A/N: Well, here we are finally, the last chapter. I would like to thank everybody who took the time to read and review this story, I'm glad you have enjoyed it!
The night Casey smashed his bedroom mirror and Severide had to doctor his hand up, after he got Casey settled on the couch for the night and he was finally asleep, Severide went into the kitchen with his phone and dialed Rhonda's number.
He heard her pick up, and heard her groggy voice, "Kelly, what's the matter?"
Too much to explain. Instead, all he could manage was a hopeless, "I need help."
She sounded more awake now, "What's the matter?"
And he started telling her, and then he couldn't stop, long before he finally did stop he was crying openly as he recounted the hell both he and Casey had been through since his attack.
"Kelly, calm down and breathe," Rhonda told him, "when did this happen?"
"About three weeks ago."
"Okay. What would be a good time you could bring Matt and come out to see me?"
He shook his head, "I don't know...in a few days maybe."
"Okay, do that. Just give me a heads up, and I'll be ready."
He sucked in a shaky breath, "Thanks, Rhonda."
"Anytime."
He disconnected the call, and sat at the table for a while, he wasn't sure what to do now. Then a thought came to him, and he dialed another number.
A much older, gruffer, tired voice answered, "Kelly, is this you?"
"Benny..."
There must've been something in his voice that tipped his dad off something was wrong, the next thing he heard was, "What's the matter, Kelly?"
"I need to talk to you, something horrible happened."
"What is it?"
"Not now...I can't talk about it on the phone...or in public...can you come to Chicago?"
"Yeah, sure, I can be there in an hour, are you okay?"
"No, Da-don't come tonight...look, I'll be on shift in 2 days, I'll be able to talk to you then, I'll call you when I'm free, do you know a place we can talk in private?"
"Sure, Kelly, sure...I'll be there."
During the night portion of their next shift, Severide had once again managed to get Casey to crash in the bunk room. It was still a couple hours until everybody else was planning to conk out until further notice, which suited Casey, who didn't want to have to actually explain to anybody why he wouldn't sleep in his own bunk in his office. Once Kelly was sure Casey was in a dead sleep, he prayed that no calls would come in for the next hour or so, and he went to speak to Boden.
"I need to cut out for about an hour, Chief, Erin just sent me a text, says they want me at the 21st to check out something they got a heads up on that Stone might be able to use if it checks out, they didn't think Casey's presence would be necessary right now."
"Then go," Boden said.
"Thanks."
As Severide headed for the apparatus floor, he passed by Brian and asked him, "Otis, what're you doing right now?"
"Nothing at the moment."
"Good, Casey's out cold in the bunk room, I have to leave for an hour, do me a favor, go up there, take my spot, if he wakes up, tell him my car got towed or something and I had to take off," Kelly told him.
"Got it, Severide," Otis said, though he didn't really get it.
Kelly went to meet his dad at a sparsely populated restaurant of Benny's choosing. He arrived just as he saw Benny getting out of a car and he marched over to see him.
"Kelly."
"Thanks for coming."
"You sounded worried on the phone, what's the matter?" Benny asked.
"I need your help," Kelly said.
"Well come on, let's go in...we'll take a table at the back, nobody ever sits there."
Benny put his hands on the tabletop and leaned forward as he asked in disbelief, "Matt Casey?"
"Now you know why I couldn't tell you on the phone," Kelly said. "Everything is falling apart, I asked him to trust me, I thought if we went to the police, that this guy would rot in prison. Now it looks like he could walk."
"Ah geez, son," Benny sighed, "how's Matt doing?"
"Falling apart, he's done everything he can not to, but it's just neverending, and if the judge decides there's enough evidence, it's going to be months before it ever goes to trial and Casey is going to be slandered in the press every single day until that point," Severide explained.
"And how are you doing, Kelly?"
Severide sighed and slammed his head against the table. "I wish everybody would quit asking me that, ever since it happened, all anybody says is 'Severide, how are you holding up?' What part of 'Casey's the one who was attacked, not me' can't anybody around here get?"
"And yet, it's plain to see that this has hurt you a lot too," Benny told him. "Son, it's okay to admit it, it doesn't take anything away from Matt."
"I don't know what to do anymore," Kelly admitted.
"Yes you do, that's why you called me, right?" Benny asked.
