Title: Alright On My Own Chapter 12

Author's Note: For disclaimer, see chapter one.

Author's Note 2: This chapter also may have gotten away from me just a little bit. Let's just give it a strong T rating.

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Chapter 12

December 31, 2000

The days since Christmas have slipped and slid into each other, passing with vague memories of events and a faint sense of apprehension and nervousness, and before Olivia knows it, it is 6:30 in the morning on the day Alex officially moves into her apartment and Alex is still asleep.

It is a rarity for Olivia to be awake earlier than Alex, especially on a Sunday when she hasn't been called in. It is so rare, in fact, that Olivia can't actually remember the last time she was awake before eight on a free Sunday.

Very carefully, Olivia climbs out of bed, determined not to disturb Alex, and pulls the blankets up to surround Alex like a cocoon. Smiling to herself, she walks into the living room to turn up the heat (Alex's feet were freezing, pressed against Olivia's legs), and then darts into the bathroom to shower before Alex wakes.

When she is finished, she walks back into the living and just stands in the center of it, imagining the room filled with boxes of Alex's belongings. She imagines furniture compromises and shopping for extra shelves and bookcases. But mostly, she imagines coming home after a few days spent at the station and seeing Alex's books and files stacked in the most random places around the apartment.

Home. She imagines home.

She braces herself, getting ready for the surge of panic at the thought of such a big commitment. But the panic never comes. She breathes out slowly, releasing the tension in her muscles, and rolls her shoulders, wincing slightly at the stiffness in her left side from sleeping on it all night.

(Alex will never admit it, but she's a cuddler. And as much as Olivia likes it, the stiffness in the morning is killer.)

Olivia is pulled out of her thoughts by Alex's voice saying, "We don't have to do this today, Liv, if you're not ready."

Olivia shakes her head, turning to see Alex leaning against the breakfast nook, already holding a cup of coffee. How long has she been there? Olivia thinks. "No," Olivia says. "We're doing this today. I want to do this today."

"Are you sure?" Alex asks, taking a sip of her coffee. "You look a little" – she shrugs, waving her free hand through the air – "apprehensive."

Olivia moves swiftly, taking Alex's mug and placing it on the breakfast nook, and then taking Alex's hands in her own. "I asked you, remember?"

"Yes, but that doesn't mean you can't change your mind."

"I'm not changing my mind, Alex. I was just thinking about…" Olivia shrugs and frees one of her hands to push it through her hair. She looks down at their intertwined hands and says, "You know, I was never very good at this," she says. "Sharing an apartment and starting a life, I mean. I guess I just never really knew how." Looking back up into Alex's eyes, she smiles. "But you make me want to learn, Alex. You make me want to try this."

Alex smiles wolfishly, biting her lower lip. She loops her fingers through the belt loops of Olivia's jeans and pulls her close until their bodies are touching.

Olivia swallows hard, fighting for control over her racing heart. "Now?"

"Yes." Alex nods. "Now."

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Nearly an hour and a half later, they sit outside Alex's apartment building in a rented moving van. Alex grips the door handle hard, but makes no move to open the door, and Olivia watches her from the driver's seat.

"I'm sorry," Alex says. "I don't know why I'm dreading going in there."

Olivia reaches over and rests her hand on Alex's knee. "A lot's happened since you moved in there."

"That's a serious understatement, Liv."

Olivia shrugs. "I can go in ahead of you," she says, "if you're worried about what's in the freezer."

Alex shakes her head. "I don't think there's anything left," she says. "I think I finished the last bottle the last time I was here."

Olivia nods. "Okay," she says, jumping out of the moving truck. She circles around the front of the truck and opens the passenger-side door, offering Alex her hand. "Let's go."

Alex eyes her warily. "What?"

"Let's go," Olivia says again, more impatiently this time. "You wanted to be pushed? Well, this is me pushing you."

