Nick was looking forward to tonight. It was Valentine's Day and he had a 'date' planned with Alex. The two of them were going to spend the evening in over a nice meal, and see where it went from there. Alex was at home, doubtless fretting over what the meal should be, and making sure she looked brilliant. Nick had managed to get his shift changed and was working earlier so that he could be home in time.
Greg spotted him and shook his head. "You're grinning like a fool Nicky."
"Just having a good day is all," Nick retorted. "Is that a crime?"
"It's Valentine's Day. You never have a good Valentine's Day. I know you."
"Alex is making us dinner."
"Oh, like she does every other night."
"Greggo…"
Greg held his hands up in surrender. "I get it! I get it! Relax man, I'm just kidding you. Shouldn't you be heading around now?"
"Oh shit!" Nick exclaimed and headed to sign out. Greg laughed as he left.
Nick had promised not to be late, and he wasn't going to be.
Alex was waiting for him when Nick got home. She was dressed casually enough, but still looked gorgeous to him. He bent down and pressed a kiss to her lips.
"I'm just going to slip into something more comfortable," he told her. "That alright?"
"Absolutely," she replied, gently touching his face. "Dinner's almost ready babe."
"I'll be right back."
Nick hurried to slip out of his work clothes and into a casual outfit similar to Alex's. When he joined her, she was setting plates on the table. He pressed a kiss to her neck and grabbed two wine glasses and the bottle he'd picked up on his way home. He poured two glasses and sat down opposite Alex over the candle-lit table.
"To you Alex," Nick toasted. "For keeping me sane."
Alex lifted her own glass. "To you as well Nicky. For just being there."
"To us then, the strangest pair, possibly in the world at the moment."
Alex giggled, and put her head coyly on one side. "Is that what you think honey?"
"Strange, but matched."
They fell into companionable silence for a while as they ate. Then they started chatting, casual topics, Nick's day at work, Alex's day in the house, the latest episode of The Mentalist, and the pros and cons of the movie they'd watched the weekend before. It was comfortable, a sensation Nick was associating with Alex these days. He could tell her anything and she'd listen. She wouldn't judge him, she'd just listen, offer advice and comfort. She was always there when he needed her. His hand reached out and grabbed hers across the table.
"So what movie are we watching?" he asked after they were done, and she'd set the dishes in the sink.
"I thought about The Wedding Planner…" Alex started and Nick choked on his wine. "And then decided to go with Blood Diamond, seeing as neither of us particularly enjoy romance movies."
"Too many perfectly happy endings."
"Exactly, and we're both too cynical for that one."
Nick laughed and pulled Alex down into the circle of his arms after she'd put the TV and DVD on. She went willingly and snuggled into his side, curling up on the couch and wrapping on arm around his stomach as always. His arms were around her waist, holding her close. They didn't really see much of the movie, more interested in each other and their lips. The lazy kisses that were dragged out during the movie were comfortable and gentle. They both knew they were setting themselves up for a fall, but they really couldn't care less. They loved each other, and that was all that really mattered to them at the moment.
When the film was ended, both were tired, and headed towards Nick's room. They hadn't slept apart since that fateful night when Gabriel had told Alex that she was safe from her tormentor. Despite wanting to do more, Nick found himself falling asleep with Alex, in a completely innocent embrace.
Nick woke suddenly to find Alex half sitting up beside him, leaning over him, eyes concerned.
"Are you alright?" she asked quietly, her fingers running through his short hair.
"It's just a nightmare," Nick told her quietly. He didn't know why he'd been dreaming of his time in Iraq, but he had been.
Alex clearly didn't believe his words and lay down, pulling his head onto her chest. Lying there, in the darkness, wrapped in Alex's arms, Nick felt safe, felt the dreams releasing their hold on him.
"It was 1991," he started suddenly, and was surprised when Alex didn't interrupt him. "My unit and I had been cut off. There was activity near where we were, and back-up was a long way from coming. After a nervous night, the back-up turned up. Along with a whole host of the opposing army. We were thrown into a hellish battle with them, from what I gathered we managed to repel them. I'd been knocked out by a shell blast shortly after the whole mess started. When I woke up, it was all over, and I was back in a base camp. That was when they told me chances were I was being discharged and they were shipping me back to America for medical treatment. My buddy…guy I grew up with in Texas. He hadn't made it. My buddy who's back I should've been watching! I killed him!"
He continued his rant for sometime, crying into Alex's chest as she rocked him gently back and forth, pressing kisses to his head, holding him close. Finally his self-hating words faded into silence and all that was left were the sounds of his ragged breathing, sobs and Alex's soothing words.
"It wasn't you fault," she murmured, pressing her lips to his forehead again. "You couldn't have done anything. It wasn't something you had control over. They killed you mate, not you. You couldn't have killed him, you cared about him, he was like a brother to you. It's alright. It wasn't your fault."
