A/N Okay. I'm going to admit this right here and now. One, I am VERY proud of this chapter and I hope you all enjoy it. Two, I did cry as I wrote the last part and you'll see why when you read it. And last, don't think this is the end cause it might not be. I'm not sure if I'm going to do more to this or not. I might just leave it as it is and let you figure out what happened. Let me know if you want that or me to write another chapter. It's up to you. Enjoy!

Chapter 12 Depression

"Give them back!" Shae screamed as she ran after her brother. Dean just laughed and ran around to the other side of the coffee table. "Dean! I'm not joking right now! I have someplace to be and have to be there in twenty minutes! Now give me the keys!"

"You have to get them from me. No way I'm giving them back." Dean said with a smile as he ran away from his sister again.

"DEAN!"

"You're not getting them! I'm faster than you!" Shae grumbled and ran faster, but instead of going right for him, she ran around the other side of the table and grabbed him. "NOT FAIR!"

"There. I got you. Now give me the keys." Dean shook his head and shoved the car keys down the front of his pants. "Oh! That is so gross." She said as she stuck her tongue out and shook her head. Dean just laughed and struggled to get away. "I don't think so little brother. Reach down there and get them."

"Why should I do that?"

"Cause I don't have a lot of time left here. I have that job interview soon and this is going to make me late. Please get them out." Dean looked at her and thought about it before reaching down and grabbing the keys, handing them to her. "No! Wash them first. I am not touching something that was down there." She told him as she pointed to his lower region.

"Fine. If you're going to be such a big baby about it." He told her as he rolled his eyes and walked over to the sink. After he washed and dried the keys, he handed them to her. "Happy now?"

"Yes." She told him with a smile as she grabbed them. "Now if I'm late and don't get the job, I am so going to kick your key stealing butt."

"Promises, promises." Shae laughed and left the house. Dean just watched as she closed the door and sat at the kitchen table. "All I wanted to do was spend time with you." He mumbled before falling asleep right where he sat.

"Shae? Shae?" Nick said as he shook her shoulders. She shook her head and looked up at him. "You alright?"

"Yeah. Just thinking." Nick nodded and sat down next to her. "This sucks Nick." He nodded and wrapped his arms around her. "I thought you went home." She said as she looked over at him.

"I was going to, but then I saw you just sitting here and thought something was wrong."

"Something is wrong. He's gone Nick." She told him as she started crying again.

"I know baby, but you have to move on from this. You honestly think that he would want you sitting in front of his headstone, crying over him instead of living your life?"

"Doesn't matter what he wants anymore." Nick took a deep breath and looked at the headstone. He just couldn't believe that the man let Shae do the engraving on it, but it gave it more meaning. At least for her. "Can you just go home? I really want to be alone right now."

"You going to be alright?" She nodded and he got up. "Call if you need me." He told her before kissing the top of her head and leaving her alone. She just nodded and looked at the ground. Nick turned and looked at her one more time before getting into the car and driving off. Sure he was worried about her. Not just him, Sam, Mary, and John were as well. It's been three days since Dean passed away and was buried and Shae was taking it worse than anyone. She refused to eat. Barley slept and hardly spoke to anyone. She didn't even want to spend time with Jayden anymore. All she does is get up in the morning, on the nights that she does sleep, and go right to the cemetery. And there she sat again. In the dark. After a daytime shower. On the rain soaked grass, with her head in her hands.

"SHAE!!!" Sam screamed as he ran through the house. Shae was in her room, reading and jumped up when Sam bardged in. "Shae!"

"What!?" She asked as she looked around. "What is it?" Sam just looked at her and tired to catch his breath. "Are you alright?" He nodded. "Then what?"

"Dean...tree...fell...hurt." He got out as he tried to breath. Shae just nodded and grabbed his shoulders.

"Calm down Sammy and tell me what happened. Just breath." Sam nodded and soon started breathing normally.

"Dean tried to climb that big tree outside and he fell. I think he's hurt."

"Alright. Let's go." Sam nodded and grabbed her hand, pulling her down the stairs and outside. She looked over and saw Dean lying on the ground. "Oh crap." She mumbled when she saw the condition he was in.

"Is he hurt bad?" She glanced down at Sam and made him stop. "What?"

