Chapter 12 Patches
Last night was the most magical night in my entire life. Please don't tell anyone but you know what…I have been fighting back the tears all night. Yeah. Tears were threatening to spill. They weren't tears of pain or regret but much happiness. I can't exactly remember the last time that had happened to me. The lengths my friends have done…the gifts I received…the more I am determined to win this battle…not for me but for them. I want to show them that they didn't make a mistake in putting their faith in me.
I will carry the feeling from last night tomorrow when I go to the hospital. I am so scared right now but I would rather not think about it. Now…I leave everything to fate…
XxXxXx
A knock came on Hitomi's bedroom door. It was early in the evening and she was preparing her stuff for the hospital. She was fixing some things in her room, preparing what she would need and most of all…she was preparing herself for what was to come. She was really apprehensive about it even if she knew that it was the only definite way to save her life.
She turned to see who was at the door. She smiled when she saw Yukari. She was waiting for her to arrive. "Come on in, Yuri. Sorry for the mess but I haven't finished fixing up yet."
"It's no problem at all. So? How was last night? I haven't spoken to you since you left with Van." Yukari replied.
"Well, it was absolutely wonderful. I don't think I will be able to thank you guys enough for what you did for me."
"It's our pleasure, Hitomi. Think of it as a graduation gift from all of us."
"I must say though that you really surprised me. I didn't see that one coming."
"It wouldn't be a surprise if you had an idea about it, now wouldn't it?"
Hitomi shook her head and smiled. From her desk, she took out her diary and a soft-bound copy of her manuscript. She took her chair and sat in front of Yukari. She smiled again and looked at the things on her lap. They contained her soul…her life. She looked up to her best friend and said, "Can you do me a favor?"
"Sure. What is it?"
Hitomi smiled again. "I wrote this. I purposely didn't write an ending or the closing chapter. It is unfinished. You will understand why when you read it. I've gone through it over and over again but since I wrote it…I might have missed a few parts. Edit it for me or you can even ask Folken to help you, I don't mind."
Yukari took the manuscript and looked at her best friend. "What is this all about, Hitomi?"
"I wrote this, Yukari, for a lot of reasons. Just in case I don't make it, share it if you wish but do this for me so that I could leave something for my grandmother…also, for you guys. It's not perfect and it is very raw. I did not hold back. Here," She then handed her diary. "This is my diary. It might help explain why I did this story. You can read it. I leave it up to you on what you think should be done with it but in the end…please give it to my grandmother. She is suffering more than me. At least with this…she will know that I am truly happy and of course, to know that I love her."
"Please don't talk as if you are not going to make it. You've been telling us to believe that you will pull through. You shouldn't be doing this."
"I know, Yuki. I am still optimistic of the out come but I just want to be sure. I need to be sure of all the possible outcomes because I don't want to be caught off guard. I only get one shot at this. I'm making sure that I am doing this right. Please…do this for me…"
Yukari took it. For a long time, she refused to speak. She didn't know what was the appropriate thing to say. She wanted to cry and tell Hitomi that she shouldn't be talking like that but she knew and understood why her best friend needed to do that. She didn't want to think that this was going to be the last thing Hitomi was going to ask of her. She didn't want to believe that this was it. Yukari told herself that this wasn't going to be the last. She was going to do this for Hitomi.
She looked up at her ever smiling best friend and said, "You have my word, Hitomi, that I will do as you wish."
Hitomi's smile broadened as she hugged her best friend. Emotions were becoming overwhelming but she chose to keep the positive ones instead. She told herself that she will take her emotions last night and carry it until she was unconscious in that operating room.
"Thank you." She whispered.
"I'll see you tomorrow then, Hitomi. For now, why don't you rest?" Yukari said as she bid Hitomi goodbye and a good night.
XxXxXx
Yukari sat in front of her desk and started reading the manuscript. From the first page, it was different. The tone…the feel…the emotions…the characters…the setting…everything was different…more real than what Hitomi would usually do. The intensity of the words and the meaning was so great from the start of the page that she was enthralled to read more and more. Yukari wasn't a fast reader since becoming an editor. Her style of editing was to digest word per word…syllable by syllable from page 1 until the end. But reading Hitomi's untitled manuscript…she just kept on reading and reading until she reached the blank page Hitomi was talking about.
She quickly took out Hitomi's diary from her bag and started reading. Her diary was very personal. She had started writing it from when they were in high school. It talked about high school experiences…to high school crushes, graduation, dreams, ups and downs…to entering college…finding out she had leukemia…her every trials up to that day. Without another word, Yukari gathered everything again and got her keys.