"I know it's a big favor to ask and it's a huge risk to take, and I wouldn't have asked you if I could think of any other way to fix this but I..."
Benny reached over and patted his hand on Kelly's and told him, "He's your friend, Kelly, you don't have to explain anymore than that. We'll take care of this."
Kelly looked like he was ready to collapse.
"Thank you," he barely got out in an exhausted whisper. He sunk down in his seat and rested his head against the tabletop. He all but squeezed his eyes shut and felt his body wracking as a dry sob worked its way through him. The sudden feeling that everything wasn't hopeless and there was finally some light at the end of the tunnel was overwhelming to him.
"It's going to be alright, Kelly, we'll get this straightened out," his dad assured him.
Severide composed himself and sat back up in his seat.
"You know, Kelly...we got revenge for Katie, even though she wasn't around to know it."
Severide nodded.
"But I really think that Matt is going to need a little more closure than that," Benny added.
"Like what?" Kelly asked.
"You leave that to me. Now, first of all, do you have any idea where this son of a bitch is hanging out?" Benny asked.
Kelly nodded, "I can find out."
"Good, you keep tabs on him and make sure he doesn't skip town," Benny said as he put the money out for the check. "I'll get the boat ready, iron out all the details, call you when everything's ready."
"I'll be ready," Kelly told him as he got up from the table. He thought of something and added, "If Casey's around when you call, I'll just tell him it's Mom."
"Good thinking," Benny said. "I'll see you in a few days."
Benny Severide waited until Kelly had gone back to Firehouse 51, then he paid a visit to the 21st District. He went in and over to the desk sergeant and introduced himself, "My name's Benny Severide and..."
"I know who you are, Benny," Trudy looked up at him with an unamused expression. "What do you want this time?"
"Is Sergeant Voight in?"
"Just a minute," Trudy said, and buzzed upstairs to the Intelligence unit.
A few minutes later, Voight came down, and looked slightly surprised. "Benny. Long time no see. What brings you here?"
"Can I talk to you?"
Voight told his desk sergeant he was going out for dinner and would be back in half an hour. The two men went to a bar and grill nearby, and sat at the end of the bar to talk amongst themselves.
"You know what happened to Matt Casey," Benny said.
"Unfortunately I do," Voight answered.
"You know it's going to trial."
"Mm-hm."
"I know you two have history," Benny said.
"A rocky one," Voight answered.
"But I also know that you've helped him on other cases," Benny replied. "Matt Casey is my son's best friend, and right now my son is hurting because of what his friend is being put through. I just had a question as one father to another."
"Shoot," Voight said.
Benny looked at the Intelligence sergeant and asked, "Hypothetically speaking of course."
"Of course."
"What would it take for this Cardoza guy to disappear, and he never turns up...but Matt Casey can get some peace of mind that it's impossible this guy could still be out there?" Benny wanted to know.
Voight considered the question. "You take biology in school, Benny?"
The former fireman laughed, "Not well, there's a reason I didn't become a doctor."
"The human body holds several pints of blood," Voight told him, "if it happens that there is more blood found somewhere than a person can reasonably get up and walk away without, that's a pretty good sign they won't be coming back."
Benny nodded. "That's good to know. You know, Voight, there aren't a whole lot of things I've done I regret...one of them is not being there for my kids when they were younger...I try and help them now when they need it, I know it's not the same but..."
Voight nodded, "We're none of us perfect when it comes to our kids. All we can do is the best we can, and hope someday when they're old enough, they realize it."
Benny got up from his stool and asked, "Sergeant, do you ever do any...ice fishing?"
"Nah," Voight shook his head, "The Chicago docks is as close to the water as I usually get."
"I took my son once...I think I will again someday," Benny said.
Voight nodded, "That's nice."
Kelly headed up the stairs and saw Casey's light on, and saw Casey once again lying on his bed staring up at the ceiling.
"Hey, you want some company?" he asked as he stuck his head in the doorway.
Casey's eyes shifted to see him, and he just shrugged.
"I'll take that as a yes for now, feel free to kick me out at any time," Severide said as he stepped into the room and went over to the unoccupied side of the bed. "So'd you tell Boden the good news?"
"Yeah," Casey answered simply.
"What'd he say?"
"He ordered both of us to sit out next shift," Casey turned his head to look at Severide. "I don't get it, I'm ready to get back there."
