Meanwhile, outside of the realm of suspense movie cliches, Calvin and Hobbes were still hiking across the barren landscape.
Since their last conversation, the trip had remained notably silent. Calvin was taking the lead up the mountain while Hobbes followed only a few feet behind.
It was a very long day that followed and by the time it was starting to get dark, the duo agreed to stop and set up camp, again.
Calvin laid his duffel bag down and sat down on a rock, where he started shifting through the contents, looking for the tent.
Hobbes watched him, intently.
"Hey Calvin?" He asked, suddenly.
"Yo?" Calvin said, holding his hand up but not looking up from his bag.
"There's a lot of stuff in that bag," Hobbes said, inquisitively.
"Yes there is," Calvin nodded, digging deeper inside.
"A lot of stuff in there, and you're telling me that there's nothing in there at all that we can't use to get help?" Hobbes demanded.
Calvin paused.
"Hmmm," He said, finally looking up. "That last statement was rather thought inducing,"
"I thought so," Hobbes nodded.
"Give me a second and I'll see what I got," Calvin shrugged.
He kept digging through the bag, throwing random items over his shoulder, before he finally came across what he was looking for.
"Ah ha!" He grinned, pulling something out.
Hobbes observed the item. His heart jumped for joy.
"The ham radio!" He yelled, leaping up.
"Yes," Calvin said, thoughtfully. "I knew this would come in handy."
"Turn it on! See if you can contact anybody!" Hobbes said, excitedly, running to Calvin's side.
Calvin nodded and turned the radio on. He put the big pair of headphones over his ears, placed the microphone to his mouth and adjusted some of the dials.
The static emitting from it changed pitch several times before Calvin finally started to hear voices.
A big grin crept across his face.
"Hello? Hello? This is Calvin!" He shouted into the mic. "Missing boy in the middle of some unnamed mountain range! Come in! Come in! Do you read me?!?"
There was a tense moment of silence as Calvin and Hobbes stared at the radio, which was crackling, silently. Finally, a female voice came from it.
"Welcome to Taco Johns. You may look over the menu and order whenever you're ready."
Silence filled the land. Calvin and Hobbes stared at the radio for a long moment.
"Uuuh... What?" Calvin asked.
"The menu. What do you want to order?" The voice asked.
Calvin paused.
"Erm... nothing," He said, his brow furrowing.
"Then what are you doing in the drive up?" The voice demanded.
"I'm not in the drive up!" Calvin spat.
"OK, then where are you?"
"I'm in the middle of a giant mountain range fiddling with a ham radio!" Calvin spat.
A deep sigh came over the radio.
"Listen kid, I don't have time for this, we're very busy today."
"Oh yeah? Well, what do you expect me to do, now?" Calvin demanded. "I'm lost in the middle of nowhere, and now I want a taco! What do you have to say for yourself?!"
There was a click, signaling that drive up lady had disconnected from the radio.
Calvin growled.
"Great! Now I'm hungry!" He grumbled.
Hobbes sighed.
"OK, try again," He said.
Calvin muttered to himself, and started turning the knobs on the radio.
Suddenly two new voices popped up on the radio. One was female and the other was male.
"Yeah, well, I still think you're cute!" The female voice giggled.
"Yeah, me too, you still looking forward to the dance tomorrow?" The male voice said.
"Yeah, are you?"
"I can't wait to see you again," The male voice said romantically.
"Um, excuse me," Calvin said into the microphone.
The couple stopped talking.
"Uh... Hello?" The female voice asked.
"Yes, hello" Calvin said. "My name is Calvin and I'm lost in the middle of a mountain range with nothing to do. My summer is wasting away, and I need you to come rescue me."
"How did you get on this line?" The male voice asked.
"I have a ham radio." Calvin said, starting to get bored. "Now please alert the proper authorities of my presence so that I may return to my daily routine."
"Have you been listening to our conversation?!" The female voice demanded.
Calvin's eyes rolled into the back of his head.
"Believe me, there's nothing I'd like listen to less." He said. "Please just go call the police."
