A/N: There is a reference to something else in here. I wonder if you can catch it.
Chapter 2
Divergent Timeline
"So is there any reason why the sight of Minish carrying away Pikmin while screaming women didn't bother you?" Samus asked, pausing for a moment. While they had been escaping, the Minish had overtaken them and carried on towards the woods, Pikmin women in hand. Samus had been unnerved by the sight, but Link looked completely at ease with it. She had started to question his sanity.
"I've seen stranger sights," he explained. At her posture, he added, "You did too."
Samus almost asked what had they 'seen' but thought better of it. If Link was right and this was the future he remembered, then technically it didn't have to happen again and she never had to even think of it. So instead the bounty hunter summoned her ship.
The two climbed on board and it lifted off into the sky, waiting for a destination. "Where exactly did you want to go?" Samus asked. "I mean if we went back in time, didn't everywhere else?"
Link stared at a map on a screen. Samus shook her head at his behavior as he continued to examine the power grid. He might be crazy, but technology-savvy he wasn't. Then Link spun around towards her. "That's it! Wonderland!" he declared.
"Wonderland?"
"Time doesn't exist in Wonderland. So they couldn't have been sent back in time because they don't have time," Link explained. "Mark had been there, so they should remember him."
Samus tried to think about it but ended up with a headache. So instead she set the destination in her ship's computer and sat back in her chair. After a while, she caught Link watching her with a look in his eye. It startled her a little; she hadn't had someone look that kindly at her in a while.
"What?" she asked gruffly. Link started and looked away.
"Sorry," he apologized, scratching the back of his head. "I forgot you don't remember."
Samus was startled again as she realized that his kind look had been a loving look. Uncertain about how to respond, she settled for turning back ahead, mumbling.
They sailed along for awhile before Samus thought of another question. "So if you know the future, what's happening at the mansion right now?" she asked.
Link thought briefly. "They're probably castrating Falcon."
"Huh. About time."
"Yeah... it didn't go so well last time."
"What happened?"
(**)
"Marth!" Fox shouted in agony, clutching himself protectively. "WHY? WHY?" Marth shrugged, personally undisturbed by what he had done. Then again, he wasn't quite right at the moment, even for Marth.
It had started when Captain Falcon had used Up+B on Lyn while she was trying to take a shower. While Ike had defended his girlfriend's honor using Hell Aether the top eight—minus Link and Samus—had agreed that Falcon would be castrated. They were about to choose ROB for the dishonor when Marth showed up and agreed to do it. They had been surprised by another man's willingness to do the deed, but weren't about to argue it. Mario put it down to Marth's gangster prissyness.
That was their first mistake.
Their second was to leave Marth unsupervised.
Marth may not have evolved his punk, goth, frat, Sith, or any other aspects of his personality, but he still had loyalty, and he didn't like Falcon messing with his friends. So the prince had been placed alone in a room with Falcon. Then the nightmare began. Marth began by taking all the anesthetic he'd been given for the operation, making him more willing to care less and cause more pain. So the prince had grabbed acupuncture needles and used them on Falcon's manhood.
Falcon's screaming increased when Marth finished the deed by putting the offending anatomy in a metal grinder while still attached. The prince had been nice enough to bandage it after.
Every man in the room screamed in agony at the thought and began attacking anybody nearby in an attempt to defend their manhood. The only two men who weren't bothered were Marth, who was busy wearing off his high, and Ike, who was comforting a fetal position Lyn from Falcon's assault.
Marth watched as DK bashed Ness's head in with a cabinet while protecting himself, then frowned when he realized something. "B!$#!" Marth swore. "My comb be in that cabinet!"
(**)
"Eh, it probably won't be that bad this time," Samus offered. "Maybe this time ROB will know what anesthetic is."
"Hopefully," Link agreed. The ship reached Wonderland and set down in the nearest meadow.
Samus put her helmet on. "So who's Mark? I don't know that name," she said.
"He's a Fire Emblem tactician that becomes part of the staff later. Mark's one of those eerily genius people that..." Link's voice trailed off as the ship door opened. "...By Miyamoto. Mark."
