Chapter 12:
Ramifications
May 30, 2080
It was early morning, and Sirius was awake before anyone else in the large house in Scotland. He'd loved Fair Garden since he bought it for his wife as a safe haven. This was the place he called home, the place where he and Winnie raised their children. This was where they would be buried, someday in the not too distant future. They'd lived a good life, and if it was winding down, so be it.
Sirius Black did not look like a man of one-hundred-twenty years. His hair was a distinguished salt and pepper combination, still long and somewhat unkempt. His grey eyes were still bright, although they did have significant crows feet framing them.
He still dressed in jeans and jumpers, although now they were of a higher quality than he wore in his Hogwarts days. He'd also switched to almost entirely Muggle-made clothes in his twenties, needing to eschew the Wizarding world in the years after 'the spell.' He and Anwen went away on their own, living in remote places so she'd not be a danger to anyone else. It was a decade before they felt comfortable being around other magical folks. He considered it a good thing that witches could have children much later in life than Muggles, or they'd never have had kids at all.
Taking a long sip from the oversized mug of tea he was drinking, he watched the sun rise through the trees, thinking about how he wished the life they'd shared had been different.
From the time Anwen and I agreed to be in our relationship, to be trained, to do this magic, I knew there was risk - physical risk, emotional risk, risks to our future, our past, our everything. We've been married one hundred years today, and if we were given the chance to go back to the beginning, I'd marry my girl again, but I might not go in for the rest of it. None of us could have predicted what would happen. The darkness we'd face together and alone, the sorrow we'd endure, the loss of things I didn't know you could lose.
My girl - guess she's not much of a girl at one-hundred-seventeen - she was always ready to do what was needed. Her motivation was always 'the best for everyone', even if it wasn't the best for us. I didn't argue with her, how could I? Her actions were always selfless; but I wanted to disagree with her. I could see what was happening to her, how she was being ripped apart and then forcing herself back together. For the longest time, she hid her pain from me, never alerting me to how hard simple tasks of reading and walking out in the sunlight hurt her. It wasn't until she was wearing sandals one night and I watched her curl her toes every time her face was in the sunshine that I became aware of her pain. I observed her for about a week, seeing how she'd close her eyes and count silently while breathing slowly or how she'd wear her sunglasses even on the covered porticos of our home.
Suspecting she was hiding pain from me, I went to the only woman who might have answers. Old Winnie was surprised when I showed up alone, and I was forced to show her the Time-Turner Minerva had given me in my seventh year. It was something that didn't happen to her Sirius. She gave me her journals from when she was just learning her visualisation magic with Dumbledore. I was stunned at just how much she was willing to bear to help others. When I confronted my girl, she confessed, saying she didn't want to worry me. I made sure she was protected from then on.
I wish there had been more I could do for James, though.
Old Winnie had explained that part of having the visualisation gifts was a change in the way their bodies managed magic. She explained that it was the same as if her body had an increased blood volume and her heart grew in order to keep it all flowing properly. Anwen's magical core was larger and better shielded than the average witch. My being Bound to her also afforded me these physiological changes, to a lesser extent. Unfortunately, while James was incredibly gifted in his magic, he wasn't physically prepared for what being in proximity to Winnie while using her visualisation magic would do to him.
Because she was often transporting him with her, she had to transfer small amounts of her magic into his body. At first we noticed nothing, the only symptom he had was the nightmares; which Winnie also had. It was later that we realised her magic was like radiation to his body. Much like Moony was prematurely aged by his Lycanthropy, Prongs was being burned on the inside when he worked with her.
Realising the consequences for him, I developed a protection charm and Lily created a reparative potion for him, but significant damage had already been done. Anwen wasn't even able to look at her cousin for months after that. He never blamed her, simply calling it an unavoidable consequence. I disagreed with him on that point. The other versions of herself were warned, should they ever need to time-travel again. Personally, I doubted they would.
I honestly don't know if I'd put myself through it again. Not after what James suffered, what Harry and Ginny lost, what happened to Remus and Eva, the children who we didn't know or love and most importantly for what it took from my wife. I know it's selfish, but I miss the woman I married.
A charm began pinging quietly around Sirius, and he swallowed down the remainder of his now chilling tea. His dear wife was stirring, and she'd be needing him to help her get up and start her day. He would never desert her for a different existence, but he did wish they had lived one of the other timelines.