"Well it's a lot to take in for one day," Kelly said. "He probably just wants to make sure there's no delayed shock or anything."
"I feel fine."
"I'm glad to hear that," Kelly replied, "but you know Boden doesn't give orders without a reason."
Casey merely nodded and returned his gaze to the ceiling.
Severide didn't get what was so interesting about the ceiling tiles, but he decided to get it a try, and folded his arms under his head and looked up as he told Matt, "I know you didn't want to go to court, Casey, but I'm proud of you, you went anyway and were ready to see it through, that's something most people won't ever be able to do. That took as much guts as running into any fire, hell, probably more, because you know what to expect in a fire. And now it's all over, and you can..."
Kelly turned to look at Casey and was horrified by what he saw. Casey was lying perfectly still, and he was forcing himself to take slow, even breaths, so everything appeared normal, but Severide could see the tears running down the sides of his face.
"Casey, what's wrong?"
As if his acknowledgement broke Casey loose from a trance, his chest started heaving and his whole body wracked with sobs that tore loose, the sounds emanating from his throat weren't coherent at all and sounded like he was bordering on hyperventilation. Kelly grabbed Casey and forced him up in a sitting position on the bed.
"What's the matter, Casey?" he asked as he pulled his friend against him and lightly pressed the back of Casey's head to rest against his shoulder. He felt the spasms running through Casey's body as he tried to breathe, tried to talk. He felt Casey's arms wrap around his back and cling to him like a lifeline.
"It's over...I can't believe it's actually over," Casey choked out.
"Neither can I, but it is," Severide said as he rubbed his friend's back comfortingly.
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry," Casey managed to get out between his frenzied sobs.
"Sorry for what?" Severide asked.
The spasms continued and it was several long seconds before Casey was able to answer, "The way I treated you...the things I said...I know...you were just...trying to help..."
Severide grimaced as he rubbed Casey's back furiously, "Calm down, Casey, breathe..."
"I'm sorry," he forced out through another wail, "I didn't mean..."
"Hey, shh, shh, it's alright, I know you didn't," Severide told him.
"All you did was try to help me, and I..."
"It's okay, I get it," Kelly said. "Casey nobody should ever have to go through what you did. I'm sorry I wasn't home sooner that night."
Casey sucked in a breath that forced its way back out just as quickly as a gasping sob. He tightened his grip on Kelly and told him, "I'm glad you came home when you did. I thought I was going to die."
Severide felt his own eyes burn with tears that were starting to build up. "Don't say that!" He subconsciously tightened his hold on Casey as he told him, "It's gonna be okay, it's over, it's over, it's all over." He turned and lightly kissed Casey on the side of his head and tried to comfort his friend. As tempted as he was to tell Casey to stop crying, he knew that 1. that never worked and only had the opposite effect, and 2. this was the iceberg of what Casey had been holding onto since the attack happened, all the fear, all the guilt, all the shame, all the horror, all the grief, all the hate, everything. Every other outburst and breakdown that had taken place over the past few weeks had just been the tip of it all. It had been a great weight Matt had carried around all this time and tried to keep it contained, now he finally felt able to release it all, and Severide knew he'd be better for it the next day if he could get it all out now. So he just held his best friend in his arms and assured him everything would be alright, the nightmare was finally over. Long before Casey finally wore himself out, Kelly was crying just as hard as he was.
Casey didn't come downstairs the next morning. Severide bounced around from the kitchen to the living room waiting, but around 11 A.M., he decided to go up and see what was going on. He reached Casey's room and pushed the door open and saw Matt sitting on his bed looking at the floor.
"How ya doing, buddy?" he asked.
Casey slowly looked up at him. "Oh...alright, I suppose. Just thinking...about everything that's happened."
Severide showed himself in and asked, "Want to talk about it?"
"That's what I've been trying to avoid since this whole thing started," Casey told him. "So maybe I should and I could be done with it."
Severide sat on the corner of the bed and looked at his friend. Casey's appearance was slightly disheveled but for the most part he looked all there, just like he'd had a rough night, which he definitely did. He still looked better than he had for weeks.