XxXxXx
Yukari rang the bell. She couldn't wait to be let in. What she had was very important and she knew that it could not wait. She needed to do this. She waited rather impatiently. Soon enough, the door was opened.
"Yukari? What are you doing here?"
"You need to see this, Folken. It cannot wait." She replied.
Folken stood aside to let her in. He guided her to the kitchen where Allen and Van were. They seemed to be hanging out. They looked surprised when they saw Yukari.
"What is it?" Folken asked.
Without any hesitation, Yukari took out the manuscript and handed it to Folken. "Read this and I'll explain."
"Can't it wait until morning?" He asked.
"No. Just read it and I'll explain."
Folken said nothing as he sat and started reading. Van and Allen looked over and started reading as well. Just as Yukari, the moment they started reading, they knew what they were reading was different from what they have read. There was this pure, humble reality that simply gets you to live the story and not just make you a bystander.
When they reached the blank page, they looked up at Yukari. "The final chapter is missing." Folken stated.
"The final chapter was purposely not written." Yukari answered.
"Who wrote this? I haven't seen this before." Van asked.
"Hitomi. She wrote that. She edited it. She left it unfinished." She answered, leaving all three men to stare back at her with much surprise.
"I don't understand. Why did she leave it unfinished? She didn't even give it a title." Folken commented.
Yukari took a deep breath. She was contemplating on letting them read her journal. It was very personal. She wasn't sure if she should allow these guys to read it. "It's unfinished because the story isn't over yet. She doesn't know how it will end."
"But she is the author…the ending is up to her." Van pointed out.
"That's just the point, Van. She is saying covertly that we don't really get to decide how things end even if we author something. We may want it to go and be a certain thing but in the end, if fate tells something differently…we cannot do anything but abide the laws of nature. She is leaving the ending to us…you most especially."
"Me?" Van replied, rather shocked.
Yukari then took out her journal and shifted through the pages. They started to read. Hitomi's words rang clear…
I decided to only return his comments with a smile. I can't believe that it was actually that bad. Van was always portrayed by the media as the most desirable bachelor in all of Japan. It was a good thing that I don't really put much attention to what is being said by the media. Then instincts were kicking in. Can he really be that bad? I wondered what could have possibly happened to him that made him the way he was. I mean, looking at Folken, I would never really think that they were related by simply looking at them. Ok that wasn't entire true. They do resemble each other. It was only their personalities that were total opposites.
Anyway, as I was walking home, I couldn't help but look up at the stars. I stopped walking. My thoughts were far away as it was. I looked up at the beautiful night sky. It was a cloudless sky that night so all the stars glistened. I smiled as for a fleeting moment, it felt perfect. I looked up, knowing that one of those stars was my mother, my father and my brother, watching down from heaven.
Yeah. I lost my family years before in a car accident. All I have now is my grandmother. She's an amazing and strong person. I wish I could be like her…I would even settle for half of her strength. I wonder sometimes where she gets her strength. She's the one who single-handedly brought me up.
I lost my family when I was in elementary. I had a recital in school back then. My father was coming from work. He picked up my mom and my infant brother so that they could come to watch me together. But it was raining hard that day. I remember it well because I remember being scared of the thunder and the lightning. I was told that the roads were too slippery and well, my dad didn't want to miss my performance drove a little fast. One thing led to the other and well…I lost them that day.
At first I didn't understand what it meant…what death meant. I mean, I was in second grade. How was I supposed to really understand that death meant the end of life? Going through the ceremonies…I don't remember crying. I only cried when they were taking their bodies off to be cremated. That's when I understood that they weren't coming back. I remember thinking at first that they were simply asleep and people came to help us wake them up. I thought they cried because they couldn't wake my parents and my brother up.
I started living with my grandmother since then. I remember that every time I felt like crying or would wake up crying, looking for my mom, she would be by my side and sing to me to sleep. It was the same song my mom would sing to me to sleep. Before I knew it, I would be drifting back to sleep.
Now, looking at the stars and looking back, I couldn't help but smile. So much has already happened to me and I know that there is still so much more to come. I remember the feeling of being afraid but one thing about it is that I never felt alone.
