[Author's Note: As promised, chapter twelve. I'm pretty excited: I've been wanting to get to this one for a long time, so I hope you'll all enjoy it!]

"Everybody's gone, Castle!" Kate stood staring at him, beginning to tremble with the effort of holding back tears. There was a long silence, finally broken by a tiny, constricted sigh as Kate worked harder to stop the tears threatening to fall.

"Not everyone, Kate," he told her quietly. He stood up slowly and took a small step toward her. She took a step back, face contorting ever so slightly because of the stinging in her eyes. "Not Javi." Another small step. "Not Kevin." Another step. "Not Lanie." Another. "Not your dad." Yet another. "Not me." One more. After that first step backward, she had frozen. Rick now stood a mere two feet from her.

He reached out cautiously for her hand, hearing a strained and nearly silent gasp as he gently lifted it from her side. When he looked back up he saw a single tear sliding down her cheek. She reached up with her free hand and rubbed it away roughly. "We're all still here," he reminded her gently. He gave a soft sweep of his thumb over the backs of her fingers. Rick felt Kate dig her fingernails into the side of his hand while she started to chew her bottom lip. Another tear slipped down her face. "Part of this is survivor's guilt, isn't it?" he asked tenderly. Kate met his eyes, and though hers were wide, they had lost some of their earlier wildness. They were wide but weary. "It's 'they're all gone and I'm still here.' …Am I right?"

"I don't know," she whispered hoarsely. Her fingers twitched slightly in his grip. He waited. Kate broke eye contact and shook her head, causing several more tears to slip down her cheeks. Finally she mumbled, "Sometimes… Sometimes I wish they hadn't failed with me."

"Kate…"

"No," she sobbed, cutting him off. She fisted her hands, inadvertently squeezing Castle's hand that still held hers. "Castle, sometimes I just wish that. It's… Castle, if he hadn't failed, this would all be over, and none of you guys would be in danger because of me, and… and I'd get to see my mom again." Her near shouts had gradually reduced themselves to whispers, and Kate weakly finished, "And sometimes I just wish that's how it was, Castle."

While she told him this, Rick both saw and felt Kate begin to shake violently. "Come here," he coaxed, watching her try in vain to rein in soft, heartbreaking sobs. "Let's sit down for a little bit, okay?" Rick turned on his most soothing 'Dad' voice- the one that had been used over the years to talk Alexis through everything from monsters in the hall closet to broken bones to broken hearts. It wasn't until he rested a hand on the small of her back to guide her to the couch that he realized how shallow her breathing was. He spent the next few minutes silently rubbing slow circles at the center of her back and trying to help her control her breathing, but when he felt her relax by a fraction, he finally he asked, "Kate, will you tell me something?"

She turned her face toward him. He had never seen anyone so near to crying who wasn't actually doing so. "Do you really want to die?"

"Castle," she whispered weakly, "part of me has wanted to die since the day my mom was killed. It's not new, okay?" She didn't tell him that for a few short hours in May, she'd lost every desire to die. It would only make things more complicated.

Rick stayed quiet for a long moment- until he felt Kate begin to tremble badly again. "It's okay to cry, Kate," he whispered, slipping his hand back into hers. He gripped it in much the same way he had just before his impromptu bomb diffusion that now seemed so long ago.

And she cried. Tearing her hand from his, Kate buried her face in both hands and cried- nearly silent, though gut-wrenching, sobs- until her chest ached and her energy was spent. Just as she felt she would collapse in on herself, her partner saved her once again. "Beckett?" he asked hesitantly. "Do you want to be alone for a while?" She took a shaky breath and nodded.

"Okay." He nodded and removed the hand that he had been ghosting over the bony arc of her back for support. "Then I'll see you in the morning," he told her as he stood and crossed the room to go. "Promise me something, though," Rick continued from his spot three feet away from the door. Kate looked up at him with still-damp eyes. "Promise me that you will never intentionally hurt yourself." She didn't speak, but she nodded. Rick nodded back. "Good," he said quietly, "because I know you've lost way more than your fair share of people, but all of us who are still around? We can't lose you, Beckett."

"Castle?" Kate asked, finding her voice after he'd turned to leave. "Thank you… for tonight."

And instead of their typical 'it's what partners do' or the complicated assurance of 'always,' Rick answered with a nod and what felt to Kate like an even greater promise: "One phone call, and I'm right here. Don't forget that."