"OK," The boy sighed. "Where are you?"
Calvin paused.
"In the mountains," He said, finally.
"Yeah, I caught that. Where in the mountains?"
Calvin paused again.
"Well, there's a lot of trees around me." He said, finally.
There was a silence.
"OK," The boy said. "Do you know what mountain range you're in?"
"Well...No, but I can tell you which way north is." Calvin said.
Silence.
"How do you expect the police to find you if you don't know where you where are?" The boy asked.
"Well, for god's sake! I think that's the definition of the word LOST!" Calvin said, starting to lose his patience with the couple.
There was a pair of clicks, signaling that the two had hung up.
Calvin's head went back in offense.
"Well, that was rude!" He said, crossing his arms, angrily.
Hobbes rolled his eyes.
"Keep trying," He sighed.
Calvin grumbled and started turning the knobs, again.
After shifting through all the static once again, he finally came to another channel.
"Hello? Is anyone there?" Calvin asked into the microphone, staring intently.
There was a tense pause. Finally the unmistakable voice of Lenny came onto the radio.
"Yeah, I'm pretty sure I'm here," He said, unsurely. "If not, then I'm probably somewhere else."
Calvin's heart sank. Of all the people to get a hold of, he reaches this fool.
"OK, Lenny!" Calvin said, preparing for a long explanation of the obvious. "Here's the situation. We're lost in the middle of the mountains. We don't want to be lost in the middle of the mountains. You need to go get John so that we won't be lost in the mountains, anymore. Do you understand?"
"Sort of." Lenny said.
Calvin closed his eyes.
"What do you mean, 'sort of'?" He sighed.
"Well, I can't really go get John," Lenny said.
"Oh for the love of... Why not?" He demanded.
"Rupert won't let me talk to him." Lenny replied.
Calvin thought about that.
"Who's Rupert?" He asked, finally.
"I'm not supposed to tell you," Lenny said.
"Why?"
"He told me not too."
"You gonna listen to everything Rupert tells you?"
"If I don't, he yells at me."
"I thought that was John." Hobbes said.
"No. Just Rupert and Earl. I've never talked to John."
"Yes, you did! At Camp Pine!" Calvin said, his brow furrowing.
"No, that was Rupert." Lenny said.
There was a pause.
"No.... that was John," Calvin said. "Big guy? Beard? Sunglasses? Dog tags? Any of this ringing a bell?"
"Yeah, that was Rupert." Lenny said.
"He told us he was John." Calvin said.
"Yeah, I think he said something about acting like he was called John." Lenny said.
"Why?" Calvin demanded.
"I'm not supposed to tell you." Lenny said.
"WHY NOT?!"
"Rupert told me not to." Lenny said.
Calvin and Hobbes exchanged glances.
"Uhhh... Lenny?" Calvin said, finally.
"Yes, talking radio?" Lenny replied, goofily.
"Can I ask you one question?" Calvin asked.
"Okay!" Lenny said, sounding as if he was grinning.
"Where are you, right now?"
There was a pause, as if Lenny was trying to figure that out, himself. Finally, he spoke.
"Oh, well, the crew and I are in the control room and Rupert and Earl are getting their zappy thing-a-ma-bobs."
"What are you getting ready to do?" Calvin said, glaring at the radio.
"Oh, we're gonna go take over....."
"LENNY!! GET OVER HERE!!" Earl's angry voice suddenly came on.
"Oops, Earl's yelling again." Lenny said. "He must want us to do something. Bye-bye talking radio!"
And with that the radio went dead.
"No, no, no!!" Calvin yelled, shaking the radio, violently. "Get back on!!"
Calvin desperately tried other stations, but was unable to connect to anyone else.
"RRRRRRRGH!!!" Calvin growled, ripping the headphones off. "This is hopeless! We're never going to get out here!"
"Don't you think that conversation with Lenny was a bit odd?" Hobbes asked, turning around.
Calvin thought.
"Eh, maybe a little," He admitted. "But we have more important things on our hands. Such as trying to figure out how to work this stupid ham radio!"