Casey looked at him uncomfortably and explained, "I've tried not to think about what happened, not to deal with it, since it all happened, and all I did was obsess about it all the time. Soon as I got in at night, locked the door, wouldn't go out until the morning, couldn't sleep, couldn't stop thinking about it all...wondering, what should I have done differently? What should I have done to stop it? I mean there had to be something, right? There's always a way out, and if there isn't one, you make one, we learn that on the job...but I've gone over that night in my mind about a thousand times...and there's just nothing. It all happened so fast, it didn't even seem real, like it wasn't happening, like it was a dream...and then it became very real, all too real...and it was the worst thing that I had ever lived through."
Casey's eyes shifted around, focusing away from Severide though he still faced him, finally they moved more towards the ceiling as he pushed himself to continue. "At first it was kind of a blur, I couldn't really tell what was happening...and when I realized it was...I...I was so scared...I didn't want to die...so I decided I wouldn't resist, because I didn't want him to kill me. Then when I saw the knife, I thought...he's just going to kill me anyway...and...the pain was so bad...I started to wish I would die just so it would all be over."
"Casey..."
Matt raised a hand and looked at him, he didn't want Severide to interrupt him. "The whole time it was happening, it never occurred to me that anybody might come in...as soon as the lights went on, a dozen different things went through my mind. Did he have someone with him? Were there two of them, or more? Was this nightmare actually going to end? And when I saw you...I should've just been so relieved that somebody was there to help...but nothing could make me forget the position I was in, and I was horrified about...what you would think when you saw me, and I just wished I was dead so I didn't have to go through that. When you were calling for help, all I could think about was 'God, no, everybody's going to know, everybody's going to see me like this, I'll never live this down...' worst of all, 'nobody at 51 will ever have any respect for me again'. Believe me, I know how ridiculous it sounds...but at the time it felt like a very real possibility. The morning after, when you pinned me to the table..."
Severide grinned and said with a laugh, "When you were trying to kill me!"
The hint of a smile formed on Casey's face in remembrance, but it faded as he explained, "After I chickened out of the rape kit, I wasn't sure what you were going to think about me either. And you start asking me, did I know the guy...did I let him in?"
The grin disappeared from Severide's face for a more somber look as he realized what it had to mean for Casey at the time.
Casey shook his head. "I didn't know what to make of that...I just thought...'is he seriously blaming me for this?'"
"But I wasn't."
"I know...I know, you were just trying to figure it out, just like me...all the stuff I did, as horrible as I was to you when you were just trying to help, I just kept figuring sooner or later you'd have enough and storm out of here...but you didn't. Why didn't you?"
"Because we're friends," Severide told him.
"And that's stopped us before?" Casey asked.
"Okay, fair point, but this was different, Casey...I couldn't walk out on you, no matter what you did, I wasn't going to let you be alone and going through all this."
Casey sheepishly looked towards the floor again and said, "I appreciate it...I know it didn't seem like it...but I did. It meant a lot having someone around so I knew I wasn't alone...didn't have to wonder 'could it happen again? What if he comes back?' I think having you here all that time is the only thing that kept me from losing my mind."
Severide had no idea how to respond to that.
"I'm just sorry I didn't get here sooner," he told Casey.
"Any other night, you wouldn't have been home at all," Matt pointed out. "I'm just glad you came home when you did...I don't want to think about what could have happened if you didn't, unfortunately it's something I haven't been able to stop thinking about, so...I'm glad to just cut my losses. I can live with what happened... I can deal with it...I'm just grateful you stopped it when you did."
Kelly couldn't think of any words that would do any justice to the situation. He just reached over and pulled Casey into a tight embrace and clapped a hand on his back.
"You okay, buddy?" he finally asked after a short pause.
"Getting there," Casey answered as he pulled back.
"Good. You need to get a shower and look like a person again, I got a message from Otis that our presence is required at Molly's tomorrow night, and it's not optional," Severide told him.
Casey looked at him with a puzzled expression. "For what?"
"There he is!" Herrmann announced.
All the guys from 51 let out a loud welcoming cheer as they saw Casey and Severide enter Molly's. Casey stopped in his tracks and took in the sudden commotion, as well as the hanging balloons and the large homemade banner hanging right over the bar that said 'Congratulations Casey'.
"Oh my God," Matt said with embarrassment, "you weren't kidding about that."
"Hey lieutenant, come on up to the bar and have a seat," Herrmann called to him.
"Uh oh," Casey groaned as Severide laughed and more or less shoved him over to the bar.
