Fallen Petal
by Kuro Warau
A/N: Here I am with another chapter! I'm beginning to get back into the old rhythm. I don't mention this as often as I should at all, but I really can't think my readers, followers and reviewers enough for all their wonderful support. It's really nice that people are reading and enjoying the things I write, and it's especially nice when it's countable like it is in Story Followers, Story Favorites and so on. Also, I immensely enjoy reading your reviews, they always make me smile.
Concerning the length of this story, I'm not certain. It will end up on the longish side once all is said and done – I'm calculating that I have written around one out of fourth of this story. This means that it could easily approach the forty chapters or so, but don't take this as any guarantee since I never know exactly what a chapter is going to contain until I'm done writing it. For instance, I had decided that the reunion of Zero and his family, and possibly even the reunion of Kaname and Yuuki was going to be included in the last chapter, but Zero and Kaname's farewell was simply too important to jump over and it practically wrote itself. So consider this more of a guide than a promise, since I hate to disappoint.
The chapter title refers to the different kind of "thirsts" or "bloodlusts" represented in the minds of both the characters and the plot. The thirst for love in Zero and Kaname, the thirst for happier days in Kaname and Yuuki, the thirst for revenge in the hunters and Kaname, the thirst for a wish in Ichiru and the thirst for blood in the vampires.
Chapter Twelve: Blood Covered Thirst
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"I'm back!" The moment after the words escaped Zero's mouth, the entire house went silent. He'd heard Yagari and Ichiru speaking in the living room, but they'd fallen silent as soon as they'd heard his voice. The only sound in there was the low buzzing from the television. Deciding against giving anyone a heart attack with his sudden reappearance, Zero hurriedly removed Kaname's jacket and hung it up, handing it in the back of the closet and moving the other jackets in front of it.
Slowly, he stepped out in the living room's doorway, taking in the sight of the familiar room and the three people sitting there. The awkward discomfort he'd felt outside intensified, looking into his family's disbelieving gazes. When no one made a move or looked ready to say something, Zero slowly let himself slide down in the couch in front of the fireplace, warming his hands.
"… Zero?" Yagari asked uncertainly, being the first to break the silence. The younger hunter looked up at him, a slight smile on his face. "I thought… we thought… it was reported that no one had survived the explosion…" he started, looking like he may think he saw a ghost before him. This was what Zero had expected and prepared for. And though he was sad to finally get the last certainty that his colleagues had died, it did work conveniently into his plan. Having one of them survive to tell another version of the story than his own would be problematic. And he had to be a good liar. For Kaname's sake.
"Yeah…" he started, moving closer to the others and uncomfortably sitting down on the edge of his seat. "I… I was patrolling a little ahead of the others. I was… looking down the streets…" Zero explained, uncomfortably aware that he was moving the hair not covering his eyes all the time. He was a rotten liar, he always had been and he would always be. When they were younger, Ichiru could always tell all of his secrets. Ichiru himself, however, was mostly a closed book, even towards Zero. He was sure there was something more, a pain his brother was hiding, but he knew he didn't really understand the depth of it.
This time, however, he couldn't allow himself to be read like a book. He had to lie better. If he didn't, it would hurt Kaname. And that was a thought that could fuel his talents. "When the explosion went off, I was knocked into the nearest building and some of it collapsed on me… It knocked me momentarily unconscious, but it also hid from the vampires. When I woke, they were still searching through the timbers. So I crawled into hiding. And I stayed there, until I was well enough to go home." Zero pushed the hair out of his face, looking directly at Yagari as sincerely as he could. And since they must have heard nothing further, they would believe him. After all… why would he lie? In their eyes, he had no reason to. And hopefully, they would just be happy he was alright and stop wondering how it had happened.
"Zero…"
The initial shock subsiding, Yagari pulled him into a close embrace, holding on to the younger hunter in an intimate manner that the stoic man rarely showed. The other two neared him as well, welcoming him home warmly like a real family. And Zero was happy to be received this way. He was happy for his own family, and he was happy to be back between them in familiar surroundings. But… it did feel empty and hollow without Kaname. As if… as if all the things that had been important to him before… just weren't that important anymore. As if something else had taken those places.
It felt all wrong. He was happy to be back with his family, happy to be among people he loved. But there was a vital piece missing to make him completely satisfied. The most important piece simply wasn't found here. But it did help to imagine that he'd be with Kaname again soon. It soothed the empty feeling a little, so he could focus on other important people in his life.
But it did feel a bit miserable to pretend like nothing when in fact, his whole outlook on the world had changed.