"Liv—"

"No, Alex." Olivia shakes her head adamantly. "We have to do this now or we'll never do it at all." Alex sighs and steps out of the truck. Halfway through the lobby of the building, Olivia says, "Besides, your rental agreement runs out today."

Alex sighs and shakes her head, knowing it would be useless to argue such a valid point.

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The apartment door clicks shut with a soft swoosh, leaving Alex and Olivia standing in the middle of the silent living room.

Alex looks around the apartment, feeling less like the tenant and more like an unwelcome guest as the seconds pass. She walks around the room, wiping her finger through the thin layer of dust that has collected on almost everything.

In the kitchen, she stands with her hand on the fridge handle, grinning at Olivia. "Ready?" she asks.

Olivia grimaces, knowing that when Alex opens that fridge they're both going to feel nauseous. "You betcha," she says.

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Neither of them were prepared.

The food in the fridge is moldy and smells like death and Alex nearly vomits when she opens the door.

"I can't," Alex says, pushing past Olivia to open the window behind the sink. "Maybe we should call Doctor Warner."

Olivia rolls her eyes and uses her sleeve to cover her nose and mouth. "It doesn't smell nearly as bad as decomp, Al," she says, pulling rotten food out and dumping it into the trash barrel.

Alex just quirks her eyebrow and leans against the sink, pulling her shirt up to cover her nose and mouth. "Are you sure about that?"

Olivia sighs and turns to pin Alex with a pointed glare. "Go," she says. "Start packing up another room or I will leave you here with this nasty smelling food."

Alex nods and bolts out of the kitchen, not wanting to test whether or not Olivia will make good on her threat. She grabs a plastic box and lid from the living room and makes her way to the bathroom. She throws her collection of toiletries and good towels into the bin, and checks over the bathroom one last time, making sure she hasn't forgotten anything, before making her way to her bedroom.

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Olivia finds her hidden in the bedroom forty-five minutes later.

Alex is curled up at the head of the bed, the photo album open on her legs. She looks up as the door creaks open and wipes at her eyes, trying to hide the fact that she has been crying. "Sorry," she says, quickly closing the photo album and placing it on the bed. "I was just…" She sighs heavily, shrugging her shoulders. "Sorry."

"Hey," Olivia says, sitting on the edge of the bed and covering Alex's hand with her own. "Don't apologize, Alex. You have nothing to be sorry for."

"I forgot it was on the bedside table and I came in here to start packing things up and…lost track of time, I guess."

Olivia reaches over and opens the photo album to her favorite picture of Hunter. It's Hunter on his first birthday and the piece of vanilla cake in front of him is smashed beyond recognition, blue and yellow frosting coating his hands, face, and hair. She looks at the picture – really looks at it – noting all of the similarities between Hunter and Alex, even down to the small freckles adorning the tip of his nose. Looking up from the book, she smiles softly at Alex. "Take all the time you need," she says.

Alex reaches out and places her hand on Olivia's knee. "Let's finish packing so we can get home," she says.

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Much later that night, after everything they are keeping has been moved into their apartment (including Alex's heavenly mattress) and boxes have been emptied and Alex's belongings have been put into their rightful homes, Alex and Olivia collapse onto the couch, both holding a wine glass full of sparkling cider. Olivia clicks on the tv and sets it up to watch the ball drop at midnight.

Alex grins, cuddling close to Olivia, a ball of nervous excitement giving her butterflies in her stomach. "Tell me something," she prompts at 11:45pm.

Olivia looks at her out of the corner of her eye. "Like what?"

"Anything."

"Okay." Olivia sighs. "I'm very superstitious about the New Year."

"Care to elaborate?"

Olivia shakes her head. "You know all the old superstitions, Alex."

Alex grins. "Are you going to kiss me at midnight, Olivia?"

Olivia rolls her eyes. "Now I won't."

"Fine," Alex says, pouting and moving away from Olivia on the couch, "I guess I'll just have to take matters into my own hands."