"Go inside and call mom and dad. Tell them what happened and that they need to come home. I'll go check on Dean." Sam nodded and ran inside as Shae jogged over to where Dean was. "Dean." She whispered as she knelt next to him.

"Hey." He whispered back as he opened his eyes slightly.

"What the hell did you get yourself into now?" She asked with a smile as she shook her head. Dean just smirked and closed his eyes. "Not this time buddy boy. You have to keep them open. At least till mom and dad get here."

"You called them?" She nodded. "Why? Now I'm going to get in trouble."

"Better than being dead. That fall could of killed you and you know you're not supposed to climb this tree. No matter what." She said as she wagged her finger in his face. He just smiled and grabbed her hand. She thought he was going to let it go. You know, just move it kind of a thing, but he held onto it and she just sat next to him. "You think they're going to ground me?"

"Oh yeah." Shae opened her eyes and looked at the tree her little brother was buried under. She smiled and stood up, brushing the dirt and grass from her skirt before walking over and taking a closer look at it. She glanced back at the headstone before climbing up the tree and sitting on a branch. "You always did like to climb these damn things." She mumbled to herself as she rested her head against another branch and closed her eyes again.

"WHAT DID I TELL YOU ABOUT TOUCHING MY STUFF!?" Shae shouted as she grabbed a seven year old Dean's hand. He looked up at her with tears in his eyes. "You know better than this Dean! You could of broke it!" She shouted as she grabbed her mirror off him.

"I just wanted to see it." He whispered as he hung his head.

"No. You're not doing that again. You're not going to do that whole I'm the innocent little brother thing and get away with it! You know how much this means to me."

"I know. It was grandmas."

"Exactly and still, you come in here and take it without asking me first! What the hell is wrong with you!?"

"N...nothing. I just wanted to look at it. I didn't mean to make you so mad." He told her in a quiet voice as tears streamed down his face. She shook her head and crossed her arms. "I'm sorry."

"Damn it!" She shouted as she threw her arms in the air. "Why the hell do I have to put up with this!? Do I look like you mother!?"

"No, but..."

"No buts! Just get out and do not come in here again without asking me first!" She screamed as she pointed to the door. Dean glanced up at her before slowly moving to the door and silently closing it after he left. Shae just shook her head, placed the mirror back on her dresser and continued reading. "You always were a pain in my ass." She said to herself as she climbed back down the tree and sat back down. "But thats what I loved about you. You were always there to make my life a living hell and I never thought I was going to miss that this much." She told the tombstone as she wiped more tears from her eyes. "You were there when I needed you the most."

"Shae?" Thirteen year old Dean asked quietly as he opened her bedroom door. "You alright?" He asked as he peeked his head into the room. Shae jumped and shoved something under her pillow.

"What is it?"

"Mom said it's time to..." He stopped and looked at her leg. She followed his gaze and quickly shoved the blanket over her legs. "You ok?" He asked as he walked into the room.

"Fine and what did mom say?"

"It was time to eat and you're not fine. You were bleeding." He said as he reached for the blanket. She just moved away and crossed her legs under the blanket. "What happened?"

"Nothing. I said I was fine." Dean nodded and reached under her pillow, pulling out a broken piece of glass. "Uh, I can explain that."

"Really? Then explain this!" He shouted as he tore the blanked off her, revealing deep cuts all down both legs. "What the hell Shae?"

"It's nothing. I just cut myself."

"Over and over again?" She nodded and looked at the floor. "Shae, what's wrong with you?"

"Nothing. I just..." She stopped and looked over at him. He had this look plastered on his face. A look of pure concern. "I don't know Dean. It just helps sometimes, you know?" He shook his head. "I can't explain it ok and to be honest, I don't want to."

"You're hurting yourself." She glanced at him again before looking at the floor. "With glass." He told her as he looked at the piece of glass. "Isn't this from grandmas mirror?" She nodded and took the glass from him. "You broke it?"

"Might of dropped it while I was cleaning." She whispered as she looked at the blood on the glass. Dean shook his head and grabbed her hand. She lifted her head and looked right into his eyes.

"You can talk to me you know. I get that I'm just the pain in the butt brother, but I do love you Shae and I don't want to see you hurting yourself like this." She nodded and threw the glass into the garbage. Dean rolled his eyes and smiled. "Yeah. I may be only thirteen, but I know enough that you just throwing that away isn't going to make you stop." She just nodded, but didn't say anything. "How long?"