She kept up the soothing litany until Nick fell asleep feeling better. The next few days were going to be rough, Alex just knew it. And when those days were over, when Nick finally listened to the words she was saying…
She could feel her heartbreak. Valentine's Day always held that bittersweet happiness and sorrow. When Nick listened to her, accepted her words, she would no longer be able to stay with him. Even the knowledge that she hadn't broken the rules, that she had most likely attained her redemption couldn't cheer her up. She closed her eyes refusing to let the tears come. She'd done this so many times before, but it hurt more.
'Because you love him,' her mind told her. 'You don't want to leave him.'
The next day, things weren't awkward like Nick had expected. Alex instead showed him her support, and for the next few days, Nick went to her every time he felt the need to talk. She listened, offered soothing words, and kept insisting that there was nothing he could've done. While he knew that intellectually, accepting it on an emotional level was another thing entirely. She encouraged him to talk to other people as well, telling him that it would do him the power of good to get it all out of his system.
He had a feeling that something was about to happen. While she seemed happy, there was an inherent sadness to the way she was moving around the house, her fingers brushing over surfaces and objects, as though trying to fix them in her memory. As though she were about to leave.
One night as they were lying in bed, after another emotionally draining conversation, Nick brought it up.
"You leaving me Al?" he asked quietly.
"No," she replied gently. Her fingers brushed over his face, as though trying to memorize that. Her soothing motions were soon lulling him into sleep. Before he fell into oblivion, he was sure he heard her add: "At least…not yet."
It was two weeks later when it happened. He'd screwed up the courage to go and see a therapist to discuss his problems and was heading home feeling elated. He opened his door, expecting to find Alex waiting, but she wasn't.
"Alex?" he called, hoping she was just showering, cleaning or something similarly distracting. He moved through the house, searching for her, but found nothing, not even a hint that she'd ever been here. She'd left him. He sank down on the bed, head in hands, eyes closed against the tears. He opened them to stare at his hands and that was when he saw the sheet of paper on the nightstand filled with Alex's scrawling script.
Nick, it read. If you're reading this, then I have left. Know that I didn't want to, but you no longer have a need for me. You're talking to a therapist, and will have pretty much solved the feelings of guilt you have over surviving and not saving your friend. I love you dearly, and I doubtless always will, and wish there was some other way to do this, but there isn't. I have to leave, I don't have a choice. I've managed to attain my redemption…but that thought doesn't fill me with the joy it once would've. To me, that is nothing anymore, I don't want it. But I have to take it…they won't let me not. Goodbye Nick, forever yours, Alex.
Nick stared at the letter. "I love you too Alex," he whispered finally, noticing the stains of teardrops. "Please, come back to me."
"Alexandria White-Summers," the head of the council stated. "You have attained your redemption. Go in peace, and be happy."
"But I'm not!" Alex snapped angrily. "Don't you get that? I'm in love with a man! With the man I was helping!"
"Nothing can happen Alexandria. You know that, you knew that. Why are you making this so difficult?"
"Wouldn't you? If you were being torn away from the woman you loved, wouldn't you want the chance to spend the rest of your life with them?"
"We owe you nothing Alexandria, you owe us everything."
"That's a lie," Gabriel interrupted abruptly seeing Alex's shoulders slumped. "How about we tell her the truth about this whole thing? The truth about what we owe her? The truth about how you against my better judgement played with her mind, and used her ability to help people when she had already earned her redemption a thousand times over? Face it. We owe Alex a lot."
Alex looked confused, and the council was shocked.
"What's he on about?" Alex demanded.
"Alexandria," the council leader's voice was stern, "it is none of your concern."
"I want to know. Tell me. Please!"
"Very well. But you are not going to be happy."
"You've already stolen my happiness from me, I doubt you can harm me more."
Alex was wrong, very wrong. She listened in dumb shock as the council leader told her of how they'd played with her mind, making her think she was begging for another chance time and again when really, they were using her to help more people. They'd promised her redemption if she earned it, but when she earned it, they were reluctant to give it to her, and so had chosen to do it this way instead. Finally, she just left, eyes angry, confused and upset. No-one blamed her.
"We can't give her what she wants," the woman who'd first backed Gabriel up noted. "We can't bend time and peoples' memories like that."
"Yes we can," Gabriel responded. "We've done it to her enough haven't we?"
To that, the woman had no real response.
Nick had been moping around the lab for two nights before Greg called him on it.
"What's up?" he demanded.
"Alex is gone," Nick replied quietly. "She left."
And everything made sense to Greg as Nick handed him the letter she'd written. It was crumpled, tearstained and obviously well read.
"Nick…" Greg started and then stopped, then started again. "She had to leave. If everything she told you was true, they would hold everything against her. They wouldn't let her stay with you. Unless they owe her something, and even then, she wouldn't stay with you as a ghost, doubtless they'd pull some trick with time and memories and make people think she'd always been around."
Nick nodded morosely and went back to his work.