"Oh yeah?" Olivia grins. "And how exactly do you plan on doing that, Counselor?"

Alex smiles wolfishly, a mischievous gleam in her eyes. "I suppose you'll just have to wait and see, Detective."

Olivia swallows hard, knowing that whatever Alex has planned is going to be magnificent.

(To Alex's credit, she is able to remain convincing enough that Olivia has no idea that she doesn't know what she is planning.)

The perfect idea comes at 11:54, and at 11:55, Alex slips her hair out of the elastic holding it up in a ponytail and pulls her socks off her feet. She runs her hand through her hair, feeling the blush creep up her neck.

I can't believe I'm about to do this, she thinks.

She takes a deep breath, and at 11:57 she wriggles out of her sweatpants, letting them pool on the ground at her feet. She kicks them away and stares at the television screen, feeling Olivia's eyes on her the entire time.

At 11:59, she breaks and pulls off her t-shirt.

Thirty seconds to go and she straddles Olivia on the couch.

Olivia, wide-eyed and frozen, keeps her fists balled at her sides and sets her jaw, her gaze focused on a spot on the wall behind Alex.

The clock strikes midnight and the erupting cheer on the television spurs Alex into action. "Happy New Year," she whispers. "May this one be better than the last." Leaning forward, she kisses Olivia hard and pushes her hands under Olivia's t-shirt, caressing the warm skin she finds there.

Olivia loses her resolve the second Alex's lips meet hers. Her hands make their way to Alex's body, roaming over naked flesh.

Alex feels herself unraveling and it's all she can do to pull away long enough to make it to the bedroom.

(They don't make it. Instead, they give up trying to get there less than a foot away from the couch.)

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January 1, 2001 – Just after 1am

Propped up on her left elbow, Alex stares down at Olivia. She reaches out and brushes Olivia's hair off her face, smiling as the moonlight filters in through the open curtain and lights up Olivia's face.

"You're watching me sleep," Olivia says, not bothering to open her eyes.

"I didn't know you were awake," Alex says.

"Do you make it a habit to watch people while they sleep, Miss Cabot?"

"Not usually, Detective Benson. I try to stick to only watching beautiful detectives."

"You're a class act, Alex."

Furrowing her brow, Alex frowns. "You're beautiful, Olivia. Surely you know that."

Olivia snorts. "Yeah," she says sardonically. "Sure I am, Alex."

Alex moves quickly, positioning herself over Olivia, a knee on each side of Olivia's hips.

Olivia opens her eyes, blinking in surprise at Alex's sudden close proximity. "What are you doing?"

Alex leans over and turns on the lamp on the bedside table, wincing as the harsh light brightens the room. "You're beautiful, Olivia."

Blushing, Olivia turns her head in an attempt to hide her teary eyes from Alex. "Stop, Alex."

Alex cocks her head to the side, almost grinning. "Stop what?"

"I'm not" – Olivia sighs – "beautiful."

"Okay, Olivia. You're right. You're not beautiful," Alex says, nodding solemnly. Olivia looks up, a horrified/confused expression on her face. "You're gorgeous."

Olivia rolls her eyes. "You're being ridiculous, Alex. I'm not…beautiful or gorgeous or whatever other word you're going to come up with. I have scars a-and permanent bruises and…I'm just not what you keep saying I am."

Alex leans down, pressing a kiss to the scar above Olivia's eye. "You are beautiful, Olivia Benson. Your scars are beautiful. Your bruises are beautiful. Everything about you is beautiful." She moves down, pressing a kiss to the scar on Olivia's left arm that brought them together. "Beautiful," she whispers reverently.

She works her way down Olivia's body, pressing a kiss to every scar, bruise, freckle, and birthmark she can find, and when she is done, she works her way back up. She kisses Olivia's lips and quickly finds herself on her back with Olivia hovering above her.

Olivia grins wolfishly. "My turn," she says.

And Alex has never felt so good in her life.