"We wanted to do this right and celebrate your victory," Herrmann said. He bent down behind the counter and came up with a pink bakery box.
"I'm afraid to ask," Casey said.
Herrmann came around the bar and set the box on the counter and threw up the lid, revealing a large rectangular cake with white frosting and in the middle, written in red icing were two words: Leaders Lead.
"I don't get it," Casey said, "It never went to court, I never got to testify."
"Yeah, but you were gonna, that's all that counts," Herrmann told him.
Casey felt humbled, and overwhelmed. "I don't know what to say," he said, and looked around at the others, "you guys didn't have to do this."
"Of course we did," Boden replied, "we celebrate every win for one of our own. And they don't come a whole lot bigger than this." He clapped a strong hand on Casey's back and asked, "How're you doing, Matt?"
"Uh...still coming to terms with everything," he confessed, "but for the most part...good, I think things are slowly getting back to normal."
"That's good to hear," Boden said, "but the offer still stands, you need anything, anything, you let us know, got it?"
Casey nodded with a small smile, "Copy that, Chief."
"Alright, let's get this party started!" Joe said.
Otis started some loud music playing, Herrmann had to yell to be heard over it as he announced, "Alright everybody, drinks on the house!"
Kelly came over to Casey and told him, "Well you look like you're doing alright. Congratulations, buddy."
"Thanks."
"Well, you have fun, I'll see you later."
"Where're you going?" Casey asked.
Kelly answered nonchalantly with a smile, "Gonna go drink myself stupid and go home with some bimbo like every other night of the week."
Casey grimaced at his own words. "I'm sorry, Severide, I didn't mean that."
"I know, but we both know there's a little truth in there somewhere," Kelly lightly slapped Casey on the shoulder and told him, "See ya tomorrow, buddy." And with that, Severide turned and walked off.
"So lieutenant, what'll it be?" Herrmann asked.
"Uh..." Casey wracked his brain, "I'll take a Manhattan."
"Coming right up."
Casey saw Otis coming his way and turned to tell him thanks for the party, but stopped when he saw Brian more or less zombie walking his way.
"Otis, you okay?" he asked as he stood up.
Otis looked straight ahead, didn't even appear to see Casey, and answered, sounding like he was in a daze, "Uh yeah, everything's fine...it's just...this woman that came in..." and with no further explanation, Otis staggered off like he'd just seen a ghost.
Casey realized what Otis was trying to say and he looked around the bar frantically. And finally, he saw her.
Seated at the other end of the bar, looking every bit like Leslie Shay was alive and well again, there was Rhonda Lind, stirring her drink monotonously. She looked across the room at him and he just stared on in awe.
"Here's your Manhattan, lieutenant," Herrmann said as he put the glass in front of Casey. "Enjoy."
Casey turned back towards him, then looked back at the woman seated across from him, staring at him knowingly. Rhonda picked up her Long Island iced tea and raised it in a silent toast. Casey smiled and nodded, then picked up his glass and raised it in return.
Severide yawned as he closed the door behind him. It was going on 3 in the morning and he'd had a lousy night trying to meet a woman. He found one that seemed interested, went home with her, wound up passing out on her couch, then was rudely awakened and found out that she had a husband she hadn't bothered telling him about. Instead of looking for another bar that was still open, he decided to go home and sleep off the rest of the night.
Casey's truck was in the driveway, good, he'd gotten home alright anyway. He went up the steps, tried the door, found it locked, took that as a good sign. He unlocked the door, headed in, quietly moved from room to room, making sure Casey wasn't parked on the couch for the night, no sign of him. Not so quietly he made his way up the stairs, and saw a light coming from Casey's bedroom. He stopped there first and poked his head in.
"Hey Casey, do you..."
He stopped when he realized Casey was in bed and sound asleep. The light he'd seen was coming from the TV that had been left on, but the sound had been muted. Kelly walked over, found the remote, turned the TV off, and waited. Casey never stirred. He was wrapped up in the covers, and Severide would be damned if it didn't actually look like there was a smile on Casey's face while he slept. It looked like the worst truly was over.
"Sleep tight, buddy," Severide said with a tired smile as he backed out of the room and went to get in his own bed and call it a night. It had taken a long time, and some drastic measures he and several others would take to their graves, but it felt to Kelly like life was suddenly starting to get good again.
