Author's Note: Okay so I wanted to do a memory about Letty as a child and I decided to do a happy memory with her father. However this chapter is both really sad and a little bit sappy… So be warned. As always I welcome your thoughts and comments. Thanks for reading and a special thanks to all of you who review. It really makes it worth writing these! Enjoy!
Family Was, Family Is
It wasn't the memory that made her cry, not really.
And yet it was still the reason she found herself sitting on the bathroom floor at two am with her face pressed into her hands and teeth biting her knuckles to try and stifle the sobs that shook her shoulders. And the rational part of her brain knew that her tears were two decades old, even though deep down the pain of loss never really went away.
She didn't even look up when the door clicked open, shoulders hunched where she was sitting with her back against the wall beside the tub. Her bare legs bent in front of her, wearing only the oversized t-shirt of Dom's she'd snagged from the floor after waking from the dream that was a memory.
She didn't lift her head when she felt the gentle touch of his big hand in the crown of her hair, only pressed her fists more tightly against her eyes, fingers, cheeks and chin damp from tears. Her shoulders trembled as he closed the door and sat beside her, his back against it. His fingers slid into the strands of her hair and she shifted, her muscles feeling sore and her butt numb from sitting so long, to rest her head against his shoulder. She sniffed slightly, muscles trembling briefly, but it seemed at last her tears were spent.
Her eyes felt swollen and her head hurt, but she felt calmer now, soothed by the gentle motion of Dom stroking her hair. He didn't say anything, didn't ask anything. There were no demands. Just quiet acceptance.
Letty leaned into him, wrapping her arm around his waist as he drew her against him. His palm cupped her shoulder, traced the curve of her back, rubbing gently. He pressed his lips against her temple.
She swallowed, her throat feeling scratchy and dry, rubbing at her eyes with her free hand. Then she let them fall shut, her lashes spiky from dampness.
"Would you believe I remembered something happy?" she finally asked, turning her head to press her nose against Dom's shoulder.
His hand stilled in her hair, tangled amongst the strands.
"What did you remember?" he ventured, his voice a low rumble that she could feel where she was pressed against him.
"My dad," she replied, her voice tight with emotion. She let a long breath shudder out of her. "I know that he's been gone for years but…"
"It's okay to still miss him, Letty."
She smiled slightly, dropping her head. "Like you miss your father?"
"Every day. You know that." He wrapped his arms around her.
"I know," she agreed, tracing her fingers along the hem of the shirt she wore. She bit down on her lower lip, then smiled a little. "I think he would have liked you… my dad that is."
He chuckled softly. "You sure? He might have come after me with a shotgun more than a couple of times."
"Okay well… maybe when I was like 16…" she agreed, grinning at him.
"I guess that's only understandable," he murmured, kissing her forehead. "Tell me about him."
"Haven't I before?" She looked up at him, brow furrowed.
"You have. Doesn't mean I don't want to hear it now."
She smiled, tilting her head to tuck beneath his chin, curled against him. His big hand cupped the curve of her back, held her close. Maybe it was silly they were still sitting on the bathroom floor in the middle of the night, but she didn't care. She felt safe and loved and she didn't want to move.
"He was into cars when he was younger. Guess that's where I got it," she began, fingers brushing against Dom's chest through the material of his t-shirt. "And even though he joined the Army when he turned 18 he still got to work on engines. Just bigger ones."
"He was a driver in the service, I remember," he murmured the words against her hair.
"Yeah, later on. He started off as a mechanic though. Worked mostly on the tanks and armored vehicles."
"Letty," her father called, beckoning her to where he stood beside a monstrous metal thing. "Come have a look."
It was a tank. And she'd seen them before. But today all the families on base got to go and see how their soldier's worked. She got to go with Papi all day. Mami wasn't there. She still had to work at her own job, waiting tables. But it was nice to not have to sit in the restaurant all day trying to entertain herself with coloring or stupid books. Sometimes when it was really busy she could sneak out to the alley and play games, or go back into the kitchen and listen to the music with the dishwashers. It was better when Mami dropped her off at base daycare to play with the other kids. But last week she'd gotten into a fight and Mami said she had to take a break from daycare for a while.
But today she got to go to work with Papi, so none of that mattered.