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"It's good you're back with me, Zero," Ichiru said, laying down in his bed and looking up at the ceiling. He yawned slightly, stretching and relaxing. Zero smiled fondly at his brother, getting down in his own bed. Ichiru was the single person he might feel comfortable sharing it all with at some point, halfway because he was pretty sure his twin would figure it out one way or another either way. Besides, Zero knew Ichiru wasn't hunter to the core. Since he'd been born frail and had always been ill-fitted to be a hunter, he'd never put much enthusiasm into learning a hunter's ways, even though Yagari and everyone else had tried to treat them as equally as possible.
Zero knew it pained his brother to know that they were not equal. And after all of everyone's' efforts… what did it matter anyway? Ichiru knew he couldn't be like Zero, of course he did. He saw it every day, no matter how hard his family tried to hide it from him. Zero had given up on trying. It wouldn't lead to anything either way. And in truth, Zero thought it was a bit cruel of his surroundings to focus on trying to fool Ichiru into thinking he could be as good a hunter as Zero when he obviously couldn't, instead of focusing on the things that he could do.
Zero, too, felt burdened by his brother's condition. He blamed himself. He knew he couldn't change it and that it was nothing but instinct, but it was still his fault. And he could never take that back. He wanted so badly to help… to make him well… but he knew there wasn't a person who could do that. Ichiru was simply born that way and it wasn't possible to make it right. Ever.
So, instead, Zero tried compensating for that by trying to make sure that Ichiru did get all the opportunities and possibilities his health allowed him to have. He tried to be there for him as much as possible, and sometimes, he knew he tried too hard. He didn't want to seem like an overprotective brother, or perhaps even father, but he couldn't help it. He wanted to be sure Ichiru didn't lack anything.
But he knew he was failing. No matter what he tried, he could never make it all okay.
Ichiru had better periods and worse periods, but the facts remained the same… he'd never be healed. He'd never be healthy and he would never get rid of his frailty. And against that, no possibilities he could have was enough. Zero knew his brother felt trapped in his own body. And he understood why.
Ichiru looked thoughtfully over at his brother, an expression as if he was looking far into the distance taking over his features. "Zero…" he started, his gaze changing between focusing on Zero's face and that unreadable expression. "Do you think… I will get old enough… to experience getting my wishes granted?" he asked, sitting slightly up and leaning against the wall. He looked frail, but determined.
Zero gave a soft chuckle. "Why, of course. Everyone will get at least some of their wishes fulfilled. Why should it be any different with you?" The young hunter reached forward, intending to gentle stroke his brother's hair. Ichiru brushed him off, looking sternly into his eyes now and lowering his voice to little more than a whisper. "You know why it should, Zero. You know what I mean…"
Looking into his brother's eyes for a long time, Zero saw his own worried face reflected in those similar orbs. He bit his lip lightly, finally breaking eye contact as he looked down. He knew very well what his brother meant. Ichiru did have good and bad periods… but he was not well. And he couldn't expect to die old. "Yeah… I know… What do you wish for, Ichiru?"
"… I don't really know. Perhaps I wish… I wish to be healthy… I don't have to live long or become a hunter. But I want to be healthy if only for one evening. If I could get that wish, I would get my most heartfelt wish fulfilled. I'd make sure of that," his twin mused slowly, shifting focus to the ceiling again. His thoughts seemed to be far away. Zero smiled slightly and got up to press the duvet down around Ichiru's body so he was sure he lay comfortably in the warmth. Then he got down in his own bed.
"I'm sure you'll get to fulfill your wishes," he whispered lowly and reached for the light, turning it off. Sometimes, Ichiru scared him a bit when he said things in that tone… so determined and persistent. As if he would give his life for what he said. It scared him when his brother was so determined, but most of all, he was scared by the thought of Ichiru not being able to achieve that. What if he couldn't? Zero knew, as well as Ichiru did, that he would never be completely healthy, not even for one evening.
Zero could already hear Ichiru's breath becoming slower and steadier, indicating that he'd fallen asleep. He was always so tired, even when he hadn't done anything remarkable during the day. Zero smiled sadly at him and lay down beside.
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Kaname opened his eyes when a ray of sunlight fell in his face, unpleasantly ripping him from his sleep. He hadn't considered where he'd fallen asleep last night, because of the time of day, but now he wished he'd sat somewhere else. It couldn't be too late, there were still a couple of hours till the others would arrive. He could have used the additional bit of rest.
Falling asleep again, however, didn't seem a good idea either. It was getting lighter and with the run-down state of the houses here, it would be hard to find a place where no light would penetrate. He was only a few hundred meters from the ocean and his sensitive ears easily picked up on the waves. The houses here were little more than ruins. Not only were they subjected to harsh winds and the roaring ocean, but they were also placed in pure crossfire between vampires and hunters. What few were still standing looked about to collapse.
