Chapter 12

Crystal Woes

He opened one eye gently to look at the Fox before jumping up and clinging to him in a hug.He couldn't take it any more. Soft whimpers soon began to escape the little demon's lips as he nuzzled closer to his Fox's neck. He could feel the tears swelling in his eyes as he nuzzled closer. He didn't mean to do this, he didn't want to worry his Fox into thinking the tears were because he had harmed him...but he needed to let it all out. He needed someone to hear what he had always kept locked behind impenetrable walls; the same walls he had spent all of his life so carefully building to keep the world out, and his fear in. Now those walls were collapsing, and as the tears fell and crystallized onto the sheets of the Fox's bed he began to allow the whimpers to grow into quite sobs, along with a few quiet apologies.

Kurama was startled by the hug, and even further by the quiet sobs and all of the crystal tears. Normally he would've freaked out... He would have been spazztically asked if HIei was alright. But none of those human instincts came. Instead, one he locked inside came out. He sat down on the bed and pulled Hiei onto his lap, cradling the little demon. He slowly started to hum a song as he stroked the demon's back. He didn't mean to let his motherly instinct slip... But it did and he knew Hiei had had no mother...and he felt that no child deserved a life without a motherly embrace. So Kurama, no... Shuuichi, Shuuichi Minamono, the one with the need for Hiei's desire, held Hiei close. He hummed a calming tune, while allowing the demon to let out all of his sorrow, and fear locked within him to escape...

He felt the Fox cradle him and begin humming, but as soon as he got the chance he returned to hiding his face in his Fox's neck. He was so ashamed of himself for being so weak. However, he liked the tune the Fox was humming. IT made him feel safe. The way the Fox's arms wrapped so firm yet gentle against his skin made him cuddle closer to the Fox. "I'm sorry..." He whispered another apology. He wanted to explain himself, but all he could get out was apology after apology. He wasn't even sure what he was apologizing FOR. All he knew was that he was deeply sorry for something, but what it was was a completely different matter. "Please don't be mad..." that confused him as well. why would the Fox be angry with him? why was he saying these things? He felt so weak. "I'm sorry...I couldn't protect you from them...I'm sorry..."

"Do not be sorry my little Shadow... There was nothing either of us could have done to stop them. Do not remorse your actions... That struggle only brought us closer." He whispered, continuing to hum the tune. He remembered it now... His mother's lullaby... That was what he was humming to Hiei. The lullaby that was sung by the music box he kept in his mother's room. He found himself once more fighting the tears as he held his shadow... Continuing to hum the comforting tune...

"But...you don't...get it!"He sobbed once more between breaths. Damn the Gods, he felt so weak! "I couldn't protect you...I couldn't protect her...I can't help anyone! I'm weak and pathetic!" He sobbed it all out, cuddling closer. "I...I'm so weak..." This was a low whisper, he found himself rocking slightly. Had he actually allowed those demons to drive him insane. He didn't want to think about it as he cuddled closer to the Fox. "I mean...even my own village abandoned me...and they were right to...why don't you do what's safest? Why won't you just leave? All you're doing by staying here is putting yourself in harm's way..."

Kurama just continued, listening to the little demon's words. "I stay with you because I love you Hiei. I love you to the point where I would gladly die for you. I don't have much but you to live for, and for that, I'd gladly give my life." He continued to hold the sobbing demon. "And do not be sorry...I will never abandon you, and I think you are one of the strongest demons around...You aren't weak for crying. Everyone does. It's emotion Hiei, and you have them... You're just too afraid to show them."

"They dropped me...just because I was...and now I can't even..." he couldn't finish his own sentences, they hurt to much to think about, let alone saying them. Now they hurt more than ever. Now that his walls were down everything hurt more than ever. He was filled with a longing to be accepted by those who had banished him, he felt remorse for his mother's loss, he felt more hate in himself than ever for being born different, he felt the pain of losing his mother's tear-even though he had it back!- and he felt afraid, no, horrified of those demons...the ones who had taken him and harmed his Fox. He could feel his body's frantic trembling and he felt even he was betraying himself.
Then the feelings of being weak returned. The feeling that no one would ever need him around. He remembered when he fought Yusuke for the first time, how Kurama had gotten in the way and been stabbed instead. He remembered Maze Castle and how Yusuke and Kurama had trusted him so easily. He remembered The Tugoro Brothers, and how they had hurt his poor sister. It was hard to see but he could see the panic in Kurama's eyes when he had nearly killed that human. Kurama had wanted him to tell Yukina...he wondered why. Had it been because he was worried? Perhaps his Fox really did wish for nothing more than happiness.
He hadn't realized it but the tears had stopped, and now he was merely trying to regain his breath.

Kurama held him the whole time, letting the little demon ramble. He knew it would help to let Hiei get it off his chest. After a bit the tears stopped and he heard Hiei trying to regain breath. He smiled and continued the tune a bit. "There, there Shadow. It's going to be alright...see?" The tune continued to flow from his perfect lips, his eyes soft and motherly.

The little demon nodded slowly, finally regaining his breath. His stomach ached slightly, but he didn't think he should tell the Fox, however, his head was pounding in his ears. He hadn't ever cried that badly before. It hurt him both physically and mentally, and much more than he had ever thought it would. Somewhere in his subconscious he began rebuilding the walls, he wasn't sure why, but he wanted to demolish them again...but those alls made him feel safe, and so he allowed himself to rebuild them slowly as he lost himself in Kurama's arms. His eyelids grew heavy and soon he could no longer open them. He snuggled closer to the warmth that he assumed to be his Fox and allowed himself to drift back into his safe heaven with a slight smile on his lips.

He felt Hiei become limp. His little shadow must've drifted off into sleep. He smiled and lay down with him, whispering an I love you, before he himself went to bed.