The entirety of Wonderland was covered in a red substance,with footprints and slash marks visible everywhere. Samus knelt down slowly to touch it and realized that the red substance was what could only be called organic fluid. It wasn't hard to realize blood was a major factor of organic fluid. Nothing in Wonderland was alive; even Alice hadn't survived Mark's loss of temper. She did however retain something that looked like a corpse, which was more than could be said for everyone else.
Samus felt the urge to throw up and add to the mess. "Don't tell me Mark did this?" she asked. "Why would a psychopath be on our staff?"
"When they mentioned he had a temper, I never thought of this," Link muttered. "He even hacked and killed Wonderland's spirit, making it a normal place. By Farore, I think I'm going to be sick." He looked at his boots, covered in organic fluid, and nearly puked.
"Well Wonderland's out elf boy. What now, and fast," Samus pleaded.
"I wish I knew a song that could help. I have the Song of Healing, but it only heals injuries, not memories of the future," Link mumbled. "But I think I know someone who did have that song."
Samus used her cannon to blow some of the organic fluid off the ground for her stand; as it turned out the organic fluid was two feet deep. Standing in her safe place, she glared at Link. "Then get him. And this is your fault. I've seen enough trauma."
"So have I," Link muttered, climbing into the safe place with her. While Link thought a moment, Samus realized the distance between them. Impure thoughts entered her mind, and for some reason Samus wanted to have Link while he was bloodied. Before she could carry those thoughts out, Link shouted up to the air. "Kirby! We have food for you!"
The two looked down at a sound. Kirby was standing, looking adorable and pointing to his mouth.
"Wow, that was faster than I expected. Kirby, I do have food for you," Link said, thinking of his store of fish in bottles, "but first, I need you to spit out Beethoven."
Kirby frowned, but thought the deal was fair and spat out the skeleton. Beethoven still had a piece of paper clutched in his hand. Samus could only wonder how long Beethoven had been in there and if there would've been a tenth symphony if not for Kirby.
"He was getting bad tasting anyway," Kirby explained. He stared at Link. Wasn't there something about him earlier... "Oh! Do you know why all the guys at the mansion are acting funny?"
"Huh?" Samus asked. Link looked ready to explain, but Kirby continued.
"They're all acting weird because Marth said he put Falcon's manhood through a grinder," Kirby explained. Half a nanosecond later Link was screaming, running around, and covering himself. "Kind of like that. So where's my food?"
Samus pointed to Link running around. However, Kirby was shorter than Samus by a lot and couldn't see properly. Instead he saw something else.
Excited, Kirby ran up to the organic fluid. "Cool! Is this lifeboat nectar?" he asked, and then without an answer began to devour every inch of organic fluid.
Samus couldn't take it; she puked. Kirby ate that too. He also at her ship before leaving. Once Samus was over her sick feeling, she grabbed Link and punched common sense into him. "Hurry up; I need to lay down," she muttered. "This is all your fault."
"Not it's not, actually. It's the author's."
"Well he's a f#$%^#$%^ loon."
Link nodded, tried not to think about where the organic fluid was and why Kirby was gone, and played the Song of Healing for Beethoven. After the magical tune was finished, Beethoven's skeleton got up and dusted itself off.
The Hero of Everything frowned; why wasn't Beethoven fully alive? He looked at his ocarina and was surprised to see text. Want to see your target come fully back to life? Pay $5.99 now and upgrade to the full version of the Song of Healing? Link groaned; stupid in-story costs.
Beethoven looked around before looking at Link, as if to ask, Why am I not making music, elf boy?
"Beethoven, I brought you back to life because we need your help. Samus is missing memories, and we were wondering if you could help us restore them through a song," Link explained.
Samus decided to stop worrying about the madness as Beethoven nodded and pulled a piano out of nowhere. She'd already seen worse, and suddenly being onstage at a theater wasn't too bad. Meanwhile, Beethoven had begun to play a melody. He may have been a skeleton, but he still had it. He played out a tune for Link to copy. After several tries, Link did.
Link learned the Song of Remembrance!
Beethoven's skeleton decided it'd had enough, and left. Link turned towards Samus. "Well? What are you waiting for?" Samus asked.
Link smiled. "Still the same, Samus," he muttered, causing her to raised her eyebrows behind her visor. Then he lifted his ocarina up and played the Song of Remembrance. When it was over, Link glanced at Samus. "Well?" he asked.
…
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