Finding that he was unable to sleep on, Kaname began searching around these outskirts for something to eat and, second to that, a place where he could prepare and wait for the other vampires to arrive. He had no illusion that he was going to fight before he could get back home, and since he currently was the only free vampire on the mainland, he could easily prepare himself for it.
Walking around on the mainland without being preoccupied with fighting, he always felt a certain melancholy twist itself into his veins. His home was so close… all the things he'd loved and cherished in happier times. It was so close, but completely unreachable. The hunters had taken it from him. He could never visit there again, could never find that box he and Yuuki had buried as children. He would have liked to though, for her sake. And for the sake of the precious memories stored in the photos within that necklace.
Since they'd been forced to leave their house so suddenly, they hadn't managed to bring anything with them. In Kaname's mind, he imagined that he and Yuuki were going to return one day and find the house exactly as they'd left it. Then they could start rebuilding their lives and rediscover all treasuries full of memories.
But he was well aware that that wasn't the case. The hunters had probably burned their house down after taking everything of value to be found. Even if they could someday return, which he doubted, there would be nothing left for them to return to. No memories, nothing familiar… only empty ruins. And they wouldn't be able to find as much as a picture.
Kaname had no pictures. Nothing. He could remember them clear enough, but it was worse with Yuuki. The flight through the forest, all the troubles and worries a young child had had to endure left her with little remembrance of anything before that. Of course she could remember certain episodes in short glimpses, but she had been nothing more than a big toddler. It had all been too much for her. Even now, Kaname blamed himself for putting her through such hard times. Already back then, when it happened, he'd promised himself that he would make sure Yuuki would live to see such dark days gone and happier times restored. Kaname intended to keep that promise.
Still, it would never be able to bring their parents, their home or any other remembrance than memory back. Kaname could barely stand that thought. Everything was just… gone. That world he had loved was all gone. Inevitably, the anger welled up in him as well. This was his land… his people… his planet. It all belonged to him. And the hunters had taken that from him as well.
His pureblooded nature made him the natural top of the food chain. He was the world's most dangerous predator, the pinnacle of evolution, of self-perseverance and of power. He could twist the very fabric of nature with a simple thought. Yet for all the power stored within him, he couldn't do much against a never-ending mass of hunters, thirsty for blood in another way than he. It was frustrating. He had to fight to protect even those dearest to him.
Finding a good place to sit, close by the water and in protection from the sharp sun, he settled on making himself comfortable while he waited.
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Around an hour later, Kaname's senses informed him that vampires were getting closer. Their presences approached quickly until he was able to pick out the sound of a boat in the water. Even though it was in the cold period of the year, this day the sea was relatively quiet and he could easily discern the sounds of the boats from the sounds of the waves.
Soon enough, he could see them approaching. Kaname had never been alone while having a huge group of vampires approaching and the overload of presences coming off of them was actually uncomfortable. Even though they were his allies and his friends, Kaname's instincts never let him forget that the lower classes could turn on him any moment. He was prey. And as prey, perhaps capable of defending himself like no other creature, but prey nonetheless, he felt uncomfortable having all the nobles' and common vampires' presences sweeping up around him, coming in waves just like the roaring sea.
When they got close enough to be able to recognize him, he stood up and walked to the shore to greet them. Already, he'd picked up on Yuuki's presence, easily identified as the pureblood among the lower classes. But also Aidou and Takuma were there, Kaname could sense their unique presences as well. They were all there. All the people he loved and cared about. The relief filled Kaname. All the while he'd taken care of Zero, he had been afraid that his friends and family would get hurt without him. He'd feared that he'd come back and one of them would be missing.
But they were all safe and sound. And soon, he'd see them again. There was only one person he missed now. But that missing presence was like deadweight on his heart. Though he was happy to be with his friends and family once again very soon, the absence of Zero was unmistakable. He couldn't just forget.
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"There's something…" Yuuki started, looking back and forth between the mainland where they'd come from. She had been able to feel it faintly for quite some time already, but now it had grown to make her consciously aware of it. A strange presence. Unpleasant and pleasant. A threat and a companion. Another pureblood.
Yuuki stood up and walked to the front of the boat. Her keen eyesight easily penetrated the early morning mist and cut through right to the shore. Still, they were some hundred meters from shore, but a figure was discernible to her. Tall, slender and with a certain presence about him. A male vampire. And not just any vampire… a male pureblood. Who could only be… Her heart almost skipped a beat.
The second Yuuki judged she was able to jump over the waters, an impressive twenty meters from the shore, she took off on the deck and flew towards her brother, landing a few feet from him. Looking up, she saw his familiar smile that she'd missed so dearly these past weeks.
