AN: Nothing in here is mine. Thanks for reading and reviewing!
Snape was in a particularly foul mood after dinner. How stupid can I be? Insulting her own son! What was I thinking! He may be a foolish boy… person, but that's hardly the best way to win back a woman…. Snape cursed internally as he made his way back to his rooms; students instinctively leapt out of the way as he strode through the halls.
If he were perfectly honest with himself, he'd say he'd gained a grudging respect for Harry. He certainly had proved his mettle, and for some reason, he didn't seem as full of himself as he once had although he'd had expected the opposite considering he'd defeated Voldemort directly. While he didn't seem himself ever becoming friends with Harry (Potter certainly had his limitations), he'd insulted her son mostly out of habit and not genuine malice. And she was right to be sad that she never got to really raise Harry. It was amazing he hadn't turned out worse with Tuney and her imbecile husband raising him – If she'd loved him enough to die for him, then it must tear her up that she couldn't be there all along – knowing what happened to him especially. And there I was forgetting that maybe she just might feel some maternal pride in her son. I must have sounded like I was bragging about myself. What a git I seemed. How is it that you always came up with the right thing to say to the Dark Lord, but I end up putting my foot in my mouth around Lily every time I talk to her? Pretty soon I will have regressed back to the pathetic boy she knew.
And worst of all, he thought, she was confiding in me! In the years she was gone, how many times did I wish she were there again, just talking to me like that. Worried over some trivial thing, my telling her it was silly, not to worry…. How much I wanted her coming to me when she was upset like she used to. Sev, always sarcastic, but always in her corner…. This line of thought caused him to remember the series of incidents in his youth when they'd truly embraced. Not a brief friendly hugs, but the times he really held her.
First year, she'd found him crying. He'd just learned that Hogwarts wouldn't be the refuge he'd believed it would be ever since he'd learned about it years ago. She'd wrapped her arms around his torso and squeezed. He'd gotten snot on her robes, but she hadn't minded.
Second year, they'd finally made a difficult potion after several failures. She'd lifted him a bit, arms pulling him up at the armpits. He wouldn't get a growth spurt for another year and a half and she towered over him most of the time.
Third year, after Goyle had called her a mudblood, he'd found her alone in an unused classroom. "Forget them Lily. He knows he's no good at anything. He's just jealous because you're ten times better than he is at everything," he'd said. She'd taken a shuddering breath and turned towards him, wrapping her arms under his and around him, her head on his shoulder, puffy eyes closed and buried in his sweater. He hadn't relaxed or even wrapped his own arms around her, but instead sat rigidly, and continued to talk. "Everyone with half a brain knows you're the best in our year – even Slughorn thinks so! Don't let that pathetic ogre make you feel bad about yourself."
"I know… I know… it's just… it doesn't matter how well I do, how hard I work, someone can always just cut me down – I'm always having to prove over and over that I even belong here! I can't mess up or get emotional – they'll say 'we told you so about those muggleborns!' I can't let them know how much it hurts me, to be called that – please don't say you saw me like this Sev? Not to anyone! I can't give him the satisfaction!"
"Of course, I understand – you're secrets are safe with me Lily," he'd promised.
Twice fourth year. Once on her birthday. He'd found an out of print book he knew she'd like and gotten her favorite type of biscuit from a muggle shop in Cokesworth. The second was when she'd spent spring break away with her family. She'd come back unusually melancholy and when she'd seen him, she'd put her arms around his neck and simply said "Oh it's good to be back! I missed you the whole time!"
Once the summer before fifth year. He'd been quarrelling with his father again and shown up at her house at dinnertime. Ms. Evans acted as if it was perfectly normal and pleasant to have an uninvited guest drop in and managed to stretch the meal to feed four. Afterwards, they'd been sitting in her room, listening to records, and he realized he hadn't responded to something she'd just asked him. All of a sudden, she'd moved over and sat beside him and hugged him. He'd pressed her tightly to him, lowering his head to her shoulder, her hair on his cheek. He'd inhaled and exhaled loudly – part of him wanted her to realize he was smelling her, realize what his fierce grip on her meant, realize that as he ran his hand up and down on her back that he was becoming hard underneath his jeans. Kiss her. Do it now! He'd told himself, but he hadn't.
Once fifth year, she'd become upset about something in the Prophet, something about Voldemort. She hadn't wanted to talk about it, but he had followed her to the astronomy tower anyways. They'd sat in silence for some time, and then she'd put her hands on either side of his head, looked up at him and just said "Oh Sev, please, I'm so worried about you."