"What?"

"You heard me. How long have you been doing this?" He asked as he pointed to her legs. She looked down at them and then at him. "How long Shae?"

"I don't know." She answered with a shrug. "A few months maybe."

"Why?"

"It just got to be to much. Just to hard for me to handle and that helps."

"Sure it does." He replied as he rolled his eyes.

"What do you want me to say Dean? That's I'm sorry? That I want to die? What?"

"You don't really want to die, do you?" He asked as he blinked back tears. She refused to look over at him. She knew full well the look that was on his face and she didn't want to feel that kind of guilt. Not now. "Shae. Do you want to die?"

"I don't know Dean. It just seems like it would be easier." Dean nodded and stood in front of her.

"Easier!?" He screamed. "You think that would be easy!?" She nodded meakly. "Are you fucking kidding me!?"

"Do not talk to me like..."

"DON'T YOU DARE DO THAT NOW! DON'T YOU DARE SIT THERE AND PRETEND EVERYTHINGS OK AND THAT I DON'T HAVE A REASON TO BE SO PISSED OFF AT YOU THAT I DON'T EVEN WANT TO LOOK AT YOU!" He shouted causing her to flinch. "You sit there and say that you want to die because it's easy! How the hell would that be easy!?"

"Live my life for one day Dean and then you answer that question."

"Do you hate me and Sam that much? Hate mom and dad that much that you want to kill yourself?" She looked up at him with shock on her face. "DO YOU!?"

"I never said I hated you. Any of you. I wouldn't dream of hating you."

"Then why the hell do you want to die!?" She just shook her head and looked down. He crossed his arms and continued to stare at her. "Answer!"

"I don't know alright! I just don't know." She said as she broke down and stared crying. Dean watched as she crumbled in front of him and almost couldn't believe what he was seeing. Shae. His big sister. The one person that he looked up to cause he thought she could do anything, was reduced to a sobbing mess in a little under ten minutes. All his life, she was the strong one. The one that looked after him and Sam when John and Mary weren't around. The one that would stand up for them no matter what. Would cover for them so they wouldn't get in trouble. Dean thought she was invinciable and here she was, like any other human being. "I'm sorry Shae." He whispered as he sat next to her and wrapped his arms around her.

"Don't tell mom or dad. Please." She begged as she cried on his shoulder. He just nodded and rubbed her back the same way she did for him and Sam when they were sick or in pain. "Please don't tell anyone."

"I won't Shae. This will stay between me and you." She nodded and sat up to look at him. "You're going to stop though, right?"

"I can try."

"Good enough for me right now. Just no more talk about you dying right now ok? I don't want to think of losing you this soon." She smiled and wiped her eyes. "Deal?" He asked as he held his hand out. She smiled before shaking it.

"Deal." "You son of a bitch!" Shae screamed as she punch the tombstone with all the power she could muster at the time. "You are supposed to be here! I'm supposed to be there! This is all wrong! It's all wrong!" She kept saying over and over again as she hit the cold stone. "It's all just so wrong! I wanted to die so badly then and here I am, sitting on your grave now! It's just wrong!" She got up and started kicking the stone. "What the hell am I supposed to do now!? What the hell Dean!? That's supposed to be me in there! Me rotting in the ground! Me, you son of a bitch! ME!" She screamed as she sank to the ground again. She cried harder than she had ever cried before then. She just rested her head against the stone and looked at the mound of dirt before pulling out her phone and dialing a number.

"Hello?"

"It's supposed to be me." She whispered into the phone. "It's supposed to be me."

"Shae? You alright?"

"No. It's me Sammy. Supposed to be me there. Me."

"Shae, are you still at the cemetery?"

"I don't want to leave him alone Sam. He's alone where he is. No ones there to look out for him. I'm not there to protect him Sammy. He could be hurt and I'm not there for him."

"I'm coming to get you. Just stay where you are and don't do anything stupid alright?"

"He could be dead Sam and I can't help him."

"Promise me that you're not going to do something stupid!" Sam screamed into the phone. "SHAE! PROMISE ME!"

"Sam."

"I'm on my way ok? Just please, don't do anything."

"Sammy."

"Shae?"

"Goodbye."

"SHAE!"