He'd been there all along and she'd never been alone. He was unharmed and looked to be in as good a shape as last time she'd seen him. Yuuki's breath left her slowly, a small relived smile forming in the corners of her mouth.
"You… You're the most horrendous, reckless, cruel person I know…" she muttered faintly, sliding her hand throw her long hair. Kaname chuckled lightly, reaching a hand out to stroke her hair. His movements were slow and gentle, soothing her. Kaname could read the worries in her face easily, could see the exhaustion from sleepless nights sit under her eyes.
He should never have let her alone for so long. Hadn't he promised to protect her always? Kaname switched between guilt, relief and loneliness. He should never have abandoned her like that, with no word or warning. She must have thought the worse and that was his fault. On the other hand, he was relieved that she was alright, that all three of them were alright. And he was happy to be back with them. But… he was lonely, even now.
Kaname put his arms around Yuuki's frail shoulders, pulling her into a reassuring hug. Slowly, he raised a hand and stroked her hair gently. She was fragile and precious in his arms, like a porcelain doll. So easy to break, yet beautiful and refined.
"…Why didn't you come?" Yuuki asked lowly, her tone lying somewhere between accusation and sadness. She put her arms around him as she used to do when she was a child, and still did occasionally when she needed to be closer to him. Continuing his slow combing through her hair, her brother sighed slightly and leaned down to lock eyes with her. "Not here, Yuuki. When we get back. We can't discuss private matters now."
The hunters could be here any moment. It was important that they were on guard. Still… even if there had been no hunters setting out to kill them, Kaname would have preferred having such a conversation in private, not in front of the entire population of Sapporo. Even now, there were still some norms that purebloods were expected to follow, whether it be out of survival reasons, tradition or instinct. Crying or being too intimate in the company of other vampires was one of them. "We'll talk later, okay…?" Kaname tenderly removed a strand of hair from her face and gave her a small smile. Nodding slowly, his sister leaned her head on his shoulder, finally being able to relax again to Kaname's warm, familiar scent.
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Kaname did enjoy being back in his own home, surrounded by his sister and his friends. Aidou and Takuma were both staying the night, since it had proven to be completely impossible to convince them otherwise, meaning that he and Yuuki's conversation would be postponed to a later date. Good the same, Kaname knew Yuuki was the person who knew him the best, she would be able to see through his lies easily. Instead, he opted for avoiding mentioning much, instead focusing on telling her bits and pieces of unimportant things he'd been doing. Takuma and Aidou gave him some time to think up a proper excuse.
The pureblood let a hand glide through his own hair, listening with half an ear to his companions' conversation in the other end of the room. "Typical… First night home and I'm still the one who cooks…" he mused loudly, interrupting their chatter and placing the finished dish on their table. Really, it was little more than planks with boxes to stabilize and lift, but it was a table nonetheless, and more extravagant than many others.
Kaname wondered what Zero's home was like. He was pretty sure hunters were fairly rich, or at least, not poor. Just the luxury of electricity for light or cooking was something Kaname missed on a daily basis. Someday, he would love to get a glimpse into what life was like for the silver-haired hunter, or for everyone else than vampires for that matter. Everyone had the right to a decent living, to a life altogether… all but he and his kin.
The blood that bound him, confined him, marked him… The blood in his veins and the blood that he so desired. Once again, he wondered what the real difference between humans and vampires was. He had never asked to be a blood drinker, had never asked to be born with such immense power, yet they all hunted him because of that. In what ways was he different from a human? And Yuuki? When looking at her, how could anyone say that there was nothing but evil and bloodlust in a pureblood? She was tender, gentle and caring. Yes… there was a dark side in all vampires. But most of them knew how to control that side. Why did they deserve to be punished?
If only there were more people like Zero… understanding, willing to learn and accept what they saw no matter what they'd been taught. That was why Zero was so different… because he treated Kaname like an individual, not a beast. Because he was able to see what kind of person Kaname was, and because he himself was an incredible person.
Kaname had been guilty too, boxing hunters into one category of cruel, reckless murderers who enjoyed torturing vampires just because. Zero was not like that, at all. He'd proven himself different. He'd proven himself to become an irreplaceable piece of Kaname's life just in a few days. And that was why he was lonely. Even now, surrounded by those who used to be his entire life, whom he still loved and wished to protect… He didn't love them any less, none of them. There was just something else, something new… A wish for someone who wasn't there. A desire he could never feel towards Yuuki, Aidou or Takuma, as much as he may love them.
Those simple days had changed everything and there was a longing in Kaname's chest that none of them could quench.
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To be continued…
