Obviously I own nothing except Miss Thomas. The other themes and characters belong to the talented JK Rowling.
Chapter 12 – Vision of the past
The sharp pain had the desired effect, clearing his thoughts of everything else momentarily.
'Damn you Albus, you should be here with her not me. You at least could be honest with her I … curse you Albus Dumbledore you bloody well knew I'd end up caring about the girl you meddling old coot!'
Ah there they were, the thoughts he knew were lying deep waiting for the right moment to pounce. How could he be so foolish as to not have seen it coming?
Despite his protests he knew that the old man would have found a way to make him do this no matter what, beating himself up about it would solve nothing. 'Silly old fool thinks of me like a son but for Merlin's sake I am not a child' There would be time to have words with the headmaster and hopefully more than his fair share of firewhisky later.
His answer to her identity had always been there, unchanged and close to his heart.
Did he dare tell her she was in fact his favorite student; he knew none of the teaching staff would believe he even had one or be capable of understanding. He had to admit that there was just something about her; she had something that sparked his curiosity. She was clever, intelligent and methodical down to the letter a fact that on its own earned her a respect of sorts.
It was his hope that she would further excel and take up an apprenticeship, hopefully on her way to becoming a potions mistress. Her love of potions to his knowledge was second only to his own here in the school and he had grown to like the girl despite his reputation for treating all students like human garbage.
The girl was very fond of books and the knowledge they had to impart meaning she spent almost all of her free time in the library and would occasionally come to him if there was something she needed to research but could not find or afford. Yet she did not simply regurgitate pages of text when presented with a problem, instead she put her mind to creating a solution that was both correct and well thought out.
Many of her projects were truly intriguing, though he would always deny her talent to any who asked about her, in his mind telling a student they were good at something was flirting with disaster and the first step towards having an ego bigger than any talent they may be blessed with.
Summoning strength he wasn't even sure he had, he wanted to tell himself that this, this whole situation, was just an act.
He had played a role many times in order to secure information the Dark Lord required, acting pleasant just long enough to get what he needed then turning into a viper often striking to kill.
Knowing this was not in fact an act at all and was to no ones benefit besides their own did nothing to sooth his frayed nerves. These feelings were both frightening and unexpected. He had spent over six years being cold and distant to the one person who seemed to understand him at all and he was very reluctant to change that at all.
'Outside these rooms lies a very different world, one where people expect me to be twisted and evil. In time I suspect you will see both sides of me, one here and one there but you will I hope eventually understand things can be both light and dark, good and evil together. We live in dangerous times, I will be retraining you until such time as you regain your memories or you have no need of me. As for your name, I do not know how your acquaintances referred to you but if you will allow me perhaps I can show you my recollection?
Giving her a nervous smile he offered her his hand even though all he wanted to do was run screaming from the room.
He sincerely hoped that by keeping this attempt short he could control their new found talent enough to avoid showing her anything that might upset her or worse yet make her hate him intensely as he was sure she had before the curse stole her mind. He couldn't fathom why he even cared what she thought of him, this was all getting too confusing and he longed to just be rid of her and not have to analyze this anymore.
'The quicker the girl gets her memory back the better, we can continue to ignore each other for the rest of the school year and then she will be gone – finally' he thought knowing it was a hopeless dream.
Katelyn stood undecided, unsure what Severus would want to show her and more than a little apprehensive as her previous glimpses into her past were very unpleasant. However she did know one thing for certain– she could trust this man with her life.
Not wanting to keep him waiting she nodded her acceptance, took his offered hand which twitched slightly as though he wanted to yank it back to his person, ignoring this she focused her attention on his eyes.
Bright light obscured their vision soon subsiding to show a view of the great hall, busy with preparations for the arrival of the new first year students and the beginning of a new year at Hogwarts.
There was much to see, his memories were vivid and full of life yet he was meticulously careful to merge each memory gently so she wouldn't feel unbalanced or frightened as he guided her mind slowly through his own.
Changing in fluid motion the first memory was his view as Katelyn was sorted into his house, then changing to the perfect shrinking potion brewed sans instructions in her second year. He showed her one memory for every year as a student at Hogwarts until this one – her seventh.
Katelyn had realized in this year that he was a Legelimens and a few quick tests had revealed to him that she was a natural Occlumens though had yet to master the skill. He had proceeded to scold her rather severely for being such a sticky beak.
Privately he had been extremely pleased she showed the inclination and interest in learning about this ability, he was entertaining the idea of making plans to teach her the basics himself and asking the headmaster to assist.
He had turned away from Katelyn wanting her to think he was furious but from where they now stood in his memory they were face to face.
Wide eyed she saw him here as no other ever did, he was smiling – a genuine smile that had real warmth and lit up his face surprisingly.
A few moments later and all the students were leaving the class room as the lesson was over; she had been dismissed and sent to the library with a note allowing her to access the restricted section. Everything she needed to know about she would find there and the rest would be practical application.
As he quickly tidied the room and in a flourish of robes sat back down at his desk she could hear him whisper to himself 'Well done Kate, well done'
Closing his eyes he let himself drift and guide Katelyn back to the present, feeling happy that not only did he now have a way to help her access her own memories but she had been pleased with everything she had seen.
'Severus'
Her voice pulled him from his thoughts.
'Severus please you need to do something quickly' her voice full of concern rapidly approaching hysteria.
He opened his eyes to find her staring at him, her face very pale 'What is it, is something wrong?' he asked unsure what had upset her so badly as to use his name twice after she had purposely avoided it.
'Your arm – it's bleeding'