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February 14, 2001

January passes in a blur of cases and sleepless nights, and when February finally rolls around the squad is relieved to find their days filled with getting caught up on paperwork and appearing in court.

On the night of February 14, 2001, Olivia comes home early, carrying a bag filled with various ice cream toppings but no ice cream. But as soon as she walks in the door her Valentine's Day plans are thwarted by the wonderful smells of dinner cooking in the kitchen.

"Thank god you're home," Alex says, brandishing a spatula at Olivia as she comes out of the kitchen. Olivia blinks, waiting for Alex to continue. "Aunt Viv is going to be here in an hour and the place is a mess and nothing has finished cooking and we don't even have a decent wine for god's sake."

Olivia sets the grocery bag and her keys on the kitchen table and kisses Alex. "Hello to you too."

Alex sighs and sinks into Olivia's embrace. "Hi."

"What can I help you with?"

Alex gives Olivia the very best puppy look she can manage. "Can you run out and get the wine?"

Olivia sighs, grabbing her keys off the table. "What kind?"

Alex grins. Turning back to the dish on the stove, she considers it for a moment. "New Zealand Sauvignon Blanc," she finally says.

"Okay," Olivia says, walking out the door. "Be back in twenty."

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True to her word, Olivia returns twenty minutes later, two bottles of wine in hand. She sets the bottles on the table and pushes her hand through her wet hair. "It's snowing," she says.

Alex kisses her quickly before placing the wine in the fridge. "You're a lifesaver," she says.

"Yeah, whatever," Olivia says, grinning. "I'm gonna shower before Viv gets here. I don't want her thinking I always smell like a wet dog."

"I think I'll come with you," Alex says, turning the burner off on the stove and moving the dish into the oven to keep it warm. "This just finished."

Olivia shakes her head quickly. "No," she says. "Absolutely not, Alex."

"Why not?"

"You know what'll happen. Your aunt will get here and we'll still be in there."

"Not if we're quick."

Olivia snorts. "Like that'll ever happen."

"Liv—"

"No, Alex. Viv's gonna be here in less than thirty minutes and we both know it takes you at least that just to shower and do your hair."

Alex crosses her arms over her chest and huffs. "Fine," she says.

"You know," Olivia says, heading for the bathroom, "we'd have had plenty of time if you hadn't invited your aunt over for dinner. It is Valentine's Day after all."

Alex sinks into the chair closest to her and groans, putting her head in her hands.

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Alex flutters around the table, arranging plates and silverware and that damn centerpiece over and over and over.

The seventh time Alex goes to move the centerpiece, Olivia grabs her by the wrist. "Don't," she says. "I can't be held responsible for my actions if I have to watch you move that thing one more time."

Alex sighs, staring at the centerpiece almost as if she is willing it to move itself. "It has to be perfect, Liv."

"She's not going to mind if it's a little out of place, Alex."

Alex runs a shaking hand through her hair. "It needs to be perfect," she says. "I have to be perfect."

"Hey," Olivia says, pulling Alex into a tight embrace, "no one is expecting you to be perfect, Alex. You know that."

Alex pulls out of the embrace, shooting an accusatory look at Olivia. "It has to be perfect, Liv."

"Okay," Olivia says. "Why?"

Alex takes a deep breath, tears forming in her eyes. "She's going to ask me why I didn't take Hunter to her for his treatments."

Olivia bites her bottom lip and nods her head. "Okay," she says again. "Okay, we'll make this the best damn dinner she's ever been to."

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The knock on the door comes at exactly 7:00.

Alex runs her hands over her dress, smoothing out imaginary wrinkles. Next to her, Olivia asks, "Ready?"

Alex nods her head resolutely. "Let's do this." Taking Olivia's hand, she opens the door.

Vivian stands before them, holding a bottle of wine. Behind her, however, is where Alex's attention is focused. "Oh shit," she whispers.

Behind Vivian stand Charlotte and Alexander Cabot – Alex's parents.

Oh shit indeed.