if I found a rose growing in my vegetable garden, I should appreciate it for what it was, not try to turn it into a cabbage. I wish I'd paid more attention."
They were silent for a long time, remembering, gazing into the fire. Finally Adam said lightly, "Actually, I think I'm a pretty good cabbage. Nice, versatile vegetable."
Ben laughed at his droll tone.
"I mean it, Pa. It's not a bad thing to have to stretch more than one side of you. Maybe I'd have neglected that part if circumstances hadn't forced otherwise. I'd have missed a lot."
Ben snorted. "Trust you to take my side, no matter what."
Even in the dark he saw Adam's teeth flash in a grin.
"Seriously, Pa, I know you've always done your best by me. I never asked for more than that."
"I guess I'm saying I'd like to do a little better, going forward."
"Whatever you say, Pa."
They were silent again so long that Adam felt himself drifting off to sleep. He was startled back to half-wakefulness by his father's voice.
"So. You really think I've done all right, huh?"
Adam yawned. "No doubt about it."
"Then do me one favor."
"Anything."
"Tell your mother."
Adam laughed out loud. "She knows. 'Night, Pa."
"'Night, son. Sleep well."
TBC
Thanks, drmweaver. I think Bridie gives Adam the gift of seeing himself through fresh but loving eyes. I like to think they'll be friends forever.