My thoughts then wondered back to Van. I wonder why he had such a cool heart. Even without speaking to him, I could tell by simply reading his raw drafts. It lacked so much even if his words were already so powerful in itself. Then I wondered, how come his earlier works didn't seem to have that feel? I thought that maybe his previous editor/ editors did that or if he has changed. I don't know and I most certainly can't ask him that.
I let out a sigh. I knew I was getting no where with the conversation. He didn't get what I was really saying. I only wanted to know if my working with him would only close his heart more, which could reflect on his writing. I couldn't even vocalize my thoughts properly so I thought that it was better if I would just drop the subject.
It's funny really. I knew my body was exhausted so naturally I expected a dreamless sleep but then again, it seems to drift back to Van. It's not anything romantic. He was so mysterious and I think it will take a while to figure out all the mysteries there is about him to fully get him to put some 'heart' into his work. I just couldn't understand how such a talented writer like him lacked the very soul that made a writer unique. Heck, I even wished that I could half of his talent in expressing in words. Perhaps he doesn't understand what he has.
Maybe it could help me see those things too…it will definitely help me deal with him better. I mean, if you only see the goodness in others then it helps you interact better, right? I'm having a little trouble with him and I am not ashamed to admit it. You already know why. I don't like having other people bearing a grudge against me. It's partially my fault. Oh well…I will eventually know why he loathes me, aside from the fact that I pushed him a little too far.
Anyway, I'm glad that even though I'm totally anxious on what Van plans are, I can still be myself. I'm glad that I am not affected the way I think he wants me to be. Yeah. I think about it but I'm not intimidated into quitting. Hmm…anyway, I was thinking…what if I tried my hand on writing? I am a writer after all. Before I became his editor, I was and still am a writer. I wouldn't have gotten my position as Editor-in-Chief if I wasn't. But this time, I wanted to write freely. I wanted to write in a way where I wouldn't really think about how other people might think or feel about it. I wanted to let my emotions run free.
Maybe when I do, I could understand the mechanics of it. When I do, I might just be able to help Van with his problem. If he won't listen to me as his editor, perhaps he would listen to a fellow writer. Right now, that is wishful thinking but hey I'm willing to exhaust all possible means to make sure that I will be able to help him and consequently, I will keep my job.
When they finished reading, they didn't need to be told that they had just read from Hitomi's journal. Neither one of them knew what to say. So much were racing through their heads. It was rather awkward but at the same time clearer in a way.
"Guys," Yukari started, finally breaking the silence. Her voice was calm and soft. "I don't know about you but I want to push this for publishing."
"Are we publishing this without her knowledge?" Allen answered. His voice was professional but somewhat cracking. He wasn't sure if this was such a good idea. He understood the gravity of her work and the meaning behind her words.
"She gave this to me earlier and gave me the freedom to share it if I wished. This is Hitomi's story. I've read it. You all have read it. I'm sure you would agree with me when I say that this deserves to be shared with other people."
"I agree with you on that but we cannot simply publish without her knowing. Plus, we can't exactly print her journal to fill in the reason as to why there is a missing chapter." Folken argued.
"I'll fix the last chapter." Van suddenly said, holding the conversation at a stand still. "Is it ok if I borrow her journal? I'll fix it in such a way that no one will know that the last chapter is missing. I will still use her words." He said.
XxXxXx
Hitomi was lying in her hospital bed. Her pre-operation preparation had begun. She was to have her operation first thing the next day and she couldn't help but feel agitated and a lot frightened. She had asked her grandmother to go home for the night. She knew that with her grandmother's old age, she wouldn't be able to truly get some rest if she stayed there at the hospital with her.
It was a bit too much of a push, Hitomi knew, but aside from it was going to be for her grandmother's sake, it was also for her own. She wanted some time alone before the operation. She didn't want anyone…any of her loved ones to see how scared and vulnerable she really was. It took a long time to make them believe that it was going to be alright and that she was strong enough. She didn't want them to lose that belief. Hitomi knew that they would do just that if they saw her tears.
She knew that it was past visiting hours so no one else aside from the nurses and doctors were allowed inside her room. She knew that if they were the ones who saw her tears…they would understand and they wouldn't be telling her close friends and family.
For the first time since in months, Hitomi allowed herself to cry. She allowed her tears to come out. She allowed her emotions to overwhelm her. That night, she cried herself to sleep.
(to be continued…)
I'm reserving my comment on this chapter. Hehe. Anyway, thanks for those who sent in their reviews and also thank you for reading this far. As usual, please do press that little bottom down there and send in a review for this chapter. It will be very much be appreciated. Thanks.
Michiko