"About me? I'm not in any danger!" Of course he knew what she was talking about. It wasn't the first time the topic had come up, but this time, she'd brought his head down to her clavicle and gently stroked the back of his head. He'd felt something wet on his forehead, and realized she was crying.
Snape's preparation paid off. His first day back in the classroom went as smoothly as could be expected. Memorizing the seating charts had been a good idea. The students actually thought he knew their names – forgetting he'd put them in those seats at the beginning of class. Only 179 to go….
As the week went on, it became clear that the current third years in Gryffindor would be the most challenging of the lot. William MacIntosh, a muggle-born from the look of things, had been particularly cheeky, raising his hand and asking purposefully stupid questions. The slight grin and the way he tried to catch the eye of his friends, especially Robert Clancy. His hair was brown and he had a slightly seedy look about him that his school robes couldn't completely obscure.
Clancy, on the other hand, was the opposite of his cronies. He stood out to Snape because it was clear he was trying to be as unassuming as possible. Following instructions immediately and without flourish, not reacting to Robert's immaturity, leaving immediately after class was over. Looking at Snape as he spoke, his eyes blank, showing no sign that he was attempting to follow the content of the lesson, although he produced a perfectly acceptable Protego charm when it was his turn. What are you up to I wonder? Thought Snape. For all his bluster, I don't believe MacIntosh is the brains of this operation. Snape decided he would seek out information on that crowd from the other teachers as soon as the opportunity presented itself.
Friday evening, he found himself outside the door to his old rooms. Screw your courage to the sticking place! This shouldn't be difficult. If I could spend all those hours at Voldemort's side, I can certainly maintain my composure around Lily…. Snape's purpose was twofold. He wanted to see about his things, and he thought that perhaps, if the time was right, he could… talk to her. Nothing serious, but perhaps someone needed to… clear the air. He knocked. Neville Longbottom opened the door.
Snape's frustration and panic must have shown on his face because Longbottom also looked alarmed. Regaining his composure as much as possible, Snape said,"I'm sorry to have bothered you. I didn't realize Professor Potter had company. Good night."
"Oh, no, no! Don't go on our account! Please come in!" Longbottom opened the door wider, revealing Bentham and Lily in the sitting room. "You most definitely qualify for membership," said Charlotte, rising from her chair.
"Membership?" Snape had good reason to be wary of joining organizations.
"The Young Faculty Club. No one over forty allowed," answered Longbottom.
"The rule used to be thirty-five, but well…" said Charlotte with a self-deprecating shrug.
"You're what, thirty-seven, Professor?" asked Longbottom. Snape realized at that point they'd all been drinking. The bottle, glasses and Longbottom's out of character boldness all pointed to it.
"Thirty-eight," he answered.
"Thirty-nine."
Snape turned and looked at Lily.
"Today's your birthday. It's January ninth today," she said.
"Oh, yes, how… silly, to have… forgotten."
"And Blot always brings people back on the date they died, so you've been alive for thirty-nine years," she continued.
Snape realized how strange this conversation must look to Longbottom and Bentham. "You always amazed me with how you could memorize so much."
Lily looked confused for a moment, then said, "Oh, right. Well, yours was always easy – How could I forget another January birthday?"
"Ooooooh, that's right, I keep forgetting you two were in school together," said tipsy Neville.
"Well, thank you for… reminding me Professor, now, I really must go."
"You can't go NOW!" Bentham nearly shrieked.
"C'mon, it is your birthday! Unless you've got other pressing plans, come have a drink with us, sir!" said Longbottom.
Snape glanced at Lily again. She was smiling and nodding, although it was impossible to say what she thought of the whole thing. Before he could say something else, she sprung up from her chair saying "Ah, let me go grab another glass and make you a drink…."
So Snape had no choice but to sit down, although not in his usual chair (Longbottom was sitting in that) and wait for his drink. Longbottom and Bentham resumed a discussion they'd been having before he'd arrived about some romantic drama amongst some of the Ravenclaws. Snape listened as the subject of conversation turned to their peers. He gathered that Longbottom was seeing the Lovegood girl. Interesting. He realized that he suddenly felt much more relaxed.
AN: So, I'm a fan of awkward (sexual?) tension and I am glad to see I have some like-minded readers. If you like REALLY LONG drawn out tension and you're not opposed to ADMM, then I can't recommend "Resolving a Misunderstanding" by MMADfan enough. If you like British period dramas, watch "The Remains of the Day" (on Amazon Prime for free!) but make sure to bring tissues. I don't know how many days of the school year there are at Hogwarts, but I just pretended they go for 180 like US public schools because I'm too lazy to do any research on British schools and the Hogwarts yearly calendar isn't definite enough to tell exactly.
