Tony was dead.
Those words echoed in his head at least a million times, but Loki still could not bring himself to see the truth in them. Not even as he looked around at the destruction that surrounded him from his perch atop Stark Tower. He'd seen Lokitty a little bit ago, but his cat seemed not to notice who he was, and hissed at him until he left.
He'd looked at himself in the mirror afterwards, and was surprised, as he himself could not recognise the face that stared back at him. His reflection seemed like a medley between himself and his Dark other, with strands of hair straying away from the rest and arching over his forehead, past the corners of his eyes. Shorter strands barely made it past his eyebrows. But it was his eyes that scared him the most. One was the eerie colour his opposite's was; the glowing red that seemed to cause the mirror to give off a slight glare. The other was the blueish-green he was used to.
What he believed was his normal side, his normal half of his own face looked more worn than ever. His green eye was rimmed with red where the eyelid met with the eye. Trails, little patterns were making their way all around his eye, making him look exhausted. He blinked, then backed away from the mirror. "Half normal, half deranged."
But to which side was truly deranged, he wasn't sure.
As he watched the mortals scramble beneath him, the survivors of his vicious attack to clear the perimeter around his new base, a sense of dread filled him. What if the Avengers found out about his killing Tony? No doubt they would, Loki thought bitterly, clenching his fists. Since that agent was with him. However, he felt more of a strange feeling of dislike towards their giant green beast, and the memory of the thing beating him senseless was tossed at him, making him shut his eyes.
Now he'd given himself a headache.
"Relax," Loki's opposite whispered. "We are stronger now." The 'Light' side of the god summoned up his magic and formed a doppelgänger of himself, reflecting the qualities of his Dark self. The copy grinned -bared his teeth like a wolf more like-, and circled around his other. "Is this not refreshing, having won something from this puny realm? Is it not amazing to know how much more powerful you are now, how you can easily destroy the self-proclaimed 'protectors' of Midgard? Does this not bring you pleasure?"
"The only thing I feel is the sting of my lips; escaping from that magicked thread was not easy, nor painless." True Loki stared at his copy, his eyes dead. "I killed the mortal man I loved, all for your sick joy. If you expect me to feel good inside, or if you expect me to enjoy myself, I am afraid you expect wrong. And besides the pain on my mouth, I feel nothing. Emptiness is what you have granted me."
"Oh, do not let some mortal's love destroy your feelings. After all, was it not inevitable?" Dark Loki approached his other, a look of sincere curiosity on his face as he spoke. "Was he not destined to die regardless? Mortals have short lives. He would have died sooner or later."
"I would have preferred later." True Loki sighed, his eyes no longer trained on his copy, but on the floor beneath his slightly scuffed up boots. What was he doing? If what his other said was true, then... Then he should not have any of this deadness.
And without the emptiness, there was guilt.
But he refused to let his guilt of killing Tony swallow him up, for if he did, then more would be sure to come.
"You are right," he said after a while. "He would have died. These empty feelings are only barriers, however. They hold back everything that keeps me from drifting off into insanity."
Dark Loki mulled this over for a bit, then approached his other slowly, a slight smirk crawling upwards. "But insanity is also what helps you let go. It releases you from those deep, dark feelings.
"Should you drift into the realm of it, you will feel no pain, no sorrow, no hurt or betrayal. Not even love. Only happiness and satisfaction. And I should know, for I am there now."
Tony Stark awoke with a painful start.
His abdomen ached as he tried to sit up, and a warm wetness seeped from what was now a re-opened wound. He groaned, then heard the sound of some disembodied voice telling him to either stay down or play with crayons. He didn't know.
His mind was so backwards that he actually took the latter into consideration, and muttered, "I don' have any colours to play with," before laying back down, his eyes slowly closing.
Twice more he awoke, and twice more he drifted off, feeling a cold current flow through his arm. Sedation, he realised. At least I'm still alive...
Once more he woke, and swore he saw Loki standing over him. He squinted and tried to reach for the god, but he just turned his head away. "I'm sorry," came his accented voice, magical, for he hadn't heard that voice in what felt like ages.
"No... It isn't your fault," Tony replied, is voice hoarse from lack of use.
"But it is. I let myself get fooled, and I am sorry."
And then he was gone.
Tony blinked a few times, his head clearing up. It had to be a mirage. The room was not empty; there were a few S.H.I.E.L.D. doctors out and about, and he'd hoped they hadn't heard his talking to the hallucination.
"Hey, can I get up yet?" he finally asked, a bit louder than before to make sure the doctors didn't think he was still talking to the empty air. One headed towards him and checked his stomach.
"Not yet, Mr Stark. Soon though. Just hang tough." She -for her voice was indeed feminine- sounded vaguely familiar, and he realised with a little blush that she was the one who told him to stay down earlier. She was about to leave his bedside when something shiny caught her attention at the foot of his bed. "Is this yours?" She held up a thin gold necklace with a strange trinket on it. He squinted to try and make it out... Then grinned.
It was Loki's helmet.
It was Loki's god-damned helmet.
"Yeah, that's mine. I dunno how that came off..." He reached out for it, and the doc just clipped it on him, ignoring his outstretched hand.
"I seriously doubt you would have been able to work the clasp. There."
Tony smiled down at the little charm, knowing Loki was still trying to fight for him.
And with that knowledge, he fell asleep once more.
Hehe, Sorry this took so long.
Don't hate me! I'll write more today, I promise! Mwaaah~~~
Also, do you guys like where the story is going? I really hope so. I don't wanna finish it, to tell you the truth! It's like a really good book that I don't wanna finish because I KNOW there is nothing coming after. It makes me kinda sad... But the show must go on!