She went to his side, staring up at the big metal vehicle. At eight years old she knew she wasn't a little baby anymore, but she felt really small standing next to the tank.
Papi climbed up on the front and then lifted her after him. She stared down at the green metal beneath her boots, studying the rivets that held it all together. Papi's friend Darrel, who worked with him, popped his head out of the latch at the top and waved to her. She giggled and waved back.
"Want to see inside Leticia?" he asked.
She nodded. Papi picked her up and passed her to Darrel who helped her climb down into the tank behind him.
Inside it looked smaller than she thought, with lights and buttons and switches everywhere. There was a tiny slot at the front which the driver had to look through to see. And there was a big computer screen near one of the chairs. Darrel explained that was the radar, which they used to spot targets.
Papi came down to the tank too, while Darrel showed her how to shoot the tank's big gun. Then Papi sat in the driver's seat and lifted her into his lap. He showed her how he made the tank go, using the pedals on the ground and the levers next to him. The tank didn't have a steering wheel like a car. It just had so many buttons and gauges that it made her head spin!
"Papi how do you know what to do?" she asked.
"Lots of practice mija." He smiled, dropping a kiss a top her head.
"Can I drive it?"
"Not the tank, baby. Papi would get in trouble. But when you're a little bigger Papi will show you how to drive a car."
She grinned at that, turning to look up at him. "Yay!"
"We will just have to keep it a secret from Mami," he whispered into her hair, pressing a kiss to her cheek.
She hugged him tight, safe in his arms, happy. Papi always knew how to make her happy.
"It was just a little thing… you know?" she murmured, her eyes feeling heavy now. She could hear the sound of Dom's heartbeat where her head was resting against his chest.
"They make all the difference," he answered.
She smiled a little, sighing. "I guess it was just… realizing that I'll never see him again. That I'd forgotten him… I'd forgotten how much it hurt that he wasn't around. But I'd also forgotten how much I'd loved him."
"Gotta remember the loss to appreciate what you have."
She tightened her arms around him, silent for a moment. There were so many wonderful memories with her father. He'd worked so hard to support them, but he'd always tried to make time for her. Even if it was just a little thing like taking her to the park on Sunday afternoons, or letting her help him in the garage when their old car broke down. When Mami would drink too much and Papi would take her out for ice cream and leave her with the neighbors till he could get Mami sobered up. He'd done his best to shield her, and he hadn't been perfect. But he'd always made her feel safe and loved.
"I don't know if I told you this," she said softly, yawning into Dom's chest. "After he died… I didn't really feel… safe anymore. I didn't feel like there was anyone I could count on. Not till I met you and Mia."
He smiled, slipping his arm under her legs, the other behind her back. He slowly stood, lifting her in his arms. She rested her head against his shoulder with a grin.
"It's annoying how easily you can do that," she muttered.
He chuckled and pressed his lips to her forehead. "I'm glad you feel safe here, Letty. You are, you know?"
"I know," she agreed. "And I'm happy too, even though… well I just had a crying binge in the bathroom that might say otherwise." She wrinkled her nose. With anyone else, even Mia, she might have been embarrassed. But Dom didn't make a big deal out of it and no one else knew her better.
"You were probably overdue," he said, carrying her back to their bedroom.
"Since when do I cry?"
"Not often enough. Always trying to be tough." He laid her on the bed.
"Look who's talking," she laughed as he crawled into bed beside her. She slipped her arms around his waist, hands inching up under his t-shirt to press against his warm skin.
Dom's hand slid up her thigh to rest against the curve of her ass and he buried his face in her hair as she wound herself around him.
"Feeling better?" he asked after a beat, when her eyes had just drifted closed.
She didn't open them, only nodded, smiling against his chest. "Mia would probably say… that I needed a good cry. And maybe she'd be right. But I think there's something I needed more."
"What's that?" he asked, studying the shape of her curled around him, one hand on her hip, the other tracing idle patterns on her shoulder blade.
"You. To remind me that I still have a family that loves me. And… that doesn't mean I love my dad any less, or that I miss him any less. It just makes it easier to bear."
He kissed her then, with tenderness that made her open her eyes and gaze into his. Then she rested her head against his chest, and drifted off to sleep, holding onto those happy memories with fondness.