Calvin turned and angrily kicked the radio.
As soon as his foot made contact with it, the speakers roared back to life, and a new sound emitted from it.
SCREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEECH!!!
Calvin and Hobbes reeled back in terror as the radio began shrieking in a deafeningly high pitch.
"STOP IT!!" Calvin screamed, kicking it again, but the radio did not comply.
Calvin continued kicking the radio, while holding onto his ears at the same time, while Hobbes cowered behind a rock.
Finally, Calvin kicked the radio towards a nearby cliff, and pushed it off in frustration.
He listened as the screeches became quieter as the radio fell farther away.
He then turned to Hobbes.
"Alright, well, that's been taken care of." He said, casually. "Where were we?"
Hobbes looked up.
"We were setting up the tents," He said as if nothing had happened.
"Ah, very good. Let's proceed with that." Calvin said, walking over to his duffel bag.
"Agreed," Hobbes said.
As the continued with their mission, Hobbes suddenly caught something out of the corner of his eye.
He looked around. Surrounding them were trees and beyond that was nothing but darkness.
He shrugged it off, and went back to unfolding the tent.
Calvin was panting one of the stakes into the ground, when he suddenly heard a voice whispering something.
"What was that?" Calvin asked, looking up.
"What was what?" Hobbes asked.
"Did you just say something?" Calvin asked.
"Nope." Hobbes said.
"Oh. Never mind, then,"
And with that they went back to work.
Suddenly, Hobbes started hearing whispering.
He looked up.
Calvin looked up.
"Did you hear that?" Hobbes asked.
"Yes," Calvin nodded. "Was that you?"
"I was actually hoping it was you," Hobbes whimpered.
Suddenly, Calvin and Hobbes started seeing more movement in the trees around them, and the whispering got louder.
The duo looked around in shock trying to locate what was cornering them, when as quickly as it began, the whispering and movement ceased.
Calvin looked around in terror.
"What was that?" He demanded.
"Well, my best guess would be a bunch of whispering and random movements," Hobbes said.
Calvin stared at Hobbes.
"You have a hard time grasping the fact that our lives may be in danger, don't you?" He asked.
Hobbes shrugged.
"My life has been in danger for the last two weeks. I barely even notice it, anymore." He said.
"Calvin," A voice came from the trees.
Calvin and Hobbes whipped around.
Out of the darkness, two figures approached Calvin and Hobbes. One of them was tall and skinny with a big black beard. He was wearing dog tags and a white Camp Pine T-shirt. The other was rather more muscularly built sporting a bald head and a leather jacket. He too was wearing dog tags. Both of them were wearing black sunglasses.
Calvin and Hobbes nearly fainted with relief.
"JOHN! EARL!!" Calvin cried with glee. "I'm never been so happy to see two creepy camp counselors! God does love me! "
John and Earl exchanged glances.
"Now, before you rescue me, I should tell you that I found an ancient civilization buried by years of torment and possibly the wrath of some vengeful god. I was going to report it to the media and become famous, but I think I accidentally made it blow it up, so it's not going to work, unfortunately."
John and Earl stared at Calvin.
"And another thing!" Calvin said, starting to pace back and forth in front of them. "You need to increase your camp security a bit better! Those dumb cameras you have all over the place did nothing to stop the undead zombie freaks from attacking me and driving me to escape into wherever the heck I am right now! Overall, I give your preparations for the nuclear and or zombie apocalypse a D minus. Now then, when do we go home?"
"You don't," John said.
Calvin and Hobbes stared.
"We don't what?" Hobbes asked.
"Get to go home," Earl said, darkly.
Calvin and Hobbes exchanged glances.
"Why? Did the zombies take over?" Calvin asked.
John and Earl responded by holding up their ray guns, and pointing them at Calvin and Hobbes.
The duo stared at the guns.
"Oooh, I see," Calvin said, nodding in understanding.
There was a silence.
Then, Calvin and Hobbes both vanished.
ZOOM!!!
