Chapter Twelve: Je Me Souviens


Author's note: The scene that you want, that you've all been asking for, is coming in chapter seventeen. this is best friend closure, not so much romance. Hope you like it anyway.
Haley held Kade tightly against her in his sleep and smiled. He had his own room in her new apartment like all of her children, but he never wanted to sleep there by himself. For some reason, Kade appealed to her in a way that none of her other children did. It was not that she loved him more. It was that he'd come from a love that neither of her daughters had.

She told herself this, to avoid remembering just how much he looked like his father.

She inhaled his scent and forced herself not to think of the time in two days when she'd have to hand them all back over to their father and live her half, drained life.

Generally, in the dark, her thoughts were on Nathan, but with his son in her arms she allowed them to drift. Somehow, they settled on Peyton.

And she allowed herself to remember.

Flashback

Haley James waited impatiently on the corner, hating the idea of being late for her first day of big girl school. Brooke was supposed to have arrived five minutes ago (she could tell, by looking importantly at her new pink watch) but Brooke, being Brooke, was of course late.

"Brookie!" she called impatiently five minutes later, as she saw her best friend hurry down the street toward her. Haley eyed her friend, dressed in a summer dress and new Mary Janes. "You were supposed to be here hours ago."

"Sheesh, sorry. Come on, you're going to make us late," said Brooke, turning on her heel in the direction of the school. Haley rolled her brown eyes and followed.

They instinctively clasped hands as they entered the gates, and saw the hundreds of other students milling around the yard. Brooke glanced at Haley and smiled bravely. Twenty minutes previously, she'd been sure she'd be able eventually to rise above them all and rule the place. Now, nothing was definite.

Haley and Brooke remained hand clasped as they bravely entered the building and progressed toward their classroom.

They peered cautiously into the room for a second before noticing one figure, on the other side of the door. They recognized most of those already in the classroom, but this girl was a stranger.

Haley eyed her appreciatively for a moment. Her hair was long and curly and blonde, her face pointed yet childlike, her brown eyes searching and large, almost like Haley's own. She was wearing jeans and a t-shirt, unlike the sundresses of Brooke and Haley.

Haley opened her mouth, as if about to say something, but Brooke pulled her into the classroom before she could.

The two of them sat down on the rug, legs placed demurely to the side, looking like perfect carbon copies of each other. The teacher smiled at them as she entered and gradually they were joined by the others they'd known in kindergarden-Tim, Bevin, Teresa.

Brooke's face turned dangerously red as the teacher began to assign them seats, but thankfully for everyone present she and Haley were asssigned to the same table.

There were two others: Bevin, and the mysterious blonde from before. Brooke eyed her warily, as she always did newcomers, but Haley smiled.

"Hi. I'm Haley," she said.

"My name is Peyton Sawyer," she said, looking guarded. She looked between the three of them, their perfect sundresses, the matching shoes, the glossy hair tended to by their mother's over their shoulders. In ten years Peyton Sawyer would be as much of a cheerleader as any of them, but now they were foreign to her.

Haley watched in interest as Peyton slowly began to write her name on her desk with loose, artul writing. Haley frowned, trying to decipher what she was writing.

"We're not supposed to write on the desks," said Brooke in an admonishing whisper. Haley glanced toward Peyton, who was in the process of rolling her eyes.

Haley waited two weeks for an opportunity to make friends, but none came. Peyton was as remote as Brooke was social, and she fell from the social scene as surely as Haley and Brooke rose.

At the end of the two weeks, there came a Monday in which Brooke went home early. Haley had friends amongst the other students, but none that she'd bother to let in yet. So her mother had agreed to pick her up.

And she was late.

As Haley glanced down at her watch, Haley lamented that she'd be home by now if she didn't have to wait.

Glancing around, she was surprised to hear slight movement in the playground.

"Peyton?" she asked in amazement. The blonde looked up guiltily. She was swinging slowly on one of the swingsets.

"Hey Haley," she said.

Haley waited a few moments for Peyton to call her over, but Peyton did not, so she slowly walked over anyway.

"Are you waiting for your Mom too?" asked Haley.

"My Mom's not coming," said Peyton simply. Haley wondered why, but could not bring herself to ask.

"Where did you used to live?" asked Haley.

"In Charlotte."

Haley nodded. Most places outside of Tree Hill were distant and did not truly exist to her, but Charlotte was comprehendable.

"Do you like it here?" asked Haley hesitantly.

"Do you?" Peyton met her eyes. Her tone was frank and unapologetic.

This had never occurred to Haley. To not like Tree Hill would be to not like breathing, or eating breakfast, or existing. Tree Hill wasn't a place, it was the place. It was the only place that mattered, and the only place she'd ever live in.

"I guess."

Haley's response came out with less conviction than she'd previously suspected. Maybe she didn't really like Tree Hill, or the confining lifestyle she lived. It was something of a revelation.

"Why doesn't Brooke like me?" asked Peyton eventually, not sounding as if she greatly cared.

"Because she doesn't understand you," guessed Haley. "But I like you."

Peyton smiled. Almost.

It was a start.


Haley came out of her reverie with a start. In the past two months since Peyton's death, she'd missed her many, many times. But she'd conveniently forgotten how close she'd once been with the girl. How once upon a time she, and not Brooke, had been her best friend, and how many times her friendship with Brooke had only survived because of it's length, and it's deep grounding and not because of actual connections, as it was with Peyton.

Impulsively Haley took her phone off the bedside table.

"Jake?" she asked, barely bothering to lower her voice, not worried about waking Kade, who could easily have slept through a hurricane and then some.

"Haley?" he asked in surprise. Jake was another she'd been close to, once upon a time. However, Jake was fixable where Peyton was not.

"I've been remembering her tonight," she said simply. She could almost hear Jake smile, and she was glad he was finally able. Glad for Ryan, glad for herself.

"In a good way?" he asked.

"The best. Makes me remember the old days," said Haley.

"Yeah."

"They weren't exactly good, but I miss them. You go to bed," she instructed. He laughed.

"You too."

Haley lay motionlessly in her bed. It was commenting somehow, her memory reliving. She hadn't released how clearly she'd remembered that time. It had taken Brooke a few weeks to come around, and four more years for Jake to arrive, but that was how it had begun. Haley hadn't realized until that moment that she'd never expected it to end like this, even in Peyton's darkest hours.

For an instant, she considered calling Nathan. She wanted to be comforted, and no one could comfort her like Nathan. But she had closed that door, and planned on leaving it that way.