"GET THEM!!" Rupert screamed, pointing after them.
Suddenly the aliens all leaped from their hiding places and raced after Calvin and Hobbes. Rupert pushed a button on his suit, and their human disguises melted away, their skin turning grey and their heads curving to take on the shape of crescent moon. They then continued after them.
Calvin and Hobbes leaped over bushes and logs, not daring to look behind them. Calvin's duffel bag was throw over his shoulder, and kind of holding him back as he struggled through the overgrowth.
The aliens were not far behind, leaping off of trees and rocks, their yellow eyes glowed in the darkness. Well, they weren't exactly leaping off the trees and rocks. May a take a moment now to point out that the only reason that Calvin and Hobbes were staying in the lead, was partly because the aliens were all a bunch of idiots. In that they would repeatedly run head first into the trees and boulders, trip over the rocks, a few of them were running in the wrong direction, and still more were getting tangled up in the bushes.
Pretty pathetic, actually.
As Calvin and Hobbes ran, they began to notice something of vague importance. There were no longer any trees around them, and the grass was starting to turn to rock.
And all at once, Calvin and Hobbes were forced to stop, as they had come upon a giant cliff, that stretched down for almost a mile.
"Oh dear," Hobbes said, peering down the cliff.
"Indeed," Calvin said. "Doesn't look too nice."
The duo whipped around.
The aliens were beginning to form around Calvin and Hobbes. They all looked like they had just gone through a maze of swords and needles. Didn't look too good.
Calvin, Hobbes and the aliens all stared at each other for a long moment. Finally, Zack spoke.
"Uuuh... I've forgotten what we're supposed to do." He said, looking skyward.
"Me too," Dave whined.
Calvin and Hobbes exchanged glances.
"Erm... you were going to let us go?" Calvin asked.
The aliens all paused.
"Were we?" Bill asked, dully.
"I don't think so....." Biff said, thoughtfully. "But that plan is as good as any!"
"Agreed!" Danny shouted. "You are all free to go!"
The aliens all parted to let Calvin leave.
Calvin and Hobbes stared at them in disbelief.
"Erm... well, thank you," Calvin said, finally. "And don't ever forget my awesome power,"
Calvin and Hobbes then began strolling out of the group of aliens, Calvin throwing smug looks at them all, when Rupert and Earl stepped out of the overgrowth.
Rupert and Earl stared at the situation before them.
Finally, Earl spoke.
"What are you idiots doing?" He sighed.
"We're letting him go!" Lenny grinned.
This response was greeted with blank stares.
"Why are you letting them go?" Rupert asked.
"Because they want us too," Carl replied.
Rupert's chest expanded outward in a deep sigh and Earl's head fell to his chest.
"Just push them off the cliff." Earl sighed.
"Okay!" Carl said, goofily, grabbing Calvin by the arms.
"HEY! LET GO!!!" Calvin screamed, struggling against the alien.
"OK!" Carl let go of Calvin.
"Stop doing what he tells you do!" Rupert ordered.
"OK!" Carl grinned.
"Throw him over the cliff!!" Earl ordered.
Carl grabbed Calvin.
"Let him go!" Hobbes ordered.
"OK!" Carl let Calvin go.
"RRRRGH!!" Rupert screamed, clutching his face.
"GASP!! AN ANT!!" Zack yelled, pointing at the ground.
All of the crew rushed over to see.
Rupert, Earl, Calvin and Hobbes all stared blankly at the crew.
Rupert and Earl sighed.
"Alright, well we can just take him back to the ship and put in the zoo as 'the last remaining human being alive' or something." Earl said.
"Agreed. Carl! Take them to the ship!" Rupert ordered, jabbing his finger at them. "And ignore anything either one of them say!!"
"OKAY!" Carl grinned, running over.
Calvin and Hobbes rolled their eyes skyward.
"Ya know, this whole summer camp thing could have gone a heck of a lot better," Calvin said.
"Keep in mind, Moe was the whole reason you came in the first place." Hobbes said.
"I stand